Chapter notes:

This one-shot takes place at the end of New Moon. Remember when Edward agrees to be the one to change Bella? Yeah, that didn't happen. At least, not in this story. This is the only chapter, since it's a one-shot, but this is the chapter in which many things happen. But not 'The Change'. This is 'Before The Change'. And it is smutty. And lemony. And delicious. As delicious as a lemon cake with smut icing. I like to call it "lemonicious".

Twilight and the Twilight characters are solely the property of Stephenie Meyer. She owns them. I just take them out to play.


Before The Change

I was ready.

The preparations were complete, questions answered, and all the soul-searching over anything I couldn't live without once my humanity was gone was done. The goodbyes, inasmuch as the situation would allow, were done. My body, mind, and soul were ready. Ready to spend eternity with Edward. Ready to begin forever. Ready to be physical equals, to finally – finally – be able to give myself to him completely.

Edward was not.

Oh, he was ready for my transformation, or at least, he had stopped arguing about it, but he was not ready to be the one to do it. We had talked it over and over, and there was no getting around it. In the beginning the plan was for Alice to change me, but she had the same concern Edward had. They both feared losing control. I wanted Edward to do it. His venom should course through my veins, creating that bond between us. But he wouldn't do it without being one hundred percent sure he wouldn't lose control. There were only two vampires in the house who had changed humans before – Carlisle and Jasper. Jasper had about a fifty percent success rate with the whole "not killing them" thing, Carlisle had a hundred percent success rate. Yeah, we were going with Carlisle. He had been trusted with my life before, and doing so again seemed reasonable. A fleeting thought crossed my mind as I realized that if Carlisle created Edward, and Carlisle was going to create me, that sort of made Edward my brother…Shhhhhh! I told my brain.

At that thought, a slight shiver ran through me. Edward looked at me curiously, but I just shook my head a little and tried to ignore the blush that rose up my cheeks. I was sitting on the examination table in Carlisle's office. Edward stood near the head of the table, distractedly turning a stethoscope over in his hands. Briefly the question struck me as to why a vampire doctor would need a stethoscope, since their hearing was probably more accurate without one, but I didn't get a chance to ask. Just then Carlisle turned away from the wall, replacing a thick tome on the bookshelf, and spoke to me, watching me carefully.

"Bella? Are you ready? We can wait as long as you need. I want you to be absolutely certain before we do this."

This was my cue to give some sort of meaningful, carefully thought-out speech. Some tear-filled and deep response that would make any lingering doubts or concerns disappear. But I don't do carefully thought-out deep and meaningful speeches, and certainly hadn't prepared anything.

"Yes. I'm ready." Simple. Effective.

Looking up at Edward, I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. He gave me the reassuring smile he had carefully put together -- it would have fooled anyone but me. But I could see the tiny glimmers of anxiety that lay in the corners of his eyes. The glint in the amber was just a touch off. Carlisle then turned and looked questioningly at Edward, who met his gaze with a look that seemed…uncomfortable…and they both looked back at me. I was clearly missing something.

"Carlisle? Edward? What's going on?"

Edward responded first, "Sorry love, we're just…thinking through logistics. How to make this happen the best way."

"OK…" He was leaving something out. "Do I lay down? What do you need me to do?"

Carlisle was the one to answer me, "Yes, you'll need to lay down. You should be comfortable enough here. Rather, I should say you're going to be uncomfortable no matter where you are, so this is probably most convenient all-around. But first you need to remove your clothing. I've learned from earlier experiences that clothing is uncomfortable during the transformation, and you will most likely tear it off. There is a sheet on the chair over there. I'll leave you to undress. Once you're done, lay down on the table and cover yourself with the sheet."

Carlisle then looked at Edward, the questioning look returning to his face. I had long ago learned to recognize when someone was communicating silently with Edward. Edward gave Carlisle a quick nod and said "I'll tell her." Carlisle smiled in response, turned, and left the room closing the door quietly behind him. There had been a light in his eye that let me know that whatever they were keeping from me amused him.

We stared at each other for a moment, the question lingering in the air between us. Without my speaking, he answered me.

"Let's get you out of your clothes and then I'll tell you."

Let's? As in together?? Given our history, I was surprised my undressing was a team event, but not displeased. Smirking at him I barked out a sardonic, "Yes sir!" and sat up straighter on the examination table, beginning to unbutton my shirt. He gazed at me intently as I slowly popped each button open. Surprisingly, he didn't turn away, or leave the room. This was definitely already beyond the careful boundaries he had set for us. Instead of walking away, he walked towards me with a the self-assured determination Edward always carried. He parted my knees so he could stand between them, and reached up to take my hands in his. of stopping my undressing, he merely placed my hands by my side and reached up to unbutton my shirt himself. Goose bumps rose on my flesh, and a shiver ran through me. He very carefully drifted his hands down my blouse, releasing each button, but not parting the material. When this was done, he reached up and ran his fingers gently across my left cheek, leaving the familiar trail of cold desire behind. As usual I blushed furiously. Looking up at him, a sad smile raised the corner of his mouth.

"I'm going to miss that."

No response came from me. I couldn't move, or even smile, or even really believe this was happening! Edward had just unbuttoned my shirt! Flames of desire, excitement, and tension snaked up my belly. I focused on remembering to breathe. His hand left my face and trailed down my neck to my collarbone, his other hand rising to repeat the movement on the other side. He slowly parted the collar of my shirt, pulling it across my shoulders and down my arms until it dropped almost silently to the floor. He took in a sharp breath as his gaze landed on my exposed flesh. I, too, was almost breathless as his hands continued to trail slowly down past my collarbone, his right hand resting for a moment over my frantically beating heart. Heat and tension coiled in my core. This was the most intimate we had ever been, and I fought the urge to cover myself, while at the same time rejoicing in our newfound closeness. The look on his face was enough to give me the confidence I needed. He looked like an archeologist who had just found Atlantis. His icy hands turn to trail down the sides of my breasts, lingering on the thin material covering them before working their way down further, meeting again on the soft flesh of my belly. He reached his arms around me and gently pulled me to him, bringing his mouth to mine for a slow kiss, his tongue gently tracing my lips before they joined again. His hands moved up and cupped my face, drawing me into him. This was not a normal "Edward" kiss. This was a slow, passionate, burning kiss. This was the kiss I always wanted from him, but rarely got. This was how he should always kiss me!

My body responded immediately, leaning into him, I reached up to grasp his hair and pull him closer. My mouth parted slightly, something that normally drew things to a quick conclusion. Instead, Edward moaned and pulled us closer together, crushing my exposed chest to his. My nipples reacted to his cold body, hardening against him. I pressed myself more fully to him, and was surprised to feel his own reaction to me – his own hardening – against me.

Smiling a little to myself, I continued kissing him with fervor. The heat that started in my belly now reaching out to touch the rest of my body, burning a trail to my core, which began to throb with need. To my utter surprise Edward's hands trailed down my back and grabbed me fully behind and pulled me closer to him. I groaned as I felt his hardness grind into me. In response my legs wrapped around his waist, gaining whatever leverage they could to hold on to him – to make this last as long as possible before he pulled away, as he always did.

But he didn't pull away. In fact, with a skill that belied his lack of experience, he undid the back clasp of my bra with a flick of his nimble wrist. It slowly fell forward, and drifted to the floor, joining my shirt.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. To say I was turned on was also an understatement. And when his hands reached around from behind me and gently cupped the sensitive flesh of my round breasts, squeezing lightly, I could barely restrain myself. Grinding my hips into his, a moan escaped me, resonating against his mouth, and I felt his own urgency increase in response. A quiet growl come from deep within him, sending a searing bolt of lust straight through me. His hands continued to explore the firm soft texture, squeezing, and kneading, the darker tips of my breasts were hard against the palm of his hands. I had to pull away from Edward's mouth for a moment, needing oxygen. When our eyes me, I was startled at the look on his face. His eyes were almost black, where they had been a beautiful amber just minutes before. But more than the color, they had a wild look about them, clearly showing both the strength of his desire and the power of his restraint. Suddenly I was brought back to his warnings about my safety. This was not completely my Edward. This was my Edward letting his inner animal – or monster, depending on how you saw it – out to play. It was a little frightening. But my body betrayed my mind, and the rush of moisture and heat between my legs overruled any fear. My nipples hardened further, and the urgent need between my legs began to dominate everything else.

Edward looked down then, nostrils flaring ever so slightly, and cast his eyes down to look at my naked flesh. His eyes widened at the sight of his hands caressing the pale firmness of my breasts. He pulled his hands away for a moment, looking at me fully.

"So beautiful." He whispered. And slowly, he trailed a single finger of his right hand down the top of my breast, and circled the sensitive, hardened nub. I bit my lower lip in response, and ground into him harder, another low moan escaping me. My body jerked as his finger grazed my nipple, and slowly, gently, squeezed it between his finger and thumb. Desire overwhelmed me, flaming inside my core as it never had before.

"Edward…I…" I tried to speak, but wasn't sure what I wanted to say. Then I realized what it was. If we stopped I would be devastated. But we always stopped. He always stopped us. We had never gotten anywhere near to this far before, and I was just waiting for the inevitable brakes to be put on.

But he stopped my attempts at speech with an almost brutal kiss, raising his hands to cup my face. His kiss left me breathless and after a moment he pulled away, sensing I needed air.

"Bella…we need to talk for a minute. I was going to wait until you were…ready…but I think we should talk now."

My heart shrank, knowing the inevitable stopping point was coming. He looked into my eyes, and must have seen the desolation there, because he smiled reassuringly at me.

"Love, it's not what you think. But we do need to talk."

I nodded, biting my lip, looking down waiting for the "we can't do that until you're changed" speech that usually followed.

"Bella, you know that things haven't gone further with us…physically…well, for two reasons. Firstly, your safety is the absolute most important thing to me. You know that one slip from me could…" he paused, a pained look on his face "…things could end badly. That terrifies me more than I can say. I haven't wanted to risk that. Not with you. Not ever. But secondly, I was raised in a world where you aren't…intimate…with someone until you are married. It's more than just how I was raised, and it's what I believe is right."

Any attempts at speaking, trying to argue against his logic, were stopped with a finger against my lips.

"No love, let me finish. I'm trying to tell you that neither reason matters right now, but there is a very compelling reason that we should…make love…right now. If you are willing. If you'll have me."

Huh? Did I hear right? Seriously?

My face must have demonstrated my thoughts, because Edward chuckled and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Yes love. I did say that. The thing is, the commitment you are making here today is more than a lifetime. It's forever. Wedding vows are almost insignificant compared to that. You and I will be joined forever with this, and your transformation is, in a way, even more symbolic than a wedding. As for your physical safety, I swear I'll do everything in my power not hurt you. Please believe me. If anything at all hurts you, and we can stop. We can re-evaluate then. Carlisle is close in case anything…happens." He looked pained again as he said this.

Finally I couldn't help myself any longer. The question I had boiling inside me spilled out.

"But why? Why now? You said there was a compelling reason. What? What changed?"

Edward looked a little uncomfortable and pinched the bridge of his nose for just a moment.

"Bella, love, you're a virgin."

"Yes, so are you." I still didn't see what that meant. I had been one the whole time I knew him, but it hadn't mattered before. Edward looked like he was searching for the right words. His eyes drifted off a bit as he thought, his thumb absent-mindedly rubbing my cheek. Finally he looked back at me, catching my eyes with his.

"We…vampires that is…live forever in the body we were transformed in. That body is permanent. Few things can damage us, but even then, any damage that is done to us heals immediately."

"Yes…I know all this Edward." I was feeling a little frustrated, wishing would just get to the point already. Edward smiled a little at my impatience.

"Bella, you're a virgin." He re-emphasized, then paused for another moment collecting his thoughts, "Right now, as a human, if we made love your hymen would tear. It would hurt, at least a little, but it would be done. A once-in-a-lifetime event. But if you were transformed right now, your body would be transformed in its virginal state. The act of intercourse with another vampire would cause your hymen to tear just as if you were human. But as a vampire it would immediately heal. You would essentially be a virgin every single time we made love. It would hurt you every time." He paused for a second, as he visualized what he was saying, his brow furrowed in distaste. "I couldn't stand that."

Oh my god. I hadn't even thought of that.

"Edward, why didn't you tell me this before? I…we should have…I…" my eloquent speech ended abruptly.

"I'm sorry love, I didn't even think about it myself. Carlisle brought it up just yesterday after you went home. He wasn't sure if we had already…Well, he wasn't sure if you were a virgin. This isn't exactly something we've had to plan before. Once we talked it through, we realized the problem."

I dismissed my momentary embarrassment at being the subject of that particular discussion. "So, you're saying if we…make love…now, I won't hurt later?"

"Yes love. But it will hurt this time. It's not exactly the romantic wedding night I had hoped for. I wish it were different. But, we'll have an eternity to have romantic nights, with no fear of pain, or of me hurting you. I can't stand that I'm asking you like this, but also can't imagine eternity with you in pain." He paused for a moment, a sly grin crossing his features, "Or with no sex."

My mouth fell into an unflattering "O" at that, but shut again quickly as my mind raced. Edward might be sorry. Edward might wish for a romantic virginal wedding night, but I couldn't have been more ecstatic. He wasn't going to stop us! I could have him – all of him – now! My last human moment would be full of love and experiencing Edward. Again my face must have shown what my mind was thinking, because my huge grin was reflected in Edward's eyes. He smiled back at me, all nervousness gone. We held each other for a moment, until I pulled away.

"Edward? If we're going to do this, things need to…even up." Without permission, my hands reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt. He smirked at me for a second, and leaned in to kiss me while I worked on undressing him.

I was undressing Edward!!

I unbuttoned his shirt and, letting it flutter to the floor, just as when he had removed mine. His bare chest, while not a completely new sight to me, always took my breath away. He was beautifully built, with long lean muscles. Powerful, graceful, beautiful. Reaching out to him, my hands ran across his chest, down his abdomen, finally resting carefully at the top of his jeans. The bulge below his waistband was returning, and I decided right then that I was not going to be shy Bella. I was going to take what I wanted, what had been denied me so long. I firmly cupped the length with my palm and squeezed gently, through the dense material. Edward's head fell back slightly, eyes closing. His lips parted, and the breath whooshed out of him. When his eyes opened again, the black hunger was back. He crashed his lips to mine, reigniting the fire in my core. I moaned against him, but refused to be distracted from my task. Unbuttoning his jeans in less time than I thought possible given the distractions, I pushed the material down from his hips. His lips never left mine as he removed them the rest of the way.

Pushing all thoughts of shyness away, my hands drifted down his chest, across his belly, and down both sides, towards the tops of his thighs. My right hand then moved to the middle, and I connected with this beautiful hard length. His lips froze on mine but that didn't stop me as it normally would have. I firmly ran my hand up, then down, his shaft. He moaned against my lips and ever so slightly bucked his hips against my hand, pushing himself further into my fist. I felt his cock pulse slightly, twitching as I gripped it. It was the most amazing feeling! Knowing I had caused this reaction in him was a powerful thing.

Suddenly his hands were all over me – cupping my face one moment, then behind me grabbing my ass and pulling me towards him. I reached around him to pull him closer also. He couldn't get close enough as far as I was concerned. My legs wrapped around him again, allowing me to grind my most sensitive parts against his rock hard length. Edward's hands moved around to the front, and he again sent electric shocks through me as he squeezed my breast. My hips pressed into him, wanting him to tease me as he had earlier -- wanting more, wanted it harder. I slowly ground against him, our kiss only pausing long enough for me to catch a single breath. My fingers were entangled in his wayward hair, pulling him closer, grabbing at him desperately. My aching wetness needing release. His other hand drifted down from my face, palming my other breast. He squeezed both gently.

"Oh, god… harder!" I mumbled in his mouth. He responded by squeezing slightly harder. "Mmmm… god that feels good."

Then I almost lost it when his palms left my breasts and he began rolling both my nipples gently between his thumb and forefinger. The sensation shot through me, making my limbs tingle, and I could feel moisture and heat pool between my legs. My hips ground harder against him, needing friction against my aching groin. Needing release desperately.

"Edward! Please!" I begged, not sure what the question was, exactly, but I needed something.

He pulled away slightly, and his hands stopped their delicious torture. He stepped away from me, and pushed down on my shoulders gently, guiding me to lay on the examination table. As my body lowered to the table, I placed one hand firmly on his exquisite cock, stroking up and down slowly. This time the growl from him was definite and so incredibly exciting. He ran one finger down my cheek, resting it against my lips for a moment. He stared at my mouth, the dirty thoughts in his head almost visible in his lust-filled eyes. I snaked my tongue out and licked the end of this finger slightly, leaving my lips parted. The flicker in his eyes, the darkening of his corneas and the faint twitch I felt in my hand confirmed that this was a good thing. His finger didn't move, so I slowly, wrapped my lips around the very tip of it, sucking it into my mouth. I flicked my tongue over the tip of his finger as I sucked on it increasingly hard. Then I heard Edward say something he had never said in front of me before. It was quiet, but it was there…


Hearing him say that sent a bolt of lust through me, driving me to distraction with unfulfilled need. My hips moved upwards of their own accord, looking for some friction. His eyes flickered towards them then back up to my face. He slowly pulled his finger out of my mouth, and it drifted down my throat, past my collarbone, over my pounding heart, up the mound of my breast, circled my sensitive rock-hard bud, gently squeezed it, then continued down my belly. As his hand moved south, he leaned down towards me. I thought he was going to kiss me, until I noticed the trajectory wasn't quite right. His mouth found, not my lips, but my nipple. He wrapped his lips carefully around it, and let his tongue flick it, sucking slightly as his tongue repeated its action over and over again.

That was beyond exquisite! Every nerve in my body was humming, alive, and needing more.

"Oh god! Edward! Oh, …. mmmmm… that feels so good! Don't stop!" And then I felt his hand move from my stomach to the top of my jeans. Effortlessly it slid under the waistband of my jeans, under my panties, and moved without hesitation to rest just above my aching, wet core.

Almost of its own accord, my hand continued its ministrations on his member, increasing speed and strength. He placed his free hand on mine, restraining me. He lifted his mouth from my nipple long enough to give me a crooked smile.

"Bella, love, that feels way, way too good. Please stop for a minute?"

A feeling of absolute amazement overtook me as the realization struck that he was in danger of… climaxing! Nodding silently I took my hand off of him. As soon as I had done so, he returned to his ministrations of my nipple with his mouth, using the other hand to squeeze the one lonely breast. And then, his beautiful, glorious, cool fingers made contact with my wet slit. He gently ran his finger up, then down it, exploring me as I had just done to him. I cried out as his fingers made contact with my swollen clit, bucking my hips to meet his hand – wanting more, wanting it harder. A hiss came from my beautiful Edward's mouth, and he looked up at me, meeting my eye. The animal was definitely back, and he liked what was happening. His eyes were pitch black, his upper lip was raised ever so slightly over his teeth, in an echo of a snarl, and he was breathing hard.

Raising my hand up to his face, I gently stroked his cheek.

"Edward, love, you feel so good. I love you." I crooned to him. He wouldn't hurt me, I was certain. But there was a good chance he would go into Edward "panic" mode, and I thought reconnecting with his less animal side might help.

His eyes flickered a little, and I could see the animal fade slightly. The snarl left his lips. He licked them quickly and leaned over to kiss me. I wrapped my hands in his hair, pulling him towards me. His other hand recommenced its ministrations, slipping up and down my slit, working slightly further in each time. Every time his finger encountered my aching swollen nub I would moan slightly into Edwards mouth, pushing my hips up into his hand. Edward pulled away from our kiss, giving me a moment to breathe.

"Does that feel good, Bella?" He murmured at me.

"Yes… mmmmm…oh god yes..." my unrecognizably husky voice hissed at him. "Please Edward, I need…more. I want…you…inside me."

An incalculably small fraction of a second went by along with a whoosh of air, and suddenly I was naked. He had taken my pants off in what had to be world record time – even for a vampire! In another two seconds he was on top of me, his knees together, parting mine. I spread myself for him, placing my hands around his neck, pulling his mouth to mine.

"Bella. If I hurt you, please tell me. It will hurt a little, no matter what, but tell me when it does and we can stop for a minute, or as long as you need. And if anything – anything at all – happens that is more than just that pain, you must tell me immediately. OK?" He sounded urgent, a little frightened even. There was a battle raging in Edward – half frightened vampire, half horny human – both fighting towards the same goal, but warring with each other also.

"Edward, I promise to tell you if you hurt me. Now please…I need you!" Reaching down I firmly grasped his rock-hard shaft. It was long, and thick, and for a second the question of how it was all going to fit in me – if it even would – crossed my mind. But it would. It had to. Desperate to have him inside me – to be joined with him, and find release from my delicious torture, I wasn't going to pause long enough to think things through.

My hand ran the head of his cock up and down my wet slit, letting it hit my aching clit a few times. Edward hissed above me, and a low growl rumbled in his chest. Placing a palm on his cheek, I lifted my head up and kissed him gently. Pulling away I said, "We can do this, baby, we can!"

He nodded once and lowered his head to kiss me more.

I guided his length lower, so he was positioned right at my entrance. Wanting him this badly was the most delicious, infuriating, beautiful, and frustrating thing, ever. I was wet and swollen and ready for him, and urged him on by raising my hips up, pressing him into me just a little. The head of his cock pushed into me just a little, eliciting a loud moan from me. He mumbled something above me, then looked up to meet my eyes. He had a look of complete lust mixed with sheer panic on his face. It confused me. Then he spoke in a dark, husky voice, sounding tormented.

"Bella…I don't think I can…I need this. I can't…ugh…I don't think I can be as gentle as you need…"

His self-doubt was interrupted with a single thrust. Throwing my hips up as hard as I could, I seated him completely inside me in one second.

"Fuck!" Edward yelled. He looked at me, shocked.

Grimacing for just a second as the pain hit me, I recovered quickly and looked up at him grinning.

"Edward, I'm not as breakable as you think."

I pulled him down to me so my hips were back on the table. He was still completely inside me. The pain had faded and was replaced by a new burn – a demanding urgent feeling inside that required immediate relief. Urging Edward to move with my hips, using my hands on his back to guide him, we began to move. He began slowly, in and out, but this wasn't enough for me. I needed more -- needed him to not be so gentle with me.


A confused look crossed his face. He didn't know what I meant. Remembering in that instant that he was new to this also I tried to clarify, but had no real language to describe my needs.

"Edward," I whispered in his ear "Edward, please fuck me. Harder!"

His eyes rolled back just a little and in that instant, he drove into me, groaning as he did so.

"God Bella! Oh yessss!" He grunted as he thrust in and out of me, sheathing himself over and over. I raised my hips to meet each of his thrusts as they filled me just a little more with the heat and building release my body so desperately needed. Each drive of his hips ground his pelvis into my aching swollen clit, almost giving me the friction I sought. Desperate to find complete relief my hips bucked against him harder, urging him to go faster, my hand snaking down to rub my clit.

Edward looked down, and seeing what I was doing gave a loud groan and thrust harder. He liked what he saw, and that spurred me on. I could feel my release coming, riding the very edge between sheer pleasure and unbelievable frustration. Each time he thrust into me he pulled me a little closer. Edward let out a low growl, almost a mournful cry as he continued to enter me, hard. Hearing him – hearing that he was near to his climax, and knowing that my beautiful Edward was on the verge of coming inside me – pushed me over the edge. I came with a force I hadn't known I was capable of. Wave after wave of pleasure cascaded over my body, as my muscles clamped down on him. I cried out "Fuck! Edward, oh fuck! Yes!" And with that, I felt his body jerk, and a feral growl – almost a roar – erupted from him. He spasmed inside me, calling my name as he filled me with his cold essence. He continued to move, thrusting much more gently now, as we both came down from our climax.

I was sure it was the single sexiest thing I had ever, or would ever experience.


Author's Note:

Please be kind and review – it's truly the only thing we get back from writing. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Unconstructive criticism will be printed and left on my coffee table, where I will point at it and laugh in a cruel manner. I might even spill coffee on it. Intentionally. *grin