Author's Chapter Notes:

Happy birthday, RoseArcadia! This one's for you.

"So we all know the plan, right?" asked Emmett.

I nodded absently, while trying to tune into all the thoughts of Alice's neighbors up and down the dorm hallway. Trying to zone into that many people's thoughts all at once was taxing, but doable.

Ok, everyone was dozing but her resident advisor who was watching QVC, which was expected. I scanned the sleepers' dreams: money, money, sex, money and cat. Yep, everyone looked to be sleeping pretty heavily.

Emmett lifted up the huddled form of Jasper and placed him against the dorm room door. Jasper's teeth were chattering, and he had his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them. He looked like the junkie that he was…

"Women," muttered Emmett. "Goddess, I hope this works. He can't go without for very much longer. That little bitch…"

"Emmett, she has no idea was she's doing to him," I reminded him. I checked on Alice. "She is right now dreaming about shopping malls—what a superficial twit. Who did Jasper piss off to get stuck with a human as a mate?"

"Watch out, dude," Emmett said, actually looking around to make sure no one was listening. "You're gonna piss of the you know who's." I saw in his mind what, or should I say who, he was referring to and had to stifle a laugh.

"The fates," I said, causing Emmett to flinch. "Emmett, quit being so superstitious. No one cares enough about us to snoop into our conversation, especially not those three hags."

"Edward," he replied. "When it comes to something as important as what woman you are mated to for the rest of your immortal life, and jeez I hope it is a woman in your case, do you really want to take that chance?

"Well, I can't do any worse than Jasper, right?"

Emmett actually sucked in his breath, like a little old lady. "Famous last words, my friend," he told me ominously.

I actually felt a chill go down my back. Damn, I need to get away from this superstitious fool.

Emmett and I knocked fists as a farewell and he ran down the hall and disappeared down the stairwell.

I went two doors down the hall and knocked briskly on the door.

The door was yanked open and Quail Hall's female bitch in residence snarled, "What do you want bloodsucker?"

Oh, God, the things you do for friends.

"Are you Miss Jada Taylor?" I asked, pretending I did not know the answer.

"What's it to you?" she snarled. I took in her appearance. Miss Taylor had a blue mud mask on her wide face, and her dull brown eyes stared through alien like holes. She had her dark blonde hair wrapped up in curlers and she had cinched a pepto pink bathrobe around her waist. I had seen her during the day, without the gunk and her hair down, and I knew she actually looked quite pretty but right now she was a ghastly sight. The Martians have landed.

I wish I could just use my power and control her the way I could control the sleeping humans. Unfortunately, my powers don't work on werewolves.

And this nosy bitch needed to be distracted so that Emmett could scare Alice enough to hopefully get Jasper his emotions fix. They'd planned it so that Alice's fear would jump start Jazz's battery and then he could impress the girl by battering down her door and playing the rescuing hero. All of which made a lot of noise.

I hoped that after all this drama; Jasper would finally find the balls to tell Alice the truth or some story that would tie her to him. Or at least get him a date.

But in order to have that plan work, Alice's nosy residential advisor bitch needed to be distracted. And I'd had to plumb the depths of her disgusting Martha Stewart-esque mind to find something that would make enough noise to cover Alice's fearful screams and the destruction Emmett was sure to cause in her room.

"Happy Birthday," I said cheerfully, giving her my biggest smile. She appeared a bit stunned. "I am your birthday gift."

I lifted up the industrial vacuum cleaner I had brought with me. "I'm here to clean your room."

"Eww! If you come in, vampire, then my room is going to stink like hundred day old jock straps.

Charming picture.

"Plus, that vacuum cleaner is way too loud to use in the middle of the night!" she added indignantly.

"Did I mention that I'll be cleaning your room topless?" I asked and I started to unbutton my shirt.

She cleared her throat and looked at me hungrily as I exposed my upper body to her. I'd made sure to oil up with bacon fat beforehand so my skin was glistening. My shirt dropped to the floor.

"Come on in," said she said huskily.

The things I'll do for a friend.

Chapter End Notes: My attempt at Edward's POV. Please tell me what you think, cause his is the hardest for me to write.