Blood and Thunder

An Epic by Cerebral Discharge



The coliseum roared a thunderous, grizzly belch. From the audience, ugly, shirt less barbarians wildly twisted and rumbled like restless maggots; they were hungry for blood.

The gladiator waved to the flesh-lusting crowd, soaking in the limelight. These people: they were his family - and he wouldn't fail them.

From the opposite side of the stadium his opponent had arrived, however, it wasn't through the entrance. Crashing though the marble walls, something more comparable to a steamroller than a man had arrived, blond mullet and grizzly-hide loincloth swaying majestically behind him. The crowd bellowed. and rumbled, and screamed in response.

Mykul Shwovowitser, however, would not be intimidated.

From exaggeratedly large speakers mounted all around the stadium, a disembodied voice began to announce: "In the left corner, the man who needs no introduction, the undefeated champion: MYKUL 'THE PAIN BRINGER' SHWOVOWITSER!" The crowd rumbled, and violently crashed against each other like a sea of uneducated people, many of them dismembering limbs in dedication, others, opportunists, snatching up body parts as souvenirs and black market price-fetchers. Mykul waved to his fans, absorbing their adoration like a greedy sponge.

"And on the right side, bio-engineered from weight-lifters, derelict cars and the last few polar bears, the unstoppable, and not to mention very handsome, FLEX GARGANTUA!" The mood changed quickly; they booed and screamed rotten names at the half-naked man-beast, hocking dismembered limbs at the rabid bear-man. However, the scantily clad beast payed no attention to the crowds' crazed fervor; instead he was preoccupied, seemingly in a different zone entirely, eyeing up his prey like a fat man eyes up a turkey sandwich; with hunger. And not for long.

"Are you ready?!" The voice egged on. The audience roared in response, stubs flailing in the air violently. "I can't hear you!" A blood curdling thunder arose from the stadium, throttling the air around it, "Then let's stop beating around the bush here, huh? FIGHTERS, GET. READY. TO. POOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNGGG!!!"

And then they sat on a couch and played pong.