I don't really know where the idea of this story came from. Lamb's POV on Veronica and her rape.

something that came to mind while watching not pictured. How old is Cassidy casablancas. I don't know why but I always had the idea he was the same age as Veronica. And was in all her classes. But I just resently realised that he didn't graduate. And Dick was his older brother...Anyway i managed to confuse myself. SO i was wondering is he younger?

Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars. If I did it wouldn't have been cancelled.

You don't understand Veronica.

You remember the first time you saw Veronica. She was younger than. Innocent. They used to sit there together. Lilly Kane and Veronica mars. You never understood how they could be friends. They were so different.

But there they were.

Sometimes you still see them sitting there. Two young girls. Laughing about stuff you'll never understand. Stuff you probably don't want to understand. They seem to be there always.

Young, innocent and happy.

You don't understand what she's doing.

She sits there. Telling you someone raped her. An 09'r and you just don't understand. Why would she play this game. Haven't they done enough yet? Does she have to accuse them of another crime? Why can't they just let it go.

'Tell you what Veronica. Why don't you go see the wizard. Ask him for some guts.'

You look her in the eye. Those eyes full of tears. Full of fear. Full of pain. Full of betrayal. You know you probably shouldn't have said that. You know. But you still turn away. She walks away and doesn't turn around.

Sometimes you wish she had.

You wish you understood.

The next time you see Veronica she is different. Her hair is shorter. Her clothes are different. She's no longer the nice little girl that in those chairs laughing. She looks at you with cold eyes. But there's no hate in them.

Maybe it's just something you tell yourself.

You don't understand what's going on.

Ever since that moment. Ever since she sat in the office in front of you, everything seems to have changed. And you don't understand why.

They all look the same to you now.

Every raped girl. For a second. Just a second. They all look the same. They all wear white dresses. And they all have blond hair. They all look like her. Even if they are nothing alike. They all look the same.

And you don't understand why.

You hate being around her.

It seems that at every turn you take she's there. At first it's just annoying. But then she starts to solve your cases. She's actually very good at it. Not like you'd ever tell her that. You learn a lot from her.

You just hate it when she's there.

You hate it because the first second you see her she's always wearing that white dress. Even though her clothes are not innocent anymore. Even though her hair is shorter. You always see her in that white dress.

Maybe it's your conscience telling you something.

Maybe they're not so crazy.

You used to think they were crazy. Keith Mars and his daughter. I mean how else would you explain them going after the richest family in town. But now they're not so crazy anymore. Just misunderstood.

You still don't understand her.

For a second your eyes meet and she's different. She smiles at Duncan Kane. She stands next to Logan Echolls. She shakes Jake Kane's hand. But she still looks at you whit those same cold eyes.

And you don't understand why.

You tell yourself you don't care.

At night when you're lying in your bed. You don't care about Veronica Mars. You don't. But you still can't quiet explain why you always see her the same way. Why you see all broken girls the same way.

In white dresses.

You close your eyes and wish it away. But every night they return. And you still can't understand anything about it.

You don't know when it happened.

But at some point you started to trust her. Every time she tells you something that happened its usually the truth. You just don't tell her.

It's what makes the difference.

So when you find them in the Manning house and she tells you about the closet you see it in her eyes. She's begging you to believe her. And you do. Even before you see the closet.

You just don't know why.

You listen to their story.

It seems unbelievable. That a young boy could blow up the buss. But the proof is all there. She is right again. And you're beginning to wonder if you should have let Keith become sheriff. She looks at you with cold eyes. Colder then usual.

You wish you'd never played that tape.

She looks at you with tears in her eyes. 'You raped me!' 'And Dick still thinks I'm a virgin.' You close your eyes. Guilt washes over you. You take a deep breath and open them again. Willing to take anything.

She isn't sitting in front of you anymore.

You keep waiting.

For weeks after that night you keep expecting Keith Mars to show up. To kill you. But he never shows. Slowly you start to understand she never told him. You try to make the guilt go away but it does not.

Every time you close your eyes you see her sitting there.

Because you know. It's all your fault. If you had listened to Veronica. If you had believed that broken girl. You would have caught him. You could have saved the bush crash victims. But you didn't believe her.

And here you are now.

You hate the hearts rape case.

You simply hate it. You have to be at every single crime scene. You have to talk to every girl. And you just hate it. Because they all look the same to you. For the first second. When you see them they all look like Veronica. They all have long blond hair. They're all wearing whit dresses.

They're all girls in white dresses.

And you hate it. You try to listen. You try to be understanding. But you can't. Because every time you see one of them you remember her. You hate yourself. But you push it away. It wasn't your fault. You would have lost your job if you had accused the 09'rs . You would have lost.

It's a poor excuse and you know it.

Today you truly hate your job.

When you hear Veronica is in that room your heart stops. You don't want to have that conversation again. It will end in the same place. Pain. Betrayal. So when you see she still has her hair, you're relieved. And you look at her instead of the victim.

Because you know what you'll see.

You're just not ready for it yet. You know she'll have long blond hair (even though she won't have any hair left.) She'll be wearing a white dress. Even though in reality she'll be wearing her pj's.

You wish you could take the words back that come out of your mouth.

But you can't.

You don't understand Veronica.

You probably never will. You've long since stopped trying. When Logan shows up after you've arrested Mercer you don't even think about it. You just put him in the cell.

You try to do for Veronica what you should have done years ago.

You hate your conscience. You hate your heart. It's like it's telling you something. Every girl you see now looks the same. They all look like her. Perhaps you should apologize. You know you should.

But you're scared. So you never do.

You used to think that when you die you're entire life flashes in front of you.

You thought you'd relive your childhood. Your college years. You'd relive all your years as sheriff. All the arrests you made. The lives you saved. You used to think it would be like that. How wrong you where.

Instead when you're going down, you only see one thing.

You see two young, innocent and happy girls. Laughing at some silly joke. You used to see them all the time. And you try to wish them away.

And you see her. Just like you always do.

You see a young broken girl. Wearing a white torn dress. Crying. Her mascara has run out. Her long blond hair hangs around her shoulders. Tears stream down her face.

You fall to the ground. You don't really feel pain.

You hear voices behind you. Shots fired. And you try to ignore the irony. Keith Mars is trying to save your life. Just like you should have saved his daughter a long time ago. You wonder if he would still try to save you if he knew.

You don't want to think about it.

The world around you is fading to black. But it doesn't matter. Because all you see is her. You suddenly realize you should have apologized a long time ago. And now you're out of time. You wonder if they'll care you'll no longer be there.

The world fades to black. And before you know it it's over.

You're gone.

They all looked the same to you in the end. Every single one of them.

All girls in white dresses.

In the end you only turned away from one of them. In the end you only ignored her. Only her.

Only one girl you didn't believe.

The only girl you probably should have saved.