Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight, Kings of Leon own Be Somebody(the song), I own a twisted sense of humor.
I gripped the sink basin tighter as I stared into my bathroom mirror. Very few people would ever recognize the signs of agitation and frustration on my face. Most people would just notice the hooded eyes and slight smirk that always seemed to grace the face of Jasper Whitlock, King of Cool. However, if those same people could see my white knuckles straining on my porcelain sink, they might realize I was a bit distracted.
I almost laughed. Maybe they wouldn't even notice then. I had just spent two hours at the Student Government Association with people who were supposedly the brightest kids on campus, and not a single one had realized that Mr. President's cheeks were slightly redder, his pupils somewhat constricted, his constant smirk tighter lipped, and his teeth showing. They all just smiled, nodded, and cajoled, like puppets; stupid, brainless puppets who had no idea that all I wanted to do was stand up and scream at them all to go to hell.
I released my grip and cupped more of the icy water in my palms as I lowered my head to my hands. I had to think. I had to plan. God, I had to get out of here in case She actually showed up.
I looked back down to my hands and my eye travelled up to my shirt clad forearms. I needed to see them, my constant reminders of what I was and why I could never be good enough; not enough to save my parents, not enough to rescue Her. I usually kept them so carefully concealed, wearing my long sleeved dress shirts even in the summer when it gets up to a hundred and four degrees here in Houston.
In a moment I had the cuffs unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. There, my shame, my scars from a battle I hadn't even fought stood out as proof that the only thing I was good at was running. Other people who had seen them assumed I had been attacked by an animal of some kind. I didn't correct them but I would change the subject quickly before they could ask if there were any more. Even I couldn't look at the other scars, further evidence that I had no right to be alive right now.
What was I thinking last night, daring Her to come here? Okay, I knew what I was thinking. I was thinking that she looked so damn good in her orange silk dress, the black lace at the hem skimming her pale thighs, that when she swayed and spun to the low, throbbing beats of the music pulsing through the bar, all I had wanted to do was rip that dress off of her and pin her to the wall like a butterfly mounted to a board. I would be the lance that finally stopped her flitting about. In my imagination her legs would move softly around me, like wings flapping slowly for the last time ever.
She had been taunting me for too many years. I had told her no once, even before I knew what a piece of shit I really am, but she's never given up on me. Her eyes burned with the same desire I felt racing through me, singeing my insides and making me weak.
I was like a man entranced last night as I made my way to her, sidling up behind her and grasping her tiny hip bones with my long fingers, feeling the silk slide around her as she moved sinuously. When I felt her thong through the thin fabric I made sure to keep some distance between us so she wouldn't feel my obvious erection, but damn if that taut rear didn't arch backward towards me.
I spun her around. I didn't care anymore if she knew. In fact, maybe if she did know she would finally be properly disgusted and would leave me be. I was so tired of playing this game with her. It needed to end, one way or the other, before I exploded. I pulled her to me and pressed her small frame against me, letting her feel my arousal. Instead of pushing away like I expected her to, her eyes darkened in lust, and she reached her arms up to wrap around my neck, little ivy tendrils keeping me in place. This caused her breasts to press more firmly against me, and I could tell that not only was she not wearing a bra, but her nipples were firm with excitement.
I released the groan now that had echoed through my head last night. I had wanted so badly then to kiss her, but instead I had lowered my lips to her delicate ear. "What exactly are you trying to do to me, Little Bit?"
She laughed, breathlessly, and whispered back "Whatever you want me to do, Cowboy."
I was glad she couldn't see my face at that moment because I am sure I looked as if I were being tortured. "What I want you to do wouldn't be appropriate for a dance floor, or any public place for that matter. I'm also fairly certain your over-protective big brother would be put out with me if I slung you over my shoulder and took you out of here to have my way with you."
Her sharp little teeth nibbled on my ear and she sighed; I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes. "Edward's on his cell with Bella. He wouldn't notice if I stripped you down and jumped your bones against the wall right in front of him."
The imagery reminded me so much of my earlier fantasy that my eyes popped open and I leaned back to look in her eyes, but I stayed close enough that only she could hear me. "He won't stay on the phone forever, and then he would notice if I were stripped down… or if I took you away. Then I'm pretty sure he'd kill me."
Her eyes twinkled and she gently pulled me back down to her so that her lips grazed my cheek as she spoke. "Well, since we can't have that, maybe we should meet up again at a later date, without Edward."
I chuckled bitterly, knowing she was serious, but certain it could never be that simple for us. I wanted to frighten her a little, even while I wished we could just go on a regular date like two normal, non-fucked-up people. "Sure, Little Bit. Why don't you show up at my place at seven tomorrow night? Wear something easy to remove."
This time she was the one to lean back. She had entwined her fingers through the curls on the back of my head at some point, and when she pulled me upright with them there was some pain that felt oh so nice. I winced and smirked at the same time, sure she was pissed.
When I looked down into her storm-gray eyes though, I didn't see anger at all, just contemplation. Her head was tilted at an angle I recalled from when we were children together. When I would tease her, or try to trick her, thinking I was so much smarter just because I was two years older than her, she would tilt her head, trying to figure out what I was up to, and what my next move was. Somehow, she almost always knew what I was going to do, sometimes even before I did.
"Alright," she breathed, inches from my face. Then she lifted onto her toes and pressed her lips firmly to mine. Before the shock could wear off enough for me to respond she had moved away from me, spun around and headed back to the bar to her brother, hips swaying deliciously thanks to her stiletto boots.
I was left standing on the dance floor, gazing after her like I'd been pistol-whipped. I walked to the coat rack by the bar's door and grabbed my pea jacket, which I promptly buttoned up to hide my raging erection. I turned and saluted to Edward who vaguely waved back before I pressed through the door and out into the cold February night.
Now I looked at the clock; she wouldn't be here for another hour, if she was even really coming at all. I had plenty of time to make an escape. I grabbed my coat. I knew plenty of guys who would come out to a bar just to have a good time especially knowing I would be the designated driver. They wouldn't even bother to wonder why I had called them up when I didn't drink myself, they would just be grateful. This of course meant that Edward and Emmett would both be out, they would immediately know that something was going on with me and try to talk it out, those emo bitches, but there were others I could count on: Demetri, Alec, or that ox, Felix…
There was a knock at my door. I looked at the clock again; ten past six. There was no fucking way. It had to be someone else. Most people wouldn't drop by unannounced, knowing I hate surprises, but it could be Maria. I glanced around to see if she'd left anything here during her last visit. Nope, not that I could see, but maybe she just wanted to beg me to allow her back in my bed.
Whoever it was, I was either going to tell them to get lost, or drag them to the bar with me, so I might as well get on with it before it got any closer to seven.
I shrugged into my coat and was buttoning it as I opened the door. One of the buttonholes was unraveling and I was having trouble pushing the button through. "Goddamnit. What do you want?" I asked without even bothering to look at my visitor. When I didn't get an answer I gave up on the button and looked up.
Her gaze ripped through me like a bullet. Her held was tilted to the side again, scrutinizing me as she stepped across the threshold. She took another step towards me and I retreated a step, giving her ground and releasing my hold on the door. She took more of my space and pushed the door closed behind her. She dropped her gaze from mine as she leaned back against it. I heard the tumblers of the lock turn in her swift little fingers.
Now that my eyes weren't captured by hers I dropped them to her ensemble. She was wearing the same black leather stiletto boots she wore the previous night with a grey silk trench coat that matched her eyes, tied at the waist. If I were a betting man I'd place money that she wasn't wearing much beneath it. Her hands came up to untie her belt, the French manicured fingertips making quick work of the knot. The coat slid off her shoulders and I held my breath. The room was silent but for the sound of slithering silk as it pooled at her feet. If I had bet, I would have lost. She wasn't wearing a damn thing under that coat.
My breath came out in a whoosh as I lapped up the sight of her petite figure, coveting every inch of her, from her fragile collar bone to the swell of her calf, lean with a dancer's muscles, to the perfectly trimmed mound at the juncture of her thighs.
"Alice," I breathed in awe as I reached out a finger to trace her shoulder. I hadn't even been able to think her name in years, but now it left my mouth like a prayer I could never forget. Her eyes lifted shyly and the look of simple happiness she gave me stopped me cold.
What was I doing? There were girls like Maria who were already damaged, broken inside, and who continued to hurtle themselves against solid walls just to be able to feel something. I didn't mind using those girls so much because they were just using me too, and didn't try to hide it. We could hurt each other, sully each other, and each walk off no better or worse than we had started out.
Alice thought she was broken like me. She thought she was dirty and worthless, but I knew different. She was beautiful and flawless, a sparkling jet diamond, just quirky enough not to be boring. She just needed someone to make her shine. I would just coat her in my filth if I came near her.
"Alice," I sighed resolutely. The smile slid off her face like rain down a window. She took in my resolute expression and her arms came up to wrap around her thin frame. She didn't seem to be trying to cover herself, exactly, but it was almost as if she were hugging herself. Her gray eyes filled with unshed tears.
"Don't do this to me Jazz," she whispered feverishly. "Guess what? I knew, I absolutely knew that if I came here at seven today you would be long gone. I showed up early so that you couldn't get out of this, and I'm not going to let you go now."
I looked at the girl in front of me, with her spiky pixie hair cut and her knee high boots, embracing herself and on the verge of tears, and I knew I couldn't say no to her again, even if it was for the best. I did think, however, that I might be able to talk her out of this. Telling her about myself, about my unworthiness, how I'm nobody, would just make her want me more. Trust me, it's gotten me laid with ladies who had no intention of giving it up until I laid bare my soul. On the other hand, if I told her the truth about herself, revealed that I knew her true motivation, she would most likely leave.
"Al, baby, I know why you're doing this and it wouldn't be right for me to go through with it. I would be taking advantage of you, even if you think it's what you want."
Her eyes dropped from mine and she lowered her head. Facing the floor her voice sounded raspy as she responded. "I don't know what you're talking about."
I removed my coat again as I went to sit on the end of my bed. I put my head in my hands and pulled at my hair to soothe myself. If I told her what I knew about her I would be betraying Edward's confidence. He had only told me because he needed someone "out of the picture" to talk to. At the time I had almost felt hurt at the implication that it was okay to talk to me because Alice didn't matter to me. He would never know how much she meant. If I told her the truth now, it would make me a complete tool.
I grunted in frustration. I'm already a complete tool. What difference does it make? I took my hands from my hair and gripped my comforter tightly, bunching the white cotton in my hand. I needed to occupy my hands so I didn't reach across the short distance to her and pull her over to the bed.
"I know about your nightmares, about the man who stalked you. Edward told me how you saw the man attacking you in your dreams, even before you were aware of him in real life." I paused for a moment, knowing that this next part was the kicker. "He also told me that you haven't dated since. That you cringe when most men look at you." I watched her beneath my slit eyelids.
Her head jerked up to look at me. Her hands lowered to her sides, clenched in fists. Her pixie face scrunched in anger. "He had no right to say anything to you. Was he trying to scare you off? It's not even true. He doesn't know everything about me."
I ignored her and continued. "You think I would be the perfect guy to try to get back in the game with. I'm safe to you and you're sure if… no, when it gets to be too much you think I'll stop." Her face turned contemplative. "You're wrong, Alice. I'm not that man. I'm not safe. I won't stop, and when all is said and done, I won't be the only one in this room who hates me, Little Bit."
She didn't say anything for a moment but then surprised me with a tart laugh. "Oh, Jasper, ever the dashing knight in tarnished armor. I don't need saving today, Cowboy," she mocked. Her hands went to her hips and she slowly closed the distance between us. I was hypnotized as I watched her legs sway. They should be registered as lethal weapons.
When she reached me, she placed her boot clad legs between my knees and bent over, causing me to lean back on the bed. I caught myself on my elbows and she put her hands on either side of my waist. Her bare nipples grazed my chest as her narrowed eyes stared directly into mine.
"Of course Edward hasn't known about any of my dates in the last few years. In Forks, he scared most of the male population away from me, so I've learned to be discreet. Luckily for me, Houston's a big city."
I tried to clear the confusion from my head but it was hard with her beautiful, nude body so close to mine. "He told me you couldn't escape that man in your nightmares, that he made you feel stained and worthless."
She sighed and I could feel her breath across my lips. "No, it was a boy from a very different dream who made me feel worthless, like nobody." Her words sent a pang through my chest. She should never feel like nobody, she was the center of the universe. "I wanted you even before I knew what 'wanting' really meant. Do you remember the night I told you I wanted you to be my first?" Of course I remembered but I tried to give nothing away as I shrugged.
She moved her legs onto the bed, her knees on either side of my hips. She slowly rubbed her crotch once against my erection through the fly of my slacks and we both moaned. "You laughed at me. You told me that you couldn't fuck your best friend's little sister. 'That would be bad form, Little Bit,' were your exact words. I was fourteen and I thought you walked on water."
She lifted one hand and began to loosen my tie. She stared intently at it as she continued. "All of my life in Forks, I was always defined by whom I was related to. I was Dr. Cullen's daughter. I was Edward's little sister. I didn't exist except as a supporting artist in someone else's life. That very day I had been cast in Coppelia at Ballet Northwest. I wanted to be the title character so much I could taste it. I thought, If for one dance, I'm gonna be somebody. Instead I was cast in the corps de ballet, the background dancers. " She looked back into my eyes, desire burning through hers.
"I decided that day to throw caution to the wind and take you. Even if it was brief and you refused to talk to me afterwards, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what we could have together would be so much better than a starring role. Even when you shot me down, I never gave up on you. When you moved away a month later and I should have thought that I'd lost my chance forever, I still deliriously hoped we could some day be together."
She slipped my tie off of my collar and quickly tied it around my head, covering my eyes. I felt bereft to have her sweet face hidden from me. "Alice, let me look at you."
"No, I can't stand to see your sad eyes right now. I know what you can do with those eyes, and I won't let you stop me."
I could feel her fingers making quick work of the buttons on my shirt, and before I could shout a warning she had pushed it open, the sides hanging off my shoulders. I heard her gasp, and the last tiny flame of hope inside me snuffed out. I lied fully back on the bed and moved my arms to cover my scarred chest the best I could. I would have curled into a fetal position if she weren't still kneeling on top of me.
"Get out," I croaked, too hurt to say more.
I listened as her agitated breathing calmed. She didn't move off me, and I felt her press more firmly into me. "No," she said and grabbed my arms. At first I resisted, but then she began to kiss the parts of my chest that weren't covered, and I gave up. She moved my arms away from my chest and stopped, staring in horror, I imagined.
I felt one of her fingernails touch my collarbone, where the worst scar began. I felt her lean into me again, and she licked the same spot. It was my turn to gasp. Slowly, carefully, she licked her way down the wide scar from my collarbone to my mangled nipple. The scar continued to my ribs, but she stopped. She swirled my nipple with her soft tongue then placed her wet mouth around it. I had never even let a girl see my ruined chest before, much less touch it, and the sensations she caused made my dick twitch beneath her. I moaned, and she throatily laughed. At that moment, I broke. She could have anything she wanted of me. Whatever I had left to give was hers, and hers alone.
She continued to lick and kiss my chest, tracing the twisted map of scars and eventually came to my other nipple. It was whole, one of the few untouched places on my abdomen. She did her tongue thing again, and my dick reacted, but I managed to not utter a sound. Apparently not satisfied with this, she opened her mouth and bit down around it, hard, definitely bruising, maybe drawing blood.
"Shhhhiiiiiit," I hissed and tightly balled the comforter in my fists. Still biting into me she grabbed my hands and placed them on her ass. She wiggled her head as if she were trying to tear out my flesh, and I hissed again as I tightly squeezed her muscular glutes. She purred and rubbed herself against me again.
"Damn it, girl," I whispered. "If you don't stop dry humping me I'll come in my pants."
She laughed seductively. "There's nothing dry about me right now, but I think it's time to lose the pants anyway."
She moved off of me, and I missed her slight weight. She undid my belt buckle and fly, and I lifted my hips so she could pull my slacks and underwear down in one move. She licked down one side of my penis, and I grunted as it jumped beneath her quick tongue. She continued to push my pants down and, she slapped my right shoe when she reached my feet. I kicked my shoes off, and she pulled my slacks and boxers off.
I heard her rustling about and smirked when I heard the familiar ripping of a condom wrapper. Her small hand wrapped around me and slid up and down, once, twice, then she rolled the condom down around me. She grazed my balls with the back of her hand before climbing back on top of me. I thought I would roll her beneath me, but she grabbed my arms and pulled them over my head. She pushed my fingers into my hair, and I wished I knew what her plan was.
I felt her grab onto me and rub my tip against her entrance. I couldn't tell through the condom if she was ready or not, but I knew that I would be done long before she was even close if I was inside her now. "Wait, wait…" I grunted.
"No," she responded firmly and calmly. Her fingers maneuvered me gently until I could feel her begin to slide down on me. I held my breath until she came to a stop, about an inch from the base of me. I jerked my hips sharply, plunging into her to the hilt. She gasped and shuddered on top of me. We seemed to fit perfectly now, and I could feel every inch of her around me like a tight glove. I smirked until she started to move. Then my mouth parted in awe.
She started slowly, moving her hips in small circles so that she was almost caressing me. Then the circles widened somewhat, and she slowly lifted up at the same time until just my head was inside her, then she slowly came back down, gyrating around like the world's kinkiest hoola hoop. She made soft sounds in the back of her throat, little 'oohs' and 'ahhhs'. I groaned. I had to see her.
I ripped the tie from off my head and looked at her. My eyes followed the line of her body, from her head tossed back on her shoulders, her face pink, and I followed her blush down her neck to her firm breasts. Because her back was arched, her breasts pointed into the air like small, pink mountains, and I reached one arm up to run a hand lightly across her right breast, my middle finger catching on her tight nipple.
My eyes lowered to her arms stiffly holding her up, and her hands grasped my bedding on either side of our thighs. My eyes moved back to her flat stomach, down to her belly button, down to her shiny black curls, down to where we were joined together, where she in turn was twisting further down. When I was once again completely inside of her I released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to look at her, I thought as my orgasm rushed through me. I pulsed inside her over, and over, and she smiled, her head still thrown back.
"I knew you couldn't resist looking for long," she said, and she lowered her head to look into my eyes. Her eyes narrowed and the small circles stopped. She lifted herself up and for a panicked moment I thought she was leaving. Then, she slammed herself onto me. My eyes widened and my teeth gritted. I desperately hoped I could remain hard until she came.
I shouldn't have worried. She repeated her move again, and again, and the fourth time she slammed into me, our flesh clapping together, she tossed her head back again with a long throaty purr. I felt her clasp around me like little waves licking the shore.
She collapsed onto me as the ebb and flow continued and I sighed. I was aroused again, which all the pump and dumps in my past had not prepared me for. I held onto her as I rolled us gently, with me still inside her. She looked up at me, dazed, and tilted her head in question.
I ground my hips against her in response, and she tightened around me again, her lips forming an 'o'. I leaned down and kissed her open mouth, my tongue moving in to caress hers. She tasted almost too sweet, like cotton candy, but I would swallow her whole if I could.
Her mouth began to move against mine, exploring at first, but then excited, with little nips and licks. I started moving inside her, and her hips reached up to meet me, angling herself so that I could stay deep inside of her as I rubbed my pubic bone against her clit. Her breath escaped in little pants and sighs as I continued to grind against her.
I lifted my left hand to cup her breast, my thumb rasping the nipple. I slowly sat up, still moving against her. I grabbed her thighs and gently moved them until her leather clad calves were by my ears. I moved my left hand down to repeat my thumb's motions against her clit. I could hear the purr building in her throat again and I quickened the pace of my movement, barely moving outside of her but forcefully rubbing against her. Her breath caught and she stopped her little movements as her purr turned into a deep moan. Waves crashed through her again, tightening her around me. I smiled, because I wasn't even close to being through.
I carefully moved her left leg to the other side of my neck and then eased both legs to the bed. I moved in and out of her a couple of times while her body was parallel to mine and the tightness of the position almost made me cum again, but I wasn't ready yet, so I stopped.
I continued to move her legs so I could take her the way I had dreamed of since I was sixteen. Before she had asked me to take her virginity, I had seen her after her dance practice one day, doing yoga moves as a cool down. She had rested her forehead against the floor, her arms stretched in front of her flat to the ground, and her ass rested on her heels. All I could think of doing at the time was climbing on top of her, and having my way with her like some horny animal; which I suppose I was, considering I was just a mass of hormones at the time. Instead I had gone to the bathroom to ease my strain, keeping her perfect image in my mind.
Finally, after so many years of dreaming and resisting, I had her arranged in front of me in the exact same manner I remembered. Her stilettos were digging into my knees, but the pain only increased the pleasure. I rubbed the red marks my hands had made on her ass earlier and I squeezed her cheeks again.
I ran my hands up the sides of her body as I slowly leaned over her, our bodies still connected. Eventually my chest was curled around her back and my hands caressed her breasts. I began to pull out of her so deliciously slowly, that we both let out simultaneous moans as her body clenched around me.
When my tip was barely still inside her I paused, letting her miss me. She wriggled back, trying to take me deeper, and I pinched her nipple, hard, until she hissed.
"Nuh-uh, Little Bit. You have to be…" I slammed into her, my balls making a slapping sound as they hit her clit and thighs, "patient."
She shuddered and mewled in the back of her throat. I did it again, pulling almost out of her before slamming back in. She didn't move again and I grasped her breasts more firmly as I rode her. Eventually she couldn't hold back any more and she began meeting my thrusts, clamping down on me when I was wedged into her. My fingers grasped both of her nipples, twisting and pulling. She cried out as another orgasm crashed down on her, but unlike before, this was no gentle wave. The riptide inside her sucked me dry, as I spurted into the condom once more with several hoarse grunts.
She collapsed against the bed, and I carefully slid out of her as I rolled over next to her. She was shaking with tremors, and I traced one finger down her spine as we both caught our breath. I watched the side of her face, willing her to look at me. I didn't know what she would want from me now, what she possibly thought I could give her, but I knew I was no longer an ordinary man. She had made me become a half of a new being, and I would never be whole without her again.
After what seemed like an agonizingly long time, she looked up at me. Her beautiful eyes glowed with happiness and her mouth curved in a bitter-sweet smile as she said "You've kept me waiting for a long time."