A/N: Firstly sorry for the huuuuuuuuuge delay I have been somewhat busy getting the EB site up and running which it now is! So come visit us here: .com for all your Twi News! We also now have a gallery for Twi Art (which you can submit your own!) and a forum if you want to come over and chat!
This chapter goes out to Dom! Also to late shifters Cherry, Sher and Spiff – you'll see why *wink*
Bella sat at the table sipping a gin and tonic while flicking through what seemed like a never ending list of karaoke songs. As she contemplated on what to sing, Edward was at the bar looking out of place.
She knew he had a thing for her; he had since the day they met. He passed it off as friendship but deep down Bella knew he wanted her and she wanted him just as much. She had never been with a human let alone a vampire; but had taken it upon herself to watch countless amounts of porn in order to be prepared – All vampire specific. Lost Toys, Bram Pok'ers Dracula, Cuffy the Vampire Layer, Fuck Night 1 & 2, 30 Days of Right... among others...
This was her chance. It was imperative she chose the correct song to woo him in; her beautifully deep voice would sing to him like a thousand volts straight to his stone cold sparkly heart and jolt him to life.
What to sing... there is so much to choose from... Bella thought to herself. Whitney Houston... No... Diana Ross... No... Mariah- I can't live if living is without you.... OMG YES! He will never guess! Then he will love me and I will get to see his long beautiful....
BANG! Bella was broken from her thoughts as Edward slammed 2 beer bottles on the table, one for her one for show. She could feel her face burning up with embarrassment at her naughty thoughts.
"Hey Bells, some queue at that bar, here's your shot... uhm why is your face all red?" Edward quizzed.
Oh crap what do I say? What do I say? uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhmmmmm....
"Oh I have face thrush it gets red and itchy and uhm... "WHY THE FUCK DID I SAY THAT?!?!?!! *panics*
"I see, what's face thrush?"
"It's like herpes only worse... kinda... uhm..." OMG I CANNOT SHUT UP! This must be what happens when you admit your own feelings... "I'm going to put my name up for a song... be right back... here you look through this.." Bella threw the karaoke song list in Edwards face and made a beeline for the bar.
As she approached the bar she realised it was surprisingly empty. What is that sparkle stick talking about no one is here? Bella dismissed it and ordered a line up of various shots, slamming each one back washing away her embarrassing comments to Edward. After several more rounds of Dutch courage she handed her slip into the DJ before heading back to her table.
"And next up we have Edward Cullen..." The DJ announced as Bella sat down with yet another drink in her hand.
Edward stepped up on the mini platform that was to look like a stage. His perfect voice belted out the notes to the 80s cheese fest that was The Bangles 'Eternal Flame'. A creepy song about stalking and watching people sleep. Bella shuddered and rolled her eyes when he hit high notes, ordering yet another round of shots.
As Edward finished up his song he gave Bella a smile and a slight wink but she completely missed it. The shots were now well and truly in her system and the only thing her eyes were capable of doing was making the furniture move on its own.
Bella's name was called to sing next.
Bella tried to stand, falling off her chair she began clambering up to the stag, she tried to hi-five Edward on the way, completely missing his hand and then subsequently hitting the deck. When she finally made it she grabbed the mic aggressively and shouted to the DJ to 'hit it'.
And the nightmare began. Edward shrank back into his chair; the expression on his face can only be described as that of a bunt up cabbage patch kid. As much as he loved Bella this was painful, her manly deep yet sweet voice trying to belt out Mariah Carey was not pleasing to his animal quality hearing. He betted there were cats, dogs and rodents alike just keeling over in the streets right now.
People began to boo. This was not good. Bella noticed and started screaming down the mic at them to fuck off. She had turned into that drunken uncle that ruins weddings.
Time to go.
Edward ran to the stag, grabbing Bella quickly before she realised what the hell he was doing, once outside it was super speed all the way to the beach.
As he put Bella down he realised she had thrown up on herself several times. So he did the only thing he could think of... he chucked her in the ocean.
Bella screamed, it wasn't high pitched she didn't have the octaves. It was more like the sound of walrus mating call. Edward fell on the sand laughing his ass off as Bella thrashed about the ocean looking like a shark attack victim.
He eventually went and got her, finding her somewhat sober legs they made their way back to Mikes house.
Once they got inside the full realisation of the night was hitting Bella, she was still pretty drunk but she knew tomorrow she would want curl up and die. Edward had left her in the sitting room while he went to get her a towel to dry off.
"Edward, is there a shower down here?" Bella began to snoop about the rooms.
Edward back with a towel began to help. They found closets and a utility room before they came across Mike's office.
"Ooooo the office I wonder what treasure's we'll find in here..." Bella giggled making her way over to the desk.
The chair was turned the wrong way, she drunkenly swivelled it around to reveal Mike sitting there with a smile on his face.
"IT'S MIKE!! Hey Mike, where do ya keep your liqueur? Helloooooo Mike...... Anyone home?" Bella waved her hand over his face and began laughing.
Edward stood stiff as board. He approached Mike cautiously poking his arm to see if he would move.
"Bella... I think Mike is dead." Edward said.
"BAHAHAHA Oh Eddie, he's not dead look..." Bella gave Mike a hard punch in the arm causing Mike to slip sideways in his chair and his hair piece to fall off. "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhahahhaha OH MY GOD!! I didn't know Mike wore a hair piece?!" Bella was screaming with delight at the funny discovery. Picking up the hair peice she positioned it over various areas of her body giggling away to herself.
"BELLA WILL YOU GET A GRIP! MIKE IS DEAD!"
"Oh Edward stop so over dramatic.. Look I will put it back." Bella put the hair piece back on Mike but it kept falling off. Looking for a solution she noticed a stapler on his desk.
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Edward yelled interpreting her next move.
"If he's dead he won't feel it." Bella retorted and stapled the hair piece on Mikes head before Edward could stop her. "There all better! Aren't ya Mike? You're all better." Bella nodded her head and Mikes for him.
"I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW BELLA! I JUST... " Edward stormed out of the room to call his family for advice on how to deal with your dead boss.
Leaving a drunken Bella playing puppeteer with Mike.