An insane Watchmen crackfic
A/N: This is a parody, so the characters are OOC. And, by "OOC", I mean "ski trip to Hell OOC".
April 12, 1968
Rorschach's regular alarm clock had been replaced with one that rang, "ZOMFGDATTEBAYO"!
Rorschach leaped from his head, looked wildly around, and asked himself, "Where?"
Suddenly, Rorschach felt... well, elated. He felt like he was on Cloud Nine.
"I feel pretty, and witty, and gay!" he sung in a rich baritone voice. "My goodness, do I feel dirty!" he said in an odd, high-pitched voice. "I must clean myself!" He stepped into his shower, and scrubbed himself thoroughly. Completely naked, he threw all of his clothes, mixing his mask, underwear, trenchcoat, pants, and boots in a washing machine that randomly appeared out of nowhere. Five minutes later, the wash was done. All of his clothes had become unflattering multi-hued shades of gray. His mask completely lost its ink blot design; it instead looked like a gray ski mask without eyeholes.
"Oh, my lucky stars, does it smell clean!" he boomed, causing all of the lightbulbs in his apartment to blow up. The neighbors knew better than to intervene... they had experienced worse...
Just then, Daniel Drieberg showed up, wearing a pink ballerina outfit.
"Hello," he said, sounding as much like a woman on crack as possible.
"Hello, dah-ling! It's a beautiful morning, isn't it, dah-ling?" asked Rorschach. Rorschach did a pirouette... just because... he felt like it... yeah. I told you it'd be weird.
"Well, Merriweather," said Nite Owl, "I do think a spot of tea would be lovely, don't you think?"
"Capital idea, Samantha," said Rorschach. "Speaking of spots, would you like me to spot your dress?"
"Oooh, you tease!" said Dan, giggling like a lunatic.
Rorschach began to hoot like a chimpanzee.
"Do you know what time it is, Merriweather?" asked Nite Owl.
"Hammer time?" asked Merri- Rorschach.
"No, dah-ling, Hammer Time is 3:00pm, and it's noon now," said Nite Owl. "Merriweather, it's time... to fart loudly in complete strangers' faces."
Rorschach heard a faint scream.
"Listen, someone's in trouble!" he said. "We must fly to their sides!"
Rorschach flew in the air, used telekinesis to open the window, and soon flew to the crime scene.
"Merriweather, away!" he shouted.
Nite Owl did exactly the same thing as Rorschach.
"Samantha, away!" shouted Nite Owl.
They were soon at the crime scene. A thirtysomething rapist had exposed his sexual organs to a seventeen-year-old girl. He had gripped her shoulders, and was about to force her to perform oral sex on him. Suddenly, both of them witnessed someone in a parody of Rorschach's outfit, and someone in a ballerina outfit fly through the air, and land beside them. The teenage girl and the rapist stared for a bit, before running for their lives while screaming.
"Another crisis diverted!" said Nite Owl.
The duo body-slammed to express their satisfaction. Unfortunately, the wind was knocked out of both of them.