Before I Was Dr. Tom

I wasn't always this man.
A man treating a woman weighed down by regrets.
A man who quotes great thinkers.

This wasn't supposed to be my life.
Wasn't my path.
I was supposed to do something completely different, only one night it all changed for me and the people I care about, so yes, I know about regrets.

Erica Strange is my first patient. The one I have been sent to help. I have been waiting for the right time to help her for some time now.

And every fixed regret brought her to this one.
Everyone carefully tempered to have results with life altering lessons learned.
Lessons she would have learned long ago if she had only opened herself up to them.
Known what I had known--- that her it was her she needed to please, not them.
Not everyone else.

It was all balanced evenly.

Until now.

I don't know why I thought either of us could handle this.

It was a regret bound to change everything.

Always so impulsive, with more confidence from our previous sessions, she did what I feared she would.
What I should've known she would.
She didn't just say goodbye.
She changed the past.

She broke the trust.

Only then she relented in the face of my anger.

And why did I get so angry?

I knew sooner or later one fixed regret would change it all.

I had hoped it would be Sam's breaking up with Josh.
Or that Yom Kippur…
Or some college lesson with Ethan…

I see now that it had to be this one and only this one that would show her all she'd have had.

If only it hadn't been for that night.
A fire…
A disappearance---no a death.

Leo's death.

And she can't see what's in front of her.
Saids it isn't about me.

Only it is.

All that has gone wrong in her life since that might has been my fault and that's my regret.

I didn't always used to be Dr. Tom.

I am now.
I travel through worlds.
Trying to make up for past mistakes.
For destroying Erica.
Not being able to stay and fix her.
That's my regret.
One of many.

But there are consequences for actions whether they are ours or others.

I have to move on.

Move on carrying the regret that I can't fix her.
Earn her forgiveness.
Get her to see who I am.
Who I was.

But maybe someday she'll see who I really was, even in this incarnation, or is it reincarnation?