Two first years, James Potter and Sirius Black, were sitting in the Great Hall eating breakfast while planning a prank. It was only their first morning at Hogwarts, too. They'd already pushed a redheaded girl (A/N: Lily Evans) into the lake yesterday.

They hadn't even known each other for a day, and James, Sirius, and Remus Lupin were already best friends.

As the threesome began eating, the owls were swooping in, delivering the mail.

A large red envelope was suddenly dropped into Sirius's glass of orange juice, spilling it. James nudged Remus with his elbow. "Sirius has got a Howler!"

The table fell silent as Sirius hesitantly picked up the envelope. He looked to Remus and asked, "It'll explode if I don't open it, right?"

"Yep. Better open it now."

Sighing, Sirius carefully opened the envelope.

(A/N: I put the things not coming from the Howler in bold, so it's easier to read.)

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!!!! HOW DARE YOU SPOIL THE BLACK FAMILY NAME!!—" Sirius muttered, "I'm not the one who spoiled it. I'm improving it…" "—HOW DARE YOU BE PUT INTO LOUSY, WORTHLESS, NO-GOOD GRYFFINDOR!!—" She spat the word. "—YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THE FAMILY NAME, YOU INSIGNIFICANT, WORTHLESS, RETCHED CHILD!! EVERY RESPECTABLE MEMBER OF THE BLACK FAMILY—" Sirius scoffed, mumbling, "Like you are sooo respectable, Mother." "—HAS BEEN SORTED INTO SLYTHERIN!!! IS THAT ALL YOU ARE CAPABLE OF? DISGRACING THE FAMILY NAME? WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR COUSINS, BELLATRIX AND NARCISSA? IF I HEAR YOU CAUSE ONE LICK OF TROUBLE I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET BEING BORN INTO THIS FAMILY—" "Don't waste your time; I already am." "—YOU ARE AS TERRIBLE AS THOSE FILTHY, USELESS, LOUSY MUDBLOODS!! IF YOU SO MUCH AS STEP A TOE OUT OF LINE, I WILL ENSURE YOUR DEMISE MYSELF, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE RETCH!!!!!"

As it finished yelling and screeching, the Howler tore itself up and fell in pieces to the ground.

"Sirius?" James asked quietly. "Who was that?"

Sirius smiled wryly. "That, my friend, was my ever-so-caring mother."

James hid a smirk. "Charming woman…"