title: kiss me through the phone
pairing: SasuSaku, of course
summary: CRACK // FLUFF. In which Sasuke is grumpy—and sleep-deprived—and Sakura is drunk, and decidedly unruly. "Kiss me, Sassy! Right now!"
notes: Inspiration truly strikes at the strangest times. I thought of this when I was on my way to Chicago for a christening. :) No promises for quality or coherency, since it is crack, and I am me, but here it is.
Also, JSYK, anything with italics is Sakura in all her drunken glory, in case you find yourself in need of a guide. The boring plaintext is Sasuke.
disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. And neither is the song from whence I claim both inspiration and title. It belongs to Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, et all.
"HELLO? HELLO? DID I DIAL RIGHT? ALL I HEAR IS ANGRY BREATHING. DID I DIAL RIGHT? DID I? IS THIS UCHIHA SASUKE, CREE—"
"NEVERMIND YOU PICKED UP. Sassy! Sassy, Sassy, Sassycakes—Sasu—hic! My sassy boy! HELLO, IS THIS THING ON? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. OH MY GOD, I DON'T THINK IT'S—hic—WORKING. THESE NUMBER BUTTONS ARE IN THE WAY."
"…Hello, Sakura. Stop yelling. I hear you. Unfortunately."
"Sassy boy! There you—hic—are! What took you? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME, YOU WHORE? ARE—hic—YOU? YOU TOOK A WHILE PICKING UP THE FELLYTONE. WERE YOU PULLING UP YOUR—hic—PANTS? HUH? CLEANING OFF THE LIPSTICK? I SHOULD JUST—"
"I can't hear you, Sakura. I'm holding the phone away from my ear until you start to make sense."
"DON'T WANT YOUR WHORE HEARING ME, HUH SASSY? HUH? HUH?"
"There is no whore, Sakura. And it's three o'clock in the morning. Where are you? I'll come get you."
"Sakura? Did you pass out? Yell if you're being molested."
"I'm—hic—I'm here, Sassy! And, no, no, no moles…molest…messing. What kind of—hic! What kind of girl do you take me for? And, and, and, you will? Really Sassy? Pick me—hic—up?"
"I'd rather pick you up now then have to pay to bail you out later."
"So romantic, Sasuke! Sassy, Sasucakes, I love—hic—you. I do I do I do I do, oh! Do you love me, Sassy?"
"Answer me or no add—address, Sassy! I see some—hic—nice looking…lookers, across—hic—the street. All dirty fresh, Sassy. I'll flash 'em my—"
"Where did your friends go?"
"Oh, Sassy, they're—hic—all gone bye bye. I'm so…lonely!"
"…Sakura, where are you?"
"Do you love me, Sasuke, Sassy—hic—Sasuke-kun?"
"…you should know the answer to that, Sakura. And never mind, I traced your call. I'll be there in two minutes so don't move."
"Tell me you love me, Sassy—or, no, no! First, kiss me, Sassy! Right now."
"We're on the phone, Sakura."
"So—hic—kiss me through the phone, Sassy."
"DO IT OR—hic! DO IT OR NO SAKURA FOR YOU."
"I'll—I'll go first, Sassy. See? I kissy-kissy you! You kissy-kissy—I hear smooching! Did you really do it?"
"…my phone screen has spit on it. And a lip-shaped smudge."
"Just for—hic—just for me, Sasuke-kun?"
"…Just for you, Sakura."
"OK, Sasuke-kun. Come get me. I'll—hic! I'll be waiting for you."
"Stay, Sakura. I'll be there soon, so wait for me."
"All—hic! Always, Sasuke-kun."
So sorry for breaking your brain. D:
Thoughts, comments, criticism—all are much appreciated.