Title: GB and the Trouble with Jet
Author: Sybil Rowan
Pairing(s)/Characters: 002+004/ This is a kind of a strange friendship story involving 007, 002, 006, and 004
Summary: GB bets Chang he can lure Jet into doing housework. He makes the mistake of adopting Albert's appearance. Bad idea!
Warnings: Jet tries to make out with what he thinks is Albert. Just silliness.
Author's Notes: None except I need a comedy break from my vampire story. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Cyborg 009 is owned by Shotaro Ishinomori.
Beta Reader: My loving Beta reader, WingedPanther73
Date: May 31, 2009
Word Count: 1,812
"That lazy boy. He was supposed to be down here, cleaning dishes, doing laundry, cleaning house." Chang said, tossing aside a dishrag.
"Aw, 002, again. He does have a marvelous way of worming out of household chores." GB poured tea from a kettle on the stove. "I've never see you quite this irritated, old boy. After all, it's nothing new."
"I made a calendar and posted it on the refrigerator."
"Yes, I know. I'm Wednesday night laundry and Tuesday mopping."
"Well he does do his chores when I pester him. Also, I'm supposed to go run some errands in town. How can I do that, when he sleeps half the day away. It's time someone talked to him," Chang said, getting back his cool demeanor.
GB gave out a wicked chuckle. "Hey, Chang. I bet I can get that old lazybones up and moving."
"No one can get that boy up and moving."
"If I fail to get 002 to hustle with his chores today, I'll will do all your housework next week. If I succeed in getting yon rascal down here doing his housework, you let me off the hook with all my housework next week."
Chang busted out laughing and shaking his head. "I don't believe you can do it. Even with your skills, my friend, I don't think you can trick him into it."
"Oh... I found out a little secret involving 002 and 004 last weekend that will make this very easy and yet stretch my acting abilities." GB morphed into Dr. Gilmore. "Observe act one."
Chang followed faux Gilmore out to the living room where Albert rested on the sofa, reading a book.
"Ah, 004, just the man I wanted to see. Could you run over to the airport and pick up a package for me at the baggage claim. I'm afraid I'm in the middle of sorting out some notes with Dr. Kazumi. It would be a wonderful help."
"Sure, doctor, no problem." Albert set aside his book. "What flight will it be coming in on?"
"Oh it'll be from Sweden. Flight 456."
"I'll be back soon." Albert grabbed car keys, his jacket, and left. Chang raised an eyebrow as GB morphed back into himself.
"And how is that going to help you talk 002 into doing housework?"
"Well, I couldn't have two 004s walking around, now could I? That's why I sent him on a wild goose chase."
"I don't understand what you're up to. How could 004 influence 002 into housework?"
"Watch, gentleman, while I play the part of a brooding German. Very similar to Hamlet only a touch more sarcastic." GB morphed into Albert.
Chang shook his head. "I'm not sure I understand, but I have a feeling you're playing with fire."
"I'm going to catch a fly with a little honey. Hang back, and soon you will have your redheaded, American lackey," GB said in a perfect imitation of Albert's voice.
"I'm not sure I like this," Chang mumbled as faux Albert launched himself upstairs towards Jet's bedroom.
GB opened Jet's door and entered the darkened room. There was his target, bundled in a wad of blankets with one skinny arm dangling over the side of his bed. GB walked over to the blankets and gave it three good pokes.
Jet leaped up on all fours with a nasty scowl. "Cut it out, Heinrich."
"You'll sleep away the whole day."
"Maybe I want to. The only thing going on is Chang's housework, and I'm not really crazy about that. So if I can get back to my nice, pleasant dreams, I'd appreciate it." Jet's scowl almost made GB laugh.
"I know, but I was going to spend some time with you today."
"Really?" Jet's gave GB a skeptical look. "Do you mean spend time like I think you mean?"
"Un hun, but Chang can't leave until you help him with the laundry and the dishes. Once that's done, we'll have the house all to ourselves."
"Well, damn it! Why didn't you say so?" Jet bolted out of bed and threw on a Black Flag tee-shirt with the words 'Who's Got the Ten and Half' on it. He yanked on some worn jeans and gave GB a lopsided smile. "Then again, why not lock the door and then we can get busy? Chang will never know."
"You're too noisy."
"Noisy! Me? I am not."
"I'm just saying that GB made a comment yesterday. He may be catching on to our encounters," GB said, figuring it was a good opportunity to see what Jet would say about him behind his back. Jet just rolled his brandy-colored eyes.
"Aw... he'll never catch on. He's totally clueless. 007 is more like Maxwell Smart than James Bond. Now come on," Jet scoffed, yanking GB's imitation gun hand. Before he knew it, he was laying flat on his back on Jet's bed. The lanky American was now straddling his hips and leering down at him.
GB's flare of anger was quashed by panic. Jet leaned over, placing his hands beside GB's shoulders, his bangs dangled downwards. "Oh no. We can't do this right now. I have to insist you help Chang first. Then I promise to give you what you have coming."
Jet's leer turned to aggravation. "You're being a pain in my ass, Heinrich."
GB let the potential sarcastic reply go and sighed. "The sooner you finish, the sooner we can enjoy the rest of the day."
"You aren't budging an inch on this housework stuff, are you?" Jet asked.
Jet rolled off of GB, to the British actor's utter relief, and jumped off the bed. "Fine. I'll go help Chang, but you better make it worth my while."
"I promise you won't be disappointed," GB said, getting off of Jet's bed and followed him downstairs.
"Can I get dishpan-hands from all this? I mean, Gilmore's going to have to replace my artificial skin at this rate." Jet leaned over the half empty sink of dishes. Chang and GB, still disguised as Albert, sat at the kitchen table sipping tea. They exchanged self-satisfied glances and suppressed their snickers.
"A little hot water never hurt anyone," Chang replied. "You may want to push that laundry before you finish the dishes."
Jet turned around, but GB wiped the smirk off his face before the quick redhead could see it. He flipped through a magazine and sipped his tea as Jet walked over to the table.
"Hey, Heinrich, why don't you help me out a little with the laundry?"
GB knew he was trapped. If he refused to help, it wouldn't be very Albert-like behavior. On the other hand, it would be worth it in the long run if he were free of all his chores next week. He stood and said, "Sure. No problem."
Jet lead the way to the basement area where the laundry machines were set up. GB helped Jet move laundry, hang and fold clothes, and start a new load. Jet leaned against the dryer and tugged GB over.
"Hey, how about now. I've been a good boy. How about a reward."
"I told you, not until everything is finished." GB worked up his best irritated look, while Jet hoisted himself on top of the dryer. GB got nervous when Jet's smile grew lecherous. GB felt Jet's legs wrap around his waist. He tried to push off Jet's arms from around his neck, but the redhead was persistent.
"Come on. Let's take a little risk. Doesn't the thrill of being caught turn you on?"
"Uh... no! You see... I uh..."
"Keep your mouth shut," Jet ordered. Suddenly, Jet leaned froward, taking them down to the floor. The back of GB's head throbbed as it smacked concrete; true terror struck when he shook off his daze.
Jet's lips locked onto GB's. The British actor's arms flailed in an effort to break the ardent kiss, but Jet was too aggressive.
"What the hell is going on!" The German accent struck a deeper terror in GB's heart. GB was able to breath again when Jet looked over to the staircase that lead down to the basement. GB didn't bother looking over at the real Albert Heinrich as confusion settled over Jet's face.
Confusion slowly turned to malice when Jet looked back down at GB. The British man morphed back into his natural form; he plastered a huge smile on his face and gave a half hearted wave.
GB said, "I really have a funny story about..." The next thing GB saw was Jet's right knuckles and then pitch black.
Joe leaned over towards Frances and whispered, "Why is GB cooking and why are we forced to eat mince meat pies?"
Frances looked around the table. Everyone was silent, hostile glares were swapped between Jet and GB as the British man served the food. Albert would let out a snicker every now and then. That would set Chang off into gales of hearty laughter. Jet's face would turn redder and the glares at GB grew sharper.
"What I can't figure out is what happened to GB's face. All he would say is that he fell down the basement stairs repeatedly," Frances whispered back.
GB suddenly swirled around to Chang and yelled, "Why didn't you warn me that 004 was on his way down the stairs! I thought you were my friend!"
Frances and Joe shrugged at each other figuring it was related to the large black eyes and bruises covering GB's face. Chang burst out laughing again before lighting his pipe.
"Are you kidding? This was my opportunity for a nice, week-long vacation and to teach 002 that it's not worth being slothful when it comes to housework. I believe you both got what you deserved."
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Jet leaped to his feet. He suddenly looked green; he shook his head and mumbled, "I've got to go gargle more Listerine."
Jet bolted back towards his room with no further explanation. Joe and Frances shook their heads at one another in bafflement.
"I'm not that repulsive, you little twerp! I'll have you know all the girls say I'm a damn fine kisser!" GB yelled, shaking his fist towards Jet's room.
"Now, now, 007. You don't want to make me jealous," Albert said in a mocking tone. Chang fell off his chair, gulping for air between laughter. Albert chuckled and stood up. "You're one lousy cook, GB. I'm going to try to unruffled Jet's feathers, but you may want to stay away from him for a while."
"No problems there. I've had enough trouble with Jet Link to last me the rest of my life!"
"We must have missed something really good," Joe said.
"Just some housework. That's all," Chang said, crawling back into his chair.