Before it caused more confusion, I'm sticking to Blood Soaked Redemption's Theme's order!!
Which says like this:
FINALIZED YULLEN THEMES
June 1: Misunderstanding
June 2: Prank
June 3: Date
June 4: Games
June 5: Doll
June 6: Night Out
I'm sticking to that order, alright? THANKS!
Title: Not Quite a Fight
Genre: Hurt/comfort… I guess?
Summary: He was tired. Tired from fighting, from keep having the dream, from feeling like everything turned against him… He was. Just. Tired.
Word Count: 3277
Warning: Possible OOC-ness, a little bit of swearing, and umm.. angsting!Allen?
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine… *sobs*
A/N: Sooo… this is my first entry for Yullen Week in . And apparently, I ended up writing angst again, hahah… and for the life of me, I couldn't write a decent fighting scene D:
Anyway, in Allen's dream, Mana called him 'OOO', just like in the manga. I originally wanted to make it 'XXX', but since the manga used the circle symbol to censor the 14th's name… so yeah, it's 'OOO'.
- NOT QUITE A FIGHT -
Yullen Week, Day 1
… Hurt… His chest was hurting… it hurt a lot…
It was dark, he could barely see anything, but he knew something was wrong.
"… only evil things…? So, why are you suffering?"
His eyes widened in shock, his surroundings brightened, and Allen found himself bleeding, stabbed to a crumbled wall by his very own Crown Clown in the middle of a ruined city.
"Stupid child… did you really think that the host body for the 14th could be without sin?"
"You didn't bring salvation to all of those tarnished souls; it was the left hand of God."
'Ah, this is…'
"Your soul is the one that needs to be saved."
'…the darned dream, isn't it?'
Allen glanced up at the mocking sky with narrowed eyes, silently cursing for having another bizarre, annoying dream and urged himself to just wake up already. But suddenly his eyes widened as he remembered what—who was supposed to show up in this dream. He looked forward expectantly, and found a figure he had always been missing.
"Mana!" he called out, a wide smile spread across the boy's face as his sword faded out and he reverted back to his childhood form.
He ran towards Mana's outstretched hand happily, while the Clown gave him a warm smile in return. He took Allen's little hand, and they walked hand-in-hand, before Mana started to slightly run, dragging Allen' with him.
"Hurry, hurry, 'OOO'!"
"Hey, hold on, Mana! And I'm not 'OOO', just call me Allen, okay?"
Mana turned to look at him, still smiling that clown's smile of his, but Allen found that his eyes weren't really looking at him. "What are you talking about, 'OOO'? You're you, not 'Allen', silly."
Allen stopped dead on his track, his hand slipped away from Mana's hold. Slowly he grew back to his teenager form, clad in his exorcist uniform that for some reason, tainted with blood. Mana stopped walking and turned to look at him, and ask, "What is it, 'OOO'?"
"I'm not 'OOO', Mana, I'm Allen," he looked up a little; a strained smile was on his face. "Please, call me 'Allen'…"
The quick reply made Allen snap his head upwards to look at his foster father's eyes, which stared back at him coldly despite the smile on his face.
"You're 'OOO', dear. 'Allen' is just a vessel, a host to your memory. I don't care about 'Allen'. All I care about is you, my dear brother."
'No… that's a lie… no…'
"I love you, 'OOO'…"
* * *
'No… that's a lie… no…'
"Damn it, Beansprout, wake up!"
Allen's eyes snapped open, and he promptly shot up in bed, panting heavily. What was going on? Where was he? Where was Mana? Half of his soul was still left in the dream, his eyes stared into nothingness, his breathing shallow and rapid, and he gasped for air.
"Idiot, look at me!" Allen felt hands on his cheeks, before his head was twisted to one side and Kanda's scowling face came into view. "Now, breathe. Slowly…"
Allen followed the instruction, trying to control his breathing. His hands crept up to hold Kanda's that were still on either side of his face, anchoring himself to reality, to tell himself that it was only a dream, that he was now awake, that there was no Mana…
Allen closed his eyes, and gradually, his breathing was stable and his shoulders relaxed. Noticing the signs, Kanda pulled away his hands and che'd at him before stepping back. Allen opened his eyes again to take in his surroundings, remembering that he was currently on a mission with Link, Kanda and Lenalee, and now they were in their inn's room, and Lenalee was in a separate room than the three.
Right, this was the reality. What Mana had told him had only been a dream.
It wasn't true…
"I don't care about 'Allen'."
…or was it?
"You were moaning in your sleep and you looked pained, so we decided to wake you up," Link stated flatly, still clad in his pajamas with his hair sticking out of the braids.
Allen hung his head low enough, and when Timcanpy landed on his lap looking worried, he forced an "I'm fine" answer. "It's just a nightmare," he added, reassuring himself more than anyone else.
"All I care about is you, my dear brother."
"It was only a nightmare…" he repeated.
"I don't care about 'Allen'."
'No… It's a lie, right, Mana?'
The room was silent as Allen drowned himself in insecurities and confusion, while Kanda and Link could only exchange a look.
"You look rather burdened these past few days, Walker," Link began, "I'm not an expert in this, but Maybe Lenalee Lee was right. It might make you feel better if you just talk about it."
"There's nothing to talk about," Allen quickly responded.
The white haired boy sighed and kept silent. He knew the night was still long, but he didn't feel like going back to sleep. He didn't want to see Mana saying those words again… the words that was aimed for—he glanced to the mirror to see a shadow of the 14th—his 'other self'.
'It's getting more frequent and vivid… the bloody dream.'
Before Allen could drown himself more in remorse, he felt a material was dumped onto him, and he looked up to see Kanda glaring down at him. "Put it on," he ordered.
Allen blinked and just stared at his fellow exorcist who was now tying his hair in his usual high ponytail before putting his exorcist coat just over his sleepwear. The younger teen then glanced down to his lap, and found out that it was his exorcist coat that Kanda threw at him earlier.
"Are you deaf, Beansprout? Put your coat on! We're going out."
Allen wasn't really coherent to retort to Kanda's harsh words, so he just grumpily put on his coat and stood from his bed, Timcanpy fluttered above his head before settling down on Allen's white, fluffy head.
"Where are we going?"
"Out," Kanda simply replied, ignoring the glare he received from the younger boy.
"Wait. I cannot allow you to take Walker out without supervision, Exorcist Yuu Kanda," Link spoke up, his eyes forbidding.
Kanda che'd at him before replying, "Whatever. You can stalk us if you want."
Allen himself didn't know why he was complying. It wasn't like he had to obey Kanda, and he wasn't even sure what Kanda possibly wanted from him. But his mind was rather in chaos, now that he still remembered every part of his dream rather vividly, and he certainly wasn't getting any sleep, so he thought he'd just go and see.
It turned out that Kanda brought him to a nearby forest just outside of the village. The samurai led the way until he found a clearing, then he stopped and turned to face Allen, who only raised an eyebrow in question.
Allen was alarmed when Kanda unsheathed Mugen and activated it. He glanced around; seeking for a sign of Akuma, but his left eye wasn't reacting. "Kanda…?" he called; his tone anxious.
"Activate your Crown Clown. Fight me."
"I cannot allow that," Link stepped between the two, his face and voice stern.
"Shut the hell up!" Kanda pushed Link aside, then turned to Allen, "Do it, Beansprout!"
"No! Are you out of your mind?" Allen yelled back.
"Kaichuu Ichigen!" Kanda began without warning; releasing his attack that forced Link to jump aside, Timcanpy zoomed away from the British boy, and Allen activate his Innocence to shield himself.
There was silence after the first Attack, and Allen took the time to glare at Kanda, who just returned it with his cold stare.
"Yuu Kanda, explain yourself!" Link demanded as he stomped to the Japanese exorcist.
Kanda che'd again, before pointing his sword to Allen's direction and calmly spoke, "This useless brat over there has been distracted with his personal woes during our mission. He's only going to be a hindrance if he goes on like that, so I'm going to smack some sense into that useless head of his."
Allen was, as much as he hated to admit it, hurt by Kanda's cold—and rather harsh—statement. He hated how the Samurai was right about him being distracted, hated his lack of sympathy, and hated how Kanda's words affected him so much that it hurt.
"Step aside, Link," Allen spoke in a cold and detached way as he started to walk towards Kanda, who immediately took his stance, ready for an attack.
Link jumped backwards just in time when suddenly the two exorcist launched themselves at each other, and the sound of metal clashing against metal echoed through the silent night.
"You only care about missions, don't you?" Allen asked coldly between slashing and deflecting attacks, his voice eerily calm which meant he was beyond pissed off. Even his attacks were fiercer than the ones he usually launched whenever he sparred with his comrades.
"I'm an exorcist. Naturally, my priority is my mission, stupid," Kanda replied just as calmly, his movement fluid and graceful as usual, leaving no opening for Allen to attack.
Suddenly Kanda gave an unexpected blow that Allen had no time to deflect, and he was thrown a few meters back, crashing onto a tree. He winced in pain as he felt the back of his head throbbed, before opening his eyes only to find the tip of Mugen right in front of his face.
"See how useless you are, bean? You have so many openings I wouldn't be surprised if you got yourself killed one of these days."
Allen glared up at Kanda, anger was evident in his silver eyes. He hated the cold tone of voice Kanda used, hated the indifference directed at him, hated the way Mugen was mercilessly pressed on his right cheek, drawing blood from it… he hated himself for even having a thought that Kanda might care for him at all. Seriously, what did he expect this cold-hearted jerk to do? Sympathize with him?
What had gotten into him for even thinking about it? When did he become so… so weak?
Kicking Kanda's abdomen hard, Allen took the moment Kanda steadying himself to jump on his feet and charged forwards, slashing his sword to the Samurai only to have it deflected by Mugen.
"What do you know about what has been distracting me? You can only judge and deem people worthless just because they don't meet your expectation without even looking at them. You heartless bastard…"
"Think what you want, I don't give a damn," Kanda retorted calmly, and Allen thought he saw something flickered in those cobalt eyes, something that he couldn't really place. But right now, he didn't care, he was too busy attacking—he was angry, frustrated.
And so he vent out his frustration through every slash, every thrust of his sword—venting out his anger to the Samurai who seemed to only have added fuel to the fire. Allen knew he wasn't quite himself right now. He knew he shouldn't do this. Kanda is a jerk—a cold, heartless bastard, but aiming his anger for something else at Kanda wasn't right.
He should be angry at himself.
Having his mind invaded with self-loathing made Allen fail to see the attack coming from his side. He barely dodged the sword when he felt himself kicked, hard, and he painfully thrown to the ground, with Mugen landed just a few centimeters next to his neck.
He glance upwards to see Kanda's steely eyes, the Samurai's demeanor was cool despite the blood trickling down from the corner of his mouth and a few minor injuries here and there. He felt his chest being stepped on by Kanda—not hard enough to actually hurt him, just enough to make him unable to move.
And Allen found himself didn't care anymore.
He was tired. Tired from fighting, from keep having the dream, from feeling like everything turned against him… He was. Just. Tired.
"Sometimes I wonder why everything I care for seems to betray me," he started weakly, feeling like speaking out loud, not caring that Kanda could actually hear him.
"The order now sees me as an enemy. My master actually was carrying the 14th's will. My Innocence hurt me. And Mana…"
Allen trailed off as he gazed pass Kanda to the crescent moon above, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and sighing heavily.
"Mana never loved me…" he whispered.
Silence hung around them once more, and Allen kept his eyes closed. He didn't expect Kanda to respond—hell, he doubted the rude Japanese was actually listening at all. He might as well talk to a wall, which was probably why he started talking to begin with.
So of course, he didn't expect the question that flowed out of Kanda's mouth, "Did he ever tell you that?"
The younger teen blinked his eyes open and stared up at his fellow exorcist. A rather unintelligence "Huh?" was all that managed to escape his lips.
"Your foster father," Kanda began again, slightly annoyed at having to repeat himself, but he did it anyway. "Did he ever tell you he never loved you?"
"No, not before. But I keep having a dream where he does," Allen sighed.
For a moment, none of them spoke, and Allen wondered why Kanda bothered to ask at all, and why did he even tell the jerk about his dream.
"You really are an idiot," he suddenly heard Kanda said, and he glanced up in time to see Kanda sighed at him.
"Excuse me?" Allen scowled; not really liking the way Kanda called him an 'idiot' when he thought the other was way more of an idiot than himself.
"You. Are. An. Idiot." Kanda deadpanned, before continuing, "Depressing over some stupid dream where clearly the person in it isn't even real."
"Well, it's true that Mana never told me that when he was alive, but it's a possibility that he had been feeling that way, isn't it?"
"And it's also a possibility that this 'Mana' had actually cared for you, Beansprout. Can't that stupid head of yours think from the other side of things?"
"Look," Kanda cut him off, "Your father is dead. You turned him into an Akuma and then killed him, sending his soul to where it belonged. So there's no way the Mana in your dream could be your dead father, so stop depressing over whatever that fake Mana told you in your fucking dream."
Allen could only stare at the older boy in disbelief—a good kind of disbelief. Was Kanda actually trying to make him feel better?
"And as for the order, you know the higher-ups consist of jerks like Leverrier—some even worse, so why even give a damn about how they see you? General Cross was also a bastard to begin with, and you knew it damn well. Be thankful that he actually cared enough for you. Your Innocence? You have a fucking Noah in you, so of course Crown Clown can hurt you. Live with it, and just don't let that damned Noah take over you, or I'll kill you."
For a moment, Allen was… speechless. He didn't know what to say. Never once had he thought there would come a day when Kanda actually being nice to him like this.
"Wow. I must look really pathetic for you to actually try to cheer me up," Allen commented, and he couldn't help the smile that involuntarily spread widely across his face.
"I'm only stating facts, and yes, you do look so damn pathetic, Beansprout. So get your sorry ass up and act like a man."
"Oh? You're not going to… finish me off or something?"
"I don't want to waste more energy," Kanda simply stated as he removed his foot from Allen's chest, pulled Mugen from the ground and sheathed it, then he added, "And you've vent them all out, haven't you?"
And that was when it dawned on Allen, the reason why Kanda wanted to fight him in the first place, why he acted like a total jerk and keep pressing on his buttons. He had misunderstood the older teen. It wasn't because Kanda was heartless, wasn't because the Samurai hated his guts.
It was because, in his own bizarre way, Kanda cared for him.
"Darn, I think I'm going to cry," Allen muttered as he covered his eyes with his right arm, a warm smile spread on his face as salty liquid began to trickle down his cheeks.
He heard Kanda scoffed at him and mocked, "Figured that you'd still be a crybaby."
"Oh, shut up, BaKanda," he retorted, still lying down on the ground and hiding his eyes with an arm.
"The name's Allen."
"A bean sprout is a bean sprout."
"I figured that you'd be too stupid to even say my name correctly."
"I'm going to kill you."
"You just missed your chance, too bad."
"If you two are done then we are going back to the inn. Now." Link interrupted the banter, and that was when the two exorcists remembered that the inspector was actually still there.
"Yes, yes," Allen waved his Innocence hand before wiping away his tears and standing up.
Link immediately turned his back and made his way to the village direction, ripping a page from his notebook that contained his report on an inappropriate battle between exorcists and slipped it into his pocket to throw away later. He didn't think such trivial matter was necessary to be reported.
Kanda had already walked away when Allen was still busy dusting his clothes off, and the younger boy spent a few seconds to stare at the Japanese's retreating back. He then absently touched his chest, and somehow, it felt way lighter than it had been for the last few days. It was true that none of his problems were solved—the order would still see him as a threat, his Master's condition was still unknown and made it impossible to ask for clarifications, his Innocence was still going to hurt him together with the 14th, and there was still that little thought nagging at the back of his mind that Mana didn't actually love him.
But he would live with it. He'd keep walking and create his own path, believing in himself that he could do it—he'd keep going forward.
Because there were people here that actually cared for him.
He smiled to himself as he broke into a small run to catch up with the others, and then let himself fall into step with the raven haired male. Allen made sure that the distance between them and Link was decent enough, before calling the older boy, "Hey, Kanda."
"What?" Kanda merely glanced from the corner of his eyes.
Allen raised his right hand and gestured with his forefinger for the older teen to come closer, and Kanda raised an eyebrow before leaning slightly down, thinking that the brat wanted to whisper something he didn't want Link to hear.
Instead, Allen gave him a light peck on his left cheek.
"Payback," Allen simply stated with a devious grin, then he ran ahead before Kanda could react and press Mugen on his throat.
Kanda froze on his spot, a red hue starting to creep up his face. When he came to, his hand automatically grabbed Mugen and he yelled at the top of his lungs,
"I'M SO GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU, BEANSPROUT!!!"
A/N: Umm… yeah… so much for the 'misunderstanding' theme, I know. *cowers*. And I couldn't really make a decent last line T_T
And well, Kanda's rather talkative over here, eh? A bit OOC, but I kinda like it XD;; (And why do I tend to make Kanda act violent to show that he cares? O.o)
Aaanyway, first entry of Yullen Week, yay! Please let me know what you think of it, okay? Reviews make me really happy and motivate me to write more, so please do!