I sat at her bedside, just staring at her face. Not really seeing, just staring.
I took her hand in mine, and winced when I noticed there was no temperature difference between us anymore. One human, and one vampire.
I looked at her tear swelled, sodden face, and I felt the pain run through my empty veins.
"Bella…" I whispered, touching her cheek softly.
The corners of her mouth turned up at my touch. "Edward…" she whispered back, hoarsely. She heaved out a heavy cough, almost sitting upright in the bed.
I looked down, and then grabbed her water off the bedside table, and held it to her mouth as she took a small sip.
"Don't-" she coughed again. "Don't leave me, please. I need you, Edward. Don't go." She squeezed my hand tightly.
"I'll never leave you." It was a shame that I had to lie like this. But we both knew that soon enough, she and I would be separated. Forever.
"I love you, Edward." She said to me tears, fresh tears welling up in her big brown eyes.
"I love you too." I said picking up her hand, and kissing the diamond on her ring finger.
We had such little time together. She had just celebrated her 47th birthday only four short months earlier.
Carlisle begged me not to change her now, for the venom on the cancerous cells could be very dangerous, and could kill her quite possibly anyway. And her transformation if it did succeed, would be even more painful than all of ours put together. I could see her in that much pain remembering my own transformation.
"Remind me," she muttered, shutting her purple eyelids, hiding the only part of her that I could actually recognize.
I looked at her again. Incredibly thin, dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep, and her cheek bones became impeccably prominent, her eyes were red and swollen from tears especially. She shivered almost constantly, and once in a while, had uncontrollable convulsions which shook her body to make it seem almost as if she was having a seizure.
I composed my features into a delicate smile, and began to remind her of all the things that she sadly couldn't remember due to the damned brain cancer.
"Well, the first night I spent the night with you in your room, how I held you so tightly, as you dozed off quickly after hours of talking. Or the day we watched Romeo and Juliet, the goose bumps forming on your arms as I whispered Romeo's lines into your ear. Mmm…our wedding day. You looked stunning in your dress, a vision of absolute beauty. Isle Esme, the beautiful blue waters around the island. It was all so gorgeous." I spoke slowly, and clearly letting all of the memories sink into her head.
"I'm going to miss you." She said, her eyes fluttering open.
My voice came out strained as her words filled my head. "What am I supposed to do without you? I have nowhere to go." I caressed her face with my free hand.
She didn't say anything. She just turned her head off to the side. She coughed again before she began.
"Edward, I have loved you since the first day I met you. Even though you scared me at first, I felt a bond to you that I had never felt to anyone else. That's why I was never afraid of you. Every day, I yearn for your touch, and when I have it, I smile almost immediately and lately, when you've touched me, I've felt hope. Hop that maybe we'll be together again after all of this is over. Because no matter where I go, it will always be hell without you. Our love is something that will last forever, no matter where it takes us. Before my time comes, something you need to know is that my heart will be forever yours and only you. But also remember, that none of this is your fault. I'm a human, and it was meant to be this way. I live, I die, that's the way it' always going to be, and we knew it was coming. But, I got something else that only few people can say that they've ever had, I can say that I found true love. I-found-you." She spoke the last few words slowly, emphasizing each syllable.
Her breath came harder, a hissing sound through her clenched teeth. I looked at her, feeling the swords stab into me one by one. I closed my eyes.
She put her hand against my face, and I leaned into it in comfort. I looked at her, and saw a single tear roll down her cheek. I touched it with my finger to wipe it away. "I've never found someone quite like you, Edward. Please, don't be sad. I love you."
"How can I not be upset?" I asked, more pain searing through me as she told me that. The last few words that I would possibly hear from her voice.
Edward, you have two minutes.
I heard Alice's voice in my head, as she thought the words. I had exactly two minutes to express my love to Bella.
"Bella, it was a long road to your heart. And it was full of winding tendrils that I was happy to endure for you. This by far is the worst. All of the times I told you how much I loved you, all of the times I professed my love to you, I have meant it all as you know. Every second I have been away from you, even for just a few minutes, my heart aches for you. How am I going to live without you?"
One and a half minutes Edward.
"It's going to be extremely hard. Bella, honestly, I don't think I'm strong enough to do this. You've completely resurrected all of the human I had in me, and I thank you for that. I was always worried that I'd live forever with nothing to live for. But, thirty years ago, you proved me wrong. You proved to me that true love does in fact, exist. For everyone, we were all made to love someone. And Bella, I have loved you unconditionally every single day."
One minute Edward.
"Bella, my heart will belong with you forever, no matter what happens. You've proved to me that there is a heaven, and when you're there, please remember me." I paused to look into her eyes. The brown eyes I'd miss so much. They were filled with salty tears.
"Isabella Marie Swan, you are the love of my life." I ended, taking her hand to my face, and holding her wrist to my nose, taking in her pulse and the sweet smell of her.
"As you are mine." Her pink lips turned up into a slight smile. Her breathing began to slow, and her skin suddenly became just a little paler.
Suddenly, a warm trickle fell down my cheek. I raised my free hand up to touch my face. A tear?
"You're crying." She murmured.
"For the first time in over one hundred and sixty I'm crying. I told you that you brought out the human in me." She smiled at me again, a little bit bigger this time.
"Goodbye, Edward." And her eyes closed slowly, and she breathed in her last breath. The heartbeat that I could hear from miles away, had its last beat.
Bella…my sweet Bella. She's…gone.
I looked at her cold body, and I was disgusted. I could have helped her, but no. I didn't. I'm horrible, a monster.
The pain of her sudden absence danced through me, growing. Growing…
I touched her cheek, and it was even colder than I was already.
I was never going to see her cheeks blush red again, never see her chocolate brown eyes sparkle as she looked at me, her trembling sweetness I adored so much.
I held her hand, and hoped that more tears would come and swallow me in darkness and make me feel numb even for a few minutes.
My love, my life, my existence, gone. What am I to do? She has told me numerous times never to go off to the Volturi, but…I think I must.
I held my love in one last tight embrace. My hopes, dreams, my love had been shattered only within a few seconds. The pain I once endured grew even stronger now. Now it would be an everlasting pain searing through me with every thought, every word.
I laid her back down on the bed gently, and muttered a quiet goodbye, leaving her in the bedroom of our small cottage, cold and dead.
My fragile Bella. My sweet, loveable Bella was forever gone.
What am I to do now?