Title: Not Everyone's Happy.
Rating: PG-13 or T.
Summary: Jacob never quite recovered from his imprint mishap on Isabella Swan.
Warnings: Character Death, Language, Suicide.
Somehow, summer nights blended with summer days. Every moment was hot and humid, but I suppose wolves would like that. Daylight stretched in normal places but never in Forks. Rain kept the light at bay, and all the atmosphere became the color of heather grey. I slept more then before. There wasn't reason to wake up and go about showering and trying to find shorts. My bed was cool, and soft. For once the idea of pounding paws against brownstone and dirt didn't appeal to me. Even though my instincts itched at me to run. To find my pack and be one with them again. But I couldn't share my pain with them. Not when they wanted me to be so much better than this.
Bella…the name is so familiar that it overtakes my own. Her smell would singe me from where I sat beside her. I couldn't imagine being with someone that used to be my friend as a kid. But she was so much more than that now.
My ceiling fan spun so quickly above my bed that the blades ran together. It was the only sound in the house. Somewhere, outside that window, was Bella. And Edward. Together in a way I suppose Bella and I never were meant to be.
And yet…all that seems to matter is Bella. I could lie on this bed for one thousand centuries and never see her face in my doorway. Never, could I cup her cheek and kiss her lips like Cullen does. I slowly open one eye and still see a vacant, open door frame.
I wondered vaguely where the pack was. Were they waiting for me? Or were they waiting for me to find them?
Ha, and why is it always me who must find the person I most want?
I suppose that bothers me most of all. I felt used and almost...tossed aside, just because Edward fucking Cullen decides to sacrifice himself. He left Bella, to "save" her. He nearly murdered her…but she understands him.
But she doesn't understand me.
I'm alive…isn't that enough for her? A blood filled, pulsating heart beats within my ribcage. It beats harder for Bella-the fastest pace I must admit. I could keep her warm within my arms, while he only chills her skin. I'm funny, enough anyway. I go too far sometimes but it is only to please. I never used to think myself ugly in anyway but perhaps alien perfection is what the girls are going after.
I feel too real for someone who lives in the surreal.
My father's ancient cuckoo clock chriped eleven times. For the first moment all day, I pulled back the fallen blinds. A blanket of night huddled over La Push, caressing it gently enough that moon light glazed the grass. My body was covered in sweat, dampening the mattress and verdant sheets. The room smelt of dead things. Of sadness and desperation…and anger, so much anger.
Was I jealous of Cullen? Probably. I could kill him but that would put Bella and my pack in danger…something I couldn't risk losing.
Nothing made much sense anymore. Bella Swan was in love with a monster, and yet I felt LIKE the monster who wanted to kill everyone and end the story by being ripped open by the dead hero's avengers.
Slowly, it came to me, the perfect ending.
My dad slept peacefully on the sofa as I crept silently towards the front door. I didn't make a sound as I pushed it open. Cool air surprisingly met my face. But then I hesitated.
He wouldn't be proud of my idea. Would he think I was weak? Then it dawned on me that probably no one would understand. That if I were gone there would be no monster to ruin the fairytale anymore.
As dark and twisted as that fairytale was…
He slept on his side, wheelchair next to the couch. My eyes lingered on his weathered face, watching as his uneven breathing upset the corners of his wrinkled mouth. His son wouldn't be around for breakfast. Dad would call Rachel, I'm sure. The whole family would know within moments.
Because the pack would know during.
For the first and last time, a sickening, rather unpleasant feeling rose into my throat. I swallowed it and choked it back into my stomach. It faded once I shut the front door behind me and stepped into the night air.
The moon was half full and dipped low into the tips of the trees. Pleasantly breezy air washed over my heated skin. It blew through my hair as I stood on the front porch. In the distance, I could hear someone's wind chimes echoing a grave tune. Everything smelled of the pack and of my family. But there was always that undertone.
The stench of dead that lay beyond La Push. It gave off an acrid smell that every so often stung my nose.
Sighing, I leapt catlike off the porch. Wet grass met my palms and feet. I phased, bursting my shorts into smithereens but who really gave a shit. I ran hard against the ground, pounding everything I had into the earth.
Seth called for me but I ignored it.
Jacob, what are you doing?
Go away Seth. I need to be alone.
It's about Bella.
It always is.
Jacob, what are you planning on doing?
Ending my fairytale. I never should have dreamt of it in the first place.
Leave, Seth. NOW.
There was a cry from Seth's mind. If he were an infant, it would have been a wail.
I won't let you do it.
I'll tell Sam.
There was a pause. Then a breakaway as he ran for Sam, who was obviously out of this territory.
That made me run faster.
I came to the beaches, but pushed myself forward. There wasn't too many ways to kill a wolf. But I was sure that falling on to jagged rocks at the bottom of the sea would do it. And if it didn't…that's what the water was for.
I felt the connection with Seth snap. There was no one else here.
I came to the cliff and phased back. It was more windy now up top, and I actually wished the shorts hadn't blown up after all. The water roared beneath the cliff, angry and swirling around the rocks. Everything about me itched with adrenaline. I had never jumped from this height before.
Should I dive?
Should I just fall?
I remembered Bella at the cliff. Her smell had been insane, sweet with excitement with just a peppering of complete fear. Oh, Bella we could have been the picture of perfection together. As kids I wished for you and now I finally thought that maybe you had been returned to me. No one was as perfect-no one could ever compare.
Her face swam into my eyes. The water seemed to vanish from below as I leaned over and off the rocks.