This is a series of drabbles I wrote about a year ago. They cover from Bertie's birth up to about a year after his parents died.

Warning: beastly aunts, soppy females and a newt fancier
Disclaimer: Plum may have actually liked these, but as he did not write them, I am stating I did, but am making no money off of them.

"You can't really want to give him that name."

"I do, Daisy. Wilberforce has made me a rich man this afternoon."

"I will not name our son Wilberforce. What would we call him?"


"That isn't amusing."

"It isn't supposed to be amusing. I mean it, Daisy. He was a long shot to win. But I had a feeling. You remember Edwin Wilberforce that I rowed with at Oxford? I was thinking of him this morning and then, by some stroke of providence there was a horse with the same name."

"It was a silly coincidence."

"Coincidence or not, it has made me a rich man. And when this son of ours arrives he will proudly carry the name Wilberforce."

"Suppose it's another girl."

"Nonsense. A healthy, strapping boy. With a strong name."

"I'm naming him Bertram, as we had already decided."


"Don't you 'Daisy' me. His name will be Bertram. If you absolutely insist upon it his second name can be Wilberforce. Though naming him after a horse is simply ridiculous."

"Bertram Wilberforce Wooster it is, then."