Well, here's the real first chapter, since the few who reviewed seemed to like it.
Uzumaki Naruto, 18 year old ANBU, was heading out of Konoha, out on yet another mission. He never took any time off anymore. As soon as he come back from a mission, he took another. Tsunade was getting worried about him. His psychiatrist, whom every ANBU was forced to talk to after 5 years of servitude, had deemed him unstable. He didn't care though. And he threatened the psychiatrist that, if she told Tsunade that he was unstable, he'd hunt down her entire family and kill them in front of her.
Suddenly, he felt something. Some kind of tingling in his feet. Puzzled, he looked down.
"The hell?" he asked, clearly not understanding a thing. Why were his feet fading away? Then, his legs faded, followed by his abdomen and hands, then his arms and chest, and finally his head.
To his eyes, when he faded away, it looked like a layer of mist passed by his eyes, revealing himself to be in what looked like some sort of classroom, standing on a bench in front of a shocked, bushy haired girl around the age of 14.
'Genjutsu?' he thought, not sensing anything. He placed his hands in the ram seal. "Kai!"
Nothing happened. 'I guess that psychiatrist was right... I am crazy...'
Hermione Granger was shocked. Here she was, trying to summon a pile of books from their position on Flitwick's desk, and Ron had to pull a stupid joke, forcing her to lose concentration. Suddenly, a man with spiky, blond hair, dressed in black with gray armor with a fox like mask on his face appeared, fading into existence on her desk.
"What the hell is going on? Am I dreaming? I'm dreaming, aren't I? Or maybe I really, really am crazy?" Naruto asked aloud, crouching down on the desk he was standing on and addressing the girl. "You're just a figment of my imagination, aren't you?"
Hermione stared at the strange man, who seemed to be speaking Japanese.
"I-I'm sorry... I don't understand what you're saying."
"What the hell are you saying? Speak clearly, Hallucination nr 1!" Naruto ordered, before patting Hermione on the head, feeling her bushy hair. "What the hell is this hairstyle?" he asked, before poking Hermione in the forehead. "Hm... Solid... This is one high quality hallucination..."
Then, he turned to a boy sitting next to the girl. His face was covered in freckles, and his hair was bright red.
"And you, Hallucination nr 2! Are you a natural redhead?" he asked, before turning to a boy next to the redhead, with messy, brown hair, glasses, and a lightning shaped scar on his forehead. "And you! Do you think that scar makes you look cool, Hallucination nr 3? I'm afraid that the coolness factor was lost the moment you decided to wear those ridiculous glasses."
Harry, Ron and Hermione were staring at the man, who seemed to be making fun of them. Even though they couldn't understand him, they could tell by his tone of voice.
"This is most interesting indeed." came an aged voice from the doorway, revealing Dumbledore with Flitwick by his side. The short teacher had probably gone to get him while Naruto was ridiculing the three teenagers.
Naruto turned in his direction and raised an eyebrow, an act which was unseen by the other occupants of the room.
"And who are you? I mean, even for an hallucination, you look ridiculous. The short guy, I can understand, but you? I mean, the beard, the pointy hat and the robes? It's too cliché."
"You think I'm an hallucination?" Dumbledore asked in perfect Japanese.
"Well, duh... I mean, one minute I'm heading out of the village, and the next, I'm here. The only reasonable explanation is that this is an hallucination." Naruto said, nodding to himself.
Dumbledore chuckled, before gesturing towards the doorway.
"Come with me."
"Okay." Naruto said and hopped off the desk, waving at the 'hallucinations.' "I'll see you guys later, Nr 1, Nr 2 and Nr 3!"
As Dumbledore and Naruto walked through the hallways of what appeared to be a castle, with moving pictures on the walls, whom Naruto waved to happily, not really surprised at what his mind could conjure up.
"You seem to be under the beliefs that this is an hallucination." Dumbledore said, gaining the attention of the fox masked blond, who had been staring at a drunken monk in one of the paintings.
"Huh? Did you say something, Bearded Hallucination?"
"I can assure you that I am not an hallucination. My name is Dumbledore Albus, or, as we say it here, Albus Dumbledore. May I have your name?"
"My name is Uzumaki Naruto, the Kitsune Barber of Konoha." Naruto said, not really caring if Dumbledore found out his real name, since he was an hallucination, anyway.
"Naruto. This is Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. You were summoned here by a failed magic spell. It's not an hallucination."
"You don't have to say it with such conviction, Beards. I believe you." Naruto said as he looked around.
"Somehow, I doubt that..."
"Ah, Headmaster." came the voice of Gryffindor's ghost, Nearly Headless Nick, who came floating up to them from around a corner. "Who is this?"
"This is Naruto. He seems to be under the belief that we are all an hallucination. Don't try to speak to him though. He only speaks Japanese."
"Hm... A ghost... Maybe it's my mind's way of telling me that I'm regretting the kills I've made... But I'd never do such a bad job decapitating someone... And I've never killed anyone dressed like that..." Naruto mumbled, staring at Nick, while Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.
"Kills you've made?"
"Don't pretend that you don't know. You're made from my mind. You should know what I'm talking about."
"I'm not going to play games with you anymore." Dumbledore said, realizing that a killer was in his school.
"Why not? It's so much fu-"
In the blink of an eye, Dumbledore had whipped out his wand and directed it at Naruto, sending out a bolt of some kind of energy that impacted with Naruto's chest sending him slamming into the wall, unconscious.
"Maybe when you wake up, you'll realize that this is most real."
--The next day--
"Oh... What did I drink last night?" Naruto asked, groaning as he placed a hand on his forehead, sitting up. He was in a bed inside what he could easily recognize as some kind of hospital. His mask was also gone, showing off his whisker marks and ringed eyes.
When he was thirteen, Naruto found out about his heritage and that he, just like the Akatsuki's leader, Nagato, AKA Pein, was the wielder of the Rin'negan. He also found out that Nagato was his uncle, his mother's brother.
Naruto had also discovered another thing. He had the advanced version of the Rin'negan, a version only one of a hundred of his clan members get. That version allowed him to control every element in the world, even those that could be considered a bloodline, like the Mokuton.
"Wait a minute..." Naruto mumbled, sniffing around. "I'm still inside that hallucination..."
"It's not an hallucination." came the voice of Bearded Hallucination, who was sitting on the bed next to him. "You were brought here by a failed spell cast by Miss Hermione Granger."
"So... This is not an hallucination?" Naruto asked, raising an eyebrow, getting a nod from Dumbledore.
"Wait... Spell? What do you mean... spell?"
"Like I told you yesterday; this is Hogwarts school for Witchcraft and Wizardry." Dumbledore explained. "This is where we teach young wizards and witches magic, and teach them to control it." he said and leaned forward, looking Naruto dead in the eye. "Now, you said yesterday, 'the kills I've made.' What did you mean by that? Have you killed before?"
"What kind of question is that?" Naruto asked with a laugh. "I'm an ANBU ninja! Of course I've killed!"
"You speak of it like it's common where you're from." Dumbledore said, making Naruto raise an eyebrow.
"Wait, you've never heard of a ninja?"
"No. At least not an ANBU ninja. The ninjas I have heard of are all dressed in black, and have been extinct for a number of years now. Tell me about your home, and I'll tell you about this place. Does that sound like a fair trade?"
"Sure! Why not?"
"But it would really be more comfortable if we spoke in my own language." Dumbledore said and whipped out his wand, waving it around and casting what seemed like some kind of glowing rope around Naruto, who raise an eyebrow.
"What was that?" he asked in perfect English, though with an Irish accent.
"I adjusted your brain slightly, to allow you to learn English, though I have no idea where that accent came from."
"Perhaps, because it sounded cool, it just naturally came to me?" Naruto suggested, grinning. Dumbledore chuckled lightly.
"Now, tell me about your home."
So, Naruto started explaining, about how he was raised to be a ninja, about being ostracized because of the Kyuubi (He no longer cared if anyone knew, since he didn't like to feel that he was hiding something from someone.), about fighting Sasuke at the Valley of the End, about the Akatsuki, about joining the ANBU, and gaining the name Kitsune Barber, due to his love for using barber knives.
In return, Dumbledore told him about the wizard world, which was... interesting, and brought back Naruto's belief that this was all an hallucination
"It's not." an aged voice said as Naruto turned to the side, seeing the long dead Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Sandaime Hokage, sitting next to him on the bed. "Apart from me, nothing of this is an hallucination."
"What are you doing here?" Naruto asked, getting a puzzled look from Dumbledore.
"I'm here because I want to, or rather, because I needed to." Sarutobi said, while Naruto raised an eyebrow.
"Aren't you dead?"
"Who are you talking ab-" Dumbledore started, but was silenced when Naruto raised his hand.
"I'm not really the Sandaime Hokage. I'm what you have kept locked away for the last three years. This is your brain's way of letting that reach you easier, so you'll listen to it. This appearance was chosen, because this is the man you listened to the most."
"Then... what are you representing?" Naruto asked, blinking.
"Your common sense, Naruto. I am your common sense, and I'm here to tell you to use it. This is not an hallucination. Well, I am, but the rest is not."
"Fine! For once, I'll listen to you, and believe what Beards said."
Dumbledore could only shake his head.
"So, I'm supposed to stay here, and protect the school for a living until I can figure out a way to get home?" Naruto asked, sitting on the Astronomy tower, gazing at the stars.
"Yup." Sarutobi said, sitting next to him, puffing on a pipe. "Pretty much."
Naruto nodded, before looking at Sarutobi.
"Why are you still here? I've listened to you already. Begone, or whatever."
"I don't know why I'm here. You created me, after all. I'm only here because you made me appear."
Naruto stared at him.
"I don't like you... The real Ojii-san was better..." he muttered, crossing his arms, getting a chuckle from Sarutobi.
"Well, I am what I am, and there's no changing that."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to like you. Still what should I do?"
"Captain, the most logical thing to do would be to do as Professor Dumbledore asks." came a slightly monotone voice, and Naruto looked to his shoulder to see a man, dressed in tight, dark blue clothes, with a hair cut that reminded him of Lee, and pointy ears.
"Let me guess... You're my logic?"
"Indeed, I am."
"Oh, that's just great..."
Sarutobi leaned forward, staring at the man, who sat down on Naruto's shoulder, being only a little taller than a cigarette.
"Why are you so small?"
"Because there isn't so much of me in there." the man said, pointing at Naruto's head. "I am Spock."
"Great... more hallucinations... Just what I needed..." Naruto muttered, leaning back.
--Some time later--
"So, what do you think?" Dumbledore asked, standing next to Naruto, who put a hand on his chin, looking over the school grounds. The two were currently standing in Dumbledore's office. Or rather, Dumbledore was sitting, while Naruto was leaning against the wall, staring out the window.
"After having spent three whole days here, I have to say that my hallucinations aren't that bad, compared to all the other strange things going on around here... But until I can figure out a was to get home, I guess I'll stay."
"And then, we'll burn the school to the ground!" a figure, huge and muscular, easily towering over Naruto, actually having to crouch slightly as to not hit his head in the ceiling, with red skin, a goatee, and a pointed tail, laughed as he grinned. "We'll dance on the bodies of the innocent, and rape the virgins!"
The figure laughed again, while Spock, who was sitting on Naruto's shoulder, shook his head.
"You have lots of will to destroy in you..."
"Too much, almost." Sarutobi said, standing in front of Naruto, also gazing out the window.
"You guys are annoying..." Naruto muttered, while Dumbledore shook his head, chuckling lightly.
"It never ceases to amuse me when I see you talking to your... friends..."
"Amuses you, annoys the hell out of me..." Naruto mumbled as he straightened up. "So, where do I sleep?"
"I have arranged a rather convenient room for you." Dumbledore said as he stood up, heading towards the door. "Come."
Naruto nodded and flicked Spock off his shoulder, before walking off.
The hulking devil blinked.
"Did he just leave us here?" he asked once Naruto had left the room.
"It appears so." Spock said as he rose to his feet, dusting his clothes off.
"Oh, even to a guy like me, that's cold..."
Well, what do you think? Remember to push the review button. It's the little one in the middle.
What are you waiting for?
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