This story is HG/SS plus! Those shippers loyal to the couple are advised to avoid this one, which involves Hermione Granger with multiple wizards. Of course, there is a good reason for it...but still, those who only like the witch with the Potions Master may find it disturbing. For all others willing to take the ride, read on. :) It won't be a long one by any means...maybe four chapters at the most...if that.(Since the posting of this the story has grown.) I need to clean my palate. Oh yeah. Kai had something to do with this one too. She's a baaaad influence. LOL.

SYNOPSIS: Spell Mistress Hermione Granger has been hit by a spell she was developing, with life-threatening results. Albus calls on the staff, and friends to help save her life. Severus calls in a favor or two himself. Hmm...why is everyone male? Possible HG/SS/LM/DM/HP/RW/FF/RH/F/AF/AD/MD. ****COMPLETED****

Chapter One ~ An Unfortunate Accident

Albus Dumbledore looked about the staff room, studying the male staff members he summoned, his eyes dark behind his half-moon glasses. The situation was grim and there was only one way to keep Hermione Granger from dying from an improperly tested spell she had inadvertently cast upon herself while working on a private project for a commercial company.

The Headmaster cleared his throat and said, "I have assembled you all here because of a very dire situation that must be handled with delicacy and in secret. Because of this I must ask all of you to take a Wizard's Oath, not to reveal anything you are told here, or any actions you take because of what I am about to divulge to you."

Marcus Delaluci's eyes narrowed. Take an oath without knowing what it was for? He didn't like the sound of it. But then again, he was relatively sure Dumbledore would not ask them to take an oath in this manner without good reason. He did trust the headmaster. His eyes roamed around the room and took in all the wizards present.

There was the usual Hogwarts staff, Hagrid, Flitwick, Filch, and Firenze. Draco Malfoy and his father Lucius were also present. The Potions Master was noticeably absent.

Draco leaned into his father.

"What is this about, father? I was supposed to go flying today," the young wizard groused. Draco was a wizard of leisure and spent his time pursing his pleasures and witches. Lucius shook his head.

"I don't know son. Severus contacted me and said he needed my help, and suggested I bring you as well. I imagine we will soon find out," the handsome elder wizard replied, looking at Albus intently.

Suddenly the door opened and Aurors Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley rushed in.

"We came as soon as we got your message about Hermione, Headmaster," Harry panted as he walked up to the wizard and shook his hand. "What's wrong with her and how can we help?"

Albus warded the door so no one else could enter. He looked at Ron and Harry soberly.

"Please sit down. We were all about to take a wizard's oath not to divulge anything about this situation. Then, we will discuss Miss Granger's condition," he said.

Both wizards nodded, worry evident on their faces. What could possibly be wrong with Hermione that required such clandestine conditions? Harry and Ron sat down, their eyes on Dumbledore intently.

Ron looked around.

"Why isn't there any female staff here?" he whispered to Harry, who shrugged.

"I don't know. Now shhh," he replied evenly.

"Please take your oaths," the Headmaster said. Everyone murmured they would not divulge what was told here, or any resultant actions. Magic swirled in the air and the oaths were set.

"Thank you," Albus said. "We have a life or death situation here concerning our Spells Mistress Hermione Granger. There's been…an accident. All of you are needed to help save her life."

Draco scowled blackly.

"Save that mudblood?" he muttered under his breath, "I could care less if she became worm food."

Lucius frowned at his son.

"You will help. Severus asked us to. Now be quiet and listen," he said to his son evenly.

Draco crossed his arms and slumped in his seat sullenly.

"Er…whut do we haf to do, Headmaster," Hagrid asked, his dark eyes worried.

"Um…I will have Madame Pomfrey explain the situation to you," the wizard replied, a bit of relief in his voice. He walked to another door and opened it. "You may come in now, Poppy."

The gray-haired medi-witch walked into the staff room, her face rather red and twisting her hands nervously. She cleared her throat and smoothed down her blue-pocketed apron as she looked around the room at the male staff members. The witch paled a bit as her eyes fell on Firenze, who stood with his arms folded, flicking his tail as he looked at her with his cool blue eyes expectantly. His human half was handsome enough, but his horse half…was well…horsey. If he help out…good gods.

The witch looked at Albus who flicked his eyes toward the ceiling. Poppy frowned then looked at the wizards again. She took a deep breath.

"Gentlemen, I am going to be as direct about this as possible. Miss Granger was accidentally hit with a spell she was developing. She was casting it on a niffler which was standing on a counter in front of its cage. Just as Miss Granger cast the spell, the animal moved and the spell hit the cage, which acted like a mirror and ricocheted the spell back, hitting the Spells Mistress."

Draco smiled at this. Ron and Harry looked very concerned.

"What kind of spell was it, Madam Pomfrey?" Ron asked.

"Well, we weren't sure at first. The Spells Mistress came to the infirmary with what appeared to be a high fever, extremely high. She managed to tell me she had been hit with a spell, but became delirious. I put her to bed and cast a cooling spell on her and summoned Albus, who went to her lab and examined her notes."

Here Poppy paused as if gathering courage.

"Miss Granger was working on a spell to increase the female libido," she said quickly. "Presumably to be used by witch's who have difficulty becoming aroused. It was a private project."

All the wizards in the room sat up. Marcus' violet eyes widened and a slow smile crossed his face. Oh, this was sounding pretty sweet.

"Miss Granger's vital signs were becoming quite weak, and there seemed nothing I could do to help her. Albus returned and took her hand as I was checking her, and her vital signs strengthened somewhat, and she momentarily became lucid. She asked him…" the witch started, then faltered.

"Asked him what?" Harry asked, frowning.

"She asked him to touch her more," the witch said, blushing furiously. Albus turned a bit red too.

"Er, after a bit of experimentation, we found that intimate touches seemed to help, but…but it was not enough. She needed more…um…intimate contact. So we summoned Professor Snape, who…well…gave her the contact necessary," Poppy said, clearly embarrassed.

Ron looked at her horrified.

"You mean he shagged her? What the hell!" he yelled, standing up, his fists clenched at his sides.

"Sit down, Ronald," the Headmaster thundered at him, his face dark. "The Professor did what he had to do to keep her from dying. Now listen to Poppy."

"Professor Snape is still with her, trying to keep her alive. But he is only one man and can't continuously…er…provide what she needs. We are certain that the spell will wear off, but we have to keep her stimulated so she doesn't slip away in the meantime. We have no idea how long it will take until she recovers, but if she isn't kept in intimate contact with a male, she's going to die."

Draco nearly drooled. He'd wanted to fuck Hermione Granger since they were students. Oh, this was too good. Professor Flitwick looked rather glassy-eyed himself. All of the wizards with the exception of Harry, Firenze and Hagrid looked pretty randy. Even Ron seemed a bit excited. He'd had a thing for Hermione forever. Yes, he was married…but this was an emergency, a life or death situation. If he had to fuck Hermione to save her life, he'd do it. Plus everyone had taken an oath. Susan would never know.

"Now, Miss Granger has been moved to a private room in the infirmary. I have set up a wand in there that glows bright blue when her vital signs are healthy. It dims as she worsens. It should give you a good indication of your…er…performance…whether it is stimulating her enough. You can er…adjust your technique accordingly. You will have to take turns…as one wizard is depleted another must take his place. She has been properly protected from conceiving, and various chairs, tables, cushions and other objects placed in the room to offer…er…variety," Poppy said, reddening again. "Each of you are expected to scourgify her when finished, to have her pristine for the next wizard."

Marcus Delaluci's hand went up. Poppy looked at him.

"I have just one question," the wizard said, his violet eyes flicking to black, "Who replaces Snape first?"

The wizards began to argue terribly, standing up and gesticulating. A few wands were drawn.

Albus shook his head. He figured this would happen. He held up his hands.

"Gentlemen…gentlemen. Kindly sit down. Please!" he bellowed

The wizards looked at the Headmaster, who appeared very pissed off. A pissed-off Albus was not a good thing. They grudgingly took their seats, scowling at each other.

Harry shook his head. Shag Hermione? His friend? He didn't know if he could do it…he'd never seen Hermione as a sex partner before. He looked around at all the randy wizards and his heart sunk. His eyes met Hagrid's who looked sympathetic. The half-giant couldn't have sex with the witch. He was too big for a human female. But he was expected to contribute. He looked at the Headmaster.

"Er…Headmaster. I'm afraid I'm just too big," he said.

Firenze joined in.

"And my penis is bestial, sir. I could not in good conscience have sex with the witch," the centaur said.

"I'll take both your turns," Marcus offered helpfully.

Poppy cleared her throat.

"It isn't necessary to engage in intercourse with the witch. Just to keep her satisfactorily stimulated. A penis is not necessary for that," the medi-witch said, flushing again. "There are many other ways. I am sure you can both come up with something."

Hagrid and Firenze looked at each other and nodded slowly.

"Isn't there any other way?" Harry asked the medi-witch…his green eyes troubled behind his glasses.

The other wizards grumbled at him to shut up. Ron was noticeably silent.

"I'm afraid not, Harry," the medi-witch said softly, understanding how this upset him.

Harry knew he could always decline, but at least he could check up on Hermione this way and maybe make sure the others didn't mistreat her. He looked back at Draco, who had an evil smirk on his face. Harry wanted to kill him. Lucius looked absolutely delighted. So did Filch, who was actually drooling.

Dumbledore suddenly walked forward with a hat in his hand.

"Inside this hat are several numbered parchments. You will each draw one out and the number you choose will give you your position in the…er…line up," the old wizard said. "Everyone will participate."

"Even you Headmaster?" Draco drawled, his gray eyes resting on the white-haired wizard.

"For the sake of fairness, yes Draco. I will be participating," the wizard replied, his voice heavy. "Though I doubt it will be with the eagerness you will exhibit, I'm sure."

"No sir," Draco agreed, his eyes on the hat now, "Number one, please, number one," he breathed.

Albus reached in and drew out a number, then passed the hat around. The wizards each drew a number. Some scowled and some smiled brightly. The empty hat was handed back to Albus.

"Who is number one?" he asked looking around the room.

There was silence for a moment, then Firenze sighed and walked forward, his hooves sounding heavily on the stone tile floor.

"I am, Headmaster," the centaur said.

A/N: Well my totally into SS/HG shippers, you can hit the high trails and bail on this one. You know this is going to be a disturbing, lemony mess. I promised a lemony start and so…yep you have it. Plus I am boldly going to the annals of the 50 cent porn peepshow or whatever. :::shrugs::: It will be something different anyway. I will be writing the epilogue to "A Long Way Back" shortly. If you are into this, please review. If not…hang out. It won't be that long