Hi guys... long time no update... I am so sorry. I've been out of town for thanksgiving with no internet and no time to really write... but soon the updates will pick. Eventually. Anyways I know you all probably just want to yell at me so here is the chapter... Thanks SCC for being my beta!
"All the black inside me is slowly seeping from the bone. Everything I cherish is slowing dying, or it's gone. I won't ever be your cornerstone. I don't wanna be here holding on." Jasper sang quietly to himself, while he sat in the chair he apparently has slept in for the past two weeks. My eyes were closed and I felt so tired. I couldn't get up, my body didn't want to respond. When I found out about dad officially last night, I freaked out and they had to help me go to sleep. I cried in Jasper's arms the whole time until the nurses slipped something into my drip.
Dad died on impact, they told me it was peaceful; that he didn't feel a thing. I have a hard time believing them. I can't imagine not feeling anything, I remember feeling something. Albeit I don't know what but I can remember the impact. I remember Daniel pulling me close to him as everything went black. I missed the funeral. They waited almost a week but doctors weren't sure when we were going to wake up, so poor Lisa had to set everything up… I know it must've been so hard on her. Apparently her son has moved down here with her...she really loved dad.
"Is she awake yet?" I heard Annie murmur to Jasper.
"She shifted a little earlier but I think its just the medicine wearing off. I don't know how long it'll be." He responded, there was something off about his voice.
"This isn't fair Jasper. How can they make you do this?" Annie asked, I didn't know what she way talking about.
"Esme thinks she is doing what's best. I get it, I don't agree but I get it." He responded.
"What time do you leave?" she whispered.
"I have to be at the airport by six," he murmured. "So I have a while. It's only eleven."
"I'm gonna go lay back down with Daniel okay?" she asked. Daniel is still here? Is he awake or not responding? Daniel where are you?
"I'll be here," he told her as I felt him reach out and touch my hand.
Jasper, I love you so much. Please don't leave me. I wish we never fought or broke up. I'm sorry for all the things I said. I want you forever, I need you so bad. Especially now. Please don't leave.
Looking at my watch, I realized it was twelve and I only had five hours left with her. I stood out of the chair and laid on the small hospital bed next to her. We spooned as I listened to her heartbeat on the monitor. I let myself forget everything and just focused on her. She was the love of my life and I was leaving her forever. She was right about what we said to each other and she deserves more than damaged goods. I let my fingers stroke her hair as she slept like I used to when she'd spend the night and then I leaned down and let my lips touch her arm.
"I love you Bella," I whispered. "I always will. I think we are both making the right decision though. I can't be holding you back and I can't be lying to you for what I think is the best."
I entwined my fingers with hers softly for a moment. "I know this is going to be hard for you but you are so strong. You're going to get through this. You have Annie and Ben, and your mother. I want you to know I'm not leaving because I cant handle this. I would give my dying breath to stay here with you and love you through this, but I can't do anything about this. I hope one day you'll forgive me for all my mistakes because I know I've done one too many."
I felt her fingers squeeze mine back and I leaned over to kiss her cheek. I started to get off the bed when I heard her groan quietly.
"Don't," she whispered. "Stay."
I smiled softly before pulling her closer to me. She sighed comfortably and brought my hand to her lips. "I love you Jasper," she mumbled. "I could never be mad at you."
"Of course you could," I chuckled. "You just love me more than your anger."
"Please don't leave," she whispered, her voice sounding more clear.
"I have to Darlin." I told her.
She turned in my arms and looked at me, "I wish we didn't fight."
I sighed. "Me too but you were right. Like you always are."
"I wasn't. I was wrong… I want you for forever," she cried.
I leaned in and kissed her lips. She responded by gripping the hair on my neck and opening her mouth more to mine. I let my fingers wined into her hair and I fell under her spell. Her lips moved down my jaw to my neck while my fingers trailed down her side. We both stopped when we heard her monitor pick up, and I laughed as she blushed.
"Mine is the same way," I told her as I brought her hand to my chest over my heart.
She kissed me again and buried her face into my neck. "After one more kiss you have to let me go," she told me. "Otherwise it'll be too hard for me to say good bye."
I nodded before I kissed her one last time. In this kiss I gave away my heart, and in this kiss I gave her my life because when I arrive at Esme's I'll be dead.
He was leaving. Now. These were my last moments with him until he gets on a plane and goes to his aunt's. I sat up in my bed and watched him look at his watch from the chair.
"Good bye Bella," he murmured.
"I hope everything works out for you," I whispered as I looked down at my hands.
He sighed. "I promised I wouldn't but I can't."
He came over and kissed my forehead softly. "It'll get better. Bye."
I watched him walk through the door and I brought my knees up to my chest and cried.
What have I done?
Please review and let me know what you think? Thank you so much for reading this and sticking with me through this. I truly apologize for making you all wait so much!
Song: Pyro by Kings of Leon