(Hannah Eeew-tana POV)
So I had just said how I was here, y'all when OMG! these four freaky twin-things jumped at me!
They all said, "I'll handle this."
This one huddle of girls who I could TOTALLY tell were HUMONGOUS fans of mine sighed and said, "KILL HER!"
"Holy Moses!" I twanged. "Y'all can't get me faster than a soccer player in Iowa wearing purple on a Thursday in the middle of January with his cat on a leash-"
"Who cares?!" they all shouted. Then the guys who were waaaaay into me leaped on me, tying me up with my wig!
"NOOOOOO!" I shouted when it came off my head. "Now y'all world knows mine secret!"
A tall caveman growled menacingly, "What secret? On your TV show, you try to keep it a secret. But in real life, we all know that Miley Cyrus is really Hannah Montan-"
"DON'T Y'ALL SAY IT!" Then I recognized the studmuffin! "OMG! EDWARD-CEDRIC! Is that you, Edward-Cedric Pattinson?!"
"Yes," he replied simply.
"SWEET GIBLETS!" I felt like I could faint! "I HEART YOU! AND LURVE YOU! AND WANT TO CALL Y'ALL MY OWN!"
This one brunette standing next to him came up to me. "That's my husband, hick."
"OMG! YOU MUST BE KRISTEN SWAN!"
"Yeah, and my new ugly mullet will kill you!
"OMG YOU HAVE A MULLET? MULLETS ROCK LIKE ROCKS!"
"Stop being so hillbilly-ish," whined a depressing-looking lad. "It makes my head hurt."
"Who are y'all, depressing-looking lad?" I drawled.
"Nico. Nico di Angelo." He scowled at me, which obviously meant that he looooved me.
"OMG Y'ALL HAVE YONDER COOLEST NAME EVER! LIKE ME!"
"Whatever. Kill her, guys, quickly!"
"BUT I'M EMPRESS MONTANA! Y'ALL CAN'T KILL ME! I HAVE TO TAKE OVER Y'ALL WORLD!" It was true. I needed to take over the world with my Hannah Montana awesome-ness.
One of the four freak twins with blue eyes said, "No! Artemis Fowl will take over the world!"
"NO! I WILL! I WILL! I WILL! I WILL!" I bet I sounded like a five-year-old. A totally hawt five-year-old, anyway.
Then this flood of water, a jet of green light, a sword, and a dictionary flew at me.
"GOOD BYE, Y'ALL CRUUUUEL WOOOOOOOORLD!"
"Is it... dead?" I asked joyfully.
"YES!" chorused everyone, for once echoing my joy.
Then we began to sing!
"Ding dong the witch is dead!
Which old witch?
The wicked witch!
Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!"
Two Ow-uhs Late-uh
"The wicked witch is deeeeeeeeeeead!"
"I had no idea that people could be so evil!" I said. "Worse than Plankton!"
"Plankton is awesome," Nico di Angelo said.
"But he's EVIL!"
"He's the only character that isn't insufferable," added Edward-Cedric.
"Are you calling me insufferable?" I began to cry heartwrenching sobs. "I'm going home to Bikini Bottom!"
I ran towards a helicopter and asked the driver to take me home. We flew away.
(Artemis Fowl POV)
"Thank Butler!" I said. "That idiot sponge is gone!" I looked around. "Hey, I have an idea!"
"What?" chorused everyone.
"Let's plant an atomic bomb."
Delighted whispers ensued. Pretty soon everyone was nodding enthusiastically.
"But where?" asked Gregor's girlfriend.
"Ooh! Me! Pick Me!" Harry screeched, waving his hand like a madman.
"Harry." I picked.
"I have this really really awful teacher..."
Who is the teacher? Will we find out? Who do you think it is? Did you enjoy this chapter? WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?
Oh, yes. Thanks everyone who reviewed! THE WORLD WILL SOON BE MINE!