A/N I know I fail. I'm sorry. Things have been complicated and crazy and I won't bore you with my completely valid excuses. This is a short chapter, but after writing and scrapping it sixteen times I felt it was the best I could do. I'm already working on the next chapter, and I'm hoping that this time it won't take me two months to get it out. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me :) Thank you Jessi for betaing this even though you're sick. ILY.
**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related, but I do own this storyline**
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know ya do.
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along
Just to make through,
When all you got to keep is strong
-All American Rejects "Move Along"
Life has a way of taking you by surprise. You can plan every little detail out, but there is no way that things will ever work out perfectly.
I didn't plan to have sex with Edward but I did, twice, and the way I felt was indescribable. All I could think about was how I shouldn't have done it, but oh God, was it amazing, beyond amazing. Albeit, sex with a broken leg in a cast is a bit awkward with anyone, but Edward managed to make me forget about that. He made me forget about everything, which had been my goal. However, I never expected to feel any connection with him. I never expected that this man would make me want to tell him about my past, tell him about everything, but I was still scared.
What if he decides he doesn't want me because of my past? What if he realizes just how fucked up I really am?
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. I shouldn't have done that.
But wow. It was amazing. So, so amazing.
I couldn't help but feel like I had tricked him, though, that I made him feel like he had to be with me.
It takes two, Bella. He wanted it just as much as you did.
But I tricked him.
No you didn't. It was a mutual decision.
Ugh, it wasn't. It was all me, and I just hope things don't get awkward from here on out.
Bella, he said he wanted you and when he said he wanted you, I don't think he just meant your body. I think he meant all of you. Heart, body, mind, and soul.
Whatever. I rolled my eyes at myself.
See? Fucked up in the head. He'll never want me.
Never say never.
We didn't stay in the hotel long. Just long enough to order room service and eat. Edward walked me down to the car before walking back in and checking out. I was worried that Rose would see the hotel charges on his credit card bill, but he assured me that he had paid cash, and that Rose would never know.
And now here we were two weeks later. Two weeks had passed since that day, and things hadn't changed for better or for worse.
Edward had to return to work, and I had to go back to watching Emma and Bobby while Rose did whatever she wanted with Emmett. I couldn't even look Rose in the eyes without feeling a pang of guilt. I felt like the 'other woman', even if it originally started with Emmett as the 'other man'.
Summer had started for Emma, and she was excited to be done with school for a few months. And today was Edward's birthday. The kids were down for a nap, and I was sitting on the couch relaxing with the television on. Even though I was on crutches, the kids didn't care. They still expected me to do everything with them as if I were capable of walking on two legs, and no matter how many times Rose, Edward, and I had explained to them that it wasn't possible for me to chase them around and get up and down the stairs easily, they still continued acting like spoiled brats. It was getting really frustrating.
Edward was still trying to sign a lease on that one story house he was talking about, but I felt like it was never going to happen. I was nervous about the conversation that I would have to have with Rose about that. She would no doubt wonder why I would choose to move out and live with her husband instead of with her. It's not like I could walk up and say to her, "because your husband is a good lay and deserves someone who isn't cheating on him." No, that was definitely out of the question, and extremely out of line. She had been really nice, helping me shower and get dressed with my broken leg, and I knew the guilt of sleeping with the man who was still technically her husband was eating me alive.
Two more weeks. Two more weeks, and the divorce proceedings will begin.
Sighing, I flipped through the channels once more trying to find something to watch. The peace was nice. I knew that shortly the kids would come downstairs and ask me to help them with their birthday presents for Edward. They had made him some homemade cards, and Emma wanted to bake a cake.
I looked at the clock on the wall, and then stared at my phone.
Sending Edward a happy birthday text wouldn't be so bad would it? I'm just afraid that he might be busy at work and won't be able to read it until later.
Ugh. Bored. Bored. Bored.
I tapped my fingers against the armrest on the couch.
What should I do? I could get the ingredients for the cake out and ready, but if I do that, then I'll have to lean on my crutches. I'm already getting bruises under my arms from them.
I looked at my phone once more.
This is what sucks about not having any friends anymore.
I bit my lip and looked back to the television, trying to find something that would capture my attention. Giving up, I left it on the Food Network and watched entranced, wishing that the meals I made looked like they did when the professionals made them.
I found myself nodding off and welcomed the blackness of a dreamless sleep. I awoke to my name being called by Emma and Bobby. They helped me up, and we went into the kitchen to begin the task of baking a cake.
To say that the kitchen looked like a war zone when the cake had finally been put into the oven would be an understatement. I looked around and dreaded the task of cleaning up. I set the timer on the over, and gave the kids the responsibility of wiping the table down and throwing out the trash while I did the dishes.
Rose soon arrived home with Emmett in tow, and I was thankful that I was no longer alone with the kids. She smiled at me and ushered the kids out of the kitchen as Emmett sat down at the table.
"How are you doing Bella?" Emmett asked me.
"I'm alright. It's too hard to really do anything with a broken leg. I get exhausted over the simplest tasks,." I responded.
"That's gotta be tough. How much longer do you have to have it for?"
"I was told that it could take a few weeks to a few months. It all depends on how quickly I heal I guess." I shrugged.
"Ahh okay,." he nodded his head.
I looked around the room uncomfortably, completely unsure what to say. Ever since Edward had thrown Emmett out of the house, tension seemed to have become tenfold. I had Rose telling me how much of an ass Edward was, and I had Edward telling me how much of a bitch Rose was. I was stuck in the middle, and sleeping with him hadn't helped any. Although, Edward and Emmett had somewhat formed an awkward relationship. They seemed to go off and talk quietly so that Rose and I couldn't hear them. It was odd.
"So…," Emmett started.
"What are the plans for Edward's birthday?"
"Um… I helped the kids bake a cake, and I think they made him some homemade gifts. That's about the extent of the festivities I believe,"I said.
"Sounds like quite the party," he replied sarcastically, causing me to laugh.
"Doesn't it? Guess that's what happens when you have kids -- your birthdays become quite… boring,." I joked.
Emmett joined me in laughter as Rose walked in.
"What's so funny?"
"Bella and I were just joking about the fact that birthdays become quite boring once you have children,." Emmett explained.
"You're telling me!" Rose exclaimed. "For my last birthday, we played Candy Land. I lead a glamorous life."
The timer on the over dinged, and I started to push myself out of the chair but Rose stopped me. "Here, let me go ahead and take it out for you, Bella."
"Thank you Rose," I said, smiling.
We sat around and chatted mindlessly for a while, the kids returning to help frost the cake. Rose placed an order for pizza, and it arrived right before Edward walked into the house. He seemed to genuinely appreciate everything, and it made me smile just watching him interact with the children.
My heart panged painfully thinking about the fact that if I hadn't had an abortion that I would have a child that was a little younger than Emma. I felt tears cloud my vision and rubbed my eyes trying to clear them before anyone could notice. I went through the motions for the rest of night, trying to force myself to forget my painful memories. I knew that Edward could tell that something was wrong by the way he was looking at me, but I didn't want to ruin his birthday.
After the kids dragged Edward out of the room to watch a movie and open the gifts they had made for him, I helped Rose and Emmett clean up the mess in the kitchen.
"Are you alright, Bella?" Rose asked with concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, forcing a smile. "I'm just a little tired is all."
She didn't look convinced. "You know you can talk to me about anything…,"
I nodded my head. "Yes, I know." But I can't tell you what's on my mind because you would murder me.
She sighed and shared a look with Emmett that immediately put me on edge. Rather than stay in the kitchen with them, I hastily made my way out of the room claiming that I wanted to go see what movie the kids had chosen to watch.
Edward looked up and smiled at me when I entered the room, and it made my heart beat quickly. I smiled back and sat down on the couch with Emma and Bobby squeezed in between us.
"Are you alright?" he mouthed to me.
I nodded my head and turned my attention to Finding Nemo.
How dumb is it that I can relate to this stupid movie? Nemo is taken away by the diver, and his dad goes on a search for him. I feel like I'm the dad and Nemo is Jasper. Only in this case, I don't think that I'll ever find him.
So… if you're Nemo's dad, and Nemo is Jasper, does that make Edward Dory?
I stifled a giggle.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming… It is possible that Edward is Dory. Although, he's not as annoying that's for sure. He does encourage me though.
I watched the rest of the movie enjoying the sounds of the children giggling at everything. It was nice. It made me feel normal, and forget - which is all I could ever ask for.
"What are you talking about Edward?" Rose screeched.
"You can't expect me to live here when we're divorced. I already signed the paperwork, and I move in tomorrow," Edward said calmly.
The divorce proceedings began yesterday, and things seemed to be getting more and more explosive. I had finally gotten my cast off, but it had been replaced by a walking boot, which was absolutely frustrating. I was at least able to walk up and down the stairs, although Edward would nervously walk behind me to make sure I didn't fall. I appreciated his concern, but I just wanted to do things on my own again.
I was upstairs in the bonus room with Emmett and the kids, watching as they climbed all over him like he was their human jungle gym. I shut the door in the hopes that they would focus on playing instead of their parents fighting. They still didn't quite understand what 'divorce' meant, and I certainly didn't want to be the one to explain it to them.
I could still hear Rose yelling at Edward, and I glanced over at Emmett who seemed to be ignoring it, focusing on playing with the kids. I felt extremely nervous knowing that she would not react well to the fact that Edward wanted me to move in with him, even if I was just moving in with him to take care of the kids whenever they were there.
Rose is going to want to murder me. I'll never make it past the doorstep.
Sighing, I turned some music on in the hopes that it would drown them out better, and it worked. The kids were soon dancing and singing along, causing me to laugh at their enthusiasm.
The door opened, and I looked over to find Edward running his hands through his hair. "Uh, Bella, can I speak to you for a minute?"
"Sure." I said, not really sure what exactly he wanted to say to me. "Where's Rose?" I asked as I walked out of the room with him, closing the door behind me.
"She's in the kitchen calming down." he said nervously, once again running his hands through his hair. "I need to talk to you about something…,"
"Wha--" I was cut off by his lips connecting to mine. Shocked, I pushed him away softly. "What's going on Edward?"
He grabbed my hand and led me into the bathroom and locked the door before kissing me again. "I… just… need… you…," he said in between quick and frantic kisses.
I finally responded and wrapped my arms around his neck, moving my lips with his.
I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm not going to lie. I've missed the feel of his lips against mine.
I bet no one will even notice you two are gone… you can go a little further.
Ugh, no we can't. We can't do that again… at least not while everyone is still in the house. I sighed internally.
Breaking apart for air, we smiled at each other. "Edward, what is going on? Not that I mind kissing you, it's just that we haven't really done anything since that one day you know?"
"I know. I've missed you. You can't imagine how hard it's been for me being unable to touch you or kiss you whenever I want, which is why I wanted to talk to you…," he trailed off.
"About moving?" I questioned, figuring it was what he wanted to talk to me about.
"Kind of. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."
"You're not making me move, Edward. I want to. I want to be with you. I'm just afraid of how Rose is going to react. I heard her when you told her that you were moving… can you imagine how much worse it'll be when I tell her that I want to go with you? Of course I can just use the excuse that I'm going to be living with you when the kids are there…," I rambled.
"Bella," Edward stroked my arms softly, "I've already told Rose. At least, I told her that you were going to be living with me when the kids are there. She's not very happy, but she understands that much. I just wanted to ask you what you thought about moving with me tomorrow? Rose wants to spend time with the kids because she knows that once this is over we'll have to have an arrangement where she'll only get to see them half of the time, and I certainly wouldn't mind spending time with you."
I could hear the innuendo in his words and I smiled. "Are you sure you want me to move in with you?" You don't know half the things I would love to do with you alone.
"Yes, I'm sure. It'll be easier for you because there won't be any stairs, and we can spend time together, just you and me."
I bit my lip, pretending to contemplate his offer seeing that he was growing more and more nervous the longer I stayed quiet. I finally sighed and nodded my head. "Of course, I would love to Edward."
Grinning widely, he pulled me into his arms kissing me intensely while grinding his hips into mine before he pulled away. "That's just to give you something to look forward to."
He winked and unlocked the bathroom door leaving me standing there in shock.
"Fucking tease…," I muttered under my breath.
"I heard that!" he called out, and I slammed the bathroom door shut hearing his laughter on the other side.
I smiled despite myself and giggled softly. I get to be alone with Edward, in a house. Alone.
Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.
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