Once The Lights Are Out

"Where the hell is that brat?".

Sasori glanced at the clock hanging on the wall at his left: it read 9:47. It's been almost half a hour since the bomber had left the base with Tobi, intended of bringing back a movie from the nearest superstore, thing that should have taken a maximum of fifteen minutes.

He gave another look at the clock. 9:48. He was growing more and more impatient at each passed second. Being able to wait had never been one of his qualities. And now he was waiting, sitting on a pretty uncomfortable couch, arms crossed on his wooden chest, a creepy murderous glare connecting his eyes to the room.

Then, the front door bursted open, revealing a cheery blonde and a masked man following behind, carrying tons of paper bags on his arms. They ran through the desertic hall, passed by the also empty kitchen, to finish rushing into the living room where waited six really pissed S-Rank criminals.

"Fuck, what took you so Jashin-damn long?" asked Hidan, almost jumping off his seat, a.k.a. his partner's lap.

"Sempai had to buy clay for his art!" explained Tobi, while putting the apparently heavy bags on the ground.

"So, if I understand what you just said, you made us wait a whole fifteen minutes because you had to buy clay at the opposite side of the town to make stupid bombs?!?" shouted the Akasuna, who was at the edge of his sanity.

It didn't take long for Deidara to snap back at the comment "Don't mock my art, un!".

"Why not?" asked the red head, leaning his back against the couch's. "It's not even art. Real art is eternal, brat".

Before the two artists could begin another Great War, Kisame tugged on the one-eyed man's sleeve, inviting the blonde to sit with him on the love seat he and Itachi were sharing. The sculptor sat by the blue man, between him and the love seat's arm, leaving the other one to the raven.

"Tobi, be a good boy and set the DVD. And hurry" Zetsu ordered, annoyed by the childishness of the situation.

"What's the movie though?" asked Kakuzu, looking over Hidan's shoulder to see Deidara. "'Hope it wasn't a new released, they're always more expensive".

"Don't worry, un. It was out a while ago, so it was cheaper, yeah. It's something like "Broke", "Broken", eum... un...".

"BrokeBack Mountain!" Tobi read out loud, holding the DVD case in his right gloved hand.

A dead silence filled the room, the orange-mask one's words echoing into the Nuke-nins ears. Hidan wiggled on the miser's lap, trying to find a more comfortable position in that awkward moment. Kisame coughed, Sasori buried himself further into the couch, and Zetsu dropped his two coloured face on his knees.

"What is it, un?" asked a very confused Deidara. "You already saw that movie?".

"No, we didn't. But do you know what the movie's about?".

"No, but the critiques are pretty good, yeah".

"You dumbfuck! It's a damn gay movie!" shouted Hidan, upset by the baby-blue-eyed man's ignorance. "'Seems like you're no exception at the dumblond bitchy curse".

"Hey! I heard that, un!".

Everyone watched the both of them fight with words as sharp as knives, insulting each other with curses that could have made a sailor blush, at which point that Zetsu covered Tobi's ears with his unmatched hands.

No one noticed Itachi stand up and slowly walk toward the exit until said weasel tripped on one of the paper bags. He hit the stone floor with a loud, dull thud, stopping the immortal and the artist, who simply stared at the stretched figure on the ground.

They didn't spoke a word, less laughed at him, too afraid of finishing at the hospital wing for mental abuse. They waited for the Sharingan user to get up, but he stayed still, face against the stone covered by a once valuable rug. He let out a sigh, and before someone could take a breath, Kisame was at his side, helping him up.

Once the Uchiha was on his feet agin, he glared at every Akatsuki member, telling them quietly to keep their mouths shut about what happened. After his untold threat, he turned around again and headed to the sliding door.

"Where the fuck do you fucking think you're fucking going, you fucktard?" Hidan "asked" him, grabbing Itachi's right wrist. The raven quickly glared back at the masochist, who immediately let go of him when his orchid eyes met the older Uchiha's rose ones.

"I'm not listening that movie" he answered with his monotone voice.

"Why not? You're a Jashin-damn heathen homophobe?".

"Not at all. I just don't like pony movies (1)". Thinking that it was a satisfying answer, the black-haired teen (2) walked to the door for the third time.

"So you're not gonna listen the movie 'cause you can't stand horses?But it tastes so good! This is ridiculous, kiddo" Zetsu affirmed, his hands still covering Tobi's ears in case that the curses would come back.

"Stay with us, yeah! It'll be great!".

"C'mon, Emo-boy, stay! We'll protect you against the fucking horsies!".

"Fine, I'll stay" he let out with a sigh. "But you have to stop making fun of me because I'm fresh meat, understand?".

Everybody nodded, even Tobi who hadn't heard a word of the previous conversation. They all took their seats back: Itachi, Kisame and Deidara squeezed on the same love seat; Sasori sitting next to Zetsu and the duo Kakuzu-Hidan who were proud to show their love; and Tobi, who was lying on his stomach on the floor, his chin in his open palms.

Time passed by, and soon, all the persons in the rooms could notice that Hidan was right; it really was a gay movie. Well, all of them except Tobi, who had been dragged out of the room seconds before things got PG-13 or higher.

A bright blush heated Deidara's face as he realized the mistake he had made by choosing that movie when the DVD played a more "intense" scene between the two main characters. Oh God, the humiliation! Bringing back that movie from the store was worse than declaring himself gay in front of the other Akatsukis.

The man turned his blond head to his left, trying to see the reaction of his friends. Zetsu had left a long ago, leaving Sasori alone on the couch where Hidan and Kakuzu were sucking faces, the world as audience. The puppeteer, instead of showing the disgusted expression the sculptor had expected, was staring at the screen, arms crossed on his chest, face unreadable.

The one-eyed then turned his blue-sky gaze on his right, where he found Itachi sleeping, his head resting on the shark's lap. Kisame was awake, but seemed distant, lost in his thoughts. He was playing absently with the weasel's hair, his eyes glued to the TV he wasn't seeing. It was dead obvious that the only thing keeping him in the room was his partner, who could have wake up from his shallow sleep at any slight move from his partner. Heaven knew it was suicide to wake up the Uchiha heir from his beauty sleep.

It seems like I'm the only one bothered by the movie thought Deidara, amazed by the cold blood of the others. I'll just try to act normally, then. I hoped they haven't noticed. He grabbed the nearest cushion he found and trapped it between his rose knees and torso, then buried the bottom of his face in it, trying to hide the red tint of his cheeks.

The movie ended a bit later, in that boringness every drama movie has. The Akasuna stood up when the screen went black to show the credits and stared at the other artist, ordering him to leave the room as well. Deidara followed him quietly and exited the room head down.

"Don't you guys have a room?" Kisame asked when he saw the immortal starting to remove his cloak, lips locked on Kakuzu's. Hidan stopped his stripping and the make-out session by looking at the blue man, almost breaking his neck.

"Why don't you go to your fucking room?" he asked back, upset that they had been force to stop.

The shark-look-alike glanced down where the black-haired teen was still sleeping, curled up in a tight ball against Kisame, breath even. The blue-haired criminal looked at the other two, a shy smile on his also blue lips as a silent apology for disturbing the lovers. "Do I need to add something?".

The silver-haired and the miser shook their heads, trying their best to stay as quiet as possible. Kakuzu picked up his partner bridal style and they left the room as silent as shadows. G'night lovebirds Kisame wished them.

He looked around him, trying to spot the remote when the main menu appeared on the glass screen. He finally found it, but sighed when he understood that it was out of reach. He looked at the Sharingan user who was still sleeping peacefully against his stomach.

He stretched his arm to grab the remote-control, and bended a bit toward it. A whimper escaped the raven teen as he felt his partner move under him. The weasel grabbed the fabric of his cloak and tried to tighten it around his lithe body, but to no avail. He started shivering on Kisame's lap, who, in front of the pitiful show the smaller one was giving, started to take off his own cloak.

The ex Kiri-nin wrapped the blood-eyed kid in the cloak eight time his size and leaned his head on the wall behind him. He glanced at the TV and bashed his head on the stone as the movie restarted by itself. A long night was awaiting ahead of him.

"But Zetsu-san!".

"I said no, Tobi! I don't want you to listen that movie! Is it clear in your little head ?".

Gosh, this kid is annoying the plant-man thought as the orange-masked man asked for the billionth time if he could watch the movie again.

"But Zetsu-san! Tobi will never know if there was a tornado, or if a volcano erupted, or if a tsunami destroyed the ranch, or if a meteor– ".

"TOBI! Be a good boy and shut the hell up!".

The black-haired one stopped immediately his childish talking and stared at the cannibal walked toward him with giant steps. The schizophrenic stopped inches from Tobi, his feet almost touching the other's. He lifted his subordinate's (3) mask to expose his face to his nose, then titled his head up by his chin with his white hand.

He planted a kiss on the restless boy's lips and waited a few seconds before pulling away. He replaced Tobi's mask to where it rightly belong before saying "There. That's what happened in the movie. Now, go to bed".

"H-hai, Zetsu-san".

"Open the fucking door, dammit!".

"I'm trying! But it would be a lot easier if you weren't in the way!".

After a few blind tries, the door to Hidan and Kakuzu's room finally opened with a loud creak, but that was covered by the suction noises coming from the lovers. The stitched man walked forward, the immortal backwards, glued to each other by their lips and their arms around the other's body.

The miser kicked the door shut while he pushed Hidan on their double-size bed, one of the two in the entire base. The Jashinist landed on his back and watched at Kakuzu stripped before his pink eyes, licking his white teeth as he enjoyed the view.

The banker finished and went to Hidan, and started getting rid of the clothes covering the pale flesh, nipping at the tender skin under him. He kissed his boyfriend passionately, distracting him from what he was doing. A moment later, he was tying the silver-haired wrists to the head board.

"Oh, not the fucking rope! It reminded me of that damn movie (4): it was as boring as hell!".

"Hidan, wake up. I don't need rope. But if you want, I can make you like a certain part of the movie" Kakuzu said, murmuring into his lover's ear.

The wine-eyed chuckled and whispered hot air into his partner's neck "Go on, cowboy".

"Danna, un?".

"What is it, brat?".

Deidara twitched at the nickname the scorpion had gave him, but decided to ignore it and to go straight to what bothered him so much. "Do you... do you... hate me, un?".

Sasori froze, then looked back to the blonde, an annoyed expression printed in his features, which soon vanished when he saw the bomber shook slightly and heard the sobs coming from him. He rushed to his partner and grabbed him by his shoulders. He tried to meet Deidara's gaze, but he was avoiding him by turning his head away.

The Akasuna did the first thing that came through his mind to comfort the one-eyed man: he wrapped his arms around the sculptor's waist and hugged him into a tight embrace. "Of course I don't. What kind of crappy question is that?" he asked, his head resting on the other's shoulder.

The four-mouthed man sniffled and wiped his baby-blue-eye before answering "W-well... you're alw-ways yelling at me, you make f-fun of my art, un. And you call me brat the w-whole time, un... Do you want the complete list, yeah?".

"It won't be necessary" he said while letting go of Deidara and taking a step back. He wiped the few remaining tears away of the blonde's face before adding "Look. To fix that bad impression you have of me, I'll take you on a camping trip on our next vacations. I know of a place you'll surely like. 'Kay?".

The one-eyed looked up then stared at his partner "What will happen in that tent (5), un?".

The red head couldn't help but smile.

"G'morning, Itachi-kun".

The weasel looked up and met the blue-skinned man's gaze, a smile across his lips. He glanced at his surroundings, and noticed that he was still in the living room, a that he was on Kisame's lap. He didn't bother to move: if it was annoying the shark-look-alike, he would have pushed him off long ago.

"Why are we still in here?" he asked, his voice as unemotional as always.

"You fell asleep during the movie. I didn't want to wake you up to go to our room".

"Is that so? Well, thank you Kisame, for the cloak and for not waking me up" the Uchiha thanked before snuggling closer to his partner's body, fidgeting on his lap to find another position in the large piece of clothing.

"You're not going to fall asleep again, won't you?" the sharp-teethed asked. "My legs are too numb, I can't feel them anymore".

"Hhn" was the only answer he got from his partner, who suddenly snapped his crimson eyes open and asked "Why is the movie still playing?".

"I couldn't reach the remote while you were sleeping on my lap".

Without any warning, Itachi reached out for the phone on the end-table and threw it on the TV which was playing the capture of a mustang, a scene Kisame had seen four times during the night. The phone hit the screen and blew up in thousand pieces, as the TV's screen. Smoke escaped the TV box and started filling the room.

"Why the hell did you do that?" asked Kisame, staring at the raven who seemed to have already reached the dream realm.

A soft whisper answered him "Told ya I hate pony movies".


(1). If you never saw the movie, or heard about it (hein?), BrokeBack Mountain is the story of two young men who live on a ranch.

(2). Ya, I decided to make a teen Itachi, so he is around fifteen, and he is the last one arrived at the Akatsuki (I know it doesn't match with the Kishimoto's version cause he is suppose to get Deidara later, but you'll have to deal with it).

(3). Sasori is still alive, so that's mean that Tobi isn't a full member of the Akatsuki yet.

(4). If don't already know, people on ranches use ropes to tie bulls and others.

(5). For those who haven't seen the movie, the two main charas have a little "fun" in the tent.


three days! its all that it took me to write this fic! woohoo!

okay, well, about this one... ZETSUTOBI!! i never wrote zetsutobi before, and i hope i did ok, and that it sounds good.

the idea came by when my couzin told me that her mother, a complete homophobe, rent the movie BrokeBack Mountain without knowing what it was about! it was so funny to watch her yell about the movie around the house after she saw them... well... XDD

don't forget to review ^^

characters (c) Masashi Kishimoto
BrokeBack Mountain (c) the creaters of it hehehe