One for the complete idiot. I don't own Doctor Who, OR Harry Potter. You just wait though, oh, you just wait... *Evil smirks*

Something based on my friend's recent reaction to David Tennant's appearence in the Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. (She's not a Whovian...she's not like us. *Strange look in friend's direction*) She came into school, looking quite shaken, and managed to tell me that "THE DOCTOR." (As she called him) Had appeared in Harry Potter, completely uninvited. I then happily gushed about David's completely awesome portrayal as Barty Crouch Jr, until she interrupted me. She then informed me that Doctor Who was rubbish and that David's appearence had ruined her never ending love for the Harry Potter books and films. Needless to say, I attacked her, and made sure she remembered that David Tennant will forever rule all and Harry Potter is better becuase of his continued exsistence in the GoF. I have successfully worn her down about Doctor Who, and she now "Tolerates" Shakespeare's Code, becuase of the several references to Harry Potter in its duration. Well, I hope you enjoyed my author's note, and...if you're not bored at this point, on with the story!

Of Wizards and Popcorn

Donna yawned as she pulled the duvet around her, enjoying its warmth and lavender scent. Mixed with this lavender, however, was the unmistakable smell of strawberry. She followed it keenly, and discovered her bowl of strawberry flavoured popcorn, lodged dangerously between her mattress and her pillow. She retrieved it hungrily, and located her remote.

She never thought she would be eating strawberry flavoured popcorn. Then again, she never thought she would be travelling in time and space in a blue box which was bigger on the inside, driven by a Time Lord who had a fondness for pinstripes and a strange obsession with bananas.

She squinted in the darkness for the box the DVD (Which was now playing to itself in her television) had come in, and upon locating it, gave its title a dismissive look. She had never been a huge fan of Harry Potter, but it seemed that there was no other option. She gave it a shrug and tossed it aside casually, and settled in her tiny and sung cocoon, made completely of her duvet, and pressed the play button idly. As the vaguely familiar theme tune began to play, she chewed on her popcorn, enjoying its flavour.

Her peace was soon disrupted, however, when a very familiar face flashed up on the screen, wielding a funny looking tattoo.

Upon seeing it, Donna shrieked and threw her hands up in the air, along with the bowl of popcorn and her remote. They hit the ceiling with a thunk (This conveniently paused the film) and she fled to the nearest corner to hide.

'DONNA?!' A male voice roared from the outside corridor. Upon hearing no answer, the Doctor promptly kicked the door down, wielding a dangerous looking object. 'I'VE GOT A WEAPON! AND DON'T THINK I WON'T USE IT!' He yelled to imaginary attackers in the darkness. He scowled at the darkness briefly before stumbling into the black, grumbling every time he tripped over in trying to locate the light switch. When he did, he gave a triumphant yell and switched it on. He did a daring leap onto her bed, wielding a (Rather impressive looking) sword.

Donna was sprawled out in her corner, glaring at him fiercely. The Doctor lowered his age old sword in disappointment.

'There aren't any attackers, are there?'

'No.' Donna snarled. 'And where'd you get a sword from?!'

'Oh, this old thing?!' He looked at the glinting sword in his hand with pride. 'King Arthur had a spare, so I thought I'd have it.' He gave her his winning grin, but soon lost it when her glare bore into him.

'Explain that!' She demanded, throwing a shaking finger at the screen. He looked towards it, and his ridiculous grin soon returned.

'Aw! Harry Potter!' The Doctor exclaimed joyously, leaping off the bed in one fluid movement to peer at the screen closely. 'That was fun.' He mused quietly. When he noted the silence, he gave Donna a wary look over his shoulder.

'You'll probably want an explanation, won't you?'

'Yeah.' Donna gave a mock shrug. 'I want to know why you're in a BLOODY HARRY POTTER MOVIE!'

The Doctor winced as her demand was delivered in a shriek. 'Not so loud.' He muttered crossly, before sticking the sword grandly into the floor. Donna started slightly as the hilt of the sword gave a dangerous wobble; he gave it an appraising look before he leapt back onto her bed and crossed his legs underneath him.

'Well…basically…' He began, locating some strewn popcorn as Donna returned warily to her bed. 'I was running about, trying to save an oblivious Earth from alien threat…'

'As you do.' Donna put in.

'As you do.' The Doctor agreed absently, and continued his tale. 'And I ran straight into the auditions…and…well…'

'You decided to audition instead?' Donna asked, forming her duvet cocoon again.

'Yeah!' The Doctor said enthusiastically. Donna rolled her eyes and, with the remote successfully found, took the film off pause. He dumped the popcorn he'd found into the bowl and handed it with an expectant look back to Donna, who pushed it away and informed him she'd gone, "Right off the stuff."

There was a five minute pause. 'Who are you in this?!' She asked suddenly.

The Doctor looked at her, agape. 'You don't read the books?!'

'Me and reading…nah.' Donna shrugged, yawning as she did so. The Doctor sent her a disapproving look, before launching into a full scale rant.

'I play Barty Crouch Junior…he's a nasty piece of work…tortured people!' He gave an inward gasp, as if he was disgusted by the behaviour of his fictional counterpart. 'He's locked up in Azkaban now…serves him right, actually…'


As the film played on, Donna had long since given up pretending to listen to a word the Doctor said in his rambles, and yawned absently when he made a reappearance on the screen.

'Look!' He yelled, pointing excitedly, as if he was a five year old. 'There I am!'

'Yes, I see you.' Donna said, rolling her eyes as she lowered his arm. 'Let me watch.'

He sat up eagerly, eyes following himself on the screen. Donna sent him a mildly fond look, which was unregistered. She cocked her head to one side as Barty Crouch was thrown onto a stack of papers, flinging them everywhere. The Doctor winced beside her.

'Oh yeah.' He sniffed pompously, giving Donna an extremely pointed look out of the corner of his eye. 'That really hurt, that did.'

Donna sent him a long look. 'No it didn't.'

He faltered under her gaze. 'Umm…no. It didn't.'

'Thought so.' Donna sang, watching absently as a kicking and yelling Barty Crouch was marched to the front desk. Donna sent the Doctor a vaguely annoyed look when he began mouth the words that his character screamed at the numerous wizards gathered in the court room.

And as Barty Crouch commanded that the pathetic little men should release him, Donna began to giggle.

'What?!' The Doctor demanded, clearly affronted.

'Your face!' Donna squealed, pointing at the telly and laughing loudly. He sent her a hurt look. When she noted it, she stopped laughing and gave him a fond pat on the arm.

'Actually, you're quite the actor.' She commented kindly.


'Yeah.' She grinned at him, and watched as the black haired boy (Who she assumed to be Harry) pulled his head out of the funny looking sink.


As the final scene began to play, Donna informed the Doctor that if he put his grubby trainers on her bed one more time, he'd regret it. As he grudgingly obliged, the man with the funny looking eye began to gag and gurgle.

'Oh my God…' She grabbed the Doctor's arm. 'What's happening to him?!' She asked as the man's face began to morph into an entirely new one. The Doctor only grinned in reply.

'Just watch!' He told her. Donna watched on in morbid fascination as the man struggled and jerked. Her mouth fell open when Barty Crouch finally was revealed.

'You…' She pointed at the screen. 'You were Mad Eye wotsit' all along?!' She demanded, barely believing it.

'Yup!' He said, popping the "P", as was his manner. 'Isn't it great?!'.

Donna watched on, completely entranced, as Barty Crouch lunged for an innocent Harry.

'You're evil.' She breathed. The Doctor looked at her, clearly affronted.

'Not me personally, I hope.' He commented. 'Just him.'

She ignored him, and gave an anguished gasp as Harry's arm was dragged forward to meet Barty's tattoo, which was wiggling repulsively.

'Dumblewotist shouldn't do that!' She said, concerned for Harry's well being.


'What ever, Crouch Boy.' She snapped. The Doctor scowled and folded his arms like an offended toddler.

And, as Severus Snape, (Who looked a bit like Alan Rickman) prodded Barty's face with his wand, Donna commented, 'You know, I don't like your hair in this.'


Do us a favour, and review! Lets put it this way, each and every time you review, the harder I try to get my reluctant friend to watch Doctor Who. REVIEW!