A/N: WOW A TRILLION UPDATES. I have no life.
"So, I'm thinking about having a small bridal shower," Steph babbled, waving her hands around. "You know, something low key, just a few friends."
"Of course!" Beth chirped.
"That sounds like a great idea!" Nattie squealed.
"I wouldn't expect anything less," Melina put in.
And then everyone's eyes fell onto me.
"Uh... Good coffee." I held up my cup. "Really good."
Beth sighed irritably. "Why did you ask him to be your maid of honor again?"
Steph smiled. "Because he's my best friend."
I gave her a giddy little smile and sneered when she looked away. If only my coffee had alcohol in it... then it'd be really good...
"So, when should we have it? Saturday?"
"Saturday's perfect," Beth agreed.
"Do they sell Rice Crispies here?"
Everyone stared at me again.
I blinked. "What?"
Steph smiled knowingly. "Chris, you seem out of your element."
"I am. They don't serve Rice Crispies anywhere."
She laughed and it sounded like a song. "This is why I wanted you here. You're so much fun. You always make me smile."
"Anything to please you, Princess."
"Don't make me gag," Beth whispered.
"Women who usually have something in their mouth as often as you do shouldn't worry about gagging." I grinned cheekily at her.
Steph tried to hide her smile by looking away, but I saw it.
And not for long, because Beth chucked her iced coffee in my face and stormed out of the restaurant.
So there I sat, soaked in cinnamon flavored liquid, sugar sticking to my eyelashes.
Now she really couldn't hide it.
Melina and Nattie rushed up to run after Beth, but Steph didn't. She just sat there across from me and smiled and smiled and smiled.
Listen, honey. Smile while you get me a freakin' napkin.
I awkwardly brushed at my shirt. "This was my favorite shirt, too."
"I'll get it cleaned," she said, biting her tongue.
"You think this is funny?"
"Yes." She stood up and pulled Beth's seat closer to me, sitting down so that her knees were touching the side of my thigh. I couldn't help but feel my collar tighten a little around my neck.
"I smell like a bakery," I groaned.
She laughed and dipped a napkin into Melina's ice water, turning my face with her perfectly manicured fingers to brush it down my nose. "You have sugar in your eyebrows."
"It's in my eyes, too." I blinked rapidly. "Ow. It hurts."
She pouted prettily, wiping off my cheeks. "Poor baby. You have long eyelashes."
She wet the napkin some more, leaving a trail down to my neck. She swept under my chin. "Good thing you don't have that goatee anymore."
"I know, right? It would've crystallized."
"I'm glad you got rid of it." She grabbed my cheeks and shook them. "Now I can see that handsome face!"
Handsome? Splendid! She thinks I'm handsome.
But she also thinks Paul's handsome.
...I need a second opinion.
I swatted her hands away. "Don't baby me."
"Then don't act like one." She wrinkled her nose as she smiled. "Can you try to get along with my friends?"
"I didn't throw Beth's ice coffee on myself, you know."
"I know, she shouldn't have done that." Her eyes lost their light slightly and she grabbed my hands, frowning. "But can you please try to get along with them? It's only for a week."
Her face lit up again. "Oh, that's so exciting. I love Paul so much, Chris."
I sighed. "Yeah?"
I tried to smile. "Good."
"I can't imagine myself with anyone but him."
Okay, kid, you got your point across. Don't pour salt into an already open wound.
Steph frowned. "Chris?"
I looked up at her. "Yeah?"
"Are you crying?"
I blinked, felt the tear slide down my cheek.
"Aw, Chris." She wiped at my face.
I moved away from her. "It's just the sugar."
"You cried in front of her?" Jay sneered slightly. "Dude."
"I didn't cry." I shrugged. "There was just... something in my eye."
"Well, aren't you the fucking poet." Adam smiled and moved around the pool table. "Did she seem like she was pitying you or reveling in it?"
"Well, maybe she likes the sensitive guys."
"She's marrying Paul Levesque."
Adam bared his teeth. "Yeah, you're right, you looked like a pussy."
"You're her maid of honor!" Jay lifted his hands. "Is there any way you don't look like a pussy?"
I leaned on my cue stick. "Maybe I should just drop out now. While I still have some dignity left."
"How much dignity did you start with?"
"Shut up, Jay." I watched Adam line up his shot perfectly, sending the seven striped into the corner pocket. "I don't know, maybe I should just tell her I don't feel comfortable doing this."
"Pus-sy," Adam bellowed.
"Maybe you should tell her how much you love her," Jay put in, blinking all flowery at me.
"Maybe I should shove this stick up your ass." I moved over when Adam came by to set up another shot. "I don't know. Should I call her?"
"And tell her what?" Orange striped into the side pocket. He glanced up at me as he sauntered around. "That you think your dress makes you look fat?"
"That I hate this whole shindig and that I want out as soon as possible."
"Tell her to go fuck herself," Jay said.
Both Adam and I stared at him.
He frowned. "What? It'll make him look badass."
I just shook my head and pulled out my cell phone. "No, I'm just going to calmly explain to her why I can't do it."
"You sound like a bitch."
"Go fuck yourself," I muttered.
"Say it with more power. Go fuck yourself." Jay cackled, smacking Adam's arm. "That was a good one."
"Steph?" I turned away from them. "Hi."
"Steph?" Adam said on a high breath behind me. "Hiiii."
I gave them the finger and moved toward the entrance to the basement. "Hey, I need to talk to you."
"Actually, I was just going to call you."
"Oh, yeah?" I swallowed. "What about?"
Please say you're not getting married, please say you're not getting married...
"I can't figure out what to wear."
I frowned. "Uh... a wedding dress?"
"Not during the day, Jericho." She laughed brightly. "At night."
"Oh!" But then I really got it. "Oh."
She laughed again. "Yeah. So, since you're my maid of honor, I figured you should help me. What are you doing tomorrow?"
Banging your mom. Blowing stuff up. Chopping wood.
"Oh, good! Do you want to go lingerie shopping with me? I know I should probably ask Beth or Melina, but I really do need a guy's opinion. Having you as my maid of honor kinda kills two Pauls with one stone."
I blinked. "Can you repeat the last thing you said? My phone's breaking up."
"I said having you as my maid of honor kinda kills two birds with one stone."
"Oh." I scratched my chin. "Okay."
"So you'll do it?"
No, Stephanie, I will not willing partake in watching you try on sexy little outfits.
"Chris, you're amazing. I love you, sweetie."
"Chris? You there?"
"I'll see you tomorrow, Steph." I hung up and turned back to Adam and Jay.
Adam was staring at me, brow furrowed. "I, er," he mimicked. "What was that about?"
I looked at my phone, like Steph was just going to be staring back up at me or something. "She... said I love you."
Jay whistled and looked at Adam. "That was fast."
"Not... Not like that." I waved my hand. "But I know if I had said it back I would've made it sound... like that."
"Because it is... like that." Adam shook his head. "Did you at least tell her that this whole deal is off?"
"I couldn't really tell her no after she offered to model sexy lingerie for me."
Adam and Jay froze.
"What?" they asked breathlessly.
I nodded. "Something for her wedding night."
Adam snorted. "Buzzkill."
"Not exactly. I have a plan."
"Oh? And what would that entail, exactly?"
"You'll find out the day she marries me instead of Paul."
A/N: Woo. Review.