If I owned naruto no one would ever get any fighting done because Naruto and Sasuke would just have butt-sex all the time and thus, there would be no plotline. Suck on that you lawyer Bastards!
WARNING: Serious swearing kiddies. Dont copy Natarii and dont swear okay? I dont to be hunted by angry parents. In the slightly edited words of Shikamaru, that would be too fucking troublesome.
"Missed me suckers!"
A small blond boy of about five years old pulled down his bottom of his left eyelid, sticking his tongue out at the villagers he had just dodged.
"Get back here you little brat!"
"Make me Asswipe!"
Naruto hurried through the streets of Konoha. He was not sure how he had managed to turn over the fruit stall but it did not change the fact he had done it. It wasn't his fault he was clumsy!
Any passers by watching the scene just rolled their eyes.
Naruto's clumsiness got him into trouble at least once a week. And the villagers weren't going to pass up on a whiplash-free opportunity to chase the 'monster' It was a fairly common sight to see the small blonde running through the streets of Konoha with a small mob behind him.
They never caught him though.
He knew the back streets and shortcuts better than some of the Jonin.
He turned a corner and jumped onto a fire escape on the wall of a hotel. After quickly climbing up it, he made his way back towards his apartment over the rooftops. He knew the route well enough to do it blind folded, but Naruto had always been unpredictable (According to the old man at any rate), and today was no exception to that rule.
Upon jumping over the roofs of the Uchiha compound, he stumbled. It was not much but it was enough to send him flying. Only instead of simply fall flat on his face, the impact was enough to send him crashing through the roof.
Into Sasuke Uchiha's bedroom.
Sasuke Uchiha was concentrating on a game of Shogi. He was playing his older brother and so this was a very serious matter. Whilst Itachi was no Nara, he wasn't a member of the Black Ops for no reason.
And so Sasuke's next move was always carefully planned (though despite his attention to these details he was still no closer to winning a game). He was about to move one of his pawns when Itachi suddenly pushed him to the ground yelling:
Sasuke was not entirely sure what had happened. He was aware that his brother was crouched over the top of him, there had been a loud crashing noise, and that there was now a fair amount of dust in his room. Moving so he could see past his brother's head, he could see a small hole in his ceiling.
After checking his brother for any injuries, Itachi turned to discover the cause of the destruction.
Lying amongst the rubble that had previously been the ceiling was a small blonde boy with whisker marks on his face, seemingly the same age as Sasuke. He seemed to be breathing, but he refused to wake up, worrying the older Uchiha.
The younger Uchiha however…
"Itachi! The Shogi game!" Sasuke wailed in despair when he saw the game pieces scattered across the floor.
Naruto was wandering down a dripping corridor, filled with pipes. Naruto thought they needed a plumber because they were not working very well if the water on the ground was ankle deep. For some obscure reason, he was not really too concerned about his location.
Turning down one corridor, he found a large room with a set of imposing gates. Though they looked more like a cage than anything else. There was a piece of paper on the gates at the pint where they met, but Naruto could not read what it said on the paper since he did not know how to read.
Being the bold little boy he was, he walked up to the cage and poked his head through the bars. He could not see anything so he tried yelling;
"Helloooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" His voice echoed and rebounded off the walls.
For a moment, there was no reply. As Naruto pulled his head back and began to walk away, a pair of silted, red eyes slowly opened.
"So… You are my container?"
Naruto looked back as he heard the low voice emerge from the dark cage.
"So there was something in there!" he cried in triumph "I knew it!"
"What do you want brat?" the voice asked, seeming slightly irritated by Naruto's display of exuberance
"I just wondered if anything was in the cage."Naruto said simply, feeling a bit frightened by the tone of the voice.
The eyes seemed to find this a plausible answer for a five year old.
"Why are you here brat?" the voice asked again, though it was spoken in a slightly gentler tone than before.
"I dunno... I just fell through the roof and I woke up walking down that hallway and I ended up in here…"The boy, regaining a bit of his mettle took a step closer to the cage.
Naruto moved closer to the cage until he could put his hands on it again. He peered inside and in the shadows, he could make out a fluffy shape… a fox…
"What are you doing brat?" the creature asked, again taking care not to intimidate the boy too much.
"I wanted to see what you looked like Mister Fluffy!" Naruto said smiling.
The fox stiffened.
"What did you just call me?" It asked incredulously.
Naruto could have sworn he saw the fox's eyebrow twitch in annoyance, but he was not sure since at that moment, the poking of a small black haired Uchiha brought him out of unconsciousness.
Sasuke was bored.
The blonde boy had not woken up yet.
After he had fallen through his roof, his big brother bat taken him to one of the spare rooms before calling their parents. His mother immediately began fussing over the boy with towels and hot water and insisted Sasuke help her. His father had looked shocked at first but that soon gave way to what his brother had informed him was mild curiosity. To Sasuke he just looked like he was frowning though.
That had been 2 hours ago and he had still not woken up. He was now alone in the room, as his mother was outside discussing whether the boy should be taken to the hospital.
"We can't take him"
"You've seen the villagers Fugaku!"
"I realize that Mikoto but if the rest of the clan finds out he's here things will be worse."
"I don't care, he's a child and if I can't take him to the hospital then I'll just have to heal him myself!"
Sasuke stopped listening. He knew that they were talking about the blonde boy but he did not understand the conversation at all. Besides, his brother told him it was rude to listen in on other people's conversations and he did not want him to flick his forehead again.
Therefore, instead of continuing to eavesdrop, he turned his attention back to the blonde.
Why wasn't he waking up?
He could not have hit his head that badly, the roof was not that hard.
He knew this from his own experience with falling through the roof.
It had happened on several occasions - much to his mother's displeasure - and he had never been knocked out this long.
He waited for 10 minuets before his patience finally disappeared. He pulled himself onto the bed next to the boy and began to poke his scarred cheeks repetitively. After about five minuets of cheek poking the boy finally began to wake up. Seeing the boys eye begin to open (albeit rather blearily) the young Uchiha ran to find his mother.
"Mommy! Blondy-boy woke up! Mommy!"
After Sasuke had hit him on the head for messing up his Shogi match, (The roof was not important to the 4-year-old Sasuke. Roofs could easily be fixed. Shogi games, once scattered across the floor could not), and Mikoto had given him an extensive check for concussion, the two boys ran out to the training yard to spar. Although 'spar' was not really the proper description. It started out as a wrestling match with toy Kunai, before turning into a game of tag with a reluctant Itachi, who had been give the task of being minder.
It was a mystery to Itachi as to how he was out maneuvered by two five year olds and tricked into getting stuck on the roof. He was a captain of the Black Ops for crying out loud! Their younger brothers and their younger brother's friends do not get Black Ops captains stuck on their own roof!
Mikoto Uchiha was not so sympathetic however.
She did not care how he did it, she just told him to 'get off my roof or so help me ill get out your grandma's frying pan and beat you off of it! You remember the frying pan don't you Itachi?'
The scary thing was she said all this looking and sounding like a complete angel.
Itachi quickly got off the roof. The memories of the frying pan were bad enough.
From that day on, Naruto was a welcome visitor to the Uchiha compound. At first, the other senior clan members had been worried about the 'vessel' being in such close contact with the youngest heir to the clan, however it was nothing more than a strong sense of precaution and soon dissipated. They even allowed the boy to partake in some of the hand-to-hand combat lessons with Sasuke. It was after one of these training sessions that they met the boy who they would later affectionately nickname 'Lazy Ass'
Itachi frowned as he watched his brother and his yellow-haired playmate (he refused to call it blonde. It was too bright even for blonde. It. Was. Yellow.) devour bowl after bowl of Ramen. He understood that they had just finished training for the morning. He also knew that this was one of the few places in the village that would actually serve Naruto (he was even welcomed) but…
Was it really necessary to eat so much ramen?
They were already past their third bowl and it did not look like they were going to slow down. He knew Sasuke would not make it past his fifth bow but Naruto… it was simply inhuman the way he devoured the stuff… Maybe the Kyuubi liked ramen as well…
Itachi decided to stop worrying about the two boys and their DRI (Daily Ramen Intake). Such thoughts would not promote a stable mind. Instead, he took up conversation with Ayame. She seemed to one of the few girls in the village who didn't turn into a fan girl around male Uchiha's, probably because of her aspiration in the world of ramen making, but if he could actually converse In a normal manner with a girl his own age for once he wasn't going to complain.
As the two conversed, Sasuke and Naruto were in the midst of yet another ramen eating competition. The score was currently 237-0 to Naruto. Try as he might, Sasuke just could not get past five bowls of the stuff. He was halfway through his fourth bowl when two new customers entered the shop.
The two boys ignored this for the most part, (Sasuke was determined to eat his sixth bowl and Naruto just wanted more ramen) until one of the customers asked Teuchi, owner of the ramen stall, if he was sure such a large consumption of noodle dish was healthy.
That got their attention.
Someone actually implying that ramen was a health hazard was like…
It was blasphemy!
Sasuke turned to glare at the boy who had just insulted the dish (While he was no Naruto when it came to ramen, he was not too far behind. Not that he would ever tell anyone that.). Sitting to his right was a boy their own age. He had black hair that stuck up at the back like a pineapple, and seemed to carry himself in a rather lazy manner. A circle with a vertical line in the middle printed on the boys t-shirt informed him that the boy was likely a high-ranking member of the Nara clan.
"What did you just say?!"Naruto was in outrage.
This boy had insulted ramen.
It was simply not done.
It was like kicking puppies.
It was just wrong.
"I just wondered if eating so much ramen was good for you" The pineapple-head said.
'Even his voice sounds lazy' Sasuke thought, still glaring at the boy.
"Of course it is! It has vegetables in it! Vegetables are good for you so that means ramen is too!" Naruto quickly came to the defense of his favorite food.
"Calm down, I was just saying… I mean wouldn't it be a problem if you got sick from too much ramen"
Unfortunately, for the boy, Naruto and Sasuke failed to notice the show of concern.
"That's it! This means war!" Naruto yelled at him jumping of is stool
"What?" The pineapple-haired boy was taken of guard by the sudden declaration.
"You heard me! I said war! What's your name? I'll fight you!" Naruto yelled exuberantly.
"Shikamaru Nara..." The boy replied, still taken aback by Naruto's dramatic outburst.
"Alright, Shikamaru!" Naruto pointed his finger at him. "I challenge you to a duel in the name of Ramen!" he dragged Sasuke to his side. "This is Sasuke! He's gonna be my second! Pick yours!"
"Huh? Second? Wait, that's only for a death match! Hey! Leggo of me!"
Whether the Nara actually wanted to fight or not (which was not) didn't appear to be important since Naruto dragged him by the arm in the direction of the nearest play park, Sasuke closely following - also ignoring Shikamaru's protests.
It took fifteen minuets for Itachi to realize his charges had kidnapped a member of the Nara clan to wage war in the name in ramen. Shikaku Nara gave him a look full of sympathy as he saw the realization dawn on the teens face. Then fear (of his mothers reaction), then incredulity (were they really going to have a death match over ramen?) and finally worry (Knowing Naruto and Sasuke? Yes. A death match would be a definite possibility. He could only hope it was not on the roof).
Shikaku clamped a comforting hand on the unfortunate tens shoulder
Itachi shuddered. "You have no idea…"and then he ran of yelling curses upon his two young charges.
And that was how Sasuke and Naruto met Shikamaru Nara.
The Nara's were a very laid-back clan, who seemed to have absolutely no worries. They even laughed when word of how Shikamaru had unwillingly been forced into a fight for 'the glory of ramen' reached them.
Shikamaru soon became the third member of their little group, and through association, Naruto became a welcome visitor of a second clan. As with the Uchiha clan, he was not taught any of their clan techniques, he was however instructed in Shogi. Which he seemed to win through sheer dumb luck. Shikamaru seemed to find it especially irritating when he used the 'eeny-meeny-miney-mo' technique to decide on which piece to move. Sasuke said nothing, but secretly found Shikamaru's reaction to be amusing.
However, they all spent most of their time in the Uchiha Clan-House, or in one of the local parks. Shikamaru's parents seemed to be having difficulties, so the atmosphere in the Nara Clan-House made it a less than satisfactory play/practice area. And after seeing Naruto's apartment (Paid for by the Yamanaka's at the time) both boys made Naruto swear never to make them go there ever again.
Shikamaru did not realize how much trouble accompanied Sasuke and the blonde fishcake could be until he was caught in one of their 'incidents'. Sasuke and Naruto were once again, arguing over some trivial matter that escalated into a battle of fisticuffs.
"TROUBLESOME!" The third member of the trio yelled, very much surprising (and terrifying) the other two. The boys were now 7 and almost 8 (Naruto was a year older) and in the two years they had known Shikamaru they could count on one hand the number of times he had raised his voice.
They had learned to be silent when this occurred.
"Geez, can't you two ever stop fighting?" The pineapple-haired boy sighed. Naruto had started in the academy two years ago, so their time together was restricted. But instead of having fun all his two idiotic friends did was argue.
"Err…" Naruto moved behind Sasuke to protect himself from any possible Nara-Wrath.
Nara-Wrath was very scary.
He had seen Shikaku use Nara-Wrath on Shikamaru when they got caught egg-bombing the lazy boy's crotchety old grandmother's even more crotchety old dog. He had given them 20 Ryo each for a good job later on but still…
Naruto never wanted to see Nara-Wrath again…
"Well…" Sasuke gave Naruto a glare for leaving him the job of talking their way out.
Sasuke had never seen the fabled Nara-Wrath.
He had declined from the egg-bombing incident in fear of Uchiha-Fugaku-Wrath, but he had heard stories form Choji.
He and Naruto didn't know Choji as well as Shikamaru did but they had met a few times.
And Choji's tales of Nara-Wrath had secretly sent chills down the dark-haired boy's spine.
"Don't answer that… be too troublesome."
The raven and the blonde breathed a sigh of relief.
"How'd you two even meet?" Shikamaru had wondered for a while how two complete opposites who managed to both cause so much trouble, yet be the best of friends, had crossed paths for a while. He had just been too lazy to bring it up.
"I feel through his roof."
"He fell through my roof" They answered respectively.
"…How the hell did he fall through your roof?"The Nara asked incredulously.
"I tripped up"
"Ok, but why were you even on the roof in the first place?"
"Yeah, why were you on my roof Idiot?" Sasuke never had found out why Naruto had interrupted his Shogi game (yes. He was still holding a grudge.).
Shikamaru gave him an exasperated look, as if to say 'you don't know that?' but Sasuke just glared at him.
"Err… I was running away from a mob…"
Shikamaru decided not to ask about the mob. It seemed more trouble than it was worth
"That still doesn't explain how you tripped up on a roof" Sasuke interjected.
Naruto frowned. To this day, he still had not figured out how he had tripped up. Deciding to settle the matter once and for all, he turned towards the house. After all, a Nara with an unsatisfied curiosity was worse than an Akimichi with an empty stomach.
Using a vine of ivy for foot and handholds, Naruto climbed up one of the wooden pillars that held up the overhanging roof over the outdoor platform. In a matter of minuets, he had clambered onto the tiles. His two companions soon joined him.
They examined many identical looking tiles and were about to give up when they finally spotted it. One of the tiles had not been fastened down properly, and stuck up at an awkward angle. As Naruto moved closer to better inspect the mysterious tile, a loud crack was heard before the tiles once again fell away from his feet.
Sasuke and Shikamaru would have pulled him out of harms way if it were not for the fact that their feet were also falling through the air.
"DAMN IT BASTARD! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR ROOF? WHY THE FUCK DOES IT ALWAYS COLLAPSE?!"
"HOW SHOULD I KNOW IDIOT? DO I LOOK LIKE I BUILD ROOFS FOR FUN OR SOMETHING?!"
"GOD THIS IS SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS! THIS IS BEYOND TROUBLESOME! TROUBLESOME DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COVER THIS!"
The three boys were al holding onto the tiling, dangling in thin air. In the midst of their arguing, the failed to notice the hairline cracks in their respective tiles begin to expand until…
When Naruto woke up the first thing he was aware of was the dawning of Satan in his leg.
It. Hurt. Like. Hell.
The second thing he was aware of was Mikoto Uchiha's face hovering over his.
A brief memory of a woman with long red hair flashed through his mind for an instant before he quickly pushed it aside.
Looking at her face he saw worry, relief, and irritation all mixed together.
"You stupid boy!" she wailed before suffocating him with a bone crushing hug that sent another memory through his mind. Only to be quickly pushed aside again.
"What on earth were you doing?! Do you enjoy worrying me so much?!" she wailed loudly before bursting into tears and suffocating him some more.
"Honey, you're choking him."
She released him and turned to her husband instead.
"I can't do it Fugaku! Itachi and Sasuke are bad enough! I can't handle two more!" She wailed into her husband's shirt. "They're going to be the death of me!" Fugaku awkwardly patted his wife on the back.
"Now now dear, it's alright. Naruto's awake now… and I'm sure it wasn't on purpose…" Naruto nodded his head franticly when the man glanced in his direction. Fugaku-Uchiha-Wrath was almost as bad as Nara-Wrath.
Mikoto wailed louder and Fugaku sighed before gently pulling her from the room to calm her down.
Not long after the two elder Uchihas left the room, Naruto was bombarded with two angry boys his own age. Sasuke had a bandage wrapped around his forehead (For once his mother was not over reacting; a large tile had left a nasty gash on his forehead) and Shikamaru had plasters of various sizes dotted here and there.
Several bruises and hours later, Naruto found himself back at his own apartment. He set about making himself something simple to eat as he remembered Mikoto's earlier distress. It reminded him of his own mother. Though she would most likely pound him on the head a few times screaming 'fuck' and 'idiot', then remark about how he was more idiotic than his father was. Then she would make ramen with an excessive amount of chili in it and everything would be all better again.
He wondered why she had suddenly disappeared as he chopped up an onion. The old man knew but he would not tell him. He would just say 'I'll tell you when you're older' every time he asked, then distract him with a low level Jutsu to train with. And the same thing happened whenever he asked who his father had been. All he knew was that he was dead.
He knew his mother was not dead. She was in the Black Ops for cripes sake. Members of the Black Ops do not just up and die. He was 7, but he was not completely stupid.
There was something else that no one wanted him to know.
The door crashed open, jerking him from his thoughts.
"Naruto! You're Home!"
A blonde girl in a purple t-shirt and a pair of black shorts marched into his kitchen, not bothering to shut his door.
Much to his irritation.
Ino Yamanaka was another of his friends.
She had blond hair that reached just past her shoulders, kept tied in a ponytail.
A few more years and it would be as long as her fathers was.
She had pale blue eyes, and was a loud, brash girl.
She had met Naruto Before the other two boys. Her father had been close to his mother while she had been around, so they had been around each other since they were babies. It had been Ino's father who had looked after him until he was old enough to survive on his own, after his mother's disappearance (Naruto insisted on this, though Inochi still handled most of his rent.). Ino often came round with leftovers and to chat, or train. And more often than not Naruto would find her draped over his sofa the next morning.
"Ino! Can't you shut the door at least once?!"
"Why? I just came here to drop off the leftover Okonomiyaki we ordered from the take-out. I'm going in a minuet."
"You always say that! Then you hijack my sofa!"
"…it's a comfy sofa."
Naruto sighed in resignation. There was no point in arguing with her, he would just waste time that e could use to train. At least that's what he thought, until Ino spotted the bandages wrapped around his leg, and the other various scrapes and bruises.
"Naruto! What the Hell?! Did you fall through a roof or something?!"
"…You're kidding right?"
"Nope. But I took the bastard and the lazy ass with me this time!"
"You fell through Sasuke's roof again?!" Her eyebrow twitched. That was a bad sign.
"I just said that."
"Is that roof cursed or something? Cause I heard Itachi fell through it once…" Good, she had gone of on a tangent. With any luck, she would forget about the bruises.
"I know he got stuck on it… until Mrs. U got the frying pan out."
Unfortunately for Naruto, Ino suddenly remembered she was supposed to be freaking out about the injuries and sped to the bathroom where the first aid kit was kept, before speeding back and tackling him to the sofa.
"Don't you dare move until I've finished you, you idiot!"
"Get off! I've already been subjected to Mrs. U's medical torture! I do not need yours! Last time you tried to clean a wound you used washing up liquid!"
He struggled to push her off but Naruto was not about to fight back properly.
Like Shikamaru, there was something about fighting girls that did not sit well with him.
"I was 5! I've gotten better since then! And Mrs. U cannot use a medical kit to save her life! She can't even tie a bandage properly!" she had seated herself on his stomach so he couldn't escape and was proceeding to re-bandage his leg.
"And you can?!"
"Probably better than she can!" she retorted.
The night progressed with more fights over medical care (torture) and then over the chore of watering Naruto's houseplants. After a brief pause in the chaos to munch on the Okonomiyaki, there was a short period of Physical training, before they both fell asleep on the sofa, completely zonked out.
It was Shikamaru, who was dealt the unfortunate task of waking them up the next morning.
He was less than pleased with the job, but Sasuke was slightly afraid of Ino's temper.
She was an exploding tag waiting to happen when woken up.
And the Uchiha had no desire to suffer her vengeance.
He argued that since Shikamaru knew her better, that it should be his job.
Shikamaru protested but, as with every day to come, he simply could not be bothered with the farce of arguing after about two minuets.
Therefore, he was the one who ended up banging on Naruto's door at 6AM.
"Naruto! Ino! Get Up. We got to get to the Academy…."
He did try.
He really did.
He even shouted their names.
But he really couldn't keep up the shouting thing…
What if he strained his vocal chords or something? That would mean he would not be able to talk for ages, and the idiots would laugh at him then complain because he couldn't communicate without paper to write on…
It really wasn't worth the trouble.
Instead, he chose to open the lock using on of his family's Shadow Techniques. He couldn't use the Shadow Possession technique yet, he didn't have enough Chakra for it, but he could manipulate shadows easily enough. Moments later, there was a click and the door opened. He walked over to the sofa and was not surprised to see the two blondes crashed on the Blue lump of fabric. It was really just a giant beanbag.
Ino was slumped over Naruto using him as a pillow, drooling onto his orange jacket slightly. Naruto was also drooling onto the cushion his head was resting on.
He was never going to wake them up!
He tried prodding them both a couple of times, but it was a fruitless (and as such, pointless) effort. Shikamaru pondered for a moment before pulling a small exploding tag from the pouch strapped to his belt. He pushed a little bit of Chakra in to paper and…
There was a screech as Ino was first awoken by the explosion, and was then catapulted to the floor as Naruto instantly stood up, kunai in hand. Apparently, the explosion had really startled him, since his eyes had taken the red color they sometimes did whenever he was in a bad mood or sensed a treat of some sort.
That surprised Shikamaru. Naruto normally had good reactions, and wouldn't normally have reacted so cautiously. Nor would he be as startled. Maybe it had something to do with Ino. He sometimes missed things when she was around.
Eventually, Shikamaru managed to calm him down enough to get the red eyes to go away.
"Geez, you two are such a pain in the ass… we got to go or we'll be late… and Sasuke will be pissed if we're late…"
"God what it is it with him and time keeping?" Ino grumbled as she regained her senses. After a few moments she realised she had fallen aslepp on Narutos sofa (again) and had no spare clothes.
"Naruto, can I borrow some clothes? I don't want to wear these. I wore them yesterday. Its kind of disgusting wearing them again…" she asked, wrinkling her nose at her clothes.
"Cant you just get some of your own? You live like five minuets away." Naruto complained, pulling on a t-shirt taken from a pile of clean laundry abandoned on the floor.
"No! Shika already said we were going to be… DON'T CHANGE IN FRONT OF A GIRL YOU MORON!"
"Then don't watch! And if you really want some clothes just grab 'em from the pile."
"Whatever, just HURRY UP!" Shikamaru yelled.
Almost a minuet later, Naruto had locked his door and they were all walking in the direction of the academy.
Yaaaaay. More Torture. I love Nara Wrath. And sasukes Roof. Poor Itachi... Oh on a side note, there will not be a full-on Uchiha-Massacre in this. if any of you have complaints then you can wave goodbye to my godly ass! Take youre flames and stick 'em where the sun dont shine!
for everyone else...
Revew! i'll give you a virtual cookie!
Presss the reveiw button...
you know you want to...