TenKakaIru is now my official OT3. Whoo!

Have a crack!drabble, guys, because it's easier than plot :D

Confessions of a Horticulturist

"Do you think he knows?"

Iruka looked up mid-slurp, his cheeks pink with happiness above his noodle bowl. It was almost enough to make Tenzou like ramen. "Knows what?"

"You know."

"Use your words, Tenzou."

Tenzou sighed. "Anyone ever tell you you've spent too much time around five year olds?"

"You'll be surprised how little the level of conversation changes," Iruka muttered, then said louder, "What does Kakashi know?"

Tenzou shot the man in question a panicked look. Kakashi was sitting a little further down the only table at Icharaku, his head buried firmly behind a neon orange book. The sound of his name had apparently failed to penetrate his porn focus. Tenzou breathed a little sigh of relief. "About us."

"Can't you tell? He is your senpai."

"He's your ex."

Iruka shrugged. "Why do you think we broke up? And it's not because he was bad in bed. Because he's not."

Tenzou scowled. "No details please."

"Why? Jealous?" One of Iruka's hands snaked out and pinched him on the ass.

"No!" Tenzou jumped and shot his senpai another look, but Kakashi hadn't moved from behind his novel. "I just don't want him to hear about it from the wrong people. It could be weird."

"If you're so worried, why not tell him yourself?"

"Just like that? What if he gets mad?"

"Please." Iruka rolled his eyes and went back to slurping at his noodles. "He'll probably just ask to join in."

Tenzou paused. The idea wasn't entirely unpleasant. Wait, no, that's not the point. He looked up to see Iruka giving him the eyebrow, and sighed. "Fine, I guess it's only right I should tell him."

"Good nins get their just desserts." Iruka slid his chopsticks out of his mouth with a loud pop. If Tenzou had though the teacher was innocent and pure as the driven before, he was under no such illusions now.

"Kakashi's filth has totally rubbed off on you."

Iruka hummed in agreement. "More than once."

Argh. Tenzou shot his lover a filthy look and scooted down the bench before Iruka could further pollute his mind. Kakashi's bowl was already empty and gleamingly clean, though no one had seen him pull down the mask to eat. Tenzou looked at that orange book cover and cleared his throat. "Kakashi-senpai."


"Can you put the book down? I've got something important to tell you."

After a beat, Kakashi shut the book and folded his hands over it. He gave Tenzou a look that said 'You have my full attention and it better be good'.

Tenzou swallowed. "The reason we invited you here for ramen—though ramen really wasn't my choice—is that, uh, Iruka and I are…We wanted to tell you that…Have you ever wanted something so much that you're willing to risk the wrath of a senpai who knows a thousand ways to hurt people? Like, say that Iruka is an apple. A really shiny, red apple on a tree that used to be in someone else's yard..." He could hear Iruka sniggering behind him, but it seemed that once started, the flood of words just would not stop. Tenzou could feel the colour climbing his face with each increasingly worse analogy.

Kakashi just stared. It was an effective interrogation technique that would lead the victim to blurt out telling details in a desperate attempt to fill in the horrible silence. Tenzou was well aware of this, but was helpless against that dead-eyed stare. When he had spluttered to a red-faced halt, Kakashi shifted his attention to Iruka and raised his eyebrow questioningly.

Iruka sighed. "What he meant to say is that we've been hoeing each other's garden beds for a while now. We wanted you to know before you heard it from Genma or, god forbid, Anko."

"Really?" Kakashi said over Tenzou's spluttering, looking between them thoughtfully. "So you've been plowing his fields?'

"Yep," Iruka said.

"Stemming the rose?"

"Uh huh."

"Pruning his bonsai?"

"What does that even—hey!" Tenzou broke in. "My dick is not a bonsai! It is a mighty, mighty oak tree that, uh. Never mind."

Iruka laughed so hard he actually snorted. "I'm sorry love, but—the look on your face!"

Tenzou growled. Iruka was in so much trouble. When they got home later, he was going to make sure Iruka won't be allowed to come for hours.

As the teacher fell into a giggle fit Kakashi calmly patted him on the back, his eye all the while fixed on Tenzou. "I don't mind you dating each other, Tenzou. You both deserve to be happy. There's just one thing I'd like to ask."

"Go on…."

That eye curved pleasantly. "Can I watch?"

Iruka guffawed until he cried. Tenzou slapped himself in the head. He was never coming back to Icharaku with these two again.