Disclaimer: Nothings mine, just the naughty humour.

A/N: Thanks for your reviews. This chapter was so much fun to write, you'll see why. Thanks to my beta everg8er23 who did a great job on this as always.

On with the chapter, enjoy!


Chapter 06

Miko Kusanagi was a very happy little scientist as she approached Rodney McKay's quarters. She almost felt like whistling a little song and she would have done just that if she'd ever mastered that skill. For a moment she wondered if Dr. McKay would teach her – the sharp whistles he used to gain someone's attention were truly impressive – but discarded that idea almost immediately.

Dr. Rodney McKay was too busy and important to teach her something as mundane as that. Miko knew that, since she spent most of her time watching him work. It always amazed her to see that brilliant man on the job and she felt she could only bow before his incredible mind and keen wit. The Japanese woman was aware of the fact that most of her colleagues didn't share her admiration for their superior, but she really couldn't care less. It was their fault for not recognizing a genius when they saw one and it always amused her when Dr. McKay saved them from certain doom yet again and she got to see the grudging respect in their eyes.

Rodney McKay was a man that deserved all the respect in the world and she had never felt anything more than respect for him.

Oh well, maybe she also had a teeny, tiny crush on the Canadian.

'But how could I not' she thought as she finally reached her destination. 'That man is brilliant and funny and he's courageous. And let's face it, he's pretty easy on the eyes as well...'

Miko felt her face grow hot and decided to wait a few seconds before she knocked on McKay's door. No need to embarrass herself more than she already did on a daily basis.

She clutched the data-pads tightly to her chest and took at least a dozen deep breaths to calm her wildly beating heart. When Dr. McKay had radioed her and asked her to bring him some of his projects to his quarters she had been elated. This would be the first time she got to see his quarters, the place where he slept when he wasn't pulling an all-nighter in the labs. The thought excited her, although it made her feel like a teenager.

But despite all that she was also quite concerned for her boss. He'd told her that he wouldn't come to the labs today because he wasn't feeling well. Miko thought that that was pretty unusual for the workaholic and figured that it had to be something pretty serious. The last few days had been stressful for everyone, but especially McKay seemed to be more tired and irritable than usual. Miko hadn't missed how the rest of Team Sheppard had hovered over the scientist almost constantly with worried eyes.

Her insides knotted at the thought that her beloved Dr. McKay could be seriously ill. She would have loved nothing more than to ask, but she knew that she didn't have the right to do that. Despite her efforts, Dr. McKay didn't consider her a good friend yet and therefore wouldn't confide in her.

The young scientist took another deep breath and decided that she had stalled long enough and lifted her free hand to knock. Before her knuckles touched the door though, she suddenly heard raised voices through the thick wall. One of them belonged to McKay, she knew that, but the other was a little bit harder to place. It took Miko a few moments to realize that it was John Sheppard she was hearing and she couldn't quite hide the little frown that crossed her face at that.

Miko liked the Colonel, he was always nice to her and had a smile for everyone, but she had kind of hoped to have a chance to be alone with Dr. McKay. It wasn't the first time that Colonel Sheppard's presence had been a thorn in her side and while the woman felt bad for the pang of jealousy, she couldn't help but wish the man wouldn't be around Rodney all the time.

Later, much later, she still wouldn't know what possessed her, but instead of knocking, Miko Kusanagi lowered her hand and ever so slightly pressed her ear to the door.

'What are you doing?' a part, the shy and insecure part of her, screeched. But another part of her, a part she didn't even know existed until then, answered calmly 'I'm eavesdropping, that's what I'm doing.'

And later, much later, she would wish that she hadn't.

"Come on Rodney." she heard Sheppard say. "Don't be such a stubborn ass. It's a perfectly fine option."

"Forget it! Forgetitforgetitforgetit!" McKay sounded positively livid and not sick at all. That calmed Miko, but it also confused her. "I will not let you do that to me. There's a better chance that Kavanaugh wins the Nobel Prize than me letting you do that. Forget it."

"What is your problem? I really think that it could help with our little... situation-"

"My problem? You're really not seeing the problem here? Did all that hair mousse seep into your brain after all? I will tell you one last time, so listen well. I will NOT let you HANDCUFF me to the BED!"

Miko felt like fainting and almost dropped the data-pads. Colonel Sheppard wanted to handcuff Dr. McKay to the bed? Why? How?

She held her breath and listened to the rest of the conversation in a daze. Not even a Wraith siege would have been able to get her away from that door now.

"But Rodney, we can't go on like this. We need to try something new. The old and traditional methods obviously don't work for you. And besides, it's not like it would be the first time for you to be tied up, right?"

"That's really not the point here. And the other things we tried were harmless compared to this. How the hell did you come up with that idea anyway?"

"I talked to Colonel Pierson. He and his wife had the same problem. He told me that after they tried the handcuffs everything got better. It really did improve their sleeping habits."

"Oh my god, I can't believe you told someone about that. Is nothing sacred anymore?"

"I didn't tell him your name, buddy. But think about it; with the handcuffs you wouldn't be able to move so much and it would make things so much easier. I wouldn't have to work quite that hard either."

"Oh, so now I'm too much work for you, huh? Then why don't you just get lost? I'm sure Carson would be equally eager to spend the night with me. He already offered his services, you know?"

Miko was hyperventilating by then. She felt dizzy and could almost feel the blood rushing to her head. Pictures assaulted her mind; pictures of Dr. McKay lying on the bed with handcuffs around his wrists and Colonel Sheppard leaning over him 'doing all the hard work' and 'offering his services'.

'Nononononono! Delete! Delete!' her mind screamed but instead they got more vivid and more detailed. And to her horror she realized that they weren't as repulsive to her as she thought they would be.

She stumbled backwards when she was hit by her own fantasies and the arousal they caused.

And it was a good thing she had, because not a second later the door swished open to reveal an angry looking Rodney who was trying to escape the grip of John Sheppard's hand around his arm.

"Let go!"

"No, not until you promise me that we will at least try it. We can use my handcuffs. Only I have the keys to them."

Miko couldn't suppress the groan that escaped her lips and she wished desperately that the ground would open up and shallow her whole when the sound alerted the two men in the doorway.

Rodney blushed and was finally able to yank his arm out of Sheppard's grip. The Colonel just raised one of his eyebrows and watched her over the scientist's head.

"Ah, Dr. Kusanagi." Rodney said and cleared his throat. "Did you bring what I asked for?"

Miko could only stare at the two men, her breathing still accelerated. Never in her life would she have thought that those two ...they were so different and... and...

"Dr. Kusanagi?" McKay asked and there was an ounce of impatience in his voice now. "The data-pads?"

She tore her gaze from her boss and briefly locked eyes with Sheppard. The Colonel wore that little half smile and that suddenly seemed to have lots of other meanings too.

"Yes, if you would excuse us Doctor. Rodney and I, we have something to, well, discuss."

And, oh god, but had he just winked at her?

Miko knew she had to get out of here or she would do or say something she would regret for the rest of her life. She stumbled a few steps back and would have almost turned and run if she hadn't remembered the data-pads in her arms.

"Ah, uhm, ye- yes Dr. McKay." she stuttered and shoved them into Rodney's arms with so much force that the man stumbled back right into Sheppard's chest. An embarrassing high squeak escaped her as she was assaulted by more naughty thoughts.

Not giving either man the chance to ask her if she was okay, Miko bolted and ran back to her quarters. She was expected in the labs, but there was no way she was leaving the safe haven of her four walls anytime soon. The rest of the day would be spent under the bedcover where she would try to forget this day ever happened.

She had to get those thoughts, those images out of her head. They were driving her crazy and she was positive that she would never be able to see the two men the way she did before. Right now Miko felt only a little pang of regret that she'd lost Rodney McKay before she'd even had him. Right now her own fantasy bothered her even more – leaving no room to think about anything else, really.

She had to get rid of them, fast. Suddenly the young Japanese woman had an idea. Her mother had once told her that it helped to write down whatever was bothering you. 'That's the reason why so many people keep a diary.' she'd always said.

Miko all but fell through the door and stormed to her desk. She quickly booted her laptop up and created a new file. After a moments thought, she decided to call it 'McShep' and set to work.

She promised herself that no one would ever read this. But then again, Dr. Karen always appreciated a good story... (1)


Rodney stared after the woman with an expression that fluctuated between exasperation and worry.

"What is going on with her? She was really red in the face. Maybe she's got a fever?"

Sheppard tried hard to suppress his laughter. He was pretty sure what was going on with the timid woman, but it would be funnier if Rodney realized it himself. Well, in case he ever did, which John actually doubted. The man hadn't even realized that the Japanese woman was madly in love with him although that was really hard to miss.

If anyone else had eavesdropped on them, he might have followed them and cleared up the misunderstanding. But Miko was harmless, she wouldn't spread rumors.

At least he hoped she wouldn't.

He thought about going after her after all, but Rodney was already rounding on him again.

"I can't believe you would even suggest something like that, you know. I mean, just because you're at your wits end, doesn't mean that I will spend the rest of my life sleeping with handcuffs."

Sheppard did a double take, Miko already forgotten. He liked McKay, he really did, but sometimes the man really was a piece of work. "I'm at my wits end? Excuse me, but did you actually have a decent idea since this whole mess started? I don't have to give up my sleep just because you are sleepwalking, you know?"

The moment the words left his mouth and he saw the hurt flash through McKay's eyes he knew that he should have kept his mouth shut. Okay, so they were all pretty exhausted but it wasn't like Rodney did it on purpose.

Last night had scared John more than he wanted to admit and a scared John was an irritated John who didn't know when to shut up. He needed to lash out at someone to get all that pent up energy out of his system, but that shouldn't be Rodney, especially not Rodney. The poor guy had turned as pale as a ghost when John had told him about his little adventure last night.

If he had his way, he wouldn't have told McKay anything about that, but it had soon become apparent that Rodney wasn't taking the situation seriously anymore. Because they hadn't told him about his encounter with Ronon, the scientist thought that he'd stopped sleepwalking, or that he'd at least stopped leaving the room. When Sheppard had suggested that Rodney should sleep a few days in the infirmary where he would be under observation, the Canadian had laughed about the joke that wasn't one and shrugged it off, saying he was fine. John had stuck to his guns, however, but Rodney had been the stubborn ass he always was and just before their conversation could turn into a full blown fight, John had spilled the beans. He'd told Rodney how he'd found him balancing on the balustrade and how the man had almost plunged to his early death. He'd told him everything; all the gut wrenching details that he was sure would haunt his nightmares for a long time. Everything, just so Rodney would understand how serious this was.

Rodney had understood. He'd understood so well, in fact, that he'd almost lost his breakfast. Sheppard had wanted to shock him and he'd succeeded, but the man still wouldn't sleep in the infirmary. Getting desperate, John had blurted something about handcuffs, which did nothing but send them into another heated argument.

And it wasn't over yet.

Rodney crossed his arms and glared at Sheppard. Everyone else might have missed the still lingering hurt in his eyes, but his best friend didn't. And suddenly John was just tired.

"Listen Rodney, I'm sorry alright? But it can't go on like this. Imagine what would have happened if I'd come just a few minutes later?" Rodney's eyebrow twitched and John pushed a bit harder. He had to get Rodney to agree to this, no matter what. "You would have died, that's what would have happened. And although you are annoying as hell most of the time, we really don't want to see that happen. We are really worried about you. Teyla especially."

Rodney had already opened his mouth to shout an indignant "Hey!" but at Sheppard's last words he snapped it shut and gave him a confused look.

"Teyla?"

Sheppard nodded. "She's blaming herself you know."

Rodney's eyebrows disappeared under his hairline and his blue eyes grew impossibly wide. "What? Why would she do that? That's crazy!"

John could only agree with that, but then again, he had never really understood women all that well. All he knew was that when he'd told Teyla and Ronon what had happened, the Athosian had gotten really pale and shaky, muttering that it was her fault and what a horrible friend she was.

"She thinks that her lesson about meditation influenced you. She says that, if she'd never told you about that, you would have never tried to send your soul soaring in the middle of the night at a height of 2000 feet."

The scientist blinked a few times before he turned around and walked down the corridor. John was taken aback by the abrupt turn of events and just stood there for a while before he decided that he should probably follow his friend. He caught up just in time to hear the last words of a monolog.

"-believe it. How ridiculous. Stupid, emotional woman. As if I'd ever really listened to that meditation rubbish she was talking about."

The Colonel hid a small smile when he realized that Rodney was on a mission. The 'Teyla is an idiot for thinking this is her fault and I'm going to tell her that, long and loud' mission. He already knew it of course, but despite himself it always surprised him anew to see that compassionate and caring side of Rodney.

Nonetheless he grabbed Rodney's arm and effectively stopped the man in his tracks.

The scientist turned to him with an exaggerated sigh, not even trying to free his captured limb. "What now, Colonel?"

"You know, Teyla was really upset."

"I know." Rodney punctuated each word, as if he was talking to a particularly slow child. "And as soon as you let go of me I'll fix that."

Sheppard didn't let go. Instead he said, "It was Teyla's idea that you should sleep in the infirmary for a while." That was a total lie of course, but Rodney didn't know that.

"And?" John didn't think anyone could manage to sound more wary than Rodney did right now.

"Well, instead of screaming at her, you could just do as she suggested, show her that you still trust her judgment." The Canadian didn't look anywhere near convinced so John added. "You know how Teyla is. She'll keep blaming herself, even if you tell her it isn't her fault. But when you do this she'll feel better, knowing that you're safe and everything. Don't you want to make her feel better Rodney? After everything she did to help you?"

John knew that he was playing the biggest guilt card that had ever been manufactured and by the look of utter disgust on Rodney's face the scientist knew it as well.

Oh well, he told himself. Sometimes the end justifies the means.


Especially if it works, he added a few hours later when Rodney grudgingly slipped into one of the beds in the infirmary.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." McKay muttered while he adjusted the blanket. He sounded just as unhappy as he looked and John almost felt pity for the man.

Carson rolled his eyes for like the fifth time since Rodney had been dragged into the infirmary by his teammates. "Oh shut yer trap, Rodney. I'm the one who needs to watch ye snore the entire night. I still don't understand why it has to be me, by the way."

Rodney shot a look at a nurse that was standing on the other side of the room. "I don't trust those harpies. I'd rather have you make sure that I don't take a nose dive from the balcony."

Sheppard counted eye-roll number six, but the little pleased smile belied the doctor's apparent aggravation. "Whatever lad."

Teyla leaned over Rodney and put a hesitant hand on his shoulder. Even though Rodney had given in and agreed to the infirmary plan, he hadn't resisted the urge to give the woman the rant of her life. After five minutes of being told how wrong and stupid she was to believe that any of this was her fault, Teyla seemed to have accepted that no one blamed her, least of all Rodney, but she was still pretty tense in Rodney's presence.

"Thank you Rodney for agreeing to do this. I will feel better knowing that Dr. Beckett is near to watch you."

Rodney couldn't help but smile back at her and she drew him into an awkward hug. After a second of indecision he tentatively hugged her back and Sheppard saw the last tension leave her shoulders. With that a heavy weight lifted off his chest as well and he had to smile a little.

Ronon broke the silence with a lazy drawl.

"Yeah, never thought you would agree to Sheppard's plan."

Surprisingly enough, Rodney didn't break the hug, but he shot a look of pure hatred over Teyla's shoulder, mouthing words that Sheppard had no problem identifying.

'I will kill you.'

He sighed.

It was going to be a long night.

TBC


(1) And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the moment Atlantis discovered Slash. *snicker* No worries though, this story will continue to be strictly Gen till the end. I just really couldn't resist. I had this scene written in my head even before I started writing this story.

Sooo, what adventures should Rodney and Carson have? Any ideas? Then tell me.

Until next time!