A/N This was written for the drabble-a-thon at LJ. I'd really like to delve into Meredith/Lexie again (with a little more detail) so consider this a spring board. Enjoy :)
It's rather immature. The door is closed, the blinds are drawn (God knows why because it's not like anyone's going to be peering through the windows), you're sitting on the floor, knees tucked into your chest and thumb nail between your teeth.
You feel seven years old again. It's humiliating and demoralising. It's unbearable.
You're thinking nothing and everything at the same time and you just don't know how to get up and continue living.
This is the part of your life where time stops. Where you wait and sit and wait for the passing of time to come again. You know it'll come – you know – but the longer you sit the harder it is to comprehend getting up.
You rub your forehead with a sigh that aches in your chest. There's so much work to do and your father is back to square one.
And it's your mother's anniversary.
Emotion is beyond you at this point.
When she enters she doesn't knock. She simply steps in and closes the door behind her softly. It's not intrusive but it's noticeable.
She doesn't speak. She approaches you with that dull expression that you've learned is just an apathetic façade for the inward chaos. She slumps down onto the floor next to you. Legs stretched out in front, hands by her side and eyes glaring ahead.
You sit for a while in silence (and if it wasn't because your father's down in the pit completely drunk then it'd be kind of nice.) You're biting your nail, she's glaring and you're both hiding.
And you think you might finally be on even ground.
"I'm sorry." She says and there's this weird tinge of finality; "I'm sorry he disappointed you."
She turns to look at you and there are defiant tears in her eyes. There's something so elementally awkward about it because it's Meredith Grey and she's trying to push down the 'you think I haven't been disappointed before?'
You don't say anything for a while. Instead you bite. You edge a thin piece of the nail and it tears towards the base. You cringe a bit but absorb the pain with revelry.
"You knew not to trust him." You say; "But I didn't because I've never forgiven him for something so big before."
You pause because you need to get this all out.
"But we're even now Meredith. He broke your trust twice and now he's done it to me so… We're even."
"I'm not the good little girl he left you for anymore," you say leaning around so you can speak straight to her face; "We're even!"
She jerks her head away, glaring determinedly.
"We're even! Can you hear me?" You don't know why you're shouting but you want her to know that you're together in the timelessness and the pain; "We're even!"
The inevitable happens and your voice breaks. You try to stop the sobs because despite everything you're still not comfortable crying in front of her. You push you hair back and squint against the tears but it's futile. The squint breaks and you're falling.
When she breaks the barrier you almost stop crying out of shock. She pulls you into her arms and holds you tight like she's trying to pull you back together again. If you've ever felt like her little sister it's right now. You're crying, she's pulling and it's soothing. Natural.
"I'm tired." You sob, "I'm so tired."
Reviews wuld be greatly appreciated :)