Chapter 1

Crying Hard or Hardly Crying

When I woke up, I felt much calmer than I had in weeks.

The whole room was white. It looked clean, and pure. The blinds were over the windows, and fragments of light entered the room, causing pieces of the wall to be in shadow and others lit up. As I glanced up at the ceiling, I noticed a crack on the right corner. It was very small, and slight, but I'd always had good eyesight.

I wondered if I'd be able to sit up straight. I tried to, tensing my body, but it wouldn't work. Damn. But, it was only a matter of time before I'd be able to leave.

"Oh, you're awake." I turned and was surprised to see a tall, thin, very blonde nurse. She was wearing a pale pink dress, and looked very out of place as a nurse. "My name is Eliza." Her eyes twinkled at me. "I'll be your caretaker while you're here."

Caretaker. The way she said it rubbed me the wrong way. It sounded almost as if she was saying I needed someone to watch over me. To protect me. Well, she was wrong. I could protect myself.

When Eliza noticed I wasn't going to respond to her, she walked over to me, and quickly patted me down. I grit my teeth to stop myself from saying anything, but Eliza must have sensed my discomfort, because she stopped after a minute.

"If you're wondering why I patted you down like that, it's because some of the other doctors heard you screaming. You must've been asleep. They called for me, since I'm very good at dealing with people who do things like that." She looked down at me, her eyes oddly blank. Then she smiled again. "You were asleep. I peeked in, and saw your eyes, squeezed tight very shut. Those must've been some nightmares you were having."

Eliza looked down at me. Her head turned slowly to the right. Then to the left. She looked like she was judging me. I always hated when people pulled that crap. If you don't know me, then you can't judge me. That's my philosophy. The nurse sure didn't know me - I'd never even opened my mouth to talk to her.

"Anyway, the doctors had me wait until you were quiet. I guess you must've woken up. I'll leave you now. The doctor will be here later."

As Eliza left the room quietly, I could still feel the sweat that I'd woken up with trailing down my back.


Luckily for me, there was a little bathroom in the side of my room. It had a large white sink and white toilet. After relieving myself, I stood in front of the mirror, and looked soundlessly at my face.

I'd been able to move about an hour before. It was a long walk to the door of my room. It was locked.

I sighed, before washing my hands with cold water. I used to use hot water, since it killed all the germs, but since I was in a hospital, I didn't think it was necessary. And besides, cold water always woke me up. I needed to be awake now, more than ever.

As I looked at my face in the mirror, I stared. I looked nothing like I used too. I was pale and gaunt, and my eyes were dull and lusterless. I looked almost as if I should be dead.

I heard the sound of a knob turning, and stumbled out quickly to see a tall, thin man walk into my room. I could still barely walk. I noticed that the man left the door open by a little crack. I realized that the door must open from the outside.

"Ah, so you're awake…Kirihara-kun?" The man looked up at me and smiled. I stared, surprised to see the man with purple lipstick, and a stomach stitched up with what looked like metal.

When I didn't say anything, the man continued speaking to me. "My name is Dr. Faust. I was told you were awake about an hour ago. I thought you must've fallen asleep, because the sedatives we gave you were strong ones. But I see you're walking. Please, come and sit down."

I didn't move. Instead, I stared at the doctor in front of me. I didn't want to go back on the bed. I wanted to leave this room.

"Now, Kirihara-kun." I looked up at the doctor, and his eyes looked into mine. "You really should sit down. It doesn't have to be your bed. This chair, or that chair, will suffice."

I looked at the two chairs the doctor motioned to. They wee both brown, wooden, and the same. I took the one closest to me.

"Kirihara-kun, do you know why you're here?"

I didn't say anything. I just looked at the doctor.

"Okay, well, if you don't speak to me, that's fine." Faust stood up, and reached over to me. "To be honest, the one you'll really have to speak to is the psychologist. Now, let me help you back to your bed. You look like you could use to rest."

I slapped his hand away, and then stumbled back to my bed. I didn't need this doctor, that nurse, or any hospital. But until I was stronger I knew I had to stay.


So, what did you think? Writer's block = gone. Finally! Please leave reviews, comments, questions, etc- I love them! And, and, and, I'm playing a little joke in this fic with names. If you can figure it out, you'll get a cookie! Or maybe a story. I don't know. Just please, leave a response!