Author's note -

This takes place in the Vulcan shuttle from the future that Spock steals, along with the red matter, to destroy Nero. Basically these are Spock's inner musings during what he expects will be his last moments alive. I'm hoping to add on to this a story that explores what happens to Spock and Nyota after the crew defeat Nero.

Disclaimer -

I don't own Star Trek !


Certain death. He had challenged his students with it, and was now facing it himself. The irony in the situation would have normally caused Spock to raise an eyebrow. However, he could not risk breaking the concentration he currently needed to get the shuttle, and with it the red matter, inside Nero's ship. He must make it far enough so that when it detonated, there would be no possible way that menace could harm her.

Nyota. Looking back, Spock realized that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. There was her smile, her laugh, those brown eyes that could speak volumes and held so much power over him that they could cause him to stop with a single glance. These were things anybody who glanced over could observe as they pleased, but then there were the qualities that lay beneath her beauty. She was kind, strong, and possessed a bravery that he knew she would need. And then there was her stubbornness. The corners of his mouth quirked as he reflected that though some considered it a negative trait, it was just another one of the things that Spock loved about her. Without it, she would be dead right now, lost in space with whatever remained of the Farragut. "Negative," he thought, scoffing internally. As if anything could be negative about Nyota Uhura. "Perfection in human form is a much more fitting description, " he decided, picturing her in her red Starfleet cadet uniform as he continued to expertly continued to steer the shuttle. The statement would have contradicted itself had it been applied to anyone but her, he rationalized to himself. Taking it a step further, Spock thought that really, calling her anything other than perfect would be illogical; it described something that was beyond practical or theoretical improvement, entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings. This was what she was to him.

On the note of being illogical, Spock reminded himself that his mind should be on flying, and flying alone. However, he didn't stop his thoughts when they focused on her again. What would happen in only a few short minutes? When Scotty tried to beam Kirk and him both back aboard the Enterprise and only the human, and possibly Pike materialized on the platform, Spock wondered how Nyota would react. No doubt when those on the ship witnessed the red matter explosion and lost his signal they would realize he was gone, her especially. But when she ran into the transport room and watched as Kirk appeared alone, or at least without him, what would she do? Would she break down and cry, upset over the fact that she would never see him or hold him again? Perhaps she would attempt his method and pretend she was Vulcan, internalizing her feelings, ensuring that the mission was completed successfully. He, of course, did not want her to cry, but nor did he want her to lose her emotions. They were just more things on the limitless list of things he loved about her.

There he went again with that word. Love.

Spock wondered what the future would hold for her – no doubt it would be a bright one. He desired to share it with her, and yet it did not seem like this would be the case. The most likely scenario would be that she moved on, and somebody new would be the recipient of those smiles, laughs, and glances from those hypnotizing eyes.

As long as she was happy. That was all that mattered.

As long as somebody loved her as much as she deserved. Somebody who was better than himself, who would tell her how he felt. Somebody who, in the same position he was in, would've screwed the protocol and consequences. Somebody who would've grabbed her tightly on that transporter platform, kissed her with a passion that would have shocked even Kirk, and told her that he loved her, so strongly that nobody in the room could've doubted it for a second, least of all her. She deserved better than a half-human, half-Vulcan freak who couldn't even vocalize his feelings, and yet, despite the fact that she must have known it wouldn't be easy, she had picked him. Despite having her pick of almost any guy she had ever come across, she had chosen him. And he had screwed it up.

He had almost reached the inner part of the ship by now, and could hear the pounding of his heart, the blood loudly rushing in his ears. This was it.

If he could go back in time and be a better man for her, he would. But for all his intelligence and logic, Spock couldn't change the past, and he didn't have a future. All he could give her now was a chance to live, though he wished he could do so much more.

He was now in the inner part of the Romulan ship, and it wouldn't be long now. Closing his eyes for a second, he saw her, smiling at him, and it took away his fear. He was doing this for her, and she was more than worth the sacrifice. He waited for the pain, or the bright flash of light that would bring nothingness with it. A sensation began, and Spock realized that this was it. However, opening his eyes, he realized he was back in the transport room, and she was standing directly in front of him.

Logically, he realized this was reality and he was alive, as Kirk and Pike, who were standing beside him, would not be in any sort of fantasy he had about Nyota. Despite the two men's close proximity, it seemed that all he could see was her. Although he ran off the platform, it seemed like eternity before he reached her, but upon doing so he pulled he into his arms. He would be better, he vowed to himself. After they had dealt with Nero he would change for her. He would not become his father, and risk the woman he loved not knowing for certain how he felt. After all, he rationalized to himself, feeling her in his embrace, he had been willing to die for her. For somebody fluent in a multitude of languages, saying three words shouldn't be so difficult.


Let me know what you think – like it, hate it etc., as I'm new to this and would love some opinions on how to improve =)