Silent Still

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Rating: M

Spoiler: 6.24.

Pairing: Brooke/Julian


"If you love me,
Won't you let me know..."



"I love you so much…"

"Don't say it, just kiss me."

He's caught off guard by her response and it sparks something primal within him.

He's emotionally drained after the last few days, because despite everything that's happened between them, he still cares for Peyton and wants her to be happy and healthy. Her recovery brings him overwhelming relief. However, it also forces him to concentrate on his own life and after witnessing how fleeting happiness can be, he really thinks Brooke can finally open up to him.

Yet she doesn't.

So despite knowing that what he is about to do can ultimately destroy him, he pushes her down on the bed and kisses her with more fervor than he would like.

He wants to be a stone wall, impenetrable around her, but he can't be.

Even as she breaks his heart, she's still so utterly beautiful it takes his breath away; so he can't help but run his hand under her tank top, skimming the underside of her breast as she sucks in her breath.

Brooke arches against him and her eyes are a deep, dark hazel revealing a fire that sends spindles of pleasure straight down to his groin, reminding Julian poignantly that even as she crushes all his hopes, he still wants to take her.

He still wants her.

So he doesn't hesitate unclasping her bra when Brooke reaches between them and pulls at his belt buckle. Seeing the determination in her eyes only thinly clouded by lust, he discovers a new emotion.


How dare she want to take control?

She's pretty much used him to her advantage since he waltzed into town and unexpectedly fell in love with her.

She made his carefully hidden insecurities sprout again, picking apart everything that used to haunt him as an awkward math geek in a school full of Lucas and Nathan Scotts.

The only control he has over her is when she's naked underneath him, moaning his name, crying for more, begging him not to stop; and, if this is the only capacity in which he can mold her to his will, then he won't let her take that away from him too.

"Julian…" She purrs in to his ear and he discards his thoughts.

Their eyes meet and when she sees the determination in his gaze, her hands leave his belt and relax at her sides as she says,

"Take me."

Julian would laugh at the irony, but the phrase sends shockwaves through his entire system, making him achingly hard. So instead of wondering why she can give him her body but not her heart, he pulls her in for a bruising kiss.

His mind works hard to remind him that what he's doing is wrong, but when Brooke wraps her lithe legs around his waist, securing him against her heat, the need that he's had for her since the beginning explodes and Julian holds nothing back.

Powerless against his own desire, the movie producer leans back on his knees and pulls his shirt off, secretly gloating at the look of male appreciation that momentarily crosses Brooke's face before he pulls her up and takes off her tank top and bra.

She's left bare to him from the waist up and he wastes no time familiarizing himself with skin that left him with a perpetual hard on the last time he was in Tree Hill.

He kisses a column down her neck, pausing at a particular spot that has her moaning and arching against him in seconds, her warm flesh rubbing against his.

His vision blurs from pleasure and he blindingly feels his way through her body, running one hand across her ribs and squeezing her breasts lightly. She looks at him through hooded lashes, and he melts under her gaze, pulling a nipple into his mouth and sucking on it gently, knowing exactly what she wants as Brooke closes her eyes and breathes heavily.

Julian doesn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she turns him on, but he knows she feels him hard and throbbing even through his jeans, so without hesitation he tells her how good she feels, earning himself a seldom bashful smile.

It's as if she knows how much all of this hurts him, but also knows the pleasure it gives him to be with her, both body and soul.

Even if she's only with him physically.

He moves down her stomach and unbuttons her jeans, pushing them down quickly while he plants kisses on her hip bone, running his tongue over the tattoo he now adores.

Brooke arches off the bed to help him pull off her pants and before Julian comprehends that he took off her thong too, she's naked underneath him and he thinks he might lose his mind.

She's as soft and beautiful as he remembers. She's the ideal amount of toned and warm flesh, with the sexiest curves and the most perfect breasts, and if Julian didn't know he was in trouble before, he does now, because he knows no woman is flawless, and strangely Brooke is to him.

"What's wrong?" She asks in her raspy voice and as much as he wants to tell her how striking she is, he bites his tongue, because she doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing yet again how much he wants her. Instead he slides off the bed, keeping eye contact, and pulls down his jeans and underwear.

He watches her as he stands naked and relishes in the look of lust and admiration reflected in her stare. Her eyes travel over his entire body, from his mischievous brown eyes, clouded by desire, to his toned chest and abs, and down to his muscular legs that recall nights spent in utter ecstasy.

The anticipation builds and pushes her over the edge.

She crawls towards him on her knees, maintaining eye contact until they're face to face,

"Tell me what's wrong, darling?" Brooke purrs, cradling his cheek as if everything's alright, as if she's confessed how she truly feels, as if she hasn't closed herself off to him.

Julian can't help but respond to her touch but inside he's simmering. Anger and love battle internally and even though Brooke arches her back just slightly, causing her nipples to brush teasingly against his chest, anger wins and he nearly recoils.

"Tell me what you want, Brooke."

He reaches up and flicks her nipple, rolling it between his finger tips.

She lets out a moan, desire and confusion wrestling in her eyes,

"I want you." Brooke says without hesitation. She's biting her lip and on any other occasion, Julian would find it adorable and kiss her, but he won't, because she hasn't said what he wants and needs to hear.

"I'm right here." He smirks, "What do you want me to do?"

For emphasis, he leans down and sucks her nipple into his mouth.

Even though she smells the trap he set for her, she's so weak with desire and want for him that she falls into it with pleasure.

"I want you to kiss me, hold me, and make love to me."

Brooke thinks her honesty will earn her leeway but his smirk only widens and his eyes grow darker,

"Only people in love make love, Brooke. Are we in love? Do you love me, Brooke?" He asks and her heart hammers in her chest, drowning out the sound of his heavy breathing but does not erase the flicker of vulnerability in his gaze.

She knows what she should do. She should stop hiding from him, let him protect and love her, care for her like she knows Julian will; but loving him comes with a price, one she's not ready to pay yet, so she diverts the question,

"So tell me," she slithers up to him, their lips a hairsbreadth apart, "What do people who aren't in love do?"

"They fuck." Julian says, unable to tear his eyes away from her even as the look of surprise crosses her face.

She's so fucking sexy, it hurts.

He's momentarily stunned as Brooke kisses him sharply. Her breasts mesh against him, his length presses into her smooth stomach, and he's one second away from wrapping his arms around her and saying to hell with his emotional fulfillment, but Brooke pulls back and says,

"Then fuck me."

Something inside him snaps. Desire, lust, anger, frustration, and love all mesh into one emotion and send a hot jolt of adrenaline to all his nerve endings. He climbs on the bed and with one fluid motion gets Brooke on her back, pinned against satin sheets, and aching for him.

She's absolutely still, waiting for his next move, and when his hand begins to massage her breast again; she mewls like a kitten and wraps her legs tighter around his waist, inadvertently rubbing herself against him.

Julian shivers from the contact, and pinches her nipple until she cries out. He knows he's not gentle, but he doesn't give a shit.

She asked him to fuck her and he will.

His fingers leave her breast and travel further down. As he sucks on her neck, he pushes his hand between her thighs, skimming her flesh, before probing inside.

Julian bites back a groan when he feels how wet Brooke is, and his fingers glide over her clit torturously slowly, before plunging unexpectedly inside.

She bucks against his hand, and he fights against his instinct to prolong her pleasure.

He wants to take it slow and explore her, even taste her perhaps; but his mind refuses to let go of the hurt he's suffered and the rejection she administered, so he adds another finger and thrusts inside her, twisting his wrist expertly, knowing exactly what will set her off.

Within minutes, Brooke is writhing against him, begging for release, with labored breaths and fists full of sheets.

He swipes his tongue over her nipple at just the right time and Brooke is shaking in her release.

However, the only sound in the room is the rustling of sheets beneath her small body and her shallow breaths as she moves against his fingers and keeps her legs around him for stability.

Despite the promises he made to himself, seeing her like this warms his frayed heart and he kisses her thoroughly and deeply as she tries to regain her breathing.

Her eyes flicker open and they look at each other for a moment. As he brushes hair from her forehead, Julian swears the words are at the tip of her tongue, but then her hand wraps around his length and the moment is gone.

And he knows if she didn't tell him now, he'll never hear the words he longs for, so he lets her touch him like only Brooke can, using her hands to drive him wild with promises of the mind blowing pleasure he only ever feels with her.

He swells in her hand and her stomach tightens with anticipation, because she knows what's coming, and even though it hurts, because she's abusing his love, Brooke blinks back tears and guides him to where she wants him.

"Are we protected?" He manages to ask through clenched teeth, and Brooke doesn't even have time to nod her head, before he thrusts inside her, filling and stretching her completely.

Julian groans against her neck, his hands digging into her hips and pulls out of her almost completely before slamming into her warmth again.


She hisses, dragging her nails down his back to his ass, pushing him further inside her, until their bodies are melded together completely, not a space between them.

She can't breathe with Julian pressed so tightly against her, but when he begins to move swiftly and strongly in and out of her, setting a rhythm that makes her toes curl, lack of oxygen is a small price to pay for the pleasure he's inflicting.

Their coupling becomes intense very quickly and through their movements, Brooke searches Julian's eyes, but he diverts his glance from her, choosing instead to focus on making her come. He angles her hips in a way that makes both of them see stars. Flicking his tongue over her nipples, Julian makes her whole body break out in goose bumps, and spasm against him.

His mind is entirely consumed by Brooke.

He's breathing, smelling, and touching her. She feels so good, he almost forgets everything that's happened, but when he meets her eyes, it burns him, because there's nothing but love and adoration in them.

The ache chips away at his already fractured heart.

Julian knows she loves him, that she's in love with him, in fact he's never been surer of anything in his entire life, and it makes him physically ill to know that she's so fucking afraid of getting hurt that she won't tell him the truth.

So he does the only thing he can. Julian cradles her body and pushes himself inside her, bringing her closer to the release that only he can give her.

His hand slithers down her body, squeezing her breast, circling her belly button, and finally settling on her clit, messaging the flesh until Brooke is violently shaking and meeting his thrusts more fervently, silently begging for reprieve.

"Don't stop," She hisses. Her raspy voice is so seductive, it only spurns Julian on, until he's moving with a force that only a spitfire like the brunette can match.

The bed shakes beneath her, and he pins her hands above her head as he pinches and rubs her flesh. He slams into her over and over again, until she's screaming his name; the mantra reverberates off the walls, making him shiver with pleasure.

He releases her hands and pulls her face towards his into a hard kiss, stifling her moans and thrusting deeper inside of her.

She feels so good around him, so warm, tight, and wet.

He wants to tell her that he loves her with every fiber of his being; that he hasn't stopped thinking about her since he left Tree Hill; that he only brought a date to Peyton's wedding to make her jealous, but he doesn't.

He holds back all his emotions and channels his energy into their coupling, until he feels Brooke tighten around him and moan his name, sucking in her breath as she always does before she comes.

When her orgasm finally hits, the shockwave travels through him and Julian feels his muscles tighten as heat spread through his entire body, consuming him completely as he empties inside her.

Brooke spasms against him, curling her whole body around him as she convulses with pleasure, and he leans against her, cradling her to him, intoxicated by her smell and her softness and the little sounds she makes that intensify his release. However, the feeling dissipates quickly, and unlike the other times, the afterglow doesn't last.

He pulls out and lies down on the bed, not touching her.

Their breaths come in unison and their bodies are perfectly still and Brooke thinks that despite the tingling feeling that sates her, she's never felt more disgusted with herself.

She looks over at him and Julian is deep in thought, staring at the ceiling, not really moving, except for the steady rise of his chest.

Brooke opens her mouth to speak but finds herself without words, or at least any that's she's willing to say to him, because nothing except what he wants to hear will be appropriate.

At least, she knows that.

So she turns away from him and closes her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay, knowing that Julian is no saint. That even he has his breaking point, which she probably drove him to by sleeping with him and refusing to tell him she loves him.

She knows he'll leave, because even he can't handle that deep a rejection.

Brooke closes her eyes, allowing herself the rest that's eluded her for the last four days.

She nearly jumps out of her skin when she feels strong arms encircle her waist and a warm, solid body settle against her.

She shivers involuntarily when his stubble scrapes against her shoulder as Julian pulls the hair from her neck and kisses her damp skin softly.

The gesture is so touching, her façade cracks just a little and a tear spills out, as she turns around to look at him,

"Julian, I-…" She's so ready to say it, but he kisses her instead, silencing any effort she's made.

The confession dies on her lips.

"Just sleep," He advises, "you must be exhausted."

She doesn't argue, but also doesn't fully surrender to sleep until she feels him relax against her.

For some reason, she can't fall asleep for a very long time after. Even though he's slumbering besides her, holding her closely, Brooke knows something is changed between them.

She doesn't want to admit it, but she's always remained optimistic that this was not the end for them, even when Julian was in LA. Secretly, in the deepest crevice of her mind, she kept a tiny flicker of hope lit for them, and now that he came back, she thinks that her inability to open herself up to him emotionally has finally broken the camel's back.

When the realization comes, she fights sleep with every bit of strength she has, refusing to accept that Julian has given up and that when she wakes up, he won't be there and she'll have no one to blame but herself…


He leaves sometime after midnight.

Brooke is half awake, but doesn't want to make it known, because it would just be too hard.

She feels the bed shift and hears the clink of his belt as Julian puts his clothes on. She thinks he'll just get dressed and leave, but he surprises her by sitting on the edge of her bed and running his finger down her naked arm and across her covered breast.

He sits for a few minutes just memorizing her features and appreciating the deceptive tranquility on her face, before placing a chaste kiss on her cheek.

Brooke doesn't understand how he doesn't notice her chin tremble or the moisture that slips past her closed eyes and burns her skin. He whispers something, but she can't hear, and when he slips out her door, Brooke forces herself to believe that all of this is just a dream and that when she gets up tomorrow, he'll still be there.

Except, when she wakes up a few hours later, her eyes sore from crying and her body still reeling from Julian's touch, she runs her hand over the cold, empty side of the bed that he always preferred and it finally hits her.

Julian is really gone and she's left in a solitary bed of her own making.

And while all her friends have careers and their children and each other to love, all she has is her company.

She then realizes very quickly that no amount of money or fame or quarreling with her mother will erase the indelible truth.

She's Brooke Davis, simple and complicated, sexy and childish, smart and playful.

Beautiful but alone.