Note: I don't own Watchmen, unfortunately... and any other legal jargon.
I did it for you, Eddie. All of this, I did for you...
You were always the mocking one, the scornful one; the one who said society was destroying itself, and how could we possibly change anything? The one who said that life was all a fucking joke. And even during those times when you buried yourself inside me, oblivious to anything and everything but sweat and skin and sex, I could have sworn you were laughing at me, laughing at you, laughing at the two of us and this crazy goddamn situation we fell into with no warning whatsoever.
I can't believe you're gone...
That first spontaneous combustion is seared into my brain; I don't think it's something I'll ever escape. I still see it every time I close my eyes: that first meeting, where you were the last remaining vestige of the original Minutemen. You never missed an opportunity to attack or belittle me, yet somehow we were drawn to one another. We faced one another across the empty room; then suddenly it was all teeth and tongue and desperation, and you were pushing against me with a kind of fierce need that took my breath away. At first I thought you were simply going to bend me over and take what you wanted, but then I found myself pressed up against you and you were entering me with no more assistance than saliva and impatience. Your hungry cock was met with surprisingly little resistance... or maybe not so surprising, considering every fibre of my existence screamed out for you to be inside me. I felt my hot, hard cock pressed up against your stomach and had a fleeting thought of wow, you're fit for a man your age, but then thinking escaped me altogether and I simply wrapped my legs around your waist and gave in to conflicting emotions of pride and guilt and lust. Our sex was raw and bloodthirsty and belonged in a badly dubbed sixties porno, but it was real and frantic and us. The look on your face, afterwards... that was the only hint of vulnerability I ever saw from you.
Can you understand why I had to do it, Eddie?
It was you who made me think, with your talk of society falling apart, and human nature destroying the world. We both understood, silently, the need for drastic measures; to bring the world together before the human race managed to eradicate themselves. Perhaps, on some intuitive level, you knew what I was planning, but you never asked and I never told. In any case, our relationship was never based on intellectual conversation; it was all physical need and a desperate yearning neither one of us could ever begin to explain.
So why did you go looking, Eddie?
I can't imagine what sparked your suspicion; all I know is one day you were asking questions that I couldn't answer. What are your plans for Jon? What the hell did Janey Slater have to do with anything? Adrian? What aren't you telling me? Questions that were better off not being asked. We would lie there in a tangled mess of limbs and you would start in with the questions all over again...
Was this the end you were hoping for?
A part of me remains convinced that this is what you wanted. Needed, even. That final night, as we came together in the passionate rage that was so typical of us, I had made my decision. I knew what had to be done; sacrificing a few to save many... but God, what I would have given to be able to keep you, to keep us. I could have sworn, on that final night, that you were silently saying goodbye, as I was. Could you have known, or guessed, what I needed to do? Or was it simply a product of a guilty imagination, that you clung to me as though you knew you'd never see me again?
Will you ever forgive me, Eddie?
You certainly didn't seem surprised. If anything, I could have sworn you were expecting me; relieved, even, that I'd made what you perceived to be the right choice. That quiet, matter-of-fact just a matter of time, I suppose... goddamn, Eddie, I nearly couldn't do it. Oh, you put up one hell of a fight, I'll give you that; you fought back with a passion that was almost sensual. But outside of the bedroom, you never could get the best of me... and throughout the fight, you had this half-smile on your face, like... like you were proud of me. I couldn't, and still can't, shake the feeling that this was what you wanted. I could have sworn that you knew world peace, as cliché as the idea is, could only be achieved my way – but my way wasn't something you could ever condone.
You knew this was the only solution, didn't you?
I still can't quite accept the fact you're gone; even less can I accept that it's my doing. The only comfort I have now is Bubastis – certainly no replacement for your touch. And oh, how I have ached for your touch... every day, every night, every minute since you fell – since I threw you, oh God – out your window... and yet, this will be the world you wanted; the world we wanted. The world we used to lie in bed, spent, and fantasize about. A world where wars aren't won or lost, because they're never fought. A world where masked vigilantes, as we once were, aren't needed, because society is safe – safe from themselves, safe from each other. It will be a reality – not a distant possibility, but reality; it will be set in motion within the hour.
The others will be here soon, I think.
What do I tell them? They'll never understand that this is the only way; they'll view me as the villain. Dan, perhaps, might be persuaded that there is no other option; no other way to save humankind from themselves. But Rorschach... Rorschach will be filled with righteous anger. He'll want to stop me, he won't see the good that will come out of this – there are no shades of grey with him. There'll be no other option but to eliminate him.
Can I do it? Can I destroy a friend; someone I fought beside? If I can hurt you, Eddie, my Eddie... then surely, no one else will present a difficulty. Not if they're standing in the way of a new world; the world we wanted.
I did it for you, Eddie. All of this, I did for you...