Title: I'll be watching you. 1/1
Characters /Pairing: Sam/Dean, Castiel.
Warnings: *Wincest* Won't make sense unless you've seen or know about season four. Therefore there are obviously spoilers! Liberal Religious interpretations.
Beta: jdsampson and winchesterxgirl
Disclaimer: Man, if I owned these boys… It would happen just like I write it.
AN: This is a Castiel 'finds outs' out fic told totally from his POV. You have been warned!
Summary: Castiel knew watching over the Winchesters was never going to be an easy task, but as he learns more about the brothers he finds he has more than just a little food for thought.
Castiel walked silently along the darkened street. He'd been wandering around the small town for just over an hour, anonymous, just one of the crowd. He found it quite fascinating to watch God's creatures live their daily lives.
He had been on the run with Sam and Dean now for exactly seven weeks, four days and ten hours. Lucifer had risen, but to all intents purposes, not much had changed.
Well… That wasn't exactly true, many things had changed. Like now… He had walked amongst humans on and off for decades, but not like this. Not of his own volition and initiation.
He thought he'd known all there was to know about them and God's purpose, but Dean had changed all that. Dean, Sam and… Anna.
He closed his eyes against the memory of her face when he'd betrayed her.
He took in a breath and started to walk back towards the motel.
Walk… Castiel found himself grinning. Of course he could… he wasn't sure there was an English word for it, but Dean had used the term, 'beam' and called him Scotty. So… of course he could beam back to Sam and Dean, but that would be instant and he was certain that they didn't want him there quite yet.
He blew out a long breath. He hadn't expected to see what he had. To smell or hear what he'd somehow missed all this previous year.
It was not new to them, that was clear and it opened up the floodgates of incidentals that now made sense.
Sam had a t-shirt on and nothing else as he sat cross-legged on top of the queen-size bed.
Dean, on the other hand, had only sweat pants on, while he made them both a sandwich.
Dean placed the two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches onto a single plate and joined his brother to sit opposite him on the bed.
They looked like they had gone through this ritual on more than one occasion and if it wasn't for the partial nudity, Castiel would have thought nothing more of it. In fact, he did dismiss the thought, but then Dean spoke.
Dean took an extra large mouthful. "Man, sex makes me hungry."
Sam grinned. "Everything makes you hungry, Dean."
Dean gazed at him and mocked annoyance, but Castiel could see the smile and the delight in his eyes.
Sam was eating too, packing it in like Castiel hadn't seen before. From where he was standing he couldn't see Sam's face, but he knew he was returning Dean's smile.
Castiel moved inside the cabin, but he didn't let himself be known. He was a little confused and he doubted his own eyes, but when he physically entered the cabin, the smell of pheromones, were overpowering.
As he walked towards the bedroom he felt a twang of what he supposed was guilt. The power to shield himself, so as not to be seen, was not meant to be used in this way.
The word voyeur came into his mind, but he dismissed it. If he was to work with the Winchesters, then he would need to understand them.
"Want some more?" Dean said and rose from the bed.
Sam didn't say anything, instead waited for Dean to turn and look at him.
"Yeah… but not the sandwiches."
Dean smirked and Castiel could see his physical response from within the sweatpants.
Dean sighed and looked a little sad. "As much as I would love to go another round with you baby brother. Three times in the last two hours has kinda worn me out."
Sam looked pointedly down at Dean's crotch. "Really?"
Dean adjusted himself and grinned. "I'm sore, Sam, okay? There wasn't much lube." He sat back down on the bed with another sandwich, cut in half. He sat opposite Sam again, but this time they were close enough that their knees touched.
Sam looked at Dean like it was the most natural thing in the world when he fed him the sandwich, pushing the bread in after Sam had taken a bite. Leaving his fingers in Sam's mouth and pulling them out slowly and with purpose.
Sam chewed and watched as Dean ate his half of the sandwich, lifting his hand to the side of Dean's face when Dean swallowed the last mouthful.
"Really glad to see you eating again, Sam," Dean said looking up at the taller man. "Thought I was going to have to tube feed you there for a while."
Sam smiled and swiped his thumb across Dean's lower lip, wiping away the spec of peanut butter and then putting his thumb in his own mouth and sucking.
Dean looked down and shook his head, laughing.
Dean looked back up and shrugged. "I don't know, just…"
Sam leaned back and brought his hand back down to his side. There was a further full ten seconds where the boys just stared at each other.
Castiel thought about using the angel version of infrared to emsee/em the energy that was passing between them, but as their conversation continued he was starting to feel like an intruder.
Sam leaned in and Dean met him half way. They kissed deep and long and Castiel furrowed his brow as he took a step closer.
Castiel had seen similar things occur during times of high stress or impending death. It was common during the World Wars. Men would share and bond and eventually seek release with each other, but...
There was more to this than lust and fear.
Dean broke the kiss and panted, "There's just no saying no to you when you get like this, is there?"
Sam moved his hand inside of Dean's pants and wrapped his hand around Dean's length, without saying a word.
Dean's eyes took on an almost feral look and then he was jumping on Sam and the sandwich plate was smashing to the floor.
Dean stood briefly to remove his sweatpants and Sam had already shed his T.
Castiel took in a breath as Dean climbed up Sam's body to lay flush on top of him.
They were kissing again and like a car crash or train wreck, he couldn't look away.
As their hands roamed and explored each other, Castiel couldn't help but notice the gentleness in Dean's touch. Sam's too, but Castiel had never seen Dean as the tender type.
Except with… Castiel smiled at his stupidity. Except with Sam and that just happened to be who was wiggling and moaning beneath him.
Sam stilled and Dean lifted up to look at him. "What?"
Dean grinned and hung his head between his shoulders.
Please? Please, what? Castiel wondered what he was talking about, but Dean already seemed to know.
"There's no lube left, dude. We'll just have to…"
"Take me dry then, Dean. I don't care. I just need to feel---,"
"No!" Dean rolled off of Sam and sat on the side of the bed. "No way, Sammy. I'm not doing that."
"It won't hurt that much, maybe we could use---,"
"I said no, Sam." Dean stood from the bed. "Way to lose the mood." He looked down at his now only half hard cock.
"It didn't worry you before."
"We had lube, Sam. I'm not going to hurt you like that." Dean looked down at him seriously. "I won't… So unless one of us is going to go and get some more then…"
Sam sat up, got up and started to don boxers and his jeans.
"Sam, it two o'clock in the freaking morning. Can't we just---,"
"No we can't." Sam cut him off with a kiss to the lips. "I want…" There was that silence again as they just stared at each other. "…everything. I've got this again and I just want it all! Everything, while we still--" Sam cut himself off.
Dean smiled, A softness in his eyes. "Yeah," he said softly. "Okay."
They kissed again and it lasted long enough that Castiel thought they may go without the lube after all.
Yes… He'd figured it out. These quaint human terms, for sodomy and the instruments needed to make the process easier.
It was when Sam returned and they started to shower together, Castiel decided he did not need to watch the act. Now he was sure the act was being performed, he just needed to think.
Since Lucifer's rising, Castiel had been on the run with Dean and Sam. He didn't sleep in the motel rooms they frequented, but he spent most of his time at their side. Now, though, he felt like an outsider.
Maybe that was a normal response? He'd been ripped from the brotherhood of Angels he'd always called his family. Finding out the truth about Uriel had hurt, but Zachariah had crushed his spirit and made him doubt.
Dean spoke the truth about people being worth it and now here he was walking slowly back to a motel room where two brothers who loved each other beyond words, would die for each other in the blink of an eye, had just had sex. Committed sins that The Father had outlawed long before his existence.
Castiel sighed. The walk had not cleared his thinking. For the first time ever, he would need to make the decision on whether to disclose what he'd seen. No orders to follow, no superior to ask, Castiel didn't like this feeling of… uncertainty.
He made himself known the moment he entered the cabin. Sam was at his laptop on the small dining table and Dean was asleep on the bed. Both were fully clothed and even bundled up against the earth's cold climate.
There were no pheromone odors either and the sheets had definitely been changed.
"Hey," Sam said and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked haggard, like he'd spent most of the night doing research and hadn't slept.
At least the 'hadn't slept' part was accurate, Castiel mused to himself.
"What?" Sam looked at him questioningly.
Castiel was not schooled at hiding his facial expressions and he made a note to himself, that whilst in the company of humans, he would need to do better.
"I have nothing to report, all seems normal." Castiel found lying didn't come easy either, so he tried for distraction.
"Yeah…" Sam gestured towards the TV. "Been keeping up with the news." Sam shook his head. "I wonder what his game plan is."
Castiel surmised that Sam was talking about Lucifer and answered accordingly. "I do not think that Lucifer has a… game plan as such."
"Doesn't the bible disagree with you?" Dean said sleepily from the bed as he rolled over.
"There is no doubt that Lucifer intends on taking over the earth to rule as his own, but The Father did not see fit to tell us any of the details about this part."
Dean sat up. "Famine, pestilence… that kind of thing?"
"Yes, Dean, I know," Castiel spoke with an edge. "But these things are common, they are not new."
"So?" Sam probed.
Castiel stiffened his jaw when he realized he was not speaking fact, but only deduction from the evidence in front of him. "I don't believe Lucifer knows what he is doing, exactly." Castiel paced two steps and turned. "I think that he will recall his army and regroup at the very least."
"So you think Lucifer is making it up as he goes along?" Dean asked and Castiel couldn't help but smile at him.
"Yes… I do." He found himself staring at the older Winchester.
"So where to from here?" Sam asked, but Castiel was busy thinking about how dangerous it was to endear himself to Dean, even though he knew it was already too late.
"Cas?" Sam's voice and tone cut through his musings and he turned his head to face him.
"Are you even listening to me?"
"You wish to know where we… go to… from here."
Sam's whole face and demeanor had changed. He wasn't exactly angry, but Castiel could see a coldness in his eyes.
"Well would you quit staring at Dean and let us in on it? That's assuming there is something to go to from here."
Castiel furrowed his brow and took a step closer. "It bothers you that I look at your brother?"
Sam blew out a disbelieving breath. "What? … No!" Sam stammered. "Staring! You were staring that's all."
Castiel could see the smallest tinge of pink in Sam's cheeks.
Dean stood up and moved to the only window in the room. He pulled back the curtain and squinted a little. It was first light and Dean had already made plans for them to continue towards Bobby's in the hope that he was held up there.
Dean started to move toward the small bathroom. "I'm gonna take a leak and then we better get moving. Wanna make Bobby's by sunset."
"You realize that we are very unlikely to find your friend there," Castiel stated fact.
"I know that, Sunshine…" Dean spoke defensively. "… but if Bobby's alive, then we're gonna find him. His place is just a start."
Castiel wanted to state the obvious… If he was alive, he would have answered your many phone calls by now, but something in Dean's eyes stopped him. Dean had a purpose, if only for the moment and Castiel knew the power and the need for hope.
Castiel found it strangely restful in the back seat of the Impala. Dean had his music on loud and beyond the occasional question about directions, the brothers sat in comfortable silence.
He had always learnt via observation and this past year had taught him many things, but what he thought, all that he thought he knew about the Winchesters and their destiny, had gone out the window with Zachariah's betrayal.
His faith had been stretched to the limit, but he'd replaced those wrong beliefs with the love for God's creations and the belief that the first order he was given had been the one true message he should obey.
He and Uriel had no intention of smiting an entire town, but Dean needed to be tested by the higher-ups and so they were told their true orders. They were told they were to follow Dean's orders.
They needed to obey him. That was true then and he believed it was now.
He stared at Dean's eyes in the review mirror. They were fixed straight ahead, except for the occasional glace in Sam's direction, only once using the reflecting glass to look back at him.
While there were going to be some things he would always question, Dean was a good and righteous leader. He had no doubt that his destiny had yet to be fulfilled.
But, this new thing? Castiel had not let himself ponder too much more on it. It was a no win situation and he had all but decided not to mention it. At least not for the moment.
He had to admit, he was confused and angry with himself at not having known this was going on between them, a lot earlier. He couldn't help but go over some of the things he thought may have been a clue, but…
Castiel closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the seat. Sam had been laying with Ruby this past year and he had spent much time with Dean.
He shifted in the seat. Another new emotion he would need to understand and tackle. Frustration.
How did he not know this?
He turned his head to the side and watched the road go by.
Angels did sleep now and then. It was rare, but they did. It was more a letting go of consciousness, really, originally used to meditate and seek guidance; it was something Castiel had not done since Lucifer had risen.
It was even rarer to dream during one of these down times. Castiel had heard it happened, but had not experienced it himself. That was, until now.
He woke with a gasp. The car had already stopped and both Sam and Dean were turned in their seats looking at him.
"Well fancy that…" Dean said with a hint of cynicism and a hint of humor in his tone. "…An angel that talks in his sleep."
Castiel straightened in his seat and swiped back his hair. It had been a while since he'd needed to manually groom himself.
"So are you going to tell us what you were dreaming about?" Sam's voice was unusually low.
"You were speaking in Latin a lot," Dean supplied.
Castiel frowned as he tried to put the fragmented memories of the dream together.
"You were talking to someone named Gabriel," Sam prompted.
Castiel smiled. "Yes… The archangel Gabriel. He… he gave me guidance."
Sam narrowed his eyes at him. "Really?"
Castiel smiled again. "Normally I would seek it, but I have not opened myself up since Lucifer rose. They'd track me instantly."
"So… What does that mean, exactly?"
Castiel looked Sam in the eye. It was as though he didn't want to believe him. "Gabriel wants us to turn back and then head east."
"Yeah, why?" Dean echoed his brother.
"I do not know."
Sam threw his arms in the air and faced forward.
Dean glanced at him and then looked at Castiel. "Are you sure about this?"
"Dean?" Sam warned.
Dean held up a finger at Sam. "Are you?"
"I'm sure that it was the archangel Gabriel and I am sure that I've interpreted his instructions correctly."
"How can you be so sure that it was Gabriel and not just some high level demon playing you?" Sam turned back to face him.
"Because I have met Gabriel before. I know his essence."
Dean drew in a breath and nodded slowly, but Sam still looked skeptical.
"Gabriel is Chuck's archangel," he continued. "He's…" He grinned at Dean. "… one of the good guys."
"Okay then." Dean turned and started the engine. "East it is."
"What about Bobby?"
Castiel could see the sadness in Dean's eyes through the rear view.
"Bobby can take care of himself." He blew out a breath. "We'll catch up with him later." Dean pulled the car out onto the road and did a U-turn.
Castiel smiled inwardly. This was a leap of faith on Dean's behalf and it reassured him. He was sure. Dean was indeed, as it had been foretold, the savior of mankind.
They'd traveled into the night and Castiel only had instinct to go on. "Turn back and head east. There you will find what you seek." That's all Gabriel had said to him by way of direction, even though he really wasn't sure what he sought.
The motel was a decent size, two bedroom place, much more comfortable than they were used to, but since Dean found out that Castiel could produce the paper they called money, things had changed.
They no longer needed to hustle pool or use fake credit cards. They were free to do what they needed, without financial restraints.
It helped with the hiding, too. They were not holding to the Winchester's normal patterns and there were no ATM transactions that could be traced.
It was early evening when they got settled and as expected…
Dean grabbed his coat. "Man I could eat a horse. Let's go."
Castiel blinked at that. "I did not know that horse was a meat consumed by humans."
"It's a saying, Cas." Dean grinned and slapped him on the back.
Sam was already out the door and unlocking the Impala when he walked out.
"Is everything okay with Sam?" he asked as he followed Dean out of the motel room.
Dean looked at him. "Yeah… fine. Why?" His defenses were tweaked.
"He seems…" Castiel struggled for the word. "… agitated."
Dean grinned and seemed relieved. "Yeah, well… that's probably because he's not getting enough."
Dean said it flippantly, but Castiel knew there was an underlying truth to the statement.
"Don't worry about Sam. He's just a bit uptight. I mean… Not every day you break the final seal and set Lucifer free. He just needs some time. He's…"Dean trailed off as they reached the car and looked across the hood at him. "He's gonna be okay."
Castiel could see he was telling himself as well.
This was unlike the normal greasy café they usually ate at and Castiel was quite fascinated at how much Dean appreciated food and that was only the entre'. Without the need to worry over expense, Dean had taken to liking the finer foods in life. Even experimenting now and then. Something Sam was now teasing him unmercifully about.
"Do you have any idea what you just ordered," he asked his brother.
Dean swallowed and then frowned, grabbing the menu in front of him again. He glanced at it and then back at Sam. "What?"
Sam laughed and the smile went all the way to his eyes. Dean glanced back and Castiel did not miss the subtle shift of his leg to lean up against Sam's.
"It's cervelles d'agneau au beurre noir, or brains with black butter, Dean."
"Really?" Dean screeched.
Sam nodded, humor in his grin, but he didn't look away and there was something else in his eyes.
Castiel sighed and he did look away. He wasn't sure if knowing this about the brothers made him now see what was obvious to those who looked, or…
Maybe it was admiration for Dean and his awe for Sam that had blinded him previously. He couldn't help it. It was eating at him. How did he not see? How did the elders not see?
"So I bet you find this all boring?" Sam asked as Dean got up to go and change his order.
Sam watched Dean head towards the kitchen and turned back to him.
"Find what boring?"
"All this food stuff. You don't eat, right?"
Castiel wondered how he knew that, apart from observation, but then he thought about Jimmy.
"No…" he said rather sadly. "Angels don't require that kind of sustenance… Jimmy likes his food, though. I am never in him when he eats, so I have no idea what it is like, but he has communicated that---,"
Sam laughed. "Yeah… I think he even put Dean to shame."
Castiel smiled. Sam was brighter than he'd been in a while.
"Why don't you try it?"
"Yeah." He offered him a chip left over in the basket.
Castiel had to admit he was curious, but… He stared at the potato cut into strips.
"No problem," Dean said, smirk firmly in place. "They've got gourmet burgers here. Can you believe it?" He looked like that was the best thing ever. "Double beef." He sat back down next to Sam.
Sam shook his head and feigned disgust. The balance had returned between them and Sam seemed to have settled.
They had walked to the restaurant and both of them had a lot to drink. There were looks and incidental touches all night and Castiel had no doubt they intended to take it beyond that when they returned to the motel and were alone.
The wind smelled cold, although Castiel could not feel it, but from the way both boys held their jackets tight and wrapped their arms around themselves, he was sure it was freezing.
"Knew we should of brought the car," Dean grumbled as they made their way back. Against the wind and up hill.
"Oh yeah, right. Like you could drive."
Dean frowned at Sam. "What are you talking about? I'm fine."
Sam bumped him off balance with his shoulder. "Come on then, I'll race you."
Dean grinned. "I don't think I'm the one who has had too much to drink, little brother."
"You just know you can out run me because of your freakishly long legs."
"I'll give you a head start."
"What are you, six?"
"Chicken," Sam repeated and then his jaw dropped.
"Fine." Dean knocked Sam hard with his shoulder and then took off running.
"That's cheating." Sam took off after him.
Alcohol? Castiel mused as he watched them disappear into the distance. He 'beamed' back to the motel and sat on the bed. Sure, both of them had consumed decent amounts of liquor, but Castiel knew there was more to their kid like euphoria.
He put his face in his hands. Who was he kidding? The serotonin was powerful and they were acting like teenagers. They had been flirting with each other all evening. It was like they had just met and this was their first taste of…
Castiel let out a long sigh and grinned. He'd figured it out. The reason he had not noticed the intimacy in their relationship earlier.
It was because there was none. It had been clear they were not new lovers, but Castiel surmised that the physical relationship had only been rekindled recently. Rekindled… yes. That made sense. This probably went back to before Sam left for Stanford.
Castiel looked up at the crash of the door opening. Dean came tumbling through with Sam a split second behind. Sam reached him, grabbed him and dragged him to the floor at that exact moment.
They both landed heavily on the floor, laughing, panting and wrestling.
"I won," Dean panted.
"The hell you did," Sam responded, also out of breath. "It's a draw."
Dean's eyes flicked to Castiel and he pushed Sam off of him. "Speaking of cheating…"
Castiel didn't understand the joke, although he knew Dean was making one. "I did not know I was competing."
Both of them got to their feet and Dean moved straight to the bathroom.
"Don't use up all the hot water," Sam instructed.
Sam was flushed, cheeks red, hair tossled. The image of Dean laying naked over his brother flashed into Castiel's mind, unbidden.
He shook his head slightly to clear it. He didn't understand why the image disturbed him more today than it did yesterday.
Sam moved to the kitchen and got himself a drink of water. He took a sip and looked over at him. "Are you bunking here tonight?"
He knew Sam wanted him to say no, so he did. He'd taken to watching over them. So the question wasn't random, but Sam tried to hide his delight, or maybe Castiel was just sensitive to their desires, but there was no doubt they wanted him to make himself scarce.
"Where do you go at night, anyhow?"
Castiel ignored the question. A second later he beamed out and was sitting in the Impala. He'd already taken a long walk yesterday and without a network to return to, Castiel found himself with nowhere to go and too much idle time. Too much time to think about the brothers and their paths. Too much time to think about Dean, the savior of man, lying naked on top of his brother.
Castiel sighed. Could this thing between them change their destiny? Is that why this was starting to gnaw at him?
Time was not significant to angels, so Castiel had no real concept of how long he was sitting in the driver's seat, staring out the window and thinking about them, doing whatever it was they were doing inside.
Whatever they were doing? Castiel laughed to himself. He knew and there was no denying it.
Everything had changed so much for him since he sided with Dean against Zachariah. With no one else to turn to, he found himself thinking more and more about Dean, this relationship and his destiny.
He thought about the fact that they were brothers… Adam and Eve were of the same father and that made them siblings. Their children had children and so the story is told of the human race. Brothers and sisters populated God's world and that was a fact.
Incest, Castiel could justify in his mind, but sodomy was clearly outlawed by his father.
Maybe… maybe they did not go that far? Maybe their release was in other ways. After all, he had not actually seen them do that, so…
Castiel took in a deep breath. He knew he was fighting with himself. These areas were gray and the black and white of them were doing his head in.
Quickly, almost on impulse, Castiel was standing back in the cabin. He was alone in the living area. There was a squeak of the bed in the next room and he walked slowly towards the door.
It wasn't fully closed and Castiel could see the bed from where he stood. The blankets covered them both and Sam was laying in the crook of Dean's arm.
They both looked sweaty and tired, but the smell of semen and serotonin mingled in the air. He'd been too late. If he was just to glimpse… He was sure that would help him decide what to do.
Sam turned his head up to look at Dean. "I never thought…" He trailed off, but there was that silent communication again.
Dean smiled and brushed the hair from Sam's face. "Yeah… Me either."
Sam moved to sit up on his elbow and started to kiss along Dean's jaw line. Dean responded by tilting his head up to allow access.
It wasn't long before Sam was straddling Dean's legs, kissing his neck and licking the shell of his ear.
"Ah, Sammy," Dean moaned and shifted his position. "God…"
Sam kissed down his body, moving and settling between Dean's legs.
There they were again. Talking, communicating with their eyes, silently and Castiel felt… He closed his eyes for a second. He had no idea what to call these feelings, but they made him uncomfortable.
Sam was sucking his brother when he turned back and Castiel took in a shuddering breath. His… no… Jimmy's male organ responded slightly. He couldn't lie. There was a spit second where he wished he was the one with his mouth around Dean.
The thought freaked him out and he moved away from the door. What was going on with him?
He couldn't see, but he could still hear.
"Where'd you put the lube?"
There was the sound of the bed springs and then the sound of a squelch. Castiel couldn't help it, he moved back to the door.
Sam was putting the clear liquid over himself and Dean spread his legs wider, lifting them to rest on Sam's shoulders.
Sam put the tube of lube beside the bed and then moved in to rest the head of his manhood against Dean's entrance.
Sodomy… There was the proof.
He could walk away now, he knew that, but he couldn't take his eyes off of Dean's face as Sam pushed himself inside his brother.
It was a mixture of agony and ecstasy and Castiel took a small step inside the door. He watched as Dean gasped and rode the pain out by scrunching his eyes.
Sam stilled. "Okay?"
Dean looked up at him with a strained face. "Move, Sammy… Just keep moving."
Sam started to push in and edge out slowly, never looking away from his brother's face.
Dean returned the gaze as slow rocking got deeper and the lines from Dean's face reduced.
Sam was setting the pace which was starting to speed up.
Dean's face was fully relaxed now as he joined in the humping and grunting. They clawed and each other and Sam almost had to double over to kiss Dean.
Dean made a sound in the back of his throat and Castiel could see how hard he was.
"Sammy…" Dean said his name like it was the most important thing in the world. The look on his face, told Castiel it was.
This train wreck that he couldn't look away from heated up and then Sam was spilling his seed inside of his brother.
Sam put his hand between them and slowly wrapped it around Dean's length. Dean pumped into Sam's hand as hot white come spilt over Sam's arm and wrist.
A moment of silence and then Sam pulled out slowly. He rolled over onto his side facing away from Dean.
Dean scooted down in the bed and turned towards him, resting on his elbow. It was obvious he was concerned. "Hey… What… no after sex cuddle? Something wrong?"
Sam moved back slightly without saying anything and Dean touched him on the shoulder. "Sam?"
Sam shrugged. "Just tired, Dean."
"Don't believe you."
There was another moment of silence and then Dean settled down in the bed to hug Sam's back. "No more secrets, remember," he said quietly.
Sam curled his knees up towards himself and Dean moved in to spoon him.
"Want this. Scares me how much I need it." Sam's voice was barely audible.
Dean closed his eyes. "You've got it, Sammy. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."
"But what if…"
Sam shrugged. "Never mind."
"What if…" Sam turned over to face him. "I guess I worry that there's gonna be…" He shrugged again. "… someone else."
Dean laughed and sat up on his elbow again. "Dude, the apocalypse is upon us. I'm hardly gonna go out and get myself a girlfriend now am I?"
"Castiel has feelings for you."
Castiel blinked. How could Sam possibly know that?
"What?" Dean looked at Sam. "You're crazy."
"I see it in the way he looks at you."
Dean shook his head. The flash of annoyance in his eyes dimmed when Sam added, "It's the same way I look at you."
"Sam, in case you've forgotten, Castiel happens to be an angel."
"Anna was an angel."
Dean opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. "Okay, well…" Dean let out a frustrated breath. "He's a guy."
"So am I."
"Yeah, but I love y--" Dean stopped suddenly and his cheeks turned a soft shade of pink.
Sam smiled. "Me too."
Dean looked seriously at Sam and sighed. "It's always been you, Sammy. Don't you know that? Will it make you happy if I tell you that…" He hesitated.
"Tell me what?"
"I need this as much as you do, Sam. I want it, too."
Dean smiled down at him. "Yeah, Sammy. Really." A second passed and Dean leaned down and kissed Sam on the lips. "Now turn over and get some sleep. Big day tomorrow."
Sam turned over and Dean moved in to fit his form.
Castiel frowned. He had no idea who Johnboy was or why Dean would call Sam that, but he watched as Sam sank into slumber.
Only a fraction inside of the door he expected Dean to be asleep, too. He gasped when Dean threw the covers off of himself and rolled towards him.
Dean stopped mid-movement and his eyes met Castiel's instantly. His face changed, but the look was not defensive, guilty or even angry. Dean glanced at Sam and then stared back at him. His face was protective as he locked eyes with the angel.
"You really gotta stop watching me sleep, Castiel. It's downright creepy," he said as he sat up on the bed.
"You were not sleeping."
Okay, so now Dean's face was defensive, guilty and angry. He stood from the bed and moved out of the bedroom.
Castiel followed him into the kitchen and stopped suddenly when Dean turned to face him.
"So you've been spying on us, huh?" There was an edge in his tone and he shoved Castiel with the palm of his hand. "That how you get your kicks, Cas? Watching other people?"
Castiel turned his head to look away. "You have to know this is wrong."
Dean stared at him for a moment before answering. "I know no such thing. What's wrong with this picture is you standing there being self righteous and yet still watching us like some sort of sick voyeur."
"Incest and sodomy. You know---,"
"It's none of your goddamned business!"Dean was toe to toe with him. His voice was low and deep with menace. "And I'm warning you, Cas. If you do anything… Say anything…"
"This may change what is meant to happen," Castiel stated his one true concern.
"What do you mean?"
"Last week, you would have answered differently."
Dean frowned and shook his head. "What the fuck are you talking about, Cas?"
"If…" He looked directly into Dean's eyes. "When it comes time to stop Lucifer. If it came down to finishing the job, or Sam's life. Would you be able---,"
"Whoa there!" Dean's voice rose for the first time. He was in his face, his tone and body language threatening. "Is there something you're not telling me? Did Gabriel tell you something you've forgotten to share?"
Castiel felt himself flinch and it took him by surprise. It wasn't as if Dean could hurt him. Not physically at least.
"Well? Is Sam in some sort of danger? Is he heading dark-side again? What?"
Dean had moved straight into big brother mode and to all that knew him, that answered Castiel's question. Save the world or save Sam?
"It's true, Dean and you know it. Last week you would have saved the world. Now… with this between you…"
Dean looked like he wanted to spit at him, but his eyes betrayed a hint of doubt. "You're wrong. It's always been between us and I'm not about to start apologizing for it now."
"Yes! We started to sleep together on Sam's 16th birthday, okay? And it seems to me that God already knew about that when he picked me to be the one."
Castiel lowered his eyes and thought about that for a second. Dean was right. His father knew all his children. Even if the elders did not know, his father would. He hadn't really thought about that.
It should have eased the uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach. Who was he to doubt The Father? Instead though, the feeling changed a little and twisted sideways, taking on a new direction.
"You're right," he said simply.
"Damn straight." Dean glared at him. "And don't you go laying that kind of guilt trip on Sam either. If you can't live with it, then you know what you can do."
Leave. Castiel felt like someone had sucker punched him. He stared back at Dean and nodded as he realized something significant. He didn't want to leave, even if he did have a choice, but he still couldn't put a word to the feeling he was experiencing.
"You know," Dean said as he paced away and then turned back to face him. His face was no longer harsh, but his eyes held suspicion. "Sam says you've got feelings for me. Is he right?" Dean looked him straight in the eyes. "Are you jealous? Is that what's going on here?"
Castiel's eyes widened. He said it. The word that Castiel's mind couldn't find or simply didn't want to know. Castiel was jealous.
Dean looked at him confused for a second and then moved towards the door. "Don't answer that. I don't want to know."
"What don't you want to know?" Sam asked sleepily from the doorway.
Dean moved to be in front of his brother. "He knows." He gestured towards Castiel.
Sam frowned and shook his head. "Knows what?"
Dean reached out and splayed his hand at the back of Sam's head. He pulled him down into a brief, but passionate kiss. "That," he said as the kiss broke and he shifted past Sam. "It's the middle of the night. I'm going back to bed. No more bullshit. Come back to bed, Sam."
Sam was suddenly wide awake. His eyes were wide as he looked from Dean back to Castiel.
Sam's cheeks were bright red, but his eyes held an element of defiance and a hint of fear. "And… and you're okay with that?"
Castiel wasn't good with lies, so he didn't. "No, but your brother made it clear I have to make a choice. Accept or leave."
Sam's face softened a little. "And you've chosen to…?"
Castiel smiled a little. His job was to look after them and that was what he needed to focus on.
"Stay, Sammy." He said it softly. "If it's alright with you, I'm gonna stay."
Castiel waited for Sam to rip him a new one for using Dean's pet name, but all Sam did was grin.
For the first time in a long time, Castiel had a sense of belonging.
AN: If you take the slash out… Could this be what Castiel has to look forward to in season 5? *sad face*
Hope you enjoyed. *hugs* Z. xx