This fan fiction is not meant to be read as a stand alone. The reason I started this fiction is to give Saeko more depth and add to the over all plot value in TSK from her vantage point. this Chapter details thoughts from her past as well as how she feels about her current situation.
In order to fully understand the events detailed here in this first chapter you should read my other story that's still in progress called 'The Sailor Kids?' up to chapter 8, otherwise it probably won't make any sense. Remember, this fiction is only to aid the main story along since in the anime Saeko was barely developed as an individual.
I DO NOT OWN SAILOR MOON!
TSK: Saeko's Diary.
Out of necessity to voice concerns and other mindless babble I have decided to keep a log detailing my thoughts. It's difficult to explain but, I think most of the past should be left as simply that. However in order to fully understand, I guess I should perhaps speak a little on some of the finer points.
My name is Mizuno Saeko. I am a doctor working for Juuban Second General Hospital. Over the long time I have worked in those halls I have seen a great many things. Not all of them good, yet not all of them bad. There are times that bring a tear. Like the death of a loved one, and times that bring a smile, like the birth of a baby. There was once a time when I thought I had seen it all. This was the time I could say that for me life was relatively boring, and I yearned for a new challenge. What I did not yearn for was a challenge that also included my daughter and her friends, but, that was the challenge I was in effect given.
Looking back I now think I understand what my mother had meant by "I hope she's just like you." You see, Ami was never a problem child, she was soft spoken and hardly ever stepped out of line. Most parents found this to be a blessing, myself included. My husband, an artist at the time, adored his little girl. He would become enthralled in every little thing she did. As a baby it would be simple things like watching him or giggling at something that amused her, later it would be things like learning to walk and talk. The older she grew, the more she started to become very interested in knowledge. Anything that could provide any sort of information became a sanctuary for her. My husband constantly worried about it, while I, the working parent at the time continued working double shifts and paid little attention to his warnings.
At the age of five she could already read at a third grade level, with mathematics at a forth. She was gifted, truly blessed to have such a capable mind. However she lacked the dreams a little girl her age should have enjoyed, just as I did when I was a child. Anything that could not be explained became uncharted territory for Ami. She did not take to the arts like her father because the magic he had wanted to teach her was inexplicable. Beauty is different for all people, because of this you simply can not give a text book answer, and back then that was all she wanted. In the end he and I divorced leaving me to raise Ami. He had said he would still be apart of her life, and I wanted that at least for her. I wanted her to know her daddy loved her, however, what he had in mind and what had in mind were completely different.
He never visited her, however weekly pieces of artwork came in the mail. Over the years weekly changed to bi-weekly, and finally monthly. Strange thing was no letter was ever attached. As Ami grew she became very enthralled with his work and was happy to muse about where he was or what he had seen. Life for us was simple, Ami went to school, and after that cram school, I went to work, we came home ate dinner read a few books or watched TV and went to bed.
This was the way of life until my daughter ran into a few people she quickly came to call friends. Soon she was going out places she would have never ventured, she went to sleepovers, and became the slightest bit abnormal. At the time I could never put my thoughts into anything I could explain so I dismissed it. Of Ami's friends there was one she seemed to cling too above the rest.
Kino Makoto was quite the brash young teen, at least that was the way she came across, and yet she was very gentle towards my daughter. She was quite intimidating to talk too at first and very standoffish. After a long time I learned she was a very friendly girl, as long as you stayed out of her private life. She never spoke of family or anything, but, Ami had filled me in on the basics of those gaps so I wouldn't strike a nerve. I had been thinking they were hiding something, but, no one would speak of it. That is until one day when Makoto herself, was forced to talk. This was also the day my entire world had turned into a complete pile of confused lines and haphazard situations.
I was working a shift in the hospital one day in spring. Everything was going just fine until some sort of odd creature decided to show up, looking far too much like EKG machine for my own sanity. The Sailor Senshi had been around for a long while before the incident, so it didn't surprise me to see Jupiter and Mercury charging in, attempting to face it head on. Looking back I think I would have had an all out panic attack if I knew then what I know now. I was still scared mind you, but it was fear of my own life at the time, not of another.
Most of the fight I was huddled under one of the empty beds along with a nurse who happened to be passing by when the ruckus started. Mercury froze the creature and Jupiter finished it off. It had been a hard fight for them seeing as Jupiter had three very long deep gashes going down her right arm and one on her side, bleeding heavily. Mercury wasn't nearly as torn up, but she had quite a few bruises and what looked to be a problem with her right ankle. Just as I was about to offer assistance for them saving my life, Jupiter jumped out of the third floor window with the smaller mercury in her arms. Their was not much I could do in order to help out, and since I had just been frazzled to no end thinking I was going to die, I was sent home early.
Once I arrived home I was greeted with a most unpleasant sight. Ami had her right leg bandaged heavily at the ankle and was walking with a very bad limp. Makoto was laid out on the floor breathing heavily. She was bleeding very badly through a compression bandage, oddly enough she was hooked onto a small computer and it was monitoring her life signs. Ami was saying something into what looked to be a watch and oddly enough something or someone was talking back. Quickly I ran over to Makoto to inspect the situation, her gashes were deep and we had to get her treatment right away. I was about to stand and rush to the phone when she stopped me by force, telling me help was coming.
Not three minuets later Sailor Saturn came barreling through the front door, Uranus and Neptune close behind. This child, her eyes were very odd, and they worried me. A very strange purple light emitted from this child and in a matter of minuets the wounds Makoto had were closed, leaving behind nothing but discoloration and small imprints, even that with time would go away. Needless to say I was astounded, and as quickly as they came they had left. Not one word spoken among them, as they seemed to have some odd silent understanding. There was far too much evidence I didn't like seeing to just to ignore the whole situation.
Makoto had helped Ami to the sofa by this time before collapsing down next too her. I was at odds with what to do honestly. I don't normally raise my voice at people, and when I do it's more out of shock than anger. My daughter of course by this time knew this, Makoto didn't. As I approached the two teens I kept my demeanor calm, attempting to think how I would even begin to broach this topic. I knelt down too their level and looked them both in the eyes. Ami stared me down as she always did knowing I would not harm them, I just wanted answers. Makoto on the other hand directed her gaze away as soon as our eyes met.
This was not normal behavior for the girl that much I knew. I had never given her any reason to fear me, which is why it worried me even more when I placed my hand on her shoulder and she flinched. Her eyes were clenched shut and she bit her lower lip. It almost looked as if she thought I would treat her like an enemy. They knew I knew something was up and I remember that very conversation to be one of the most tense moments I had ever had in my entire life. Closing my eyes I can still see the fear so clearly, as if I would turn my back on them. I had known Ami was close to Makoto which was why at the time I saw the fear I had also thought that the fear may not only be dealing with the fact that I now knew they were Senshi, but, perhaps a possible relationship between the two. That had to be it I thought, as if it would help soften the facts we would all need to face.
That day they told me of the trials they faced and the fears they held in very vague. Out of concern I spoke to Usagi, the one they all claimed to be a princess of the moon. She answered the questions Ami dared not to answer and in time I learned of the many reasons why they had all became friends. From then on I had vowed to serve as their doctor and treat the many wounds they would constantly sustain from battle. The girls became an important part of Ami's life and I wanted to be apart of it.
Later when a large battle occurred at the crown Makoto was brought to my home, debris embedded into her body and her clothes completely destroyed. Her top was torn and she was bleeding in various places. The only thing covering her prone, unconscious form was Haruka's coat. This was the first time I had seen any of the Senshi injured to such an immense degree. It took me hours to pull every single piece of wood and glass out of her body. She ended up saying with us for several days afterwords due to her extreme pain.
This was around the weeks I had formed a bond with Setsuna, another of Ami's friends in battle. Her constant checks on Makoto seemed odd to me. She never spoke much. When she did it was laced with cryptic messaging and far off looks. It was as if she had detached herself from this world. Her eyes never displayed emotion they just stayed pools if deep crimson, perhaps noting the suffering of the past. I often remember the early days of offered hospitality, though, at the time I honestly didn't know why she intrigued me so.
It may have been the way she spoke, her gentle voice speaking in an often subdued whisper. It could have been her mind. Always full of pensive thought, most of it never uttered. Apart of me wished I could understand what it was she felt. She was a challenge to me. I'm not the easiest person to get along with I'll admit, however, she fought me. I had never met anyone who could be so withdrawn. Her follow housemates had laughed at me when I had voiced my deep concern for her saying it was just the way of the Senshi.
I had found out a lot when I had talked with Michiru over lunch at the park. She told me small tidbits of information about their lives. Looking over at Setsuna I saw a small smile on her lips, as she watched Haruka and their daughter, Hotaru engage in a tickle fight. That was the first time I had seen this woman do anything to show pure emotion. It captivated me.
Her long tresses of black hair tinted in deep green played in the slight breeze, her eyes focused on the scene before us as if nothing else existed. The slight elegance in her posture added to the already beautiful woman. The sun had been setting around that time and I can remember how nicely the light played across the deep bronze of the woman's skin. I think that was when I realized, I Mizuno Saeko had started to find feelings for this mysterious woman, Meioh Setsuna.
One night she came to me, a gash on her arm. I treated her wound and when I was done I had fully expected her to leave. She never stayed near me long and I could sense her deep unease. Her eyes shone, glistening with tears that although never spilled over were a testament to her deep grieving. "Why do you reach out to me?" she asked, I remember her words well.
That night was a night I'll never forget. It was the first time I had ever seen her so broken. I had responded telling her that I didn't know. That there was something about her that made want to know more. That was our first night of truth, answers I had sought from deep in her past were revealed like an onion of many layers. I was told of how she became known to be the lone warrior of the Senshi, how even though she didn't look it had aged well past even my years.
After that night we shared a quiet understanding, I wanted to listen and she desperately wanted to speak. It became a tradition for us in a sense. The morning phone calls, lunch at the park, the random banter we shared on the internet. All of it became part of a larger picture for us. I found myself falling into the abyss of uncharted territory as the love I started to feel for her consumed me. Surely she wouldn't have feeling for a woman like myself. I'm not a house wife, not what one would call mother of the year, I had my own path in life, and I'm far from perfect. Still, it would be wrong of me to act as if I didn't have feelings.
I am a woman after all, with needs of her own. I wanted to love again, and be loved fully in return. My heart screamed to feel what it was like to be embraced once again. To kiss and make love with a person who truly wanted me for me. I wanted to be loved as Mizuno Saeko the imperfect woman who still tried her best, by her own standards. All of my life I had been placed on a high pedestal. Though over achievement was a skill of mine, it was also a curse. I am an intimidating woman, I know this to be a fact. Even if it is true the feeling of being the idea of perfection never sat well with me. I wanted, needed, to be loved by someone who instead of placing me above them, stood next to me. I wanted to be seen as an equal to others, not any better, not any worse. Just me, the woman of imperfection who was happy to openly admit that I too, am only a human.
I had never sought out to marry a man. Sure, I had wanted children but I could have easily adopted a child. Diary, don't get me wrong I love my daughter, she was the one truly great event to come from that marriage. There is a lot of her father in her, he was just to stupid to see it. He was, and I suspect still is, a man who needed adventure, I at the time stayed content with structure. He had been a very good friend from my high school years. Being highly impressionable as a teenager, I allowed my parents talk me into marrying him. Had I followed my heart back then, it would have flocked to a woman who has long since left for Spain. She had found a knack for architecture and found a job building various museums, chapels, and other buildings that bring a calming environment.
Many years have past since my youth. After I divorced I thought I would be content as a single working mother. In time I became lonely. My daughter now had a social life she didn't have when she was a child and I struggled to find solace within my heart on the cold nights. I knew by this time Ami would eventually leave the safety of my home soon enough and probably fall in love with Makoto. She had been spending increasing amounts of time with the girl and I conceded that perhaps I too should be seeking to find love once again.
As time moved on Setsuna gave me the love I longed for. At first I think it was out of need to be held, the need we both had to be told everything would be alright. After that it just progressed. She could love me as a woman needed to be, as I could her. We kept our relationship hidden until recently. When we were found under a tree.
That is another thing dear dairy, I am now a Senshi and a grandmother to a ten year old from the far future. I know it sounds crazy. This all makes little sense to me, but, I try not to make sense of the thing I know to be magic. I have found out that things that need answers will be explained when it is ready to surface. Even now though, I have questions for the deity who conjured up this fate I now know to be my life. My daughter is pregnant and Makoto is the father, even as a woman herself. It's odd and off the wall I know. They want to keep the baby, and I want them to as well.
Diary, many things have happened and I don't know what to say about them, or, how to say it. I can however say this: I am Mizuno Saeko, mother of Mizuno Ami, grandmother of a ten year old child named Yasu, the lover of Meioh Setsuna, and a solider fighting for the future of the world. I admit this is not what I used to think I would become. Never did I venture a guess that this would be my life, but, this is now what I know to be my reality. It makes absolutely no sense a large percentage of the time. It can be crazy, odd, embarrassing, infuriating, confusing, depressing, hazardous, and in some way's hilarious all at the same time…
I must take my leave for now as a heated game of chess is about to start, so, until next time I feel the need to put pencil to paper Dairy, I'll let you in on a little secret...
As messed up as my life can be in terms of logic, I would never have it any other way.
Please Review! I will continue to update this fiction on the side of TSK.