Mork and Mindy were paying grandma Cora a visit to look at her kittens.
"Aw, they are so cute!" said Mindy, petting one where she sat on the floor.
"They sure are, almost to the point where you almost feel bad for planning to eat them" said Mork.
"We don't eat kittens, Mork! Well, at least not in America"
"Well, like you said, who could when they are so adorable? Except for the Chinese"
"Oh, I see. In America you only eat animals that aren't cute?"
"Well, I… no, or I guess chickens are kind of cute. I don't know why we eat some, and don't eat others, it's just how our earthly eating habits have evolved I suppose"
"I understand. It's a shame, I looked everywhere for the perfect recipe, and now we're not getting any kittens"
"Oh, we're still getting a kitten"
"But I thought you earthlings didn't eat them. What use is a kitten if it's not for food?"
"Don't you have pets on Ork? Animals you keep for companionship?"
"No. We can't communicate with other species, can you?"
"No, but they are nice to have around anyway. What do you say, shall we go for the ginger one?"
"But the grey one is much meatier! Oh I forgot, it's not for eating"
When they had returned home with the kitten, Mindy had gone out again to get cat food, litter and other necessities. The kitten sat on the sofa when Mork came out of the bathroom holding two spiders.
"Well, Ginger, I'd like you to meet my friends, Legs and Many! I thought Mindy would think I was crazy if she ever found out I have a special bond with the little guys, but now I know she'll understand. Why don't you get to know each other until she gets back?" Mork put the spiders on the sofa next to the kitten. "Go ahead, don't be shy"
The kitten put a paw over one of the spider.
"Pat him on the head, that's nice"
The kitten picked the spider up and put in its mouth. Mork stumbled backwards.
"No, Ginger, no! You ate Many? How could you! Bad kitty! We don't eat our friends!"
Mork moved Legs to the table.
"Oh dear, oh dear! How can I ever tell Legs? How could you?!"
Mindy returned from shopping, and put a paper bag on the kitchen counter.
"Mindy, what's the punishment for murder on Earth?"
"Uhm, I think the electric chair, why?"
"Well then you must take Ginger to an electric chair! I HATE YOU!" he started screaming at the kitten.
"Mork, are you out of your mind? Don't scream like that at a kitten, they have a very sensitive hearing!"
"Stop shouting or I will slap you! Now what happened? What did Ginger do?"
Mork sat down by the table, sobbing. "He ate my friend!"
"My friend, Many! What am I gonna tell Legs, hm? They were inseparable!"
Mork let Legs crawl up on his hand. "Legs, Mindy!"
"Aaaah, get that thing away from me!"
"What thing, that horrible scarf you're wearing?"
Mork put the spider back on the table. Mindy rolled a magazine together and thumped the spider with it. Mork could hardly speak now.
"Mindy, how COULD you?!" he then ran up to his room in the attic with the magazine, screaming: "Murderer! Murderer!"
When Mindy took the kitten with her to check on Mork, he was dressed in his black tuxedo and appeared to be having some sort of funeral ceremony. The magazine with Legs squashed body lied on a writing desk and a candle stood lit next to it.
"Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today, to say good bye to a dear friend of ours, heavy sigh. Legs didn't say much, but any time you had something on your mind, he'd crawl onto your sandwich. Anytime you were a bit lonely in the shower, there he'd be, amusing you with his stunts. He didn't have a family, I think, except for Many, whose memory we must also cherish. At least he didn't have to witness the tragic loss of Legs, or the grief would have consumed him, instead of the stupid cat. And Legs, the loss of his friend had him absolutely crushed. But now they have reached their peace. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and so forth. Amen"
A bagpipe lied on Morks bed, which he picked and started playing. The sound was so unbearable Mindy saw that now was a good time to interrupt him.
"Mork, are you holding a funeral for a spider?"
Mork turned away from her nonchalantly.
"Look, I'm sorry I killed your friend! But it was a spider, and… what can I say, we earthlings don't like them too much!"
"Why not? They are small, cute, fluffy and have many big eyes! Are you sure you weren't just a little bit threatened? I know you're not too confident about your legs!"
Mindy rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed. "How could you have been so attached to a pair of spiders?"
"I really thought you'd understand!"
"I'm sorry to have disappointed you"
"Oh Mindy, I found those spiders a week ago, when they crawled out on the floor from under the bath tub. How can you not understand, when you brought home that thing?"
"Oh, I don't think I can give you any good explanation. It's just a preference thing I guess. Please forgive me, I was acting on instincts, and so did Ginger so please forgive him too"
"Oh, all right. I can always get a new spider, you have so many of them"
Later that day, Mork sat on the living room sofa calling Orson as he did every evening.
"Mork calling Orson, come in Orson…"
"Good evening, Mork"
"Oh good evening, your pudgyness"
"What will your report be about this time?"
"It will be about pets. You see, fatty fatty fatty, humans like to keep certain types of animals as companions. Usually a cat or a dog"
"I see. And what function does this action serve?"
"Oh, they lower ones blood pressure. Also, I think that because humans put so much pressure on themselves, it's refreshing for them to have something in their lives that doesn't demand much more from them than food and affection"
"So humans, they communicate with other species on their planet?"
"Not at all. Or I suppose they do have a certain charade like communication"
"Well either way they must be crazy"
"That's what I thought too, until I experienced that special connection myself with a pair of spiders, but they weren't too popular in the house hold"
"I don't know. The cat liked them, but Mindy didn't think they were cute so she thumped one. I was terribly sad when it happened"
"That was awfully superficial of her"
"Well, yes, but it did explain why she wears such long skirts. Anyway, this is Mork signing off. Nanu, nanu!"