Undiscovered- Ren's Song

Ren was driving down the road at a speed considered unsafe to most people, but he was a man with a rediscovered purpose. He was such a dreamer; so hopeful after talking to Hachi that life couldn't possibly be a waste of his time. The people he knew, the people he loved, and the passions he had he could move beyond all the troubles, beyond all the doubt.

There was his band, his sort of family. They always caused him trouble, constantly adding stress and consuming his time, but without them, things never went the way he hoped. Takumi, the man who would do anything for his band; he didn't just do everything for himself, like people thought he did. Takumi carefully considered every situation before acting, but often his opinions were somewhat altered by his desires. It was a good thing he had a wonderful wife like Hachi to go home to, because only she was strong enough to demand the love and respect from him she deserved, and he really did love her.

Reira was like an annoyingly cute spoiled younger sister, and Naoki was an energetic brother with the desire to be accepted. Ren loved all of Trapnest's members, but even more than that he was bonded to the members of Blast. Yasu was the mostly quiet calm man who was wise beyond his years, Nobu was the goofy and passionate young one, and then there was Nana.

Take it back, take it all back now
The things I gave, like the taste of my kiss on your lips,
I miss that now

Nana was not only his greatest weakness, she was his greatest strength. They brought out the best in each other, and accepted each other's desires for life and love openly. Wrapping her in his arms brought a sense of completion to him that music could not quite compare to. Ren had his career, which he had given Nana up for once, but he knew that if it ever came to it-he could not leave Nana again. He needed to see Nana, to tell her, to explain.

I can't try any harder than I do
All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for you
I'm broken in two

Ren speed up even faster as he rushed to get to where he needed to be. He didn't fool himself- he was not as interested in saving Reira as he was in seeing Nana. He also knew that it was more than a desire to see her- it was a desire to finally get the life he'd always wanted with her. To finally pull all the pieces of the puzzle together, forget the world and be who they are.

Ren wanted to love her. He mused on the thought with a wry twist to his lips. It figured that the more time he spent away from her, the more drugs he did, the more pain he inflicted upon himself the more block headed he became about seeing her again. It was like he could somehow convince himself the greatest lie, that he didn't need her.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you

Talking about her, Nana, with friends like Hachi who were always so concerned for both him and Nana pulled him slightly closer to the truth, that there was simply a fog between him and reality. In a haze, the drugs dulled the pain and the emotions, in a haze, his music lulled him into a sense of security.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you

'Nana' he muttered, gazing unseeing at the white snow as it flew past the car windows in streaks of white. There was nothing he could do to contain her; Nana was his independent spirit, the woman who fought like the devil and loved like an angel. The woman who both loved and hated how he made her feel; she loved his love, but hated how his love captivated her. Nana did not think Ren understood, but he had learned it about her a long time ago.

Never, especially not now, would he let her escape him again.

Don't walk away

The last time they'd been together, it has been passionate bliss, the fiery touch and burst of excitement as they both realized that nothing could stop the rage of their desire once it began. They desire that enthralled them both, that compelling thing that accompanied their longing for one another's mere presence.

Touch me now how I wanna feel
Something so real, please remind me
My love, and take me back

She would probably fight between the desire to slam the door in his face and to jump his bones. She was always fighting when it came to her feelings for him. She always had an excuse, a reason not to give herself over to him and his life completely. He could not leave his life for her, but Ren would do anything to make her happy. If her thought leaving her alone would actually make her happy, he would. But he knew that the first year they'd been apart it had changed nothing, their love lasted though years and weathered through the deepest darkest storms.

Cuz I'm so in love with what we were
I'm not breathing I'm suffocating without you
Do you feel it too?

Ren had felt like it was hopeless, like he was drowning in the nothingness of his life, a lack of passion, a lack of desire to do anything. He didn't want to live, but he didn't want to die. He didn't want to love, but he couldn't hate. There was a cloud of gloom that lived over him and befuddled his mind. Now, finally, the haze was beginning to clear.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you

This was it; this was the last night Ren would spend without Nana. He would return to her tomorrow after finishing his task here. Hachi would support him; she would be more help now than she knew. Nana would be more accepting if someone she trusted the most was supporting him. She could not refuse to see him, she would not. She would talk to him, and then succumb to the love they both felt so strongly, and had for so many years.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you

Within his confused mist of drugs and alcohol, Ren had noticed that all is dreams of Nana had disappeared. Maybe that was one of the reasons he had clung to them so tightly, drugs allowed him to forget the thing that had driven him to them in the first place. Without drugs, the fear of seeing her face in his dreams threatened to crush him, to tear open the wound in his heart that never quite seemed to heal over her.

When I'm in the dark and all alone
Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door,
Its then I know my heart is whole

It was scary to think that he could lose so much control over a woman, but considering how strong and complete he felt with her by her side it all seemed irrelevant. On the seldom occasion she would cry, Ren felt like his world was shattering. The love he felt would pour out over them both and he would cry silently with her, bearing half the burden and supporting her. Nana had once complained, half heartedly, about him not being strong enough, but Ren knew that if he didn't cry with her she would feel weak. More than anything Nana did not like to feel weak.

There's a million reasons why I cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cuz I don't wanna be alone

Odd to consider that he probably knew more about her than any other human being, and that he knew her far better than she could ever even begin to comprehend. Every one of her moods, every one of her little quirks, he knew them all. Ren never pretended to understand or agree with all of them; even Nana did not understand all of them.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you

There was a sharp turn in the road and, so focused on achieving his end goal, Ren didn't notice the slight slide his tires made going around the turn. Driving down the road at a rapid speed while a blur of white and grey flew by; Ren was too overwhelmed with his thoughts to consider his own safety. There was only Nana, and the thought he would soon be seeing her face again.

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you, I need you

Ren had entered a small town, but he didn't even blink as he blasted by all the small houses and buildings. He was unaware of the car following a few paces behind, he was unaware of the snow beginning to turn to rain and turning to black ice as it froze on the cold ground.

Ren was seeing Nana's face, he was thinking of the ring in his pocket. Ren was in a paradise that involved simply seeing the face of a woman who had kept him on his toes all of his life.

Cuz I can't fake and I can't hate
But it's my heart
Thats about to break

Suddenly the tires slipped sharply to the left, and in a split second Ren realized that he was in danger. Natural instinct caused him to jerk the wheel to the right to correct the direction, and the tires lost all grip on the road. There was a split second where Ren opened his eyes as wide as he could, not seeing anything but Nana's face.

You're all I need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed

He was seeing himself holding Nana's head in his hands, she was smiling up and him with eyelashes glistening with tears and eyes swimming with joy. It was almost unbearable to see her face, so close to being with her and yet he knew he was so far away.

Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out

The second dragged out as he stared into Nana's head in his hands, and she opened her mouth to speak,

"Ren, oh Ren," she paused, "I don't know how I never told you exactly how much I need you. How much I love you."

I want you, theres no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
Without you, I'm without

Ren smiled, but he felt the tears begin running down him face. He curled his hands into his chest, clutching Nana's face as close to him as possible. If there was anything he could do, he would save her.

I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out

Ren barely saw the flash of wall before him as he thought that, whatever happened, it was up to fate to decide whether or not her really deserved to be happy.

Without Nana, there was little will to live. With Nana, there was little desire to do anything but love.

Fate had given her to him that day, in the red dress she had been standing on the sidewalk in, the scowling beauty, the soulfully deep singer who possessed his heart.

I reach out
Don't walk away
Don't walk away

The wall collided with the front of the car and Ren clutched his hands protectively, as if Nana was still there, and braced himself. Maybe he would die- maybe he would not see her face again on this earth. In his hurry to see her again he might have ruined his last chance.

But maybe, if the gods smiled upon him, he would live to see a day where Nana smiled up at him with the full acceptance and knowledge that their lover truly was the forever kind of love. A love that could be cast out, but never really escaped.

If only, if only Ren could have one more chance with her…

Don't walk away
Don't walk away


Author's Note:

Heyhey. So, it's been a while since I've posted anything new, and since this has been sitting on my computer complete for... almost a year actually, I decided to put it up. I was hoping one of my friends would beta it for me, but she was too busy and never got back to me. So please forgive any errors I missed! I hope you all enjoyed this, it's a little depressing, but oh well- I really wrote it to give myself closure on Ren's death anyway... haha

Please Review! :)