Disclaimer: I now own KH. I found the copyright papers and everything.......................yeah right.
Hallo! It's Xero! I rewrote my other story since it was HORRIBLE and I hope this is much better. I wrote this kind of like I do with TSTNW, so it's really random at times. But I hope it'll be a good read. Let the deadly tale begin!
There is a world filled with nothing but darkness called The World That Never Was. In said world rests a castle so aptly named The Castle That Never Was. How creative. Do note the sarcasm.
In this Castle reside fourteen Nobodies known as Organization XIII. Why the name is not Organization XIV is known only to the leader, Xemnas. I'm not sure if he's sound of mind, but I'll get back to you on that.
The Organization is known mainly for the grief and strife they forced upon Sora, that stupid Keyblade Master. But they do so much more than try to take over the worlds and obtain Kingdom Hearts. No, my friend. That's only half of it. Organization XIII does the most ridiculous things you could possibly imagine. They morph plants with viral animals, they make horrendous tomato casseroles, and often light things on fire.
I needn't mention who is the arsonist of the Organization.
So it was no real surprise to find Demyx, number IX in the Organization, lollygagging about the Castle. He was, for one reason or another, lounging around in the Lounge That Never Existed Part XXI, playing some video game on his PSP. He was about to beat his ultimate high score of three when a random thought crossed his mind.
What were the Seven Deadly Sins?
You may be wondering why the Melodious Nocturne was thinking about the sins mentioned in the Bible. It was actually the topic of conversation between two of the other members of the Organization. Xaldin and Luxord were discussing FullMetal Alchemist, a series in which all of the Homunculi are all named after the Seven Deadly Sins. While II and X were discussing the battle between Edward Elric and Roy Mustang, Demyx, who happened to be listening in on the conversation, automatically thought of the Homunculi.
So now IX was in the Lounge (one of many, mind you) when the topic was brought back to his attention. He, of course, knew what they were. Who in hell doesn't? But he couldn't remember all of them. And I'm sure many people are like that. They remember all but one and feel like an idiot when they finally remember it because they should've known it was one to begin with.
Is that just me? Ah well.
So the Melodious Nocturne abandoned his game and marched up to the Library That Should Not Be and found his boyfriend, Zexion, sitting in a squashy orange beanbag chair whilst reading a book on the French Revolution.
"Zexion!" Demyx yelled when he found his boyfriend.
The Cloaked Schemer wasn't surprised by Demyx's actions. He had grown used to IX's hyperactive tendencies and did his best to ignore them.
"What is it, Demyx?" Zexion asked warily, marking his place with his finger.
"What are the Seven Deadly Sins?" Demyx asked.
"They are a collection of sins found-" Zexion started to ramble off.
"I mean what are they?!" Demyx exclaimed.
"I was just telling you, idiot." Zexion said.
"I mean, what are the sins?" Demyx demanded.
"I don't really care, Demyx." Zexion returned to his book. "Louis XVI is about to get executed."
"You care more about some old guy getting hanged?" Demyx couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"He got guillotined, not hanged." Zexion glared coldly at his boyfriend.
"Whatever." Demyx wheeled around and marched out of the room. "I'll find them out by myself."
"Sounds good to me." Zexion gave a rare smile and continued reading.
Elsewhere in the Castle That Shouldn't Exist, Vexen was working on creating a printer that informed its user when the ink was running low. Unfortunately, this was not working so well. Vexen was, after all, the one who tried to invent a car that started on its own and a key that could unlock any door, not to mention the failed attempt to create a light bulb that never went out.
So when Xion walked into the Lab That Never Was, she wasn't surprised to find trillions of pieces of computer equipment taking up the vicinity. She was surprised to find that her laptop was amongst the objects.
"What do you want, Xion?" Vexen poked his head up from a bright pink monitor.
"One, why do you have my laptop?" Xion questioned as she grabbed the laptop in question.
"Because I thought it was an old one?" Vexen's response was a question.
"Where'd you find it?" Xion demanded.
"In the storage closet by the Superior's office." Vexen replied. "Why?"
"Oh, Axel hid it as a joke." Xion rolled her eyes. "But couldn't you tell that this was mine?"
"How should I have known it was yours?" Vexen wondered.
"Well, the fact that it says 'Xion's laptop' should be a hint." Xion said with biting sarcasm. "Plus the fact that it has stickers covering every inch of it."
"It could've been Axel's." Vexen shrugged. "You know he likes to vandalize things."
"Axel doesn't watch House or Moonlight." Xion retorted.
"You never did tell me what you wanted." Vexen tried to get back to the original topic.
"Marluxia wants to know if you've seen his pruning sheers." Xion rolled her eyes.
"They're around here somewhere…" Vexen was lost amongst the equipment.
The air was soon filled with flying mice (electronic mice, mind you) and hard drives as well as keyboards and parts for modems of random models.
"Maybe they're not here?" Xion wanted to get back to the episode of Law and Order that she had been watching before she was forced to venture into the frigid Lab.
"They have to be!" Vexen cried. "I just used them yesterday!"
"Then shouldn't you have a better idea of where they are?" Xion started rummaging through random monitors.
"But the Lab doesn't look like it did yesterday." Vexen said, tossing a mouse over his shoulder.
"No kidding?" Xion quipped. "I bet it was a lot neater yesterday."
"Got 'em!" Vexen yelled triumphantly, holding the gardening tool in his hand.
"Thanks." Xion grabbed the pruning shears and made her way out of the Lab.
Lexaeus had no problem being in the Organization. The only bad thing was the noise.
As one can imagine, fourteen Nobodies can create a lot of chaos, especially when Larxene starts stabbing things with her knives. Xigbar's gun doesn't help matters, either. It's rather unnerving to try to sleep and have the Free Shooter firing that gun of his off at unholy hours. Luxord isn't much better. The Gambler of Fate always starts yelling whenever he looses a poker game, especially if he was playing against Saix.
So when Axel started blasting something from some metal band at two in the morning, Lexaeus knew that something had to be done. He stormed out of his room and marched into Axel's to find the Flurry of Dancing Flames dancing away to Augen Auf by Oomph.
"Axel, what in hell are you listening to?" Lexaeus demanded.
"Oomph!" Axel said as he spun around in a circle.
"You're listening to rock music at two in the morning?!" Lexaeus yelled.
"One, it's German industrial." Axel said. "And two, it's almost two in the morning."
"It doesn't matter!" Lexaeus bellowed. "My question is why are you dancing in the first place when it's clearly after midnight?!"
"I like dancing, Lexaeus. My title is reason enough for that." Axel grinned, still dancing away.
"That doesn't mean you can dance whenever you feel like it. Some people are trying to sleep." Lexaeus told him.
"Nah, that's only you." Axel said.
"Oh?" Lexaeus raised an eyebrow.
"Roxas and Xion are having a Guitar Hero tournament, Demyx is playing Rock Band II, and nearly everyone else is watching some stupid baseball game." Axel replied.
"But I'm not." Lexaeus challenged.
"You're just weird like that." Axel grinned.
At that moment, the monotonous voice of Xemnas filled the Castle.
"Attention! There will be a meeting in seven minutes and thirty-two seconds. All must attend."
Several groans could be heard from many floors above Axel and Lexaeus. The rest of the Organization was obviously not happy about the meeting.
"This late?!" Lexaeus questioned as he followed Axel down the hallway.
"This is Xemnas, Lexy." Axel said with a shrug. "Are you really surprised?"
Meetings are never fun. Ask anyone in Organization XIII and you'll get the same answer. Well, unless you ask Xemnas. He'd say they're full of fun, but you know that's not going to happen.
The meeting happened to be a progress report from Saix on Kingdom Hearts, something that hardly anyone cared about anymore. They'd long since given up the useless attempt to gain hearts, but apparently Xemnas and the Luna Diviner hadn't. They'd also apparently made it their mission in their so-called life to annoy the living hell out of everyone else.
While Saix yammered on about Kingdom Hearts, the rest of the Nobodies save for Xemnas got a good nap. Xion almost fell out of her nonsensically high seat many times, but she never actually plummeted what is sure to be many hundreds of feet to the ivory tile below.
"Wake up!" Xemnas roared when the meeting was near its conclusion.
Instantaneously, all of the Nobodies woke up. It's kind of hard to remain sleeping through Xemnas' yelling.
"Does anyone else have anything else to bring up before we close today's meeting?" Xemnas asked the masses.
"I do!" Demyx proclaimed.
"Make it quick, Demyx." Xaldin glared at the hyperactive Nobody.
"What are the Seven Deadly Sins?" Demyx asked.
"That's all you wanted?" Roxas questioned. "Couldn't you have asked Zexion?"
"He was being mean." Demyx pouted, glaring at his boyfriend.
"It's pointless." Zexion said as he started to read Seventy-two Ways To Murder Your Spouse.
"One of them is wrath." Larxene said.
"Of course you'd remember that one." Axel rolled his eyes.
"Is that supposed to mean something, Axel?" Larxene glared at the Flurry of Dancing Flames.
"Nope." Axel grinned.
"Sloth and gluttony." Marluxia said.
"Got 'em." Demyx had taken out a notepad and was writing down the sins as they were mentioned.
"What about fortune?" Roxas asked.
"That doesn't sound right." Xigbar said, flicking a stray bullet in the air.
"Roxas, how is fortune a sin?" Xion wondered.
"Too much of it is a sin!" Roxas exclaimed.
"How about anger?" Luxord asked.
"That was wrath." Vexen said, his eyes on the periodic table.
"Which is already taken." Xemnas said.
"Then how about profanity?" Demyx questioned.
"That should be a sin." Xaldin said, twisting a finger around one of his dreds.
"Of course it isn't, Demyx." Larxene said.
"Lust!" Axel yelled randomly.
"What?" Zexion and Marluxia wondered.
"Isn't lust a sin?" Axel demanded.
"I think so." Saix said.
"Three more, then." Demyx said.
"Procrastination?" Xion frowned.
"It certainly is with you all." Xemnas commented, arms folded across his chest.
"Arson?" Demyx asked.
"Demy, that doesn't even make sense." Axel shook his head.
"It does when you're around." Roxas grinned.
"Fire is my element, okay?" Axel glared at his boyfriend.
"But you don't need to set random things on fire." Zexion turned a page of his book.
"Greed." Luxord said simply.
"Coming from the Gambler of Fate, I can see how that would make sense." Lexaeus said as Demyx wrote the word down.
"Debauchery?" Larxene asked.
"Where the bloody hell did that come from?" Xigbar demanded.
"Who knows with her…" Xion shrugged.
"You're not much better, Xion." Marluxia told XIV.
"Whatever." Xion leaned her elbow against her chair.
"Vanity!" Xaldin shrieked. "We forgot vanity!"
"Don't you mean pride?" Lexaeus frowned.
"I've heard that either works." Xemnas explained.
"So one more…" Roxas said.
The Room Where Nothing Gathers was silent for a few moments while everyone was thinking. It was so silent that Saix thought that a troop of panzers was going to storm the Castle. But this, of course, didn't happen.
"Melancholy?" Vexen asked after the silence.
"That doesn't sound right." Luxord shook his head.
"Excessive happiness." Larxene said.
"You know that isn't it." Xaldin rolled his good eye.
"It could be." Larxene snapped.
"But it isn't." Zexion smiled as he continued to read his book.
"Then why don't you just tell us the freaking answer, Zexion?" Axel demanded.
"It's fun watching you all suffer." Zexion said.
"But we'll be here forever and I want to get some sleep." Lexaeus retorted.
"Sucks to be you." Zexion said.
"How about fornication?" Roxas asked.
"That's kind of like lust." Xemnas said.
"Then hyperactivity?" Axel glared at the Melodious Nocturne.
"Don't glare at me!" Demyx exclaimed.
"It's probably the most obvious one." Xion said, twisting a strand of hair around her finger.
"Excommunication!" Marluxia yelled.
"Marluxia, I didn't know you knew such a big word." Saix pretended to be surprised.
"Oh, shut up." Marluxia glared at the scarred Nobody.
"Envy." Xigbar said simply.
As one, all of the Nobodies deadpanned. Of course it was envy. What else could it be?
"Are you serious?!" Axel yelled.
"Why do you yell so much, Axel?" Luxord demanded, but VIII hadn't heard him.
"It's about time." Zexion closed his book. "I was starting to think that you guys wouldn't get them."
"It would've been a lot easier if you had told us." Larxene glared at the Cloaked Schemer.
Larxene and Zexion argued for a considerable amount of time, which was something that occurred quite regularly, so no one really took notice of it. Demyx, who had written all of the sins down, was now thinking of a place to put these sins where they could be found at a later date, though why anyone would want to look them up again is unknown.
Lame ending, I know. Do note that Lexaeus does not have the mental functions of a five-year-old like he does in TSTNW. I'll write oneshots for anyone who wants something done. Just PM me and we'll talk about it. Reviews equal love! thanks for reading!