Disclaimer: If Axis Powers Hetalia were mine, I wouldn't need to write fanfics. If any of these songs were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.

Background music: --

Minimal fluff 09!


It's Not Teasing if its True

"You're so stupid that I could build statues out of it and put them in my town squares and still have some left over to make myself a decent government building."

The remark seemed to bounce off Denmark, who only blinked while the foolish grin on his face remained unchanged. "So what are you saying, Nor? That I'm a very interesting person?"

Giving up, Norway threw a hand up and sighed. "Never mind."

Denmark had a feeling Norway was trying to convey something to him sometimes but he didn't really know exactly what. The words changed from day to day, but the meaning stayed the same. No matter how he looked at it, it probably had to do with his greatness. He consulted another supposedly 'great superpower' about such things.

"Hey, America, if someone says they could build statues out of your stupidity and have enough for a government building, what does that mean?" Denmark asked as he popped into America's house. America turned, hamburger still in mouth.

"Hmm," the blonde said, chewing thoughtfully. "I would think it would mean you were a very interesting person."

"Yeah! I thought that too!"

After musing it over with America for some time, both realized neither reached any conclusions and Denmark left after enjoying some odd colored sweets. Honestly, that America; making purple candy that tasted like chocolate. He tried to show some to Norway, who stared at them before looking up at him.

"Are you dead yet?"

"Eh? No?"

"Had to think about that, didn't you." Norway picked up a purple candy and held it up to Denmark's mouth. "Eat and you'll be sure in a few minutes."

"Okay." Opening his mouth, he took in the candy, licking Norway's fingers in the process. The smaller nation's face flushed slightly before putting his hand down.

"Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that vast space you call your brain," Norway said after a moment, staring vacantly at Denmark. Ah, another obscure reference!

"Oh, well, what he's saying is completely obvious!" Prussia said as Denmark paid him a visit in his 'house' – basically a tumor-like part of Germany's house. The yellow bird on his head chirped as if to prepare Denmark for Prussia's explanation.

"He's basically saying, Denmark, that I'm just the most awesome guy in Europe and that you can't possibly compare to me!"

"Is that so?"

"Absolutely. Seriously, I'm not lying. I don't kid around!" Prussia laughed, mirth dancing in his red eyes. "You could probably ask him and he'd tell you the same thing!"

So he did, and the only reaction he got from the quiet Scandinavian was a strange look. Denmark copied it after numerous trials in front of the mirror until he was sure he got the exact expression right before showing it to Poland. "What does someone mean when they give you this look?"

Poland stared at Denmark for a moment. "Who did you, like, say did that oh-so-ghastly face?"


"Ah. Oh. Well. Did he, like, eat something that totally didn't agree with him?"

After that, Denmark made sure everything that entered Norway's mouth was completely cooked and/or prepared to the T. This resulted in the other nation protesting loudly that he was not his mother and did not have to be there to inspect his food.

Denmark decided to continue his quest to decode Norway's strange way of saying things by paying a visit to England. "Hey, straw head! Tell me, if someone keeps calling you stupid, what does that mean?"

"First of all, I am not a straw head. Second, it probably means you're a bloody wanker."

When he turned to France, France had an easy explanation: "It probably means he's sexually repressed and would like nothing more than for you to touch him inappropriately."

"That's what you say everyone says to you," England shot from the other end of the room.

"But it's true! Don't fret, England dear, I'm coming!" France ran at him with arms outstretched as Denmark considered this method. It seemed fail proof, and France didn't seem too bad off if he followed his own advice. The next time he saw Norway and the next time Norway made a jab at his intellectualness, he responded with a grope on the ass.

Norway leapt at the contact, and almost as if by instinct, turned and slapped Denmark across the face with all the strength he could muster.

When he showed his face with the reddened mark, Spain seemed highly responsive to it. "Oh! I see you're sporting a hand print as well! I think it's some sort of trend going around. Whenever Romano comes around, he doesn't leave unless he marks me with one. They must be highly fashionable. Painful, though, right?" And Spain showed him how to make a paste with tomatoes that actually took the sting away from the impact spot.

When he saw Norway later with the tomato paste still on his face, the other nation had practically leapt on him. "What happened to you?" After brushing away the tomato and seeing that nothing had really happened, Norway seemed even madder. "I can't believe you went around looking like that, you idiot. You had me worried there. Can't you sharpen up a bit in the future? Honestly. I can't believe I used to live with you."

Still confused, he went to visit Sweden, who he wasn't on particularly good terms with, but they were cordial and who knew? Sometimes your enemy knew what best to do. After ranting about himself to a bored looking Sweden, Denmark continued on to ask what he should do about Norway being so strange toward him.

"M'be he's fl'rt'ng w' you," Sweden grunted.

"What?" Denmark put a finger in his ear and leaned over in mock wonder. "Can't hear what you're saying with all those rocks in your mouth."

Much to his dismay, he was promptly dismissed and had the door locked on him, even as Finland was coming in to say the scones were ready and where was Denmark going, wasn't he going to stay for a bit? Confused, he wandered over to Japan's house; after all, he heard of many games coming from Japan that involved some sort of form of 'flirting', so maybe he knew about it best.

"Flirting…" Japan actually looked surprised, but he quickly became serious. "What do you want to know, Denmark-san?"

"Everything!" Denmark nodded fervently. "I want to know what Norway's been up to that I don't know what he's doing!"

"Well…let's see…it's like a dating sim."

"A dating sim?"

Almost gasping, Japan shoved a PC game into Denmark's hands, instructing him the basic rules and ways to play the game. It was a highly amusing game, Denmark realized, as picking certain choices suddenly made him end up with one of the cute little anime girls on the dating sim. "But what does this have to do with Norway?" he asked after playing a few hours to get all the possible ends of the game. Japan stared at him, fiddling with his newest RP game.

"Well, flirting is like teasing, you know. You just have to know how to answer. For example, if someone asks you the time, you could respond in a few ways." Holding up his hand, a word box appeared out of nowhere although neither found it necessary to ask where it came from. Three choices appeared on the box: give the time, stall for time until she realizes you don't know it, or ignore. "Which one of these choices would give you the most chances of talking to said person again?"

Denmark scratched his head, hair already messy from the morning, and shrugged. "The second one…?"

"Yes, perfect!" Japan cried. "Now you'll know what to do when you talk to Norway next."

Eager to try out his new methods, Denmark hurried home, where he spotted Norway sitting by himself on the stone wall surrounding his house. There were little colored lights floating around him but Denmark ignored them as he rushed up to Norway. "Hey, Norway!"

"What do you want, you loudmouth?"

Denmark paused, waiting for the word box with his choices to pop up to appear. When it didn't, he frowned and poked at the air at a bit. Strange; it seemed to come so naturally at Japan's house. Norway stared at him.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"Trying to find my choices."

"For what?"

"To know what to say when you flirt with me."

For a moment, Norway was silent. "Me? Flirt with you?" he finally asked, causing Denmark to look at him.

"Yeah! What else could you be doing?"

The curl floating perpetually at the side of his head seemed to bounce in amusement. "Well, I was certainly teasing you, but I wasn't trying to flirt with you." He stopped before adding quickly, "Not that I'd want to flirt with you, but it's good to make that clear."

"But that's a good thing!" Denmark insisted. "I wouldn't mind at all!" Picking Norway off the wall (after all, he was clearly bigger in size, so duh), he held him close, the other nation's toes barely skimming the ground. "I think it would be sweet if you made out with me!"

"Flirting and making out with someone are different things," Norway pointed out as he pushed his way out of Denmark's grip.

"Such a big difference."

"Actually, there is--" Norway began before he was cut off when Denmark kissed him, silencing his pink lips with the other's. It was rather sloppy and Norway felt an epic blush creep across his face as he felt Denmark's tongue thoughtlessly invade his mouth. Gripping the latter's brown trench coat, Norway reluctantly responded, kissing back with increasing fervor.

Denmark smirked. He couldn't help himself.

He made the right choices, so he got the girl of his dreams and witnessed the happy ending.

"Hey, watch where you're touching!"



Note: Opening summer fanfic! This pairing really reminds me of Spain and Romano. They're basically the same tsudere-ness. I know I should update my other fics, but this comes first. New moe. Reviews would be splend.