AN: Yea yea. I know I should be writing the next chapter for my Hannah Montana story, but I felt like writing this. So tough noodles. Disclaimer: No, I don't own Danny Phantom. If I did that kiss would have been so much hotter. (Ya'll know what I'm talkn' bout. Lol) J
I'm so tired of this feeling. The feeling of emptiness and…what's the word? To not be wanted. Unattractive. It's somewhere along those lines. But for the past several months this is how I've felt. I'm tired of it. At first it was nothing. I could easily brush it off and ignore it. Now it's a constant feeling. Like it's following me everywhere I go. There's no escape from it. I'm beginning to feel worn down. It's not helping my situation with Danny either.
I realized I'm in love with him. Not puppy love, but full blown out, madly in love with him. And now he's dating Valerie. I'm glad he's happy, but it hurts so much to see them together. When they kiss, God. It's like my heart has been ripped out. The first time I saw them kissing, I gasped and almost collapsed to my knees. I guess Danny heard me because he looked over at me. He looked and sounded worried, but I couldn't stand to be around him a the moment. He tried to touch my arm, but I flinched back, and turned my back to him. I told him I was fine, and quickly walked away from the couple.
That was a few weeks ago. Now I'm sitting here on my window seal, starring out into the night sky, nearly in tears. It seems that everyone has someone to love. Danny has Valerie, and Tucker has the new girl who happens to be as into technology as he is. Even Dash and Paulina are dating. Then there's me. The lonely Goth chick who has no one. I don't even have someone to talk to about my problems. Not that I ever did talk to anyone about my problems, but it would be nice to have the choice.
Sighing, I lean my head against the window. Looking down the street I see Danny and Valerie. They're walking down the sidewalk, holding hands. Talking and laughing Danny looks at her. She looks back. Slowly they begin to lean in until their lips meet. The dam breaks and tears begin to flow. I try to look away, but can't. I watch as she brings her hands up into Danny's hair, and he wraps his arms around her waist. A lump is formed in my throat that I can't swallow. After what seems like a life time, they pull back slightly. Resting his forehead on hers, he whispers something. She smiles in return and kisses him lightly. At this point I feel so much pain I'm amazed it's possible. My heart has not only been torn out, but hacked into such small pieces you can't see them with the strongest microscope. Grabbing my sides I let out a moan of pain and double over. I'm still leaning against the glass, almost all my weight is on it. I close my eyes tightly, trying to force the pain to go away. After a moment I open my eyes and chance a glance out the window. They're still out there. Sitting on a bench, Danny has his arm wrapped around her as she rests her head on his shoulder. He leans to down to whisper into her ear, then kiss her lips.
The spot where my heart once was throbs in pain and I hold onto my sides tighter. Tears rush down my cheeks. My face becomes distorted in anguish; I let out a much louder pain filled moan. I'm grateful my parents are on a cruise with my grandmother as the sound reverberates through my room. I slowly open my eyes and look down at my feet. From the corner of my eye I can see that the window is slightly cracked open. Starring at it for a moment, my eyes slowly move to where Danny and Valerie are currently sitting. Her eyes are still shut, but Danny is looking straight at me. His face is confused at first, but then worried. We lock eyes and communicate silently.
"Sam? Are you ok?"
I answer back; "I'm fine."
"But that sound…and…are you crying?"
He looks much more worried now and I can tell he's about to stand up.
I stiffly and slowly shake my head. "Stay there. Stay with her."
He looks at me for another moment. I can tell he's thinking of what to do. He wants to end the date with Valerie, come over to my house and talk to me. To find out what's wrong with me. I shake my head again, but anger is mixing with my sadness. How dare he think that after he's hardly talked to me in weeks, that he can just stop by and act concerned. To act like he cares how I am. He whispers something to her and she answers him back. Standing up, Danny holds his hand out for her. She grabs it and stands. Getting closer to him, she once again kisses him. I glare into the back of Danny's head and slam the window shut. I look at them for another moment as they continue to kiss. Furious and deeply hurt I close the blinds and walk to my bed. I collapse onto it and continue to cry. The image of the man I love and his girlfriend kissing haunt my mind. I curl into a ball and sob. My chest throbs in pain and my stomach is twisted in knots. I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up everything I've eaten.
I feel a change in the temperature, then a hand on my shoulder. A soft, familiar, and at the moment unwanted voice quietly speaks.
"Sam?" I cry harder. Sobs are shaking my whole body and I've lost all control.
"Oh my god Sam! What happened?"
I don't answer. "Sam?"
He tries to wrap his arms around my shoulders, but I push him back. My throat is in pain, and it's difficult to even breath but I say "Stay. Away."
"Sam, tell me what happened." He tries to put a hand on my shoulder, but I slap it away and stand up off the bed. I nearly collapse from being so weak, but gain my footing. The Half-a studies me for a moment then slowly walks towards me.
"Sam, I need to know what's-"
"I said, stay. The fuck. Away. From. ME!" Danny stops in his tracks. I'm breathing heavily and glaring at him. A heavy silence surrounds us. He starts towards me again.
"Damn it Danny! I said BACK OFF!" He still is coming towards me. I back up until I hit a wall. Danny stops arms length in front of me.
"Sam Manson, you're telling me what's wrong." His eyes are a hard, cold, icy blue; the opposite of their normal color. I glare at him.
"Fuck off." Suddenly his eyes turn bright green and he yells at me.
"Damn it Sam! I'm trying to help you! I was out on a date with Valerie, then I hear you! I could have just left and spent the rest of the night with my girlfriend!"
I was beyond angry. Beyond pissed.
"YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH HER! You didn't have to leave her! You could have just continued making out with her right in front of me!"
"Oh! So I can't kiss MY GIRLFRIEND in front of you! What, are you jealous that we're dating!"
I yell back even louder. " I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS IF YOU TWO DATE!"
"So what." Danny counters. "You can't STAND that we KISS!"
"You two could have SEX for all I care!"
"FINE! Maybe we will!" He yells at me. He hits me with a final blow.
"At least me and VALERIE LOVE each other! Something YOU'LL NEVER NOW OR EXPERIENCE!"
The room becomes deathly silent. The throbbing in my chest comes back in full force. Tears start to form in my eyes. All the thoughts from earlier about being lonely and not being loved come racing to my mind. I slowly open my mouth and close it. Danny is looking at me with regret. I can feel my body shake and teeter from one side to another.
"Sam I'm…I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I'm just….."
I try to speak. "I…"
I close my eyes and let out a low moan. Holding my sides I hit my back against the wall again.
"Sam…." He says head down, I try and take deep breaths. I'm losing it again.
"Sam…." Danny says cautiously.
I can't hold up my body anymore and collapse onto my knees. Another wave of pain hits me as I see an image of Danny and Valerie kissing run through my head. I grip my sides tighter, hunch over, and let out a whimper. Danny is beside me, holding me.
"Sam. I'm so so so so so SO sorry!" I didn't mean anything I said! I was just so angry and I wasn't thinking!"
I struggle to take a deep breath in between sobs. With his body against mine, I feel like I'm on fire. I let out another whimper. Danny rubs my back slowly. My body tenses even more. This continues for another few minutes, but my crying doesn't let up. Slowly and carefully Danny talks.
"Sam, PLEASE tell me what's wrong. I can help you."
I let out a dark chuckle, then choke on a sob. "You…" I choke again. "You can't help me." I whisper.
"Yes I can."
"Not when you're the problem." I say it so low I think he doesn't hear me.
"I…I'm the problem?" The body shaking sobs have stopped, but tears still flow from my eyes. Danny takes his arm off me and makes me lean up straight. He puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Sam, how am I the problem?" Looking away, I know that if I look into his eyes I'll start to sob again.
"Sam. Tell me."
I lock my eyes onto the floor in front of me. Danny takes his right hand and brings my head up to look at me. I don't have the strength or will to fight back any more.
"Sam. You have to-"
"I love you." I whisper.
"I love you." I repeat.
"Sam, stop mumbling. I can't-"
"I SAID I LOVE YOU DANNY FENTON!"
Whatever is left of my heart beats rapidly. The room is silent once takes his hands off my shoulder. "You…you love…me?"
I look down in shame, but slowly nod my head. For the next few minutes all I hear is our breathing. Slowly, I try and get up as he watches me.
"Where are you going?"
I slowly walk to the door. I hear him stand up and follow me.
"Sam. Where are you going?"
"Away from you." I reply only loud enough that he can just barely hear me. He stops walking towards me. Opening the door I walk into the hallway and down the stairs. At the bottom, I hold onto the staircase rails, and take a deep, shaky breath. I look up the stairs, but they're empty. Walking to the front door I slowly open and close it. The cool night air hits me. I begin to slowly walk down the street.
"He doesn't love you Manson. He loves Valerie. He never loved you. He never will." I whisper to myself. "He was right. You'll never know love. You'll never experience it. You're undesired. Who would want me?"
I stayed silent for a moment as I walked down the empty street. I let out a sigh and whispered "I hopped Danny would."
What felt like several hours later I glanced at my phone and saw that it was 2:57 am. I didn't want to go back to my house. Danny would be there. Looking around I saw a mattress propped up in an alley. I set it down and laid on it. Curling up into a ball I tried to retain some heat. Tears slowly spilled from my eyes for the hundredth time that night. I closed my eyes tightly.
"I'm sorry Danny. I tried to stop it. I didn't want these feelings. I didn't want to love you. I never wanted to ruin one of the only real friendships I had."
I choked back a sob. I whispered the rest.
"But I did. And now the love of my life, my best friend is out of my life. Forever."
My chest contracted in pain.
"All because I was so stupid to let myself fall for you. Because I couldn't control myself."
I was silent for a moment as a huge wave of pain and sorrow hit me.
"I don't want this anymore." I sobbed. "Please, take it back. Please God, take it back. I don't want to love him. Please God. I don't want to love him anymore."
That night I cried myself to sleep in a cold dark alley.
When I woke up it was light out, but I didn't get up. I laid on the mattress and starred at the brick wall in front of me. I didn't think about anything. My mind was blank. I didn't cry. I had no tears left. It felt like there was nothing left.
Suddenly, I heard someone walk past the alley entrance. They were talking on a cell phone, and sounded worried.
"No, I haven't seen her." It was Tucker!
"No Danny, I'm sure. I don't know where she could be!" He was silent again.
"Yes! Of course I'll keep looki-" He stopped talking.
"SAM!" Tucker yelled. Running over to me the Tucker kneeled down.
"Sam…."I looked past him and at the brick wall. I could hear Danny yelling over the phone.
Tucker put the phone to his ear. He gave the street name that the alley was on and hung up. Taking off his jacket, the tech geek put it on me.
"God Sam. You're freezing."
I didn't say anything. A few minutes later Danny was in front of me in his ghost form.
"Sam! Thank God you're fine!" He exclaimed. Tucker looked over me.
"I think we should get her to a hospital."
I spoke for the first time. "No. No hospital."
The two boys looked at each other.
"Sam," Danny started. "I think it would be best if me and Tucker brought-"
"I SAID NO!"
It was silent for a moment, but then Danny broke it.
"Fine. We'll take you back to your house. I'll take care of you there."
He looked over at Tucker. "Tuck, I'm going to fly her over to her house. I want you to tell my sister and Val that we found her."
At Valerie's nickname I flinched. Picking me up carefully Danny flew me back to my making sure I had no injuries, had food in me, and I was bathed, Danny put me in my bed and sat down on the edge of it.
"Sam." I looked up at my ceiling, showing no signs that I heard him.
"Sam, you can't ignore me."
"Go away." I whispered.
"No. I'm not leaving."
I continued to look at the ceiling, but spoke.
"You've done enough. Enough helping, and enough damage."
I closed my eyes. "Please, just leave."
He was silent for a minute.
Weakly I fought back.
"Damn it Danny. Can't you see you've already messed me up? You being here, it just makes it worse." "Sam, you ran away last night. I never got to tell you what I thought."
I let out a deep tired sigh. "You didn't have to. You're actions told me."
"I was surprised. I wasn't expecting that."
I tiredly shrugged my shoulders. It was quiet again. I felt the weight on the bed sift, and come closer to me. Danny hovered over my body. Leaning over my face, he was inches from my lips. Slowly he pressed his lips to mine. For a moment I kissed him back, but stopped and pushed him away.
"No," I shook my head. "You don't want this."
The ghost boy looked confused. "What do you mean I don't want it? I wouldn't kiss you if I didn't want to."
"You would if you thought it would stop me from running away or hurting myself."
He remained silent. I closed my eyes and felt a pain in my chest. I knew it was too good to be true.
"No. That's not why I kissed you."
I let out a dark chuckle. Danny grabbed my shoulders. "SAM! I'm not kidding!"
I opened my eyes and looked into his.
" Last night when you told me you loved me, I was surprised. I was still shocked when you left. But then you never came back. I was terrified. I thought something happened to you. I pictured the worst things, and searched all night for you. The only sleep I got was when I passed out while flying over City Hall. Sam, I…when you went missing, I wanted nothing more than to find you. To hold you and tell you I was sorry. That I was stupid for yelling at you, for letting you leave, and for not telling you sooner."
"Tell me what sooner? That you don't love me? I already know that."
Danny let out a groan.
"UGH. No Sam! That I love you!"
I looked into his eyes to see if he was lying. I took note that they were relatively back to normal compared to last night. But there was something different about them. Something I've never seen them hold. Was it the love for me that he was talking about?
"What about "Val"." I said the name with venom. Danny gave me a small smile.
"She came over when you were taking a bath earlier. We talked, and she always knew that I loved you. That it was only a matter of time until I saw it. So, we broke up."
"Sam," He said softly as he intertwined our fingers. "I. Love. YOU."
I stared down at our hands then up at him. I gave a small weak smile, getting a smile in return. Eyes locked onto mine, Danny slowly leaned down again. This time, his lips were hovering right over mine.
"Sam," his lips barley grazed over mine as he spoke softly. "Can I…kiss you?"
My lips formed a small smile. "Please do." I leaned into him. We kissed softly. We didn't rush, and it wasn't fiery and heated. But it held as much passion if not more. The whole time our fingers were intertwined together. Danny pulled back a little.
"I really do love you Sam. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
"I love you Danny. And I don't care anymore."
Leaning into him again I connected our lips. The third kiss of millions.
An: YAY! I'M DONE! HAHA! Lol Actually this went, well….differently than I thought. I literally made it up as I went. Lol But I'm happy with how it came out. Angst angst angst, then some fluff at the end. Lol But tis be 4:40 in the am, and I be tired. So off to bed I go! Lol As for the Hannah fic, I'm gonna try and update that later. Maybe later today. Idk Anyway, late.