Chapter Title: Big Brother
Dedicated To/Credited To
: di_sama
: Post Chapter 9, possibly early in Chapter 10

"I hope we do not have to tell you why you are here, Mr. Lamperouge," snapped Kitihara, a wizened old man who seemed seconds away from heart failure or a massacre, Lelouch wasn't sure which.

Lelouch shifted in his chair in the darkened room, eyeing the tribunal before him; Kitihara, Ohgi, and Tohdoh, who had given up his illegal-narcotics-in-Large-Glass-Growing-Structures ways and returned to Narita.

"Well you see, I-"

"Do you recall last night, Mr. Lamperouge?"

"I might have a faint recollection, yes." Mr. Lamperouge did not remember last night, at least not the parts after about ten.

"Would you like to tell us about it?" Lelouch was starting to really, really hate Kitihara.

"There might have been some alcohol-"

"Yes. There indeed might've. And you're, ahh, companion Kururugi Suzaku?"

"He might've had a few to drink as well."

"Indeed he might have. He, in fact, did, as did you. And what did you to do after that?"

"We had sex." He didn't need to remember to figure that out, waking up naked next to an equally naked Suzaku had been a good enough hint.

There were times he was glad he still hadn't picked up that "modesty" trait. Suzaku, he knew, would be scarlet and squirming. He got some satisfaction from the fact that Ohgi looked as uncomfortable as Suzaku would be.

Kitihara was angry and Tohdoh was staring stoically forward.

"Do you recall where you, er, did… that?"

Lelouch got some satisfaction from that, too. Even if this part did make him want to squirm, but only a little.

"The town center." That, too, had been easy to figure out.

"There were small children present!" Kitihara bellowed.

"It is unacceptable," Tohdoh ground out.

Lelouch said nothing.

"We have thought of an appropriate punishment for you."

"Oh, goody," Lelouch muttered under his breath.

Kitihara either didn't here him or ignored him. "As you might know, we frequently take in children orphaned by the Britannian Empire. To help them adjust, we have instated a… I suppose you might call it a 'Big Brother' program. You will-"

"You want me to make up for scarring children by..." he couldn't finish the sentence.

"They are terrified of you. You will show them that you are not… That there is nothing harmful to them about your… lifestyle."

Lelouch nodded shallowly, "And Suzaku will be…?"

"He, too, will be punished accordingly."

That was good, Lelouch was sure this whole thing was Suzaku's fault.

"This is Vincent. You will spend time with him today."

Vincent was small for his age, which Lelouch estimated to be about five, and clutching a dirty rag doll. He was also very, very dirty. Lelouch felt the need to sanitize the air around the child.

An hour later, Vincent was scrubbed pink, short one rag doll, and wailing.

Lelouch was sent home, smirking.

"This is Robert. You will spend time with him today."

Robert was solid, stocky, and about seven. Lelouch thought that the program directors were sure he would be less… intimidating to an older child.

Half an hour later, Lelouch had a split lip and Robert was cowering in a corner, whimpering.

Lelouch was sent home, smirking less than the day before due to his bleeding lip.

"This is Samantha. You will spend – Just try not to make her cry, okay?"

Samantha had curly brown hair in pigtails and sugary smile. She was eleven.

The directors separated the two three hours later. The first two and a half hours had gone quite well.

After convincing her that playing dolls wasn't that great, and neither was dress-up thank you very much, he got enough of that with Rakshata, they had settled for doodling quietly in a corner where they could exchange snide remarks about Vincent and Robert. It would seem the two were not popular with the other children.

The final half-hour had been going splendidly until one of the senior directors walked by and heard Lelouch informing the girl of the best ways to kill someone sneakily. He had learned something from Suzaku after all.

He kicked pebbles and frightened pigeons.

"This is-"

"Have you considered that maybe I'm just not cut out for childcare?"

"Mr. Lamperouge, I will make you be able to spend an entire day with a child without any form of mental scarring if it's the last thing I do."

"That's a rather high-"

"This is Rolo. Have fun."

That didn't sound ominous, not at all.

Rolo was about fourteen and kind of… creepy looking.

"So how did it go with the little ones today?" Suzaku asked, grinning at him irritatingly from across the mess hall table.

"Screw you. You got construction duty, so just screw yourself."

"That's not polite," he faked a pout.

Kallen, seated next to Suzaku, just laughed.

Lelouch glared at the pair of them and stabbed a chunk of potato on his plate.

"Hey, Lelouch?"

"Nn." He didn't want to answer Suzaku; he wanted to punch him.

"Who's that kid staring at you?"


"You didn't even look!" Kallen protested.

"Does he look about fourteen and creepy?" Lelouch asked the potato on the end of his fork, which he was holding idly before his face.

"Er, yeah, actually."

"Rolo," Lelouch nodded.

When Lelouch staggered out of the barracks room he was sharing with Suzaku the next morning, Rolo was waiting in the hall.

"Nii-san!" his face lit up.

Feeling benevolent, Lelouch did not cringe, "Good morning, Rolo."

"Where are you going?" The brat was following him down the hall.

"To find Suzaku."

Rolo's expression darkened, "Why?"

"To drag him into the woods and let him screw my brains out." He actually just needed to ask him a question, but Rolo didn't need to know that. Maybe if Lelouch scared him, he would go away.

But Rolo did not go away. Instead, his expression darkened further. "Why?"

"Because I enjoy it." They reached the stairs at the end of the hall. Lelouch all but raced down them; Rolo followed doggedly after.

"But, nii-san…. He doesn't love you."

Lelouch nearly fell down the stairs. He caught himself with the rail and turned on the step to face Rolo, only a step behind and way too close to him.

"What makes you think that matters? I'm not exactly in love with him, either."

Rolo shrugged, "If you say so." He didn't meet Lelouch's eyes.

Satisfied, Lelouch turned back around. He nearly fell down the stairs again at the quiet comment from Rolo, "If you ever want him dead, tell me."

Lelouch turned abruptly, just staring at him.

Rolo moved down a step, their faces were a scant few inches part. Lelouch was distinctly uncomfortable, but refused to back down. "What would you know of killing?"

Rolo laughed fondly, "Oh, nii-san."

When Suzaku found the two an hour later, they were sitting at a secluded table in the mess.

Lelouch was leaning forward over the table, face propped up on one hand, mouth slightly open. "Huh," he said at last.

Rolo shrugged and smiled shyly, taking a sip of his tea.

Suzaku glanced back and forth between the two them, neither noticed him. "Morning."

Lelouch glanced up and smiled, "Morning."

Rolo glowered and said nothing, taking an angry sip of his tea.

Suzaku slid onto the bench beside Lelouch. Neither of the two noticed how close they were sitting, but Rolo did. And Rolo was not happy.

"No one asked you to sit, you know."

Suzaku ignored the comment; he was in a good mood.

He turned in his seat and put a hand on Lelouch's shoulder. "Out of curiosity, are you going to Rakshata's soon?"


Suzaku grinned.

"You can't come."

"Why not?" Suzaku pouted, "You haven't let me come with you in days and you look so," he glanced at Rolo, "good."

"Nii-san, what's he talking about?"


"It means 'brother'," Lelouch muttered into his own tea cup.

"I know what it means, why is he calling you that?"

"Big Brother program, remember?"

"Yeah, but it's not literal, it just-" he glanced at Rolo and stopped speaking, stunned by the murderous look on his face. And then he noticed the specific way the glare was directed at his hand and the slightly possessive way it curled over Lelouch's shoulder.

Even the best of us slip up occasionally. That is the only explanation that can be given for the way Suzaku noticed not only this, but managed to figure out why Rolo was glaring at his hand so.

With a slight internal smirk, he moved his hand across Lelouch's back to the opposite shoulder whereupon his arm bent slightly at the elbow, tugging Lelouch closer to him.

Returning to his oblivious state, Suzaku did not take note of the way Rolo was gripping his table knife.



"What are you doing?"

Suzaku sighed, would it have killed him to play along? Rolo was hit by a sudden coughing fit.

"I just wanted to touch you; last night feels so long ago."

Rolo's pink-violet eyes bugged.

"Unless you're trying to tell me you want to go into the woods for some 'fighting practice,' stop touching me."

A glance at Rolo's face told Suzaku that he definitely knew what that meant.

He grinned broadly, "If you're offering."

Lelouch sighed as he thought it over, "I don't think Rakshata will mind if I show up a little late. It's not like we actually schedule anything.

"I'll see you in a bit, 'kay, Rolo?" Lelouch asked, pushing himself up from the table.

Rolo nodded, but said nothing; his teeth were ground together too tightly for him to speak just then.

They left the mess. Rolo gripped his tea cup so hard it shattered.

"You had a change of heart, then?"


"The kid."

"Oh. Yeah, he's… not that bad."

"Huh." Suzaku kicked a pebble.

"Don't tell me you're jealous?"

"As if."

"Sure, 'course not. Silly me."

"Okay, first of all, not in love with you. I don't even really like you all that much. Still, I suppose I could be a teensy bit worried if I thought the kid was actually any competition."

"What's your second point?"

"Ehh, the two kind of blended together."

What else could be expected?

"You don't think he's competition?" Lelouch asked with a laughing smirk.

"Please. He's, like, fourteen and skinny. There's no way he could-"

Lelouch stopped, "You think skinny people are unattractive?" His smirk was more laughing than before as an eyebrow raised in arch inquiry.

"I will respond to that appropriately once we are out of sight."

"You and your modesty and discretion."

"I hate to be annoying-"

Lelouch snorted.

"-but it was your lack of modesty and discretion that got you into this situation with Rolo in the first place."

"Screw you."

Suzaku laughed.

Rolo catapulted himself out of the bushes at Lelouch, tackling him to the ground. Suzaku, reacting quickly to the threat, narrowly avoided taking off Rolo's head with his sword.

"NIIIIIIIIIIII-SAN!!!!" Rolo dug his bony arms into Lelouch's side, and Lelouch grunted in pain. Some part of his mind, the part not trying to figure out how to dislodge a creepy fourteen-year-old, realized that this was probably what Suzaku felt every night. Lelouch understood Suzaku's continuous desire to cuddle even less.

Suzaku definitely had attachment issues, there was no doubt. He really needed to buy a teddy bear for that boy, and soon.

"NIII-SANN, don't leeeeaaaave me." Rolo wailed on top of him, big fat tears falling from his almost albino-ish eyes.

Maybe he has a mental problem, Lelouch thought faintly.

Rolo hiccupped, cried some more, and Suzaku felt a lot less certain about trying to decapitate a crying teenager. He did have some sort of chivalric code, of course. It didn't include not screwing other boys in the middle of the forest where they got leaves and twigs in their hair (he could at least offer them a shirt or something to lie on, he had to remember to do that from now on), but that was beside the point.

"No - No one's ever paid attention to me like you do, nii-san… For the first time I don't feel so alone any more." Rolo hiccupped, rubbing at his eyes.

Lelouch felt like he should be saying something conciliatory here. He'd read about it in books, but he was more focused on the boy creating a soggy mess out of his nice clean shirt.

"Umm, well, that's nice." Lelouch tried to pry Rolo's fingers off his shirt, but the fourteen-year-old was stronger then he looked.

"Its just - It's just…" Rolo broke down again, burrowing more completely into Lelouch's chest and sobbing into the now completely, in Lelouch's mind, ruined shirt. He'd have to burn it later.

Suzaku, by this time, was feeling like a royal asshole. A massive guilt complex raised its head, so he put away his sword and leaned over to rub Rolo's back.

"Shh... its okay. You know, Lelouch and I don't really have any family ourselves either. We're just like you, Rolo."

Lelouch tried to speak up, but Rolo's skinny-yet-strong arms had a death grip around the general area of his lungs, so he was having trouble just breathing. He tried to push Rolo away, but Rolo remained obstinately clingy.

Suzaku glanced once at Lelouch, guiltily, knowing that Lelouch would hate him for what he said next. He pulled Rolo up, grabbing him firmly by the chin. Rolo's wide eyes looked up, his lower lip quivering and his eyelashes glittering with tears.

"We're both guys. And from my knowledge, it's pretty hard for guys to have kids." Lelouch, catching on, began to wave frantically at Suzaku to stop, or tried to. Rolo was still clutching him like some sort of rag doll. He really needed to work out more.

"I want you to know, I speak for the both of us when I say," Suzaku stared deeply into Rolo's eyes, and asked him something that would change all thee of their lives forever, "Rolo, would you be our son?"

Rolo froze, releasing Lelouch in shock. Lelouch sucked in as much air as he could and glared fiercely at Suzaku. Suzaku didn't even look at him; instead his attention was focused on the trembling Rolo.

Rolo turned to look at Lelouch, his eyes wide. Lelouch, flashing back to another, similar, wide-eyed stare he could never resist when he was younger, couldn't think straight for a second.

And a second was all Rolo needed to decide that Lelouch was trying to telepathically tell him that yes, he did want Rolo as a son, and yes, there may also be incestuous relations involved.

He threw himself at the soggy, out of breath, murderous (for Suzaku, primarily) prince yelling,


He canceled his plans for teddy bear buying; Suzaku deserved nothing, which included sex. Yes, it might make him suffer a little as well, but the bastard deserved it. A lot. I'm going to freaking kill you, Kururugi Suzaku. So much.

Suzaku was oblivious; he was busy planning. They would have to get their own house, big enough for three, and their bedroom would need to be soundproofed; they didn't want to scar the child after all. They'd done enough of that after all. Yes, next time Lelouch wanted to get drunk and have sex in public, Suzaku would say no. And no meant no, as everyone knows.

"Oh god, I'm a bastard!"


No, Suzaku is the bastard. No more sex. Ever, Lelouch though fervently, meaning every word, even though he'd probably only last a month, maybe less.

"Well, you two aren't married, so…"

"Well, Lelouch didn't actually give birth to you, so-"

"Wait, why the hell am I the one giving birth?"

Rolo gave him a "Did you seriously ask that?" stare whereas Suzaku ignored him entirely and continued.

"-technically it doesn't-"

"Actually," Rolo interjected, "since you two having sex did lead to my joining the family…"

He had a point, even Lelouch would admit that, though he was still angry about being the mother.

"Lulu, don't you think Rakshata could make you a beautiful wedding gown?" Suzaku grinned rapturously, not noticing the murder in Lelouch's eyes.

"Oh, kaa-san! You'll be so beautiful. White is definitely your color!"

Lelouch was going to have to kill them both. At least no one else was in earshot. That meant there were less people to kill.

"We should tell Rakshata right now!" Suzaku announced, snapping his fingers and standing.

In an amazing adrenaline rush, Lelouch threw Rolo from him and tackled Suzaku to the ground.

"Lelouch, I know you're happy, but I do need to breathe." He gasped, "We need a ring! Amethysts to match your eyes, diamonds are a little too classical, don't you think?"

Much to Lelouch's dismay, he'd tackled the wrong teenager. He hadn't known it, but Rolo was the fastest runner in all of Britannia. He ran at the speed of light, it was almost like you couldn't see him.

"Oh, darling, our son is so fast. Our little boy's all grown up!" Suzaku felt tears welling in his eyes. "He has your svelte figure. I wonder what he got from me. Hmm, maybe-"

He was cut short by Lelouch's punch in the gut. "You bastard! What were you thinking? I said he wasn't that bad, that doesn't mean I want to adopt the creepy little thing! And besides, it's not like we're going to stay together. We're not even going to stay here. One true love, remember?"

"Oh," Suzaku said slowly, "right."

Lelouch sighed, too disappointed in Suzaku's lack of brains to want to kill him.

"We can't take it back now, though. He's so excited. And besides, he's so young, he wouldn't understand. He'd be devastated. Do you think he'd mind having three parents? You'd still be his darling mommy, don't worry."

"I am going to kill you. It's going to be very slow, and very painful."

"Oh, dear, I know you don't mean that. You can't kill me. You can't even catch a turtle." He gasped again, "When are we going to get married, it has to be soon I suppose-"

"It was a snapping turtle! I wasn't try– WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED, MORON!"

"Oh, darling, don't be coy. It must be leftover from your days at court; I don't understand you nobles' courting rituals… Do you want flowers?" He easily dislodged Lelouch, and scooped him up, bridal-style, it was only appropriate. If he happened to have trapped Lelouch's arms and legs with his much stronger arms, he didn't even take note.

Lelouch tried to flail and failed. He resorted to screaming and biting.

"Oh, Lulu, you know you tire out easily - Don't bite my neck; it's still bruised from last night - Anyway, you should really save all that energy for our wedding night."

Lelouch's scream of rage could be heard throughout Narita, and even a little beyond. Used to Lelouch's protests to most things Suzaku did, people just smiled and shook their heads, Oh, those lovebirds.

... yeah.

If the writing style seems a bit... odd... at points, that is because this is not written entirely by me. The lovely di_sama(aka "abbynormal", wench) contributed. If you can figure out what parts are mine and which aren't, you... will get a prize. Possibly. It depends on what you want. It's not like I've got a bunch of raffle prizes to give out. I dunno, you figure it out, I give you something. (This is also di_sama's idea.) I actually don't think the difference is particularly glaring -shrug-.

The sequel to this chapter will be coming soon. I just need to figure out an ending that won't -- SPOILER!

Um, yes. I dunno, again, it's five in the morning, forgive this one's failure at life. HUGS!

... I broke my rule about using Japanese for this...

Please review if your brain didn't spontaneously combust due to... something...