Here we are, the final chapter of Yullen Week!
As a warning: there is an non-graphic depiction of sexual activity, but it's still moving within the T rating, as no decisive terms are being used to describe their actions. If you know what I mean ;3
Kanda's birthday. The end of the battle. Love finally unleashed. The great finale of the Yullen Week! ;D
Prompt 6: Night Out
Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino
6. Night Out: At the End of the Old World
„Today is the 6th of June," Allen whispered. Kanda looked up and turned his head towards him. How Allen was still able to keep track of the passing of time was almost admirable. He had stopped counting days or telling week-days apart when they arrived at what would be the final battle-ground. "It's your birthdays today, isn't it?"
"Maybe," Kanda snorted as a reply and Allen laughed into the night, his voice barely audible. "Who cares?"
"I care… Everybody besides you would care… Unfortunately…" Allen left the sentence open, but he didn't even need to finish. Unfortunately everybody was not here anymore. God only knew who was still alive. Only the two of them were here, therefore he shouldn't get his hopes up that anybody besides them had managed to stay alive until this point. It was rather irritating that Kanda had managed to get stuck with someone like Allen, here in this desolate place. But actually he knew that he should be grateful; Allen was near. That meant that Allen was not dead.
Both of them were engulfed in an almost serene silence as they sat contemplating the darkness around them. There was a slight breeze going over the field, silently whirling up the dry dust and tugging at both of their clothes and hair. It was really quiet; there seemed to be absolutely nothing alive next to the two lone exorcists. They sat on some sort of hill, Kanda on the floor, Mugen discarded some meters away from him. His fingers were still trembling slightly from the strain of the constant fighting in the endless battles. He almost wished to never touch the heavy Innocence piece again, for the moment he didn't even want to think about it. He lifted his sword hand up, looking at it; it was dirty and bloodied, but among the dust and blood and mud sticking to his finger there was also a touch of victory. He hadn't let Mugen fall to the ground because he could no longer go on, no, he let go of it because he had already reached his goal. And now... What now?
Allen next to him kept his silence. The older exorcist could make out the boy's shape in the darkness; he was some meters away, casually sitting with his weight on his outstretched arms behind him. Probably Allen had felt Kanda's eyes on him, because he turned his head to the side, showing him a smile.
"It's very calm, don't you think?" He asked, "it's hard to even imagine that we've been fighting here just hours ago..." Kanda didn't give him a reply to that. He had already witnessed battle-fields clouded in heavy silence after it had been abandoned by the soldiers. He knew the heavy atmosphere, the unsettling tranquillity, the destruction and the bodies. But this battle-field, here with Allen, seemed slightly different. It was...
"Lonely, isn't it?" Allen spoke up what Kanda had almost thought. The young exorcist sighed deeply, pulling his legs up to rest his arms on his knees, linking his fingers casually. "We've been sitting here for hours, not talking to each other... Just... waiting..."
"For what?" Kanda asked with a frown. Allen dropped his head, then he drew in a deep breath and let it out again when he lifted his face towards the sky above them. There were a few clouds moving swiftly over the dark blue canvas that stretched out over their heads. Kanda could also spot some stars twinkling whenever the patchy clouds revealed some of the sky.
"Dawn?" Allen suggested after a while, "but it's still about three hours away..." And then? Kanda almost asked, but he could feel his question lingering in Allen's words and the way he spoke. What was there to do? What would happen when the sun rose on what would be Kanda's 19th birthday? Kanda had never looked forward to his birthdays, but he usually didn't feel tense because of them either. Kanda looked up when he heard Allen move; the young exorcist rose and then he walked over to where Kanda was sitting. Kanda looked up at him with a frown, but Allen merely sat down again, not waiting to be allowed to take a seat. Kanda didn't complain though. With Allen there it felt less suffocating all at once and Kanda felt himself relaxing. Maybe it was lonely, but he was not all alone in this wasteland. The saviour was there with him.
"We don't have to wait here, there's no reason to," Kanda spoke up after a while.
"I don't trust myself to leave yet... I... feel very exhausted when I think about leaving this battlefield and my whole body gets limp... Let's wait for dawn, then we can see..." He stopped and shook his head, but Kanda understood him well enough.
"You want to see what has become of it? You know how battlefields look. But there probably won't even be corpses to collect..."
"Kanda... Don't be so pessimistic," Allen told him with a frown on his white face. Kanda snorted.
"It's not as if I wish to see the bodies of our people," he said, "but as we've been separated quite some time ago-"
"Six days ago," Allen reminded him with a solemn voice. Kanda chose to ignore the remark:
"We can't know who survived other than us," Kanda said and Allen put his head on his knees. "Don't cry about it, it's useless."
"But I'm sad," Allen argued, "aren't you sad as well?"
"I'll be sad once I know what I have to mourn, being sad in advance is just stupid and pointless," Kanda told him grimly and Allen lifted his head again, wiping his eyes.
"...Yes," he said and sighed, "but I'm afraid..."
"You defeated the Earl, there is nothing to be afraid of," Kanda said, but Allen shook his head.
"But I will be afraid to see the sun rise. Because I don't know if I want to see what the world has become after the end." Allen's voice was calm and barely above a whisper, but because he was sitting so near to him Kanda could hear him very well. "How will we live – can we even life – now that there is no more need for us to fight?" Kanda contemplated these words for a moment, then he looked to his side where Mugen was lying abandoned by its conformer for the moment.
"How can you be sure that we no longer have to fight? You still have your weapon..." Kanda said and Allen raised his left hand. It seemed to be the only part of his body that was not injured, "But the difference of a world without the Earl might be that you now have the choice whether you want to be a weapon or not. If we are no longer exorcists, then we are simply humans. And humans have the choice to be ignorant of Innocence," Kanda told him calmly. Allen studied Kanda wordlessly, wonder in his grey eyes, but then he smiled.
"But there's no way that we could ever forget what we've seen and what our bodies have experienced...," he said, reaching his hands out before him, then he let them drop to the ground, looking at Kanda from underneath his long white bangs. "But I'll be sad... If the world changes and I can no longer return... Even if we all survived, there is no more need for us all to stay together, we are no longer bound by one big cause... There will be no reason for us two to meet again." He said and his face became quite sad and he looked to the floor to hide it, but even his smile was faltering, "The sun will rise, you will walk away and I'll never see you again..." Kanda was a bit surprised by that, but then he snorted.
"Don't be such a cry-baby, beansprout," he said and Allen frowned up at him.
"You still don't call me by my name. You never did, even though – and I recall this quite clearly – you said that you'll remember it if I last my first month at the order!" Allen said and Kanda rolled his eyes. The white haired youth sighed and folded his hands in front of his face, touching the fingertips to his forehead. "I survived... my first months and first real missions. I survived my first brush with the Noah. I survived the loss of my Innocence. I survived the plunge into darkness. I survived the final battle..." With his head slightly tilted to the side, and the fingers now in front of his mouth as if to hush Kanda's answer, he asked: "would you have thought?" The dark haired exorcist hesitated, but then he shrugged.
"I saw that you weren't weak. But I didn't imagine that a scrawny idiot with unrealistic goals will be the one to end it all. You're the destroyer of time and yet..." Kanda looked up to the sky, "we're still here. We still exist, time still exists. You can't even get destruction done right, can you, beansprout?" He mocked slightly, but with a grim smirk on his lips. Allen lowered his hands to the soft earth beneath him, then he smiled.
"I told you: I want to be a destroyer that also saves. And I kept my promise...," he replied and Kanda nodded.
"Yes... Who would have thought...," he said silently and they fell into silence once again. Allen looked out over the battle-field before them, facing towards where the first rays of the sun would come to touch the blood soaked soil. After a while Kanda decided that it was now his turn to talk and break the silence:
"I thought that I was prepared for this kind of situation," he said and looked at Allen, "I've done everything I had to do. I have no regrets, absolutely none. And yet, I'm still here. Will I have to face the dawn with you? Heck, I don't know. But I'm still alive and I can't stop the dawn from coming, so I might as well look." Allen blinked at him, probably surprised to hear Kanda talking like this, but then he nodded.
"Hn. I understand. It's not as if I intend to give up, but I have this feeling in my heart that all I am will fade with the night. All I have and all I am belong to an old world that now lies shattered around me. This battlefield represents everything I've lived for. And now it's decaying. I..." He stopped and just looked at Kanda, so that the young man raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"I wonder if it's bad luck or actually a gift that I have to spend the last hours of this long night with you..."
"What do you mean by that?" Kanda wondered and Allen's steady gaze didn't leave him.
"Because we're similar, aren't we? We're tied together and yet there are so many things that I have never dared to tell you." Kanda continued looking at Allen, but he got over his initial surprise and was very calm now because he knew what Allen was talking about. "We too belong to something which will die soon, even though we actually never were... And... That makes me so sad..." Kanda sighed, then he reached out, putting his hand on Allen's shoulder. The white haired boy directed his gaze at the hand in wonder, then he looked back up at Kanda.
"Then let us be before the sun rises. We have nothing to lose," he said and Allen lowered his head, lifting his hands to stop the tears that started flowing.
"Kanda... Kanda I never told you," Allen started, but Kanda put his other hand on Allen's shoulder and pushed him to the ground.
"Hm..." Was all Kanda said, bending over Allen, "I know. Your silence was loud enough," he said. Allen closed his eyes and Kanda's hand went under Allen's neck to lift him slowly until their lips met. And Allen let out a dry sob.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But I love you. I love you Kanda." Allen put his hands on his face, "Kanda... Kanda. At the very end of my road and the end of the world I love you...!"
"Love...," Kanda replied, his mouth pressed against the corner of Allen's lips, "yes... Me too..."
Kanda's hands were very warm as they travelled over Allen's body. Slowly his fingers moved over the pale skin, touching, pressing but mostly caressing. The bleeding cuts and many bruises that were revealed when he slowly undressed Allen, reminded him where they were and who they were. But Allen's soft breathing and the slow rising of his chest as he lay under him, hands gently resting on Kanda's shoulders, seemed like a promise to make him forget. So he poured all what he still had left into the kisses he placed on Allen's face and body. His kisses were slow, long and deliberate. Allen's lips were inviting and soft and the touch of them was almost ethereal. There was no need to rush, the dawn was still some way off, the night continued to engulf them in comforting darkness and silence and they had still much love to share. Kanda, even though he had thought it might make him cringe, did not mind the touch of Allen's Innocence as both of his hands slid from Kanda's shoulders to his upper arms and down to his hands that now rested on top of Allen's hips. Allen's mouth never left Kanda's, lips lingering on his, then withdrawing mere centimetres to kiss anew. Again and again and again. Kanda's lips had been cold and dry at first, but now even they had warmed to Allen's caress. Allen linked their hands, then he guided them up to his own neck, voicelessly asking Kanda for an embrace. While they had rarely understood each other when they talked, their silence, only broken by the noise of kissing, deep breathing and their bodies slowly moving against each other, was enough to know what both of them desired. It was love, not passion, that they enjoyed and neither of them was in any hurry to change that. Allen's hands, now free, travelled up to Kanda's hair, drawing his fingers through he black strands. It had become tangled up, dirty and stuck together with blood at places, but Allen still liked the sensation of the silky hair passing through his fingers. Kanda interrupted his kisses, only to move his mouth to Allen's ear, kissing again and slowly moving downwards to his collarbone. The ways that Kanda could move him, way differently than pushing him to fury, were unexpected even for Allen. When not wielding Mugen, Kanda's hands were light on his skin and his touch left warm imprints on his body. Allen wanted so much more of this warmth. If the dawn of the new world had to come, then he at least wanted to take a lingering feeling of comfort into the new day.
Kanda could see the last stars above them. The clouds had dispersed and now the sky seemed to be so near. Allen was looking down on him, his white hair had slipped over his shoulders and framed his pale face, sticking to his sweaty skin. His grey eyes were fixed on Kanda's face.
"What's the matter?" He asked silently, bending down to kiss the other man's face, his hands on Kanda's shoulders.
"The stars are starting to disappear," Kanda replied after a while and then he reached out to put his hands on Allen's hips. The young boy sighed, sitting back up, still straddling Kanda's lap. Suddenly Kanda reached out to grab Allen's wrist. "You..." Allen looked surprised at first, but then he smiled.
"I won't... Can't you feel me? I'm here. I'm fine... I'm fine...," he said and Kanda put his hand over his eyes, but then he also sat up, making Allen gasp slightly. Then he pushed the younger boy back to the ground, covering his body with his.
"I feel you all around me... You're not running away," he whispered and Allen wrapped his arms around Kanda's neck, kissing his cheek. And that was his only reply
It was not yet dawn when Kanda pulled Allen up on his feet.
"It's almost day-break. Let's be on our way...," he suggested and Allen sighed. Kanda looked at him with an examining expression, but then he walked over to where Mugen was lying and put it back in its scabbard. With all the mud, dust, oil and blood sticking to its blade. He wanted something of the old world staining what should also not reach into the new start that Allen had made possible. "Come." Fortunately, Allen didn't hesitate when Kanda started walking down the hill. With their boots sinking into the soil they made their way over the huge battlefield. Even in the darkness the extent of the destruction was apparent; not one tree had remained standing, the ground was upturned, the grass scorched and splattered with blood and oil. Akuma debris was lying around here and there and Allen also saw enemies lying dead among all the other victims of this war. On this battlefield friend and enemy alike decayed side by side. Allen didn't openly start to lament, but the silent tears he shed spoke words of their own.
"We will clean up later," Kanda always had to tell the younger exorcist, "you can build graves later."
"Kanda. Kanda I don't want to see the dawn," Allen said at once, falling behind and Kanda stopped. Turning around he saw Allen glaring at the ground, "I don't-"
"Stop being so weak!" Kanda called and Allen flinched, "I won't let you remain among the death! You will see the dawn!" He walked back the few meters to where Allen was standing and grabbed his hand, "come. You're not on your own." Allen wiped his eyes.
"I'm sorry... But I don't know where to go... I have only planned my path up to this point," he said silently and Kanda didn't reply for a moment.
"We'll just head straight on. There's no need to think about it," Kanda replied. The world around them was getting clearer as the sky became brighter in the distance. Kanda felt how Allen got slower and frowned.
"Don't turn around!" He hissed and Allen's head turned to Kanda, "there's no reason to look back at the moment!" They started walking up a hill and before they reached the top Kanda turned to Allen and saw how he had closed his eyes. With a sigh he dared to risk a look back over the battlefield in the early morning light. This sight, he would never forget it. But there must be something ahead of them as well. "Come. It's not far now..." They walked up the last bit of the hill, Kanda guiding Allen, and then they were at the top, facing the dawn. Kanda, without being able to avoid it, let out a sigh of relief. Allen, hearing that also cracked an eye open and was blinded by the sun. He lifted his hand to shadow his eyes, but then he managed to see what lay before them. There it was, bathed in the first rays of the new day: their world. Kanda looked at the green fields, forests and the Black Order headquarters in the distance.
"You managed to stay alive throughout it all… Allen." Allen stirred and looked to the side disbelievingly. With sunlight shining on his face Kanda watched him, smiling slightly. Allen's eyes filled with tears and he didn't even try to hold back. He nodded and squeezed Kanda's hand.
"Yes. Thank God. Thank God, we're alive...!" He let go of Kanda's hand and embraced him, laughing despite his tears. "Happy Birthday, Kanda!" Apparently that was the only thing Allen could come up in this situation. Kanda didn't mind, it allowed him to thank Allen. Thank him for all he had ever done for him.
"Hn, thank you. For enabling me to live in a world you saved," he said and returned the embrace. "We got this far... Let's go home...," Kanda said and pointed at the cathedral, whose towers they could see through the high trees. Allen hesitated, but he decided to follow Kanda. After all, he still felt the warmth he had experienced before the dawn broke.
Kanda never let go of Allen's hand. Not when Allen had started running as soon as the walls of their headquarter had come into sight. Not when Allen trembled when he saw that it too had sustained damage. Not when he met the first people alive. Not when he started to cry. Not when Linali and Rabi came to embrace them.
"You finally should stop crying," Kanda told him with a sigh but Allen just continued sobbing, until it changed to laughs. He then finally let go of Kanda's hand and reached up to pull Kanda down a bit, hugging him.
"But I'm not crying because I'm sad! I'm happy!"
"I know, I know," Kanda groaned, but he didn't push him away.
"Let's celebrate!" Rabi suggested in a loud voice and nobody was averse to that. "What a way to start a birthday, right Yu?"
"Tch, you wouldn't know," Kanda replied, then he shot Allen a smirk and the boy frowned in embarrassment. He then shortly patted Allen's head, then he followed the others into the dining hall. "Oi! You're coming? Even though you might not know what path you will choose next, the dining hall is certainly on your way there, Allen!" Allen's head snapped up and he sighed dramatically.
"Don't make fun of me, Kanda! Hey! Wait!" Allen called, but then he laughed and followed Kanda into the hall where suddenly everything burst into life to celebrate.
Certainly, Allen didn't know yet what would happen or what path he should walk now. His fear was not gone yet and neither his pain for having lost many people to this war. But right now he would just concentrate on what lay directly before him. Food, his friends and Kanda. The warmth of last night was still here and all the rest would come in time. He was sure of it. The dawn of the new day had broken. Kanda turned 19. They survived. The world was still there for them to enjoy. And Allen would never forget this night out on the battlefield.
Finally, the end of the long battle; which is only the start of a new beginning! :D
And here ends my contribution to Yullen Week! Looking back on these six days I must say that it was really entertaining, even though it wasn't always easy to come up with the stories and type them... But I'm glad that I participated!
It certainly did me good to write some "normal" Kanda x Allen stuff (being the happy girl!Allen fangirl that I am).
I hope that you could enjoy my little contribution even though I made you suffer through a lot of angst and emotional turmoil (and probably quite a few typos and mistakes *lol*)!