The busty, beautiful and perfect Daisy Duke, had left Hazzard County
Ga. to become an undecover detective in the big city. She'd been
widely accepted as brilliant by her fellow detectives and officers.
She was well liked by everyone because of her pleasent personality,
and loved because of her sexy body. She frequently called her
brothers and the older Duke uncle. They revelled in her success as a
detective. Daisy had made them and the people of Hazzard conty proud.
This day, she was undercover in a lesbian bar where heavy drug
dealing had allegedly been going on. She played pool, chatted and
asked questions of the local women. She was wearing pink shorks,
which rode high on her butt, with tight underwear, the seams of which
showed through her shorts. She had on a white tank top t-shirt. It
pushed out over her twin mounds.
She quickly drew a crowd of women, who stood around her as if she
were a celebrity. Apparently, to Daisy, no one had been suspicious of
her. They freely answered her questions. But no one had noticed when
Carla, the rugged bartender, slipped back into the kitchen to make a
Two hours later the calm at WE AIN"T ONLY DYKES BAR changed quickly.
A huge lady trucker smashed through the doors of the saloon.
"I"M LOOKING FOR DAISY DUKE" the giant lady growled loudly. Everyone
turned away from Daisy who was then sitting at the bar on a stool,
heads turning towards Giant. Giant bounded quickly towards the crowd
at the bar. The crowd scattered before the advancing Giant.
"NOW HOLD ON, GIANT!" a pretty, handsome woman with short silverish
hair, and wearing tight bluejeans which rode up high and were held by
a tight belt, stepped in front of Giant. The woman, who had taken a
liking to Daisy, held out her hands to stop Giant.
"CARLA, YOU STUPID SH*T FOR BRAINS BIMBO, SHE IS A COP!" Giant
brushed Carla's arms aside with a swipe of her huge right hand.
But, Carla stood her ground in front of Daisy. "STOP, GIANT!" she
started to reach around Giant pathetically to hold her.
"STUPID!" Giant uttered, as she reached down and grabbed Carla's
front belt with her left hand and Carla's hair with her right. Giant
lifted Carla up over her her head in a press, spun her
around, "IIIIEEEE! Carla welped as she spun around, butt up.
Giant threw Carla over the bar like a shot-put. Carla disappeared
over the bar, her boots falling over last, "CRASH!"
Giant turned to Daisy Duke.
Daisy had never lost a fight to a man, or woman, in all her life. Her
brothers had taught her to fight; She was strong, having grown up on
a farm; and she had learned self defense and martial arts at the
police and detective camp. She was not scared now. She stood poised
and brave in front of Giant. She reache slowely for the gun inside
"Are you looking for me, Honey?" Daisy smiled, "What can I do for
No way daisy could have this much poise in front of Giant, a raging
madwoman. It didn't help Daisy.
"YOU CAN STICK YOUR HEAD UP YOUR BUTT, COP" Giant spat. She knocked
the pocketbook and gun through the air. Then she slapped Daisy hard
across Daisy's left cheek. "POP!" Daisy's head snapped right. Then
Giant slapped Daisy's head right "POP!" Again, right slap, left
slap. And again. Daisy, hair flying went "UW! UW! UW! UW UW!" and
there was a machine-gun "POPING" sound, as daisy's head snapped left
and right reapeatedly.
Then, Giant stopped. Daisy stood before her dazed and red-faced.
Daisy looked like she was going to cry.
"STUPID BIMBO, COP!" Giant expoloded a short right punch into Daisy's
soft gut. Giant's hand disappeared inside daisy. "UUUUMMFFF!" Daisy's
head fell forward, mouth open. Her butt jutted back. Giant reached
behind Daisy with her left hand, reaching under Daisy's pink shorts
and grabbing the elastic strap of her undies. Gaint yanked the
elastic band as she snatched Daisy's hair with her right hand.
"DUMB, UNDERCOVER COP!" Gaint looked around at the stunned women
with a disappointed expression. She drug the babbling Daisy to the
far end of the bar. Then Giant, lifting Daisy's undie strap in a
violent yank, threw Daisy belly-first onto the bar. Daisy's big round
breasts mashed against the wooden bar, her pretty, now fear-ridden
face, looked up, and her prized butt stuck up, her globes wedgied and
jiggling like jelly benieth her pink shorts.
"DUMB DAISY DUKE COMING DOWN!" Giant ran along the far side of the
bar, dragging Daisy by her undies face-first along the bar. Daisy's
face smashed and knocked over beer mugs as she was slid over the bar.
Her hands beat the bar top helplessly and her butt bobbed
As she neared the end of the bar, Giant gave Daisy one final violent
shove. Daisy slid freely "IIIIIEEEE!" and sailed off the end of the
bar face-first into an iron trashcan "THUNK!".
Daisy's legs stuck up from the can, and her wedgied butt stuck
skyward. Giant gave a disbelieving look to the women of the bar and
shook her head in disappointment. "YOU KNOW WHAT WE DO TO UNDERCOVER
COPS?" She reached into the trashcan.
The next morning in Hazzard County, more than a hundred miles away from WE AIN'T ONLY
DYKES BAR, the women of Hazzard were having DAISY DUKE DAY, a day to
celebrate the great woman of Hazzard County. They had tried to reach
Daisy in the big city and invite her to open the ceremony, but were
informed by the police chief that their noble Daisy was working
undercover on a big drug investigation.
Adult women lined the street in downtown, and gathered beneath a huge
banner which spanned across the town intersection. In big pretty blue
letters the banner read "DAISY DUKE IS THE BEST" . Teenage girls
stood huddled in the street in front of the mayor's wooden stage. The
girls wore DAISY DUKE shorts- short, tight cutoff bluejean shorts-to
honor their hero.
An all women event, even the mayor was a woman, the first one in
Hazzard's history. The pretty woman, wearing a long blue dress, stood
in front of the lecturn on the stage. The stage stood in the middle
of the street at the square.
"TODAY WE MEET TO HONOR THE BEAUTIFUL, THE BRAVE, AND FANTASTIC, OUR
VERY OWN, DAISY DUKE" loud cheering "YEEEEAAHHH! GO DAISY! and
applause filled the square.
Then, from behind the wooden stand, not seen, "HOOONK! HOOONK!
AAANNNK!" a truck horn, the tractor truck raced towards the stand
and gathering in the street. "AAAAANNK!"
All the women and girls scattered like sandfiddlers from the street.
The mayor looked back over her shoulder, a surprised shocked look,
and jumped off the side of the stage.
"AAAANNK!" the huge speeding tractor-truck burst through the stage,
knocking wood everywhere, and ripped through the DAISY DUKE banner
The women of Hazzard looked up as the truck blew by . On top of the
truck's hood, appeared to be a woman. Her butt was up and sticking out
front. Her legs were pressing against the grill facing it, and her
feet tied to the grill on the bottom. The poor woman's upper body
leaned over the hood of the truck.. Her arms, stretched out towards
the windshield, held tight and tied by a ropes. She looked atraight
at the driver through the windshield. Sticking from the woman's butt was a pistol. Its barrel rammed into her indented pink shorts. the gun's handle stuck out.
"IIIIIEEEEE!" the woman's cries followed the truck to the end of Main
Street, where the truck slowed and turned around. The crowd of women
gawked in stunned silence. The truck advanced on them coming back
down Main Street.
"HEY! HEY! LOOK!" a young 20ish woman, one of the few openly gay
women in Hazzard, and a hard-core worshipper of DAISY, and one who
would notice the perfect behind of DAISY DUKE, pointed trough
squinting eyes, "THE WOMAN! THE POOR WOMAN! IT'S DAISY DUKE! OH NO,
IT'S DAISY DUKE".
"CAN'T BE!' the mayor pleaded, through the peering crowd "PLEASE NO".
But, as the tuck slowly approached, the crowd which filed into the
street again in front of the truck, could see the beautiful behind
that stuck out in front of the truck wearing pink shorts and a gun
handle protruding obscenely from it's bum-hole, was that of Daisy
"OH NO! MY GOD! NOOOO!" the crowd cried in despair. As the truck
closed on them, the horn blew again "AAAANNK!" The crowd scattered
again. They looked up begging that the woman not be Daisy.
The truck passed through them agian, slowly this time. DAISY's butt
jiggled and stuck forward and she cried for help "HELP ME!" as she
passed. The women of Hazzard could see the evil face of Giant smiling
and looking through glass into the desparate face of their hero.
"AAANNKK!" the truck sped up going back to the big city with Daisy
Duke "IIIIIEEEE!" she cried helplessly.