A/N: Okay, I'm sick. In Ireland. BOOOOOO. Which has resulted in this story, since I am somewhat confined to my room in an effort to recover in time for class tomorrow.
It's partially inspired by the personal ads I found in the Irish Times (hysterical stuff, one actually said "enjoys long walks on the beach), partially by the movie You've Got Mail, and partially by the song Want Ads by Honey Cone (Wanted: Young Man, Single and Free. Experience in love preferred, but will accept a young trainee.)
SIDE NOTE: My parents bought a puppy yesterday. WHILE I'M IN IRELAND. Whaaaaat? But, they're letting me name it (glee!!!!), so what think you? She's tiny (less than 2 lbs.,but will grow), fluffy, and white. Some ideas I have are Miffy (from the cute coloring books with the bunny), Belle (because 'new puppy' looks like a miniature version of a Great Pyrenese my parents had when I was born), Ellie (a feminine, diminutive form of L :D ), Rem (cause she's white...and you know, Death Note...but I'm not sure my parent's would like this one), Daisy (just cause), and Zoe (in reference to Firefly). I really tried to get some more Death Note related names, or even Kingdom Hearts, but it's hard!!!! Also, puppy looks vaugely like Near, haha!! White and kind of curly. But Near is a bad puppy name. :( Anyway, votes? Suggestions? Thanks!!!!
Light had to admit, he felt like a complete idiot; an unusual sensation for him. But seriously, who wouldn't when writing a personal ad? Everything he tried just sounded insanely cheesy, or at the very least decently creepy.
He had 40 words if he wanted to go the expensive route, and a mere 20 for half that price. Light had decided on the more costly option, but even so, he felt utterly unable to give a satisfactory description of himself in so few words. He was more used to elaborating his points with unnecessary detail in order to flesh out his college essays; taking all the fanciful extras out of his writing was proving nearly impossible.
Besides the aggravating constraint on his creativity, there was also the fact that he didn't know what to say. Light had preemptively glanced over the other personal ads in the paper, half looking for someone and half getting an idea of how to structure his own, but all the examples came up short. There was certainly no one he would consider dating in there, and some even had spelling errors!
Oh, the horror.
These kinds of people were exactly who Light was trying to avoid. It was a tough job being the God of the new world, especially when that new world still needed to be created, and he had astoundingly little time to look for a life partner. Light figured that every good God had a Goddess, or at least a Second in Command. The real trouble was finding someone interesting enough not to bore him, smart enough not to aggravate him, attractive enough to entice him, moral enough to support Kira un- failingly, and just crazy enough to love him.
Of course, Misa filled the last two requirements, but she failed miserably to meet the first three.
Light had at first been reticent to turn to personal ads as, but as it was, what with L holding him under suspicion and the stress of having to continue building his world despite the detective's constant scrutiny, he simply did not have time for anything else.
He chewed on the end of his pencil, contemplating for the hundredth time what 40 words would portray that he was A) stunningly beautiful B) sickeningly intelligent C) Kira D) most likely gay and E) Not lying through his teeth about any of the above. Light didn't really think it was a good idea to publicize point C, but he did want to get across that he supported Kira, since anyone he dated would have to accept that part of him.
Eventually, he decided on a succinct 38 words, and was quite satisfied with the result.
18, male, likes tennis and winning. Top student at To-Oh. Criminal Justice major, looking for person who shares interests, enjoys intelligent conversation, and knows the definition and correct spelling of the acronym GPA as relates to Criminal Justice.
Light smiled, self-satisfied. By mentioning tennis, he was implying that he was fit; winning and the Criminal Justice Major pointed to his support of punishing wrong doers, and if anyone could come up with the answer to his last requirement, then no doubt they would be his perfect match. He snuck down to the hotel lobby, slipped the form into the mail box, and took his merry time going back upstairs to verbally spar with his nemesis.
A week later, L was glancing through the newspaper, trying to pick up any leads on Kira. Well, perhaps glancing wasn't quite the right term, as he was absorbing every single word and punctuation mark, analyzing and categorizing it, filing or throwing it from his memory based on its quantitative relevance to the case.
So far, only 2.5% of the articles had any moderately legitimate information, despite many claims otherwise. It was getting quite irritating.
L sighed, letting the air rush in and out of his nose. Then he stopped breathing entirely.
Strange that Kira would invest in a personal ad.
L had pegged him more as the type to work alone and enjoy solitude. Huh.
But here….here was evidence much to the contrary. And rather useful evidence it was, too. With this, L's suspicions of Light being Kira went from around 76% to 99.99%. His evidence of Light being gay rocketed from 40% to a full 100%. And his confidence that he would convict Yagami Light of crimes against humanity within two weeks time was at a record high of 93%, barring only the unpredictability of human emotions.
Light had resorted to checking his emails for entertainment; he didn't really want to catch Kira, since he was Kira, and found that this simple task roused no particular suspicion in L. Therefore, it was the perfect distraction; he didn't really get any work done, but neither did he look like he was being unproductive.
Still, when you had to sit in an uncomfortable chair, being watched intermittently by huge dark eyes, even the little pleasures of getting spam mail were often thwarted.
Light indulged in a very small glare in L's general direction, knowing all too well that the responding narrowing of L's eyes meant that Light's innocence was even further under question.
Whatever, it felt damn good to release even that small bit of pent up aggravation. L was just too perceptive for his own good.
A perky little ding from his computer drew Light's attention away from contemplating all the different ways to subtly asphyxiate the detective, and back to his inbox.
Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH. Someone had emailed him. About his personal ad. Light was blissfully unaware of his expression, which was akin to what Miley Cyrus might look like when presented with the opportunity to molest Zac Efron. L, on the other hand, observed Light's reaction with a mixture of amusement and guilt. It was too bad the boy was getting so adorably excited over an email that would ultimately result in his death or permanent interment.
Light clicked eagerly on the little envelope, and was presented with one phrase; Gay Police Association. It was the answer to the riddle he'd placed in his ad. Light's smile widened even further than he'd thought possible. This person, whoever they were, was perfect.
Their response was short, to the point. No frills, yet it indicated interest and intelligence, and a knowledge of the Criminal Justice system. Or at the very least some decent Wikipedia skills.
Now all Light had to do was figure out how to respond to it. A difficult task if there ever was one. How did one go about formulating an answer to such a divine display of simplicity? He supposed the only solution was to do exactly the opposite.
Light spent the entire rest of the work day composing a long piece on the benefits and ramifications of the Gay Police Association, creating a delicate allegory to his own situation, while also inquiring as to the mysterious person's traits and identity. Pleased with his finesse, he hit send just before L finally announced that it was time for a break.
The task force never got to go home; they got so-called 'breaks' which consisted of two to four hours worth of relaxation and sleep time.
Light took to his room, collapsing onto his bed. He was worn out from all the excitement of finding his future partner in non-crime. When he fell asleep a few moments later, it was with a peaceful smile gracing his lips.
L watched Light sleep on the television screen as he typed out a response to Light's email. Hmm, the boy did look awfully attractive in his sleep. L experienced a passing twinge of regret that all this was fake. Perhaps if Light had never been Kira, things might have worked out between them…
L brought himself back to reality. If Light weren't Kira, then they never would have met, because Kira would not exist. Pretending that he could forget his sudden weakness at observing Light's sleeping form, L turned his attention back to the clacking of his fingers across the keyboard.
For the next week, L and Light both occupied an inordinate amount of time emailing each other, although Light didn't know it.
L merely found it amusing to watch Light's face react as he read the emails L sent him during the work day. Light had such an amazingly expressive face, and L found himself disturbingly pleased when something he'd written made Light smile.
They sent each other an average of 30 emails a day, topics ranging from theories of justice (L tactfully altered his true views in order to catch Light being Kira) to their favorite flavours of ice cream.
L leaned back in his chair after sending off a message to Light about his favorite childhood pet (a fish named Armageddon) , and glanced over to see Light's reaction. The other man was lounging as much as his office chair allowed, and L caught himself admiring the lines of Light's body; the way his hair caught the light of the setting sun, and how his eyes laughed as he read L's email. It was a truly beautiful sight.
However, it was only when Light caught L staring, and fixed him with a glare that would send fluffy little puppies running for their lives, that L realized he was falling for the boy. He was stung to the core that Light would look at him with so much malice, when he unknowingly found L's email-personality so attractive.
When Light huffed angrily at him, L almost reached out, took Light's face in his long, pale fingers, and kissed him. Figuring that would probably end badly, most likely with him on the floor and a broken nose, L reigned in that impulse and forced himself to think rationally.
Okay, he couldn't love Light. Sure, he'd never felt closer to anyone in his life, never had so much fun and such good conversation, albeit virtual, and definitely never been this attracted to someone physically. But Light was Kira. And L would have to be stupid to love his enemy.
Yes, L reflected, he certainly wasn't stupid. He was, in fact, a genius, except with social matters. And then it hit him like a ton of bricks. He wasn't smart socially. In fact, it was quite the opposite. So it was very possible that he had indeed fallen for his main suspect. Bloody hell.
Light glared over at L. The man was so aggravating, staring at him like that when he was trying to read the latest email from his secret love. That was one thing Light was slightly peeved about; his email friend had subtly refused to reveal his name, even though he knew Light's.
Well, other than that, he was perfect. Light had fallen for the man some time ago, and now only had to maneuver the sticky social problem of suggesting they meet in person without sounding too much like a sex-addict stalker.
He happily wondered what the man would look like. Of course, Light hoped he would be attractive, but at this point he was so far gone in love it probably wouldn't matter. Still, it was fun to guess. Maybe he'd have dark hair; very dark hair, and lots of it. Hmm, and dark eyes to match. He'd have to be tall, since Light himself was fairly tall, and it would be nice if he were thin. Oh, and pale. Light didn't go too much for the orange-spray-tan body builders. And his lips would be soft, and his fingers long, and…
L interrupted his train of thought with the clattering of cups and saucers, and Light sent yet another glare over at his companion, only to be completely awe-struck. L was the man Light had been constructing in his head. Damn, what kind of crazy random happenstance was that?!
No, no, no, Light would never, ever fall for the genius detective. Even if the way his hands curled around his tea cup was strangely arousing. No, that notion was positively laughable. Just because he found the man attractive in his physical traits, did not mean he enjoyed his company. Quite the opposite, really. L was always…well, you know…accusing him.
Light contemplated that this was a rather lame excuse. Of course L was questioning him. He was the main suspect, after all. Heck, he was Kira! If anything, he should be admiring L for his intelligence and instinct as a detective…
Oh hell no. Light was not doing this. He was not suddenly falling for the almighty 'L', particularly when he was in love with someone else. Someone he'd never met. Who may or may not turn out to be a sex fiend, or some other type of creeper.
Light groaned, putting his head in his hands and squeezing his eyes shut. This could not be happening.
L observed Light's state of distress, and quietly suggested that the other man should retire for a few hours. Light, too disturbed by the fact that he found L's voice soothing and huskily gorgeous, simply followed the man's advice and passed out on the nearby couch.
When Light finally woke up, the first thing he did was check the time. It was well past midnight, meaning he had been asleep for at least 6 hours. Huh, that was nice of L to let him sleep that long…
Crap. L. The detective had noticed that Light was up, and was beckoning him over to the computer with one skinny finger. Light groaned internally. He didn't want to deal with the man right now. His feelings needed sorting out first.
But L was not someone to be denied if you wanted to live, and so Light stretched and stood up, making his way over to L's chair as slowly as possible. When he got there, his mind and heart had a quick, violent battle. He mind wanted to sit in his own chair, a safe distance from L, and his heart wanted to sit on L.
Before he did anything rash, Light made a compromise and stood directly behind L's shoulder, leaning over so his head was next to L's.
L pointed to his computer screen.
"Light-kun, I need your advice. I can make neither head nor tail of the email I have just received. The sender claims that his favorite pet as a child was a grey kitten by the name of Ellie, but I always thought he was more of a dog-person…"
Light was rooted to the spot, his eyes the size of one of L's cake plates. No, this wasn't possible. L couldn't be his email-love. But…in a crazy, terrifying way, it all made sense. And the proof was right in front of his eyes; he distinctly remembered sending that email just hours ago.
He watched in half horror, half fascination as L turned his head and pressed his lips to Light's own. For a split second, Light's brain screamed mutiny, but it was swiftly and brutally silenced by the thundering of his heart as he accepted and returned the kiss.
After some time, the two men pulled back slightly for air, staring with wonderment into each other's eyes. Then L's eyes positively snapped with unexpected humor, an emotion which was reflected in his voice when he murmured, "So, does this mean Light-kun and myself are shortly going to be members of the infamous GPA…?"
Light silenced him with a ferocious kiss, hands tangling in the hair he'd been fantasizing over, and managed one thought before pleasure overtook his entire being: This was going to be the best love-hate relationship in the history of the world.
Love! Review! Vote on puppy names! :D