I got this idea one day while thinking about how awesome The Marauders are. It's really all just in good fun and should not be taken too seriously. I'll be posting up the second short sometime too, that one's titled, Men. :P




Remus fled to the safety of the common room with his books held tightly to his chest and his bag strap wrapped haphazardly over one arm. He dropped his books and bags next to his favorite armchair and collapsed into the chair itself.

"Oi, Moony, did you just run a marathon?" James asked from his position on the couch, he was pretending, rather poorly, to be interested in the homework on his lap. Especially when Lily Evans would raise her gaze from her own work on the stairs where she currently sat.

"Why do they have to be cryptic, why can't they just come right out and say what they want, how do they expect us to read minds?" Remus asked, running a hand through his hair.

"And by they you're referring to......?"

"Women of course," Sirius cut in, he was sprawled out on a loveseat couch and acting like he didn't have a care in the world. "No need to fret, Moony my friend, I know women."

Lily snorted a laugh and Sirius chose to ignore her.

"The only thing you know about women, Padfoot, is that they're not your gender," James said, chuckling. Sirius gave his best friend an annoyed look.

"Tell me what happened and I can tell you what you did wrong," said Sirius confidently.

"Alright, I was in the library studying for the test we're taking in Transfiguration tomorrow and a Ravenclaw girl approached me. She asked me if I was going to be studying all night and I told her yes and went back to my books. Then she got all huffy and walked away," Remus replied, scratching at the back of his head.

"She wanted you to ask her out, Moony, that was her way of telling you she was free for the night."

"Why couldn't she just say that?"

"Because that's not the way women are, they want you to be able to read in to what they're not saying."

"Obviously we give your gender too much credit," Lily said, picking up her homework supplies, she walked over the couch and rested her arms on the top of the one James was sitting on. He worked harder on writing on his piece of parchment. "You can stop pretending, James, I know you're not really working. Now, where was I?" Lily looked up the ceiling before going, oh! "Right, you lot have not a single clue about women, stop trying to pretend you do, it's terribly painful to watch."

Lily rolled her eyes but left up to the girl's dormitory with a smirk plastered on her face.

"Is she always like that, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"You should see her when I'm trying to ask her out," answered James.

"Do either of you have any advice for how to fix what I just ruined?" asked Remus.

"Not particularly, no," said Sirius, and James shrugged.

"How extremely helpful you two gits are."

Remus kicked at his bag by his feet and Sirius sat up and jabbed at the logs on the fire to make it keep burning.

"Flowers, chocolates, and an apology," Peter said quietly, he had been hiding out at the table and secretly listening to their conversation.

"And how perchance, Wormtail, do you know this remedy will work?" asked Sirius, returning to his spot on the couch.

"Women can't resist flowers or…or chocolates and naturally a woman wants a man to feel powerless."

"Sounds like you have personal experience with this, Wormtail," said James.

"You two aren't the only ones who have ever been in a relationship," Peter replied, not looking up to meet anyone's eyes.

"I suppose not, well, it's not going to kill you, Moony. Get the girl some flowers, chocolates, and apologize."

Remus looked between his three friends and the thought of trying to find the two objects and the right words for an apology made him feel even more exhausted.

"You really need a smarter bunch of friends," said Lily, sticking her head out of the girl's dormitory. James made a big deal of dipping his quill into the ink on the stand next to his couch. "Just ask her out, there's no need for all that other rubbish, she'll forgive you."

Lily then disappeared back up the stairs.

"I think Wormtail's idea is better," said James. "I've yet to try that one with Lily."

"I'll think about," said Remus, waving them off as he curled up in his chair.

"She said yes!" Remus exclaimed, practically skipping into the common room the next evening.

"Good news, Mate!" James said, adjusting a bag of flowers.

"When did you ask her?" asked Sirius.

"How did you ask her?" Peter asked.

"Just now, in the hallway on my way here, I just stopped her and asked her if she was busy tonight. She said no and I asked her out, I've never seen a person reply so quickly with a yes."

"No flowers?" James asked, looking down at his bundle.

"Or chocolates?" Sirius added.

"No apology either, just simply asked her out," replied Remus.

"And you all thought you knew women," Lily chuckled; she had been behind Remus when he walked into the common room. "Obviously that's all bollocks."

Lily walked up the stairs to the girl's dormitory with her head held high.

"Women," James and Sirius said in unison, and Peter and Remus nodded their heads in agreement.