A/N: I just want to thank my friend Autumn for giving me the whole "House peeing on someone" idea, which clapped with this thing I'd seen on FOX News about the jellyfish sting cure and a few minutes later this came out. Enjoy!
The trip to Cancun had been Wilson's idea, but House was only too happy to comply. Between the sex and getting away from the snowy February of New Jersey it was the perfect idea. He wasn't even upset reclining on the beach as Wilson went for a swim. It was a beautiful morning and he didn't want to move a muscle if he could help it.
The peaceful morning was broken by a unmistakable cry of pain. House saw Wilson stumble out of the surf, clutching his right leg. After three steps he went down at water's edge. It took a few moments for House to gain his own feet again, his stomach in a knot as he hurried to his partner as fast as the sand would allow him to move.
After a seemingly endless walk, House awkwardly dropped down onto the sand beside Wilson. He didn't see any blood, but he could tell Wilson was in pain. He began to peel the other man's hands away from the injury.
"Owwwww!" Wilson protested, pushing House's hands away. "Careful!"
"Hush." House admonished him, inspecting three long, fingerlike red marks splayed across Wilson's calf. "You'll live, it's a jellyfish sting. Should be glad he didn't get you any higher."
"It burns." He grumbled. "I didn't even see the damn thing."
"Hold still..." House pushed himself awkwardly up onto his knees and started to open the front of his own swim trunks.
"What are you doing?" Wilson recoiled slightly.
"Urine takes the burn out of jellyfish stings." House replied matter of factly. "Now sit still."
"Oh no!" His hands went up to cover his leg protectively, making himself wince as the touched the swelling, hot marks. "You're not going to piss on me!"
"Oh come on, you're a doctor, you know urine is sterile." House rolled his eyes. "Not like you didn't have the container in your mouth last night."
"That's...that's completely different!" Wilson stammered, getting red in the face.
Wilson looked down at his leg, which still hurt like hell, and whined to House pathetically. "Can't you do something? The hotel's a long walk."
"If you're too much of a priss to let me help you, go ahead and suffer." House snarked back at him.
Wilson considered this for a moment. He really was in pain and he didn't know if he could make it back to the hotel unassisted. Of course, the only other person on the beach was House, who couldn't assist. With a resigned sighed he moved his hands away from his leg.
"Just...get it over with." He turned away.
"You can't even watch?" House scoffed, rolling his eyes before getting down to the deed.
"This is the most digusting thing I've ever done." Wilson grumbled.
"I find that hard to believe."
House shifted himself so he was sitting in a more comfortable position and for several long minutes he and Wilson sat there side by side, watching the morning continue to stretch over the endless blue ocean and the white beach they were sitting on.
Finally Wilson turned and frowned at House. "It still burns."
"Of course it does." House smirked wickedly. "The urine trick is an old wive's tale."
"It's..WHAT?" His brown eyes went wide and he looked at House in pure digust. "You mean...you mean you PISSED on me for no reason?"
"Oh there was a reason." House scoffed. "A good one."
Wilson put his hands on his hips and frowned at his lover. "And what might that be?"
"You were flirting with that blonde nurse up down in surgery." House didn't seem upset by this, because he really did believe that Wilson was attempting to be more faithful to him then his wives. And even if he wasn't, well, that wouldn't change too much between them.
"So you pissed on me?" He replied incredously.
"Just thought I'd mark my territory."