Title: It's Good To Be King
Series: Ouran
Character/Pairing: MOMMY LOVES DADDY (Kyouya/Tamaki)
Summary: Only the twins could come up with a plan like this, and only Kyouya could think of business at a time like this.
A/N: comment_fic: Ouran High School Host Club, Kyoya/Tamaki, The twins are up to something. Crazy batshit crack.


The host club was like any other day, that is to say that it looked like somewhere south of anything remotely reasonable. The place was arrayed like an Arabian palace complete with grand amphoras and a jeweled throne that seemed to be more than a prop. Intricate geometric patterns were painted over the walls and lamps made of copper lit the room.

Kyouya had not been notified of this, and he grimaced. He hated to be out of the loop for anything, and if he hadn't been notified, that meant Tamaki and the twins were behind it, and nothing good could come out of a plan from them. The twins looked entirely too smug, like the cat who ate the canary. Of course, this was their default expression, but it still made Kyouya suspicious.

Tamaki was behind a screen, changing into his costume. Kyouya knocked upon the wood twice, but respected Tamaki's privacy.

"Tamaki. What are you doing?"

"See, the twins told me everything, they showed that the finances are down and have the perfect way to fix this!"

Those twin devils never got a say in politics for a reason, but their king was a fool. Inwardly, Kyouya sighed.

"We need more Boy's Love! Women want to see the pure love of two bosom-friends! It is perfect, utterly flawless way raise the finances!"

With that, and a bit a flourish, Tamaki entered. He wore a fairly see-through outfit, complete with veil and gold jingling jewelry. Through the translucent skirt, Kyouya could see that Tamaki wore a gilded thong, and nothing else but assorted bangles down his legs.

In a corner the twins snickered to each other, devils wearing angelic smiles and false halos of innocence. Honey's eyes were wide and his mouth formed a shocked "o". Mori was blank, as usual and Haruhi merely looked unsurprised. He could've sworn he heard her mutter just another day at the Host Club...

"Mommy, Daddy will dance for you!"

As the music started, Tamaki threw off the scanty top and gyrated his hips as he slipped out of the skirt.

For once, Kyouya wasn't sure if this was a mortifying shame that only the twins could devise or the one of his deepest fantasies finally brought to life.

Kyouya sat upon the throne, somewhat unsteadily, for he was feeling rather lightheaded. It was about the time Tamaki slipped out of his skirt and into Kyouya's and still continued the dancing that Kyouya decided that yes, this was fantasy come to life and not a horrific humiliation devised by the twins.

Their rich female patrons swooned and gasped and shrieked in the background. Kyouya made a mental note to buy some fainting mats or hire some servants to catch them for future endeavors.

"Yes, this will be a series of Boy's Love, and the there will soon be a calendar and photobook released, with special photos for the first 20 Limited Gold edition," Kyouya said.

Every girl's hand in the room shot up, ordering a book and calendar set. Only Kyouya could've thought business while Tamaki was grinding against him in a thong. And business it was as he thought of the next photo shoots to completely put this one to shame ( containing chocolate dip, fuzzy purple handcuffs, wet shirtless photo shoots to name a few).

They wouldn't have to worry about finances for quite a while. This enterprise would be both profitable and enjoyable. With a plan like that, everybody won. Perhaps the twins had merely been playing a game, but for once he had to admire their sense.

With that, Kyouya leaned back like a grand monarch with his own personal golden haired pleasure slave. He ran his hands down Tamaki's back appreciatively. Tamaki had ceased his dancing and merely sat upon him, like a large, sated golden cat.

It was good to be king.