Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

A/N: This idea came from one of those funky idea generator things…please don't take it seriously at all…This is, if I have the terminology correct, a crack!fic…and horrible. Absolutely, positively, horrid. Don't take this too seriously. Please forgive me, I don't know what's wrong with me…

WARNINGS: Really, truly, screwed up. OOC. Angst. Bad humor. My bad writing. SLASH SLASH SLASH (eventually). Mentions of drug use and prostitution. Reading this might give you a brain aneurysm. Seriously, you probably shouldn't read this. I'm rating the M just in case. Nothing too bad in this chapter, but I'm not entirely sure about the next one(s).


"Hey, Reid, want to go out for a drink?" Morgan asked, pulling his jacket on. Reid didn't answer, still staring at his computer screen with a sort of determined focus that Morgan couldn't help but envy. He walked over to Reid's desk, snapping his fingers in front of Reid's face. This managed to get his attention. Reid blinked, and then looked up at Morgan, seeming mildly annoyed.

"What is it?" Reid snapped, frowning as he looked back to his computer screen. Morgan raised his eyebrows, but grinned down at the young genius before restating his proposition.

"Careful, Pretty Boy. You're face might freeze like that," Morgan joked, playfully messing up Reid's hair. Reid grunted in irritation, still staring at his computer.

"Actually, studies have shown-"

"Reid, I was just kidding. Come on, hurry up and finish whatever you're doing on there, I want to go get a beer." Reid let out a long sigh, shaking his head.

"Morgan, I know you're not the brightest crayon in the box, but I think you can manage to get a beer by yourself."

Morgan stared at Reid, dumbfounded. It was not like Reid to insult the intelligence of others, under any circumstances, and it was also very un-Reid-like for him to make a joke, especially a joke like that. Instead of being mad at having his intelligence brought to question, Morgan felt a splash of worry fall over him. Something was terribly wrong if Reid was acting like this.

"Hey, man, is something wrong? You know you can talk to me about it," Morgan said gently. Reid let out a huff that was almost a laugh, and began to log off his computer as he spoke.

"Nothing is wrong, I just have stuff to do, okay? Sorry I snapped, but I'm really not in the mood." Reid then stood, grabbing his jacket from the back of his chair, and putting it on over the black sweater-vest and red button-up he was wearing. He paused as he picked up his satchel, tilting is head at Morgan. "Really…I didn't mean that…I'm just a little stressed."

Morgan gave him an understanding smile. "It's okay, kid." Reid returned the smile, and they both walked out together, going their separate ways as Morgan went to his car, and Reid walked towards the street, probably to take the VRE home.


Morgan didn't think about Reid's odd behavior for another week. They had had a hard case, and Morgan had noticed that the dark circles under Reid's eyes had grown darker, and he'd begun to consume even more coffee, if that were even possible. Also, he looked thinner. Not alarmingly so, but enough to get Morgan's attention. Hoping to get Reid to talk, or at least relax, he walked over to Reid's desk, putting his hand down on the thin shoulder to get Reid's attention.

"Hey kid, you about done?" Morgan asked once Reid had looked up at him. Reid frowned, pursing his lips together.

"Yeah, why?" Reid asked, looking back down at his case file. Morgan watched as Reid scribbled down some more notes, before shutting the file.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to get a beer, or go to a movie. You know, get out, unwind."

Reid's eyebrows quirked up, and he glanced at Morgan before he began to put the things on his desk away. "Actually, I've got stuff to do tonight." Morgan frowned at this, glancing at the clock. Alright, he could understand if Reid was busy after work one Friday night, but two in a row? It was no secret that Reid didn't have much of a social life.

"Really? What are you up to tonight?" Morgan kept his tone friendly. Reid glared before standing up, glancing at the clock.

"Just…uhm…stuff, okay? It's really none of your business…" Reid started to walk away, and Morgan followed him. Instead of going to his car, he began following Reid, ignoring the odd glances his friend kept throwing at him. Once they were most of the way out of the parking lot, Reid swirled around, glaring angrily at Morgan.

"What do you think you are doing?" Reid snapped, folding his arms across his chest. Morgan noted the tensing of his shoulder, and the way he seemed to be using his arms to shield himself. He was definitely hiding something.

"Reid, it is more than obvious that something's wrong, and I'm going to find out what it is, even if I have to follow you home."

Reid's eyes narrowed, and he looked away, staring angrily at his feet. "Nothing's wrong, I just don't feel comfortable with you following me, okay?" Morgan shook his head in negation, taking a few steps closer to Reid, almost invading his personal space.

"Reid, you're a horrible liar, okay? Something's up, and I'm not going to let you let it eat you up. You either talk to me, or I'm going to follow you home, and irritate the hell out of you all weekend, until you tell me what's going on." Reid glanced up at Morgan, not quite meeting his eyes.

"Morgan…I really can't do this right now…maybe we can talk tomorrow, but…I've got somewhere to be, and I'm going to be late…please…can we talk tomorrow?"

"Fine," said Morgan. Reid looked infinitely relieved, but Morgan held up a finger, and continued. "But only if you tell me where you're going." Morgan knew as little as he liked the sound of the 'somewhere' Reid had to be, he couldn't just bully Reid into doing what he wanted. Reid let out a sigh, raking his fingers nervously through his hair.

"My friend's house…well, kind of…I guess we're more acquaintances than friends…I'm helping him write up a syllabus for the college calculus class he teaches."

"Where's this 'friend' live?"

"Morgan, you can't be serious…."

"I am."

"Fine. 1230 East Clarke."

"Alright, you take care. I'm going to be at your apartment tomorrow. Sometime around noon, okay?" Reid nodded, and then turned to go. Morgan watched him go as a strange, nervousness began settling over his stomach. Why was he so worried? He knew part of it was because of how tired and unwell Reid looked, but there was something in Reid's tone of voice that was setting off Morgan's internal 'Reid's-in-some-sort-of-trouble' alarm.

Whatever it was, it would have to wait until tomorrow.

Morgan got up early the next day, despite the fact he didn't have work. He showered, got dressed, fed Clooney, and then pattered around the house for the next few hours. Unable to get rid of the feeling that something was very wrong with Reid, he couldn't wait until noon…at eight he left the house, stopping by a coffee shop. He got himself a coffee, and then ordered one for Reid. On his way to Reid's he stopped by Reid's 'friend's' address, and was not at all surprised that Reid had given the address to a convenience store.

By the time he pulled up to Reid's apartment, it was only nine. He walked up the three flights of stairs to Reid's apartment, carefully carrying his and Reid's coffee. He knocked on the door once, and waited for a minute, and when Reid didn't answer, he knocked a little louder. Reid answered, looking at Morgan like he'd fallen from the sky. A quick glance at him said he was definitely not okay. Besides the messy hair, and the pajamas, he looked far too tired to have spent the night going over a syllabus.

"Morgan….what the hell?" Reid mumbled, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He glanced at his watch, and frowned. "It's only nine…what happened to coming around at noon?" He didn't protest any further though, moving aside to let Morgan in. Morgan walked in, and sat on the sofa. Reid followed him, looking unfathomably grumpy as he flopped down on the couch. Morgan held the coffee out, as if it were some sort of peace offering, and Reid took it, taking a long drink.

"Mmmm…thanks," he muttered before taking another drink.

"No problem. You going to tell me why you look like shit?" Morgan asked casually, finishing off the rest of his own coffee, before setting down the empty cup on the coffee table. Reid glared at him out of the corner of his eyes as he took another drink. He took his time swallowing, and then examined the coffee cup for awhile before setting it down on the table.

"Well, I was up late, for one, and you got me up early, instead of coming when you said you would."

"You stayed up late formulating a syllabus for a college class in a convenience store?" Morgan kept the sarcasm out of his voice, mainly to let Reid know that he was worried, and that he wasn't judging him. Reid let out a loud sigh, leaning forward and putting his face in his hands.

"Yes…no. Okay, I gave you the wrong address…I guess that was a bad idea…I just didn't…it would have been really bad if you had…um…shown up…"

Morgan put his arm around Reid's shoulders, still trying to convey his support, desperate to know what was going on. "Listen, kid, whatever it is, you can tell me, but I know you are lying to me."

"You don't…you won't understand. God…you're going to be so mad at me…"

"Reid, man, I care about you. So unless you're hurting yourself-"

"You could say that." Reid's voice was a little higher pitched, and strained, as if he were fighting back tears. Morgan immediately tensed, holding Reid a little tighter. His mind was flying through the possibilities at light speed. Was Reid back on Dilaudid?

"Reid…I'm not going to be mad…please tell me what's going on." Morgan tried not to sound as desperate as he felt, but his voice betrayed him. Reid let out a little sniffle, shaking his head.

"You can't…Morgan…you can't tell anyone…I'll lose my job…I-you can't tell anyone, even if you're mad."

"Sure, kid, you can trust me…just tell me what's going on and we'll get through whatever it is."

Reid took a few deep, steadying breaths, before answering in a small, ashamed voice, "I'm a hooker…"

Wait…what? Morgan felt his mind go blank for a minute. Did Reid just say hooker? Furthermore, did he just use the term hooker in reference to himself? That just didn't make any sense. "Uh…this is a joke, right?" Morgan asked, loosening his grip on Reid. Reid turned his back to Morgan, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes. Morgan heard a distinct sob, quickly followed by a hoarse, humorless laugh.

"Y-yeah…just a joke, Morgan…b-because I j-joke about that kind of stuff."

"Sorry…it's just…that was the last thing I expected, to be completely honest." Morgan paused, completely unsure of how to deal with the situation. After Reid let out a chocked sob, he instinctively pulled Reid close again, using one hand to rub Reid's back soothingly. "You wanna tell me why?" he asked, his voice resuming its gentle tone.

"I-I don't…I don't know…I shouldn't have told you…I'm sorry…It's just….I need the money. My rent went up, and Bennington's really expensive, and I can't send my mom somewhere else…it's bad enough I hardly ever go to see her…I've tried making money in other ways, but I can't get another normal job, because we're always flying out, unexpectedly, and I've already written a dozen papers on every subject possible…" Reid's voice trailed off into silence, but he was relaxed now, leaning into Morgan's touch.

"How long, kid?"

"Not long…hmmmmm…" he suddenly seemed distracted, humming a low, pleased noise before he continued. "Like….a month."

"How'd this all start?" Morgan asked.

To Be Continued…


A/N: Alright, I'm definitely going to do a second chapter, at least…not sure when I'm putting it up though, I'm kind of busy with my other story and with school work. Please review, and please give me suggestions for what you would like to see in this piece of crack next. If I stick to the crazy idea generator's things, there will probably be a dog attack, Morgan is going to steal something from Reid, Hotch will end up singing something sexy (oh lord…), Reid's going to get in a fist fight…holy crap, what did I get myself into? Seriously, I'm really sorry for writing this fic, but I'm obsessive, and compulsive, so I couldn't help myself. And instead of deleting it after writing it, like I do with most things that are this screwed up, for some reason I want to share this.