A/N: Well it's my brand spanking new story to celebrate the end of the Overhaul! All right! I've been meaning to do a One Piece/ Haruhi crossover but I couldn't think of a good plot. I got the idea from a Youtube Video Technomaru sent me (I won't say what's it is... but it's really funny) and that gave me this idea. It will be extremely AU with Haruhi (it's more in line with the craptacular movie the S.O.S. Brigade made rather than the Haruhi canon itself), it's also one of my One Piece re-do stories. Don't expect any other characters from Haruhi coming in any time soon, but I will say Haruhi will appear before they get to the Grand Line... won't say what her role is. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Melancholy Haruhi Suzumiya or One Piece, if I did, season 2 of Haruhi wouldn't have taken so long and deal with the person who distrusted episode 403 legally and not with frontier justice.

Luffy: Yeah... wait... what?

Emma: (takes out shot gun and leaves to kill the person)

What's a Battle Waitress?

By Emma Iveli

Chapter 1: Who is She?

Zoro gritted his teeth. He just had to join up with that guy. He had only known him for a day and his new captain was nearly eaten by a bird. He had hopped that pirate Buggy has seen him, for all he knew Luffy could be held captive by Buggy and is about to die. He didn't know Luffy very well… but someone how he knew that was probably the case.

"Excuse me." he heard a meek voice whimper.

Zoro turned around and saw a young teenaged girl, her hair was light brown and put into pig tails, Zoro assumed she was a waitress from somewhere in town, because well she was dressed like one… well for a Moe Café at least.

"If your looking for Luffy I know where he is Zoro." said the girl.

Zoro stared at the girl, "How do you know my name." he asked.

"um… well… you see." said the girl trying to think of something, like she said something she should have, "That's classified."

"Okay…" muttered Zoro with his eye twitching.

"follow me." said the girl meekly.

Zoro sighed and followed the waitress to a tavern, he heard a fight going on the roof.

"I take it he's on the roof?" asked Zoro.

The girl nodded. Zoro found a nearby fire escape and climbed up with the girl following him. That's where the two of them found well they were either pirates or clowns, but they were attacking a red haired girl who had stopped a fuse with her hands. Said fuse was part of a canon aimed at Luffy… who was tied up in a cage (figurines). They were about to attack her when Zoro stopped him with tow of his swords that were sheathed, stopping said pirate.

"All right Zoro!" cheered Luffy.

"I'm saved…" breathed the red haired girl.

The waitress showed no excitement or emotion… she knew what was going to happened before it even did.

"Wait did he say Zoro?" asked the red haired girl.

The pirates… or clowns began to talk amongst themselves.

"Zoro?" asked one of the clown pirates.

"As in the pirate hunter?" asked another.

That's when the captain of the pirates (mostly because he was dressed like one) showed up. Well it should also be pointed out that he was also a clown, with blue hair and a big red nose.

"So you're the pirate hunter Roronoa Zoro?" asked the pirate clown captain who was the fearsome Captain Buggy.

"I gave up that, I'm just a pirate now." said Zoro.

"Killing you would give me a nice feather in my cap." said Buggy.

Zoro muttered under his breath. But decided to fight him anyways.

"All right! Zoro! You can beat him!" cheered Luffy.

The waitress sighed, "He won't be able to beat him." she said sadly, "Buggy has a devil fruit that makes swords useless."

"How do you know that?" asked Luffy.

The waitress blushed and began to get flustered, "Well… well you see that's classified!" she cried out.

Luffy began to laugh, "You're funny." he said, "You want to join my crew."

Before his duel can start. Zoro quickly turned around and yelled out, "You can't just randomly ask people to join the crew!"

"Why, Nami's joining." said Luffy motioning to the red haired girl apparently named Nami,.

"I never agreed!" yelled Nami glaring at Luffy.

"I accept." said the waitress, "Oh… and my name is Asahina Mikuru."

"You just don't randomly accept!" yelled Zoro and Nami.

Luffy on the other hand was laughing, he was already liking Mikuru.

Zoro shook his head as he prepared his swords.

Zoro ran towards Buggy and sliced him all over, cutting him to pieces, Nami gasped in horror at what she saw.

"Are you sure Zoro is going to lose?" asked Luffy.

Mikuru looked down not saying anything. It wasn't time for her to tell them.

That's when all of Buggy's crew began to laugh.

"Why is his crew laughing?" asked Nami.

That's when Zoro felt a sharp pain in his side, someone had obviously stabbed him it… it was a floating hand. Zoro fell to his knees while Buggy miraculously reattached himself.

"I'm a Chop Chop Man!" laughed Buggy, "You can slice and dice me but you can't kill me."

"Chop Chop Man, is he a monster?" asked Luffy blinking.

An invisible arrow pointed to him saying "Gum Gum Man."

"Um… Luffy aren't you a rubber man?" asked Mikuru.

"Yeah, how did you know that?" asked Luffy.

Mikuru once again began to get flustered, "I'm sorry! That's classified!" she said.

Luffy chuckled, but turned his attention to Buggy, "Attacking from behind is cowardly!" yelled Luffy.

Buggy merely laughed, "Oh really?"

"That's right you big nose!" yelled Luffy.

That's when Buggy snapped…

"I cant' believe he just said that…" thought Nami twitching.

Buggy held a dagger in his hand when he launched the hand and dagger at Luffy. Luffy did a shocking thing, not only did he catch the knife in his mouth, he bit it in half.

"I'm going to kick your ass!" laughed Luffy as he bit it in half.

Buggy's hand came back to him as Luffy shouted, "Zoro run!"

"Why? He came to save you?" asked Nami shaking.

Before Zoro could do anything Mikuru called out "You're going to be fighting me!"

Buggy merely laughed, "Me fight a waitress? That's a laugh!"

"I am a battle waitress! I can fight." said Mikuru.

"Is that right?" asked Buggy, "Show me what you got."

"Nami, Zoro… please stand by Luffy's cage." said Mikuru in a tone that was both kind yet held authority.

"Whatever…" muttered Zoro going over to the cage.

Nami said nothing and followed the green haired former bounty hunter.

"She's planning something." said Luffy with a grin, hopping it was better than his plan of using Buggy's canon against him.

Buggy began to play with his knives, while Mikuru placed her left hand on a certain way in front of her left eye. Mikuru also seemed to have lost any confidence she had going into the fight.

"Mi… Mi…" said Mikuru meekly that's when she managed to shout, "Mikuru Beam!"

And that's when she shot off a beam from her left eye, causing a gigantic explosion.

"What the…" mumbled Nami.

"No way!" shouted Zoro.

"All right! I have a crew member that can shoot a beam!" shouted Luffy.

Little did they know there was so much more about Mikuru, so much more that things were going to get a little… um well strange.

Next Time: Mikuru reveals that she is from the future and it's her mission to make sure Luffy becomes the Pirate King... Guess who's the only one who believe here...

A/N: Once an arc Mikuru will use her beam which in turn will cause a large yet humorous explosion.