Don't own Freakazoid. All legal DVDs, yes. merchandise, none yet. Better WB make some because I will buy it unless they sue me and stick me with legal fees. This is parody anyway. Clever, dorky and stupid all at once.


"I am the Love that dare not speak its name."

-Lord Alfred Douglas, "Two Loves"


Vorn the Unspeakable looks up at the ceiling in his cell one last time. After being apprehended in "Statuesque", he was extradited to a Miami prison I'm too lazy to research- hold that, it's a secure cell like you can see here: tinyurl dot com /lax9lf. I'm guessing it's the Dade Correctional Institute and that's all I'm giving you on the matter.

"Got someone waitin' for you?" his cellmate calls out from the bottom bunk.

Vorn's eyes look sad for a fleeting moment, then he replies with an icy "No."


Vorn changes in the bathroom, putting on the shorts and t-shirt he had gotten in Venice Beach. It would be classy to write a real flashback here with lovely imagery but I won't.

He thinks back to when he flew into Venice Beach with Waylon Jeepers. They spent the night in Jeepers' old place which you can see here: tinyurl dot com /nptxyu

Jeepers was already up when Vorn woke up. "The book I used to summon you said what you like to eat," Jeepers smiled as he handed Vorn a plate of whatever it is Cthulhu eat. I will not look it up. Jeepers and Vorn glare at me. But their breakfast is getting cold, so.... Anyway, Jeepers suggested they go shopping afterwards. Vorn looked down sadly, "Are you embarrassed by how I'm dressed?" Jeepers shook his head vehemently and cupped Vorn's tentacled face in his hands- he had to jump up to do so, his body dangling in the air, "NO! I actually like it. It reminds me of this one scene from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes..." Which you can see on my Jeepers/Vorn playlist: tinyurl dot com /nvoa4g

"We'll meet in the middle. You'll cover up a bit and I'll get something I won't sweat in," Jeepers said as he tried to hold on with no luck.

Vorn's arms wrapped around Jeepers before he fell, however. Their eyes met. They kissed passionately.

Vorn snaps back to the here and now. He last saw Jeepers in prison before he was extradited to Florida. Theirs was a special love affair- passionate and full of arguing but at the end of the day, what hurt the most was being apart. He remembers their last night together, where he comforted Jeepers over his thoughtless comments when they tried to start their own mob. Jeepers seemed so pale and small in that moment, like some china doll, as he curled up under Vorn's wings. Vorn shakes his head. The memories are flooding back despite Vorn's best efforts.

Vorn is insecure. He knows none of his monster friends he's broken the law with will come get him. He walks to the bus stop and sits down on the bench. It's soft and squishy. "You're sitting on me."

Vorn jumps up in utter shock. He knows that voice- how could he forget? He knows it's unseemly for a monster to cry but he turns around before he can brush away his tears. Jeepers is standing up on the bench, with smashed flowers in his left hand. He is almost Vorn's height this way but not really.

"You came all this way," Vorn sniffs. Setting down the flowers, Jeepers gets on his tiptoes and tries to dry Vorn's dark eyes. Vorn bends down to make it possible. He then takes Jeepers into his arms, "You drove all this way to get me?" Jeepers laughs, the most wonderful sound in the world to Vorn even if he knows everyone else is creeped out by it, "I took the bus." "You still don't drive?!" Vorn asks. Jeepers gets defensive, "You really don't need to in LA if you're patient enough. The public transportation system isn't as bad as they say." I have to second that. Jeepers and Vorn stare at me because I'm a real person living a car-free life in LA. "How long do you think it'll take the bus to get here?" Vorn wonders as he sits down, never letting go of Jeepers. Jeepers shrugs. I don't know either, because I haven't yet had a chance to try Miami's buses and I'm done with google tonight.

After a long silence, Vorn makes an attempt at catching up. Jeepers tells him what happened in the Normadeus episode. "And then the show got cancelled, so I went back to making watches. One day, this kid named FanBoy came by asking if I could make a State Alchemist watch for his girlfriend OtakuGirl... Long story short, it got such a dandy reception being the only real alchemical device at the convention that I've been selling them ever since." Vorn's shoulders slumped, "You've gone straight." Jeepers took off his hat and put it on Vorn's head, a mischievous grin on his face, "Not quite." He leaned in and kissed Vorn on the lips. It was long, it was passionate and the whole "Aw Look They Really Do Love Each Other" trope. Finally pulling away for a breath, Jeepers grins up at Vorn, "Shall we fly back to Venice Beach?" They do.