Sesshoumaru hated modern clothing. If wearing them and accompanying Kagome to do things in her world didn't end with them having crazy amounts of sex on Kagome's little pink bed, he would refuse to wear them. As it stood though, he would gladly suffer nearly any indignity to be able to spend the night with her in a warm bed far removed from the meddling furballs and the other issues of the Sengoku Jidai.
She said she had to come back for a test, and that he needed to be there for this one. Sesshoumaru wasn't sure what that meant, because the tests she normally took were dispensed by sensei at school. As he browsed the grocery aisles, he wondered what it would be like to be able to just stop and buy a test there. The idea of a 'sword upgrade' aisle nearly made him drool, but that all that ended when he spotted a man staring through boxes of rice at his female.
The taiyoukai walked one aisle down, where Houjou was standing.
Now, Sesshoumaru wasn't so enraged that his eyes bled red, or his stripes swelled. He just thought it would be really funny to watch the little human react to his more demonic visage. For extra dramatic effect, he partially transformed, so he was a little bigger than normal, and his teeth were huge and quite disproportionate to his body.
"Boy," he threateningly said.
Houjou spun, took one look at Sesshoumaru, and passed out. Sesshoumaru expected him to at least buckle at the knees first, or scream like a girl. He decided that when Houjou woke up, he would be slightly less scary.
He crouched down and slapped Houjou across the cheek.
Houjou's eyes opened and he glared into the eyes of the boy.
"Demon!" Houjou said.
The way he murmured it as yellow liquid soaked his pants brought Sesshoumaru great joy. And, now that he had properly humiliated the boy who ogled Kagome, he was done. He stood up, and walked to the end of the aisle, happy to explore the rest of the store.
When he passed the cereal aisle, a couple of employees were cleaning up a huge mess. From what they were saying, something broke into the store overnight and did nothing other than pillage the Sugar0os. Sesshoumaru knew what happened, but if it kept Mokomoko away from them, he didn't care.
Sesshoumaru finally became bored and returned to Kagome's side. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and made a very rude movement with his hips. "I am ready to leave."
"Be quiet, I'm trying to decide!" she answered.
Curious about what she was trying to choose, he looked up and read the boxes in her hands.
The urine-soaked Houjou appeared at the end of the aisle while the gears of Sesshoumaru's mind were very slowly and very begrudgingly turning.
"Kagome! That man you are with...you must leave him immediately!" Houjou said, fisting his hands.
Kagome looked up at him and asked, "Why?"
"He is no man! He is a demon, Kagome. They are real and they are amongst us!" he answered.
The miko blinked a few times, and answered, "Well, yeah. He doesn't look anything like a human."
"But!" Houjou started, until he read the boxes in her hands, and saw the youkai wrapped around her. "Nothing, Kagome."
He turned, and murmured very quietly, "I'm just going to go shoot myself in the head now..."
Kagome immediately felt embarrassed when she realized Houjou saw what she was trying to buy. "Let's just get them all and go."
She tried to move, but Sesshoumaru's body was as stiff as a statue. "Sesshoumaru?"
"Put them back. We do not need them," he finally said.
She nervously smiled, "Yes, we do."
Sesshoumaru took them out of the basket, melted them with his claws, and started to push it toward the checkout with great haste, so that she wouldn't have time to put another test in. He watched another checker for a second, and then started sliding items across the scanner at superhuman speed.
Kagome raced to the checkout, box in hand, and held it out just as the cashier was about to give the total. "This. Oh, and this," she said, reaching out for a candy bar.
Because he was the strongest one, Sesshoumaru carried all the bags except one, and Kagome didn't trust him with it. "We'll just do the test, and then we'll know."
They didn't speak for the rest of the trip. Even when they got home, Kagome took her sweet time putting the groceries away and then ate her candy bar as they stared at the test.
"I do not wish to know. I was under the impression that you were taking some strange medicine to prevent such an occurrence," he growled.
"I am!" Kagome barked.
He stared at her bag, wondering what the penalty for melting it would be. "I do not believe you."
She groaned and dug in her purse to produce the pull pack. "Birth control pills!"
When she held it up in front of Sesshoumaru's nose, he sniffed it and frowned.
"What?" she asked.
Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and answered, "They smell like magic and Mokomoko."
Kagome pursed her lips. "Do you remember when it ranted about grandpups?"
"Yes," he said.
She snatched the box and raced upstairs, with Sesshoumaru right behind her. The bathroom door slammed, and Sesshoumaru stood there in the cramped little bathroom with her. Kagome fumbled with the package in exasperation, and then offered it up to Sesshoumaru, who delicately sliced into the cardboard before returning it to her.
Sesshoumaru sat down with his back against the wall, and hugged his legs, because he felt so dizzy and nauseated he thought he might vomit. "Hurry..."
Kagome looked up from the folded up directions and screeched, "I am hurrying! Shut up!"
"How hard can it be? It's designed for human use," he criticized.
He winced when she slapped him on the leg. "I mean it! Be quiet! I'm trying to read the directions!"
Less than five seconds passed before Sesshoumaru said, "Let me do it, if you're too incompetent to read."
"Shut up!" she screamed.
Another five seconds passed, and Sesshoumaru snatched at the paper, ripping it to pieces with his claws. Kagome looked up from the ripped half of her paper and lunged at him, yelling about how stupid and impatient he was while he countered with arguments about how she was barely literate and a dumb human wench.
The door opened marginally, and Souta poked his head in. "Are you guys busy? I need to use the restroom."
"GET OUT!" Kagome and Sesshoumaru shouted in unison.
Souta was halfway down the hall when the door cracked open and Kagome said, "Souta, bring us tape!"
Souta didn't know what was going on in the bathroom, but he was sure it wasn't normal. Why would two people go in the bathroom at the same time and then fight and yell at each other? He honestly didn't want to know, but he did need to use the bathroom, so he found a roll of tape, hoping it would free up the restroom so he could use it.
Kagome barely opened the door to take it, and then spent five minutes taping the directions back together while Sesshoumaru sat on the floor, ignoring her. "I'm so breaking up with you if this is negative."
"You will not," he insisted. "We will modify our routine. I will spill my seed in your mouth instead of more dangerous orifices."
"Aren't you a romantic?" she sarcastically asked.
She took the cup and stared at Sesshoumaru. "Okay, first I pee in this, then we dip the stick in, and then we wait two minutes. So, leave, so I can do the first part."
One brow arched in question. "You will suck my cock, but are too shy to take a piss in front of me?"
Kagome sensed another argument, so she pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet. "I hate you."
"I hate you more," he answered.
After a minute passed, he asked, "Did you forget how?"
"No! I just can't do it with you watching me. It's so creepy! At least close your eyes!" she said.
Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and looked away, moderately relived when he heard liquid hitting the cup. His relief faded when she held it out and told him to hold it while she finished. "Humans are disgusting."
"Demons who like to watch girls pee are disgusting," she countered.
Kagome dipped the test, and then held it up. "Two minutes."
Sesshoumaru was nearly hyperventilating next to her, and she wasn't doing much better. Kagome's heart felt like it was going to leap right out of her chest.
About forty-five seconds later, Sesshoumaru said, "Kagome, you are an insufferable, illiterate bitch that annoys and agitates me in more ways than I can name in the time remaining, but I think that I might possibly love you."
Kagome felt a little rage bubble up in her. "Well, Sesshoumaru, since we're talking about our feelings, I think you should know something. You're an uptight, arrogant prick that pisses me off and motivates me to anger in more ways than I can name in the time remaining, but I think I might possibly love you too."
Sesshoumaru adjusted himself and crossed his legs, and then pulled the miko into his lap.
When he held the test up, he placed his hand flat against her belly and said, "It could be worse."
"How?" Kagome numbly whispered.
Sesshoumaru whined and put his chin on her shoulder. "Just a figure of speech."