Episode 1, part 1 – Holly's Near-Death

Character List:

Artemis Fowl II – AF
Captain Holly Short – HS
Foaly – F
Butler – B


Holly falls down random canyon. She screams. AF runs to the edge.

AF: (Pained) Holly! (Into cell) Foaly! Can't you do anything to help her?!

F: (Pained) I'm trying, but I can't contact her! This is terrible!

AF: Yes, horrible!

Holly flies up – she had wings!

AF + F: Holly! You're alive!

HS: (Tearing) Yes, I forgot to initiate my Dragonfly wings. I'm so sorry for worrying you, Artemis.

AF and HS hug. F can be heard sobbing in the background.

B: I'm happy for you, Artemis. I thought she was a goner.

AF: I know. (Emotional) I was so grief-stricken for those few, short seconds.

HS: Oh, Artemis!

AF: Holly!

They hug again, moved my each other's words.

AF: I'm so happy you lived. I had no idea you would fall into a random canyon. But you had wings! Who would've thought? (In awe)

HS: I had no idea you cared so much about me!

AF: (Embarrassed) Yes, well, we have been through a lot together.

HS: Oh, Artemis!

They hug. Again. Butler moves to –


Artemis switched off the television with a scowl. "Just what illiterate rubbish is this, Butler?"

"Artemis, I assure you, I had no idea it was going to be this bad." The man replied. Holly laughed in the background, hardly able to contain her amusement. Artemis frowned at her, shaking his head. It had been amusing, though. A little. Very little. After a bit of rolling around, she stood up shakily, wiping tears from her eyes. She reached towards Artemis with one of her arms.

"Oh, Artemis!" she cried, clearly mocking the soap opera, before dissolving into a fit of giggles on the thousand-dollar-carpet.

Juliet joined her, laughing. "Artemis, switch it back on. There hasn't been anything this good in ages!"

Reluctantly, the boy handed Butler the remote, not trusting himself to be able to face the nonsense that it was. When the huge plasma TV flickered into life, the set had changed to the interior of a plane. A very familiar plane. "Hey!" Artemis cried, jumping off the couch and pointing, "Who let them into my jet?!" The rest told him to be quiet, and he sank back down, sulking.


B: Anymore caviar, Artemis?

AF: Why, no thank you, Butler. My tastes have changed with my persona after time with the People and my family! I am now more compassionate, more caring, a better person!

HS: Oh, Artemis! This is wonderful, you have really –

Artemis was muttering something about gibberish, and the horrible series being produced these days.

B: Yes, he has. I'm so proud of my young charge.

AF: (Moved) Thank you, dear friend. You must know that I treasure you. And you as well, Holly.


The Adventures of Artemis Fowl will be right back after the break!


"That – stupid! I never said he could – I'm not like – this is so ridiculous! Total loss of respect! The Adventures of Artemis Fowl?! What kind of – Butler, I demand you contact the studio immediately!" Artemis spluttered, his pale face red. Even Butler couldn't hold in a smile, and the whole room erupted into laughter. The twins were now mimicking Holly, with multiple cries of Oh, Artemis! While Angeline and Artemis Senior did nothing to stop the chaos. Artemis started protesting again, but was greeted by multiple 'shh's as the commercial ended and the theme song began again.

an; Well, I've decided to repost this. xD Something I wrote a while back, that's a little lame, but I'm quite fond of it. A very silly little fic, I know. Tell me what you think? :3